Project DNA … A Failure – Big Brother 5, August 31st

by LauraBelle

I am left thinking that Big Brother producers should consider “Project DNA” a failure. Of course, this all depends on what they had set for the intended outcome for this season. If they had intended on the surprise twists of twins and newly-found half-siblings bonding them with their housemates and each other, they failed miserably. If they had intended for the surprise twists to be a ratings boost, then perhaps they succeeded.

From the beginning of tonight’s show, we are being ushered through it quickly, after not having a Saturday show, but still needing to choose people for eviction, and hold a veto competition and Power of Veto meting. Although all originally were upset after Natalie’s elimination last week, no one seems too upset today, including her twin, Adria. Cowboy originally says he shed a tear and felt like he lost his sister. Shortly after, he is saying he does not feel totally safe, being that Marvin, the new Head of Household, can be a wildcard. Adria starts talking of how much she treasures family; soon she is telling us she feels safer with Natalie gone. With her partner in crime gone, she figures she won’t be as much of a target. Marvin says every time you last through another eviction, you pat yourself on the back for lasting another week. Karen doesn’t seem to care one way or another; she only wants to stay unnoticed and forgotten.

No mention is made of Julie Chen’s mistake at the Head of Household competition. Reportedly during the competition, her original instructions for the mini-putt game were that the first person with a ball to hit the bottom of their tube would move on. Marvin’s ball sunk first, but Karen’s ball actually hit the bottom of the tube first. Chen didn’t notice, and pronounced Marvin the Head of Household. Watchers of the Live Feed to the show have found that after producer’s caught the mistake, they called both Karen and Marvin into the Diary Room, and discussed the dilemma with them. No change or mention was made of any of this during the show tonight.

Diane and Nakomis are talking strategy in the kitchen. Perhaps someone else is with them, but I don’t notice due to being too distracted by the nearly full ketchup bottle on the table in front of Diane. With two kids in our house, I think the only time the bottle is close to full is on the store shelf. Diane feels she may as well start saying her good-byes now with Marvin as Head of Household. The two believe Cowboy and Adria would be good choices to put up for eviction, since they seem to have something going. They also both realize they themselves are targets since they can both sway votes.

After viewing his Head of Household suite, Marvin corners Diane for more strategy. He promises to keep her safe if she will work with him to get others to evict his choices. Diane makes the promise, realizing it will add one more person to her list of people owing her favors.

Diane moves on, and is back in the kitchen, this time with Drew and Nakomis. Drew asks Nakomis how many piercings she has, and she cops to eighteen. Drew says you must have them all over. Nakomis admits yes, then proceeds to get into talking of hanging out in places with women with nipple clamps. This leads her to a conversation about the life of a dominatrix. Drew appears to be absolutely stunned and shocked. He must have led a very sheltered college life.

The houseguests are told to come to the concrete room, where they find it has been transformed into a workout room, filled with the multitude of equipment won during a recent luxury competition. Marvin wonders where he will sleep when his Head of Household stint is over, as he enjoys the solitude of the concrete room.

After seeing their new workout room, everyone disburses and are later found eating cheese crackers and cookies, and drinking bottled water. They have just voluntarily left a new extensive workout room to sit and eat cheese crackers and cookies. Why bother drinking water? Why not just have a giant glass of Koolaid?

At the eviction meeting Karen, Nakomis, Diane and Drew find they are safe, meaning Marvin has put up Adria and Cowboy. Marvin explains that Adria is a threat because of how many competitions she has won. Cowboy is told he is up purely for strategic reasons, as Marvin knows Cowboy would have been a sure vote for Adria. Privately, Marvin calls Cowboy to the side and tells him he will be protected, and that he is doing this for Will. Cowboy says it is still scary, being up for eviction, whether someone says you are safe or not. Just a week earlier he had an air of invincibility about him. Once his half sister, Nakomis, went back on her promise to him not to put him up for eviction, and put him on the block after Adria removed herself, he seems to have changed in that regard.

Diane tells Drew he is lucky he is on her side, and he seems a little surprised at this admission. She goes on to explain about her earlier conversation with Marvin. Drew is even more surprised to hear she made a promise to Marvin that involved the rest of the house, without checking with him. Nakomis, walking through the room and overhearing this, takes the info to Karen. They aren’t sure what to make of it.

There is a T-Mobile cell phone waiting on the table for a lucky houseguest. It begins to ring, and everyone rushes to answer it. Drew tells Cowboy it is for him. Cowboy has won the Viewer’s Choice to receive a call from home. Waiting on the other end is his fiancé, April, and his step-son Chase. Wearing his “#1 Dad” t-shirt, Cowboy openly gushes and weeps, learning April got the new job, and Chase got the teacher he wanted this year. Everyone appears sincerely happy for Cowboy, to have won this.

The veto competition is about to begin, and partners are being chosen. Marvin chooses Drew, Cowboy chooses Nakomis, and Adria chooses Karen. Despite Karen saying she would be scared to us the power of veto to remove Adria, Adria realizes Karen is her best bet.

For the competition, each of the six players are faced with a veto symbol replica and a “T” frozen in a block of ice, and a squirt gun. The first to remove the veto from their block of ice will win. If they remove the T, they will be awarded a toolbox to help them remove the veto symbol. The squirt guns empty out quickly, and after using them as chisels, the players realize the guns can be refilled in the pool. Just as Adria removes the T, and opens her tool box to find salt and gloves, with her self-described “girlie” hands, Karen is the first to remove the veto symbol, and wins the power of veto. She is is happy, not because she wants to use the veto, but because it means she is “less of a loser … more of a team player.” Karen is now caught in a quandary. She has nothing against the two up for veto, but adds the feelings are no different than for anyone else in the house. She is thinking of leaving those up for elimination as is.

As she opens the Power of Veto meeting, she customarily gives Adria and Cowboy a chance to explain why they should be removed. Adria does her usual, making herself look like a saint, while admonishing the others for the way they have played the game. Cowboy, feeling a little too comfortable after his call from home, does a little dance to end his speech. Karen does as expected, and leaves those up for eviction unchanged.

Project DNA has left Adria without a chance of winning. From the beginning she started differently. She didn’t come into the house with nothing, needing desperately for any and all connections. She had a sister waiting in the wings for her every few days, and was never forced to develop any necessary bonds. Once joined by Natalie, it was easier to spend time with her, further alienating her from the rest of the house.

Cowboy and Jennifer also never had a chance … but not at winning, at having a relationship outside the Big Brother house. It was unfair of them to learn of each other’s existence in this manner. It should have been left to them to wonder when and if, and create the desire to form a true bond, not one based on a game of assumptions.

I welcome any and all questions and comments at LB53064@yahoo.com

LCS 3 – Results and Round Two

The Season Two comics won the first challenge and $50,000 to split. Tonight, the ten comics who didn’t perform last night got their chance. First up was Tere Joyce. She reminds me of a cross between Cyndi Lauper and Phyllis Diller but less attractive and not nearly as funny. She proudly stated, “I’m not a hooker. I give it up for free.” Like I’ve never heard…or said that before.

Jay London, the sentimental favorite and one-liner king was up next. Jay Mohr quipped that he looked and sounded like “the love child of Steven Wright and Chewbacca.”

A few of Jay’s hits were:
—Today, I videotaped my hair. Tonight, I’m gonna look at the highlights.
—I made some Hot Pockets. They had lint in them.
—They make ribbed condoms these days. They come with barbecue sauce.
(You can vote for Jay at 866-FUNNY-92!!! Not that I’m endorsing him specifically…y’all do what you want.)

Rob Cantrell was up next. His best line was “They say money talks. All it ever says to me is ‘see ya, b**ch.”

Corey Holcomb performed after Rob. It was the slowest (and unfunniest) part of the night. The most entertaining part of his act was his outfit. He was so shiny. I think that the Star Trek stylists did his couture or he borrowed something from Ant’s closet.

Dat Phan continued his tradition of ethnic humor. He’s a one-trick pony.
I’d really like to see him pick a new topic or something, once in a blue moon…puh——–lease!!!!!!

Gary Gulman is definitely the funniest 6’6″ dude from Peabody, MA. He announced that the walrus was his new favorite animal. It looks like something that God built last minute.

Geoff Brown, the former Marine, was not very funny. He was passable. Kathleen Madigan, however, may have been the best of the night. (1-866-FUNNY-98). She did some cool George Bush schtick.

Some of her highlights: (paraphrased)
—I love watching George Bush give a speech. It’s like there’s two Georges. The super-serious George shows up after they’ve ‘talked to him.’
—Osama Bin Laden’s still hiding. In other words, playing “Peek-a-boo!”

Sean Kent was not funny in my opinion. Ant was okay. He lives in West Hollywood now. “West Hollywood — where the men and men and so are some of the women. Guys, if she’s got an apple, she’s probably got a banana.”

Voting is open for two hours after the show. Results will be given next Tuesday @ 8pm est/7pm cst.

The two comedians who are bidding the competition adieu tonight are Cory Kahaney and Jessica Kirson.

I wager that Season 2 will take it again next week. What do you think?

Panndyra out…

email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you want to talk about LCS… or the assistant…or growing up gotti….or…..

Best of the Best – LCS Season 3

Last Comic Standing 3 premiered tonight. The ten members of the house from season one are head-to-head with the ten members of the house from season 2. The comics have to perform new stand-up routines. Yippee!! Each week 5 comics from each team, which are chosen by the opposing team, will compete.

The comic with the least amount of votes on each team gets eliminated until there is only one comic left. That comic will have bragging rights as the LAST COMIC STANDING. He or she’ll also get $250,000 in prize money and other stuff.

The Season 1 grew is:
Tere Joyce
Sean Kent
Ralphie May
Dat Phan
Rob Cantrell
Geoff Brown
Cory Kahaney
Tess
Rich Vos
Dave Mordal

Bonnie McFarlane chose not to participate in this competition, so Season Two was one comic short. Gary Gulman, Jay London, Alonzo Bodden, John Heffron, Kathleen Madigan, Ant, Todd Glass, Corey Holcomb and Tammy Pescatelli got to choose one out of four female comics from the finalists in Vegas who didn’t make it into the house.

Marina Franklin, Kerrie Louise, Sue Costello and Jessica Kirson were the choices. The comics almost unanimously chose Jessica Kirson. I liked Jessica before and felt she was a heck of a lot funnier than Bonnie, but so is my dog. Gee, with wonderful reviews like mine, I can’t imagine why Bonnie didn’t want to participate 😉

America votes for one comic. You can vote by phone, internet or text message. Tomorrow’s show will have the results and performances by the comics not chosen to compete tonight.

There’s no house this season. The dirty work is done on stage. There are two ‘war’ rooms where the comedians go to strategize on who will go head to head.

Tonight, Season One chose:
Todd Glass
Jessica Kirson
Alonzo Bodden
Tammy Pescatelli
John Heffron

Season Two chose:
Rich Vos
Dave Mordal
Tess
Cory Kahaney
Ralphie May

I definitely saw a strategy on each side.

Stand out performances were given by: John Heffron (but, of course), Jessica Kirson, Alonzo Bodden and Rich Vos. Ralphie did a commendable job despite the loss of his father to cancer. He devoted his act to his dad and did a few of Winston May’s favorite jokes. I was touched by the way he handled it and his tears made me just want to hug him. I hope that Ralphie doesn’t get knocked out because of this. He was still funny and will be funnier another day.

Overall, I feel that Season 2 is just funnier and more talented than Season 1, with the exception of Mr. May.

Tomorrow night is the results show. We shall see what America thinks.

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos
Yes, these are my opinions. I formed them all by myself
Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you have comments.

GUG Episode 5

I’ll answer that question shortly.

Victoria’s overwhelmed. Frankie is graduating from junior high school and Carmine is graduating from high school. She has to attend both functions, plan a fabulous joint party and meet the demands of work. She’s got deadlines, rambunctious boys and a life that just won’t quit.

So, what does Victoria decide to do? She tries to hire an ASSISTANT! At least Victoria didn’t prolong the process. She interviewed a bunch of people. Some were quite interesting like the guy with the mohawk fin and the young gent with the piercings all over the place. Victoria told him she hurt just looking at him.

She was almost late to Carmine’s ceremony. Carmine and a few of his friends play some video games and chill for a bit after the graduation. They talk about what college will be like…all girls and parties and fun. Carmine says he doesn’t want to grow up and wants to party hard like Van Wilder (from the movie of the same name…). I want to scream…………NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I don’t think Mama Victoria would like it. In fact, I know she wouldn’t. I feel an affinity with Vicky Gotti in that way.

At this time, Victoria decides she just can’t handle her life on her own anymore and calls Jennifer, the cute and sweet ‘normal’ Jersey Girl, to be her Assistant. Jen’s very excited.

The next day, Jennifer arrives for her first day. There’s a crisis already. Victoria can’t find the right dress for her photo shoot. She ends up picking out one of her very own and looks beautiful, but she’s pissed that the stylist would be so stupid.

The next day, Jennifer is thrown into the fire, so to speak. She has to track down a source for one of Victoria’s Star magazine articles. She has a little bit of trouble with that. She also has to start finalizing the guest list for the party.

Jennifer gets overwhelmed by all that Victoria throws at her and well…I’m not sure she’s going to last long. Victoria gets upset with her often and well, I feel that Victoria needs a more seasoned ‘professional’ to help her. We shall see…though…

Frankie doesn’t have a tie for his graduation. The mall is about to close and Victoria dashes to the phone. She has the store stay open a few extra minutes for them. Frankie and Victoria argue over the tie, of course and Victoria wins. They get a tie and some other items so Frankie can look his best.

The day of the party is really tough. Jen didn’t finalize the guest list on time. Victoria has a talk with her. They decide to move forward from here. The catering hall is also a problem. Victoria doesn’t want her guests to go to a ‘holding room’. She tells Jen to take care of it because she’s too angry to do it herself.

Quack Quack interrupts and says that the DJ can’t set up because the hall won’t let him in. Victoria’s ready to crack. It’s raining and the power is about to go out. Carmine and his friends decide to mud slide down her hill in the rain. Jen spaces out and forgets to do the place cards.

It’s almost time for the party and no one is ready, except for Frankie, who’s sitting on the couch waiting. John comes running down the stairs. He has NO hair gel. It’s a catastrophe. Carmine’s fixing his ‘do in the mirror, but somehow Frankie gets blamed.

I can see why gel is an important commodity in the Agnello/Gotti home, but this was just so over the top and funny. Quack Quack offers to give John some of his gel, but John is still so mad. He and mom fight about the gel situation for a bit.

In the end, the party goes off okay, except that Victoria has to pay twice the amount for it than she was originally quoted. Jen had fun at the party, so did Victoria and the boys.

Let’s see what happens next.

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos. Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you have a burning desire to discuss the ‘gel situation’ further.

😆

Assistant Finale – Finally

It’s the Assistant finale and I’m the happiest I’ve been since the show started. Each episode has about five funny minutes and they aren’t necessarily continuous. Andy starts out by saying he’s so happy to be rid of this burden. I guess steady work is bugging him, but who am I to judge?

He tells the camera that he had this weird dream, prophetic, perhaps. He was a giant eclair. I am no Miss Cleo, but I think I know what the dream means and it has NOTHING to do with the show. See eclairs are phallic symbols. Yes! I typed phallic…so, sue me…if you know what it means.

Anyway, the car that the winner gets rolls up to the house. Andy goes into his sales pitch. Yes! It’s a 2005 Scion GT with blah, blah, blah, blah engine and blah, blah, blah, blah (insert feature here). It was almost as cheesy as the car “commercials” the American Idol contestants are forced to do.

The car’s nice. Andy likey….he wants to keep it.

The Assistants actually have an assistant-like job tonight. They go with Andy to the Improv. He’s got a gig with his 80s band. They are NOT a cover band. They do original 80s style music. Andy has no hair and makeup person. He never asked his assistants to get one, but he was upset that they didn’t know. Maybe he does need Miss Cleo. The guy has issues, but I’ve said that before, haven’t I?

Fade to Melissa who talks about how being around Andy is ‘like walking on egg shells constantly’. Wow! That’s an understatement.

Andy isn’t prepped for the gig, of course. So, he asks his Assistants to come up with a song for him and his band ‘off the cuff.’ They come up with this song…called Ace Monster…It was baaaaaaaaaaaad, but Andy was like…I like it.

That is until he got onstage and his act went completely down south with the stupid song. He then blamed the assistants, of course. Mark tried to stand up for himself but Andy just dissed him.

Fade to Melissa in interview again and she was all like…”we were just doomed to fail.” Yah! Just getting that point, blondie? The whole show’s been one big set up to make y’all look like fools…

Segway into some flashback sequences of Melissa giggling and Mark double-dealing. Andy again says that he’s not crying about the show being over. He’s happy about it because he needs time to work on himself and his emotions. I’m not sure if there’s enough time in the world…

Then, there are some clips which highlight Andy’s many meltdowns. It was so nice reliving his melodramas. It reminded me of my teenage years.

Now, for the elimination ‘ceremony’. I think it was a cross between Joe Millionaire and the Bachelor. Andy rides in on a horse. He has trouble getting off the horse, of course. Melissa helps him undo his shoe so he can dismount. Andy looks at Mark and Melissa and stalls. He hasn’t decided yet.

He tells them that he was dealt twelve cards (the contestants) and all got were jokers. That was one of his better lines. I wonder if MTV wrote it.

The Assistant wins lots of cool prizes such as: a job with MTV, the Scion, a cell phone and a new wardrobe. I guess it’s worth it, hmmm?

In the end, Andy chooses Melissa. He says that she is the only one who put him first. In a way, he’s right. Oh well. It’s over. Bye-bye, Andy…I’ll miss you…NOT….

:clap:

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos. Yes, I am this cranky naturally. Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you want to make something of it.

The Young and the Hopeless – Big Brother 5, August 26th

It’s day 56 in the Big Brother house, and Natalie and Cowboy are up for nomination. After Adria won, and used, the power of veto (on herself), Nakomis was forced to nominate her long lost brother, Cowboy, in her place.

Cowboy is upset that Nakomis broke her promise to never put him up. Apparently, in Cowboy’s world, an “Oh definitely” is grounds for a promise. However, Nakomis says that she thinks Cowboy will be safe, and everything will be good.

The twins and Cowboy are in the wood room feeling sorry for themselves. Adria is crying, Natalie is complaining, and Cowboy is sitting around looking clueless. . . nothing new.

Now that Cowboy’s up, it’s time for some good ole’ fashion brainwashing. Drew is Natalie’s target. She corners him in a put-put game and starts pressing him about where his loyalties lie. Let’s be honest folks, Drew is no strategic genius, so he falls all over it. He approaches Diane in the bathroom and starts trying to convince her to vote out Cowboy. He does his patented “stoned/clueless” face as he explains that if the twins are around next week, they’ll be targets again. So he and Diane wouldn’t be targets next week for betraying Marvin, Karen, and Nakomis? Diane shuts the conversation down, and brings Drew back into the light by simply sticking out her pinky and reminding him of how easily they broke their last promise.

Next, Nakomis is in the HOH room being interrogated by the Chenbot. She justifies nominating her brother by saying that she wasn’t completely sure that Drew would be safe if nominated, and she approached Cowboy before the veto ceremony and told him what was going to go down. He was cool with it, and he respected her for coming to him beforehand.

Next up is America’s Choice – The Young and the Restless. It is revealed that Marvin won with an astounding 25.7% of the votes. He was so overwhelmed that he actually started crying! He left the house through door in the backyard, hopped into a limo, and road of into the sunset! Upon arriving, he got to take a tour of the set and meet the stars of the show. When he arrived back in the house, the other houseguests got to see his handy work. The skit was roughly 15 seconds in which he was some sort of waiter in a gym. He gave one chick a bottle of water, and then he gave a guy a bottle of water. . . SO.MENTALLY.STIMULATING!

Next, we get to catch up on Will. He, along with his future fellow jury mates, will be sequestered in Eden. The house is great! He has a castle by the beach all to himself. Being as thoughtful as he is, he’s already making sleeping plans for Natalie and Adria when they come to meet him! Of course this is a cement slab by the garden, but it’s the thought that counts. No?

Back in the house, Michael and Natalie get to plead their case to their fellow houseguests before the live eviction. Michael thanks God and his family. He is happy that he has had the experience and he is happy to leave the show with 13 new friends. Natalie wants everyone to look at her as an asset, and someone they can use to get further in the game. Next is the live vote! One-by-one they are called in to the Diary room to cast their votes. Karen, Marvin, Diane and Drew vote to evict Natalie, and Adria is the lone vote for Cowboy. It’s official! By a vote of 4 to 1, Natalie, you ARE evicted from the Big Brother house. She takes it surprisingly well. Everyone walks her to the door and she hugs everyone. Adria meets her at the door, bawling her eyes out, as if Natalie was about to be put to death. With that, Natalie is off to meet the incomparable. Chen.

Outside, Chenbot interviews the fallen wondertwin. Natalie, of course, neglects to admit any fault. She thinks it was unfair that Nakomis nominated her, but she will pray for her. (How sweet) She doesn’t seem mad that Drew and Diane voted for her, and says it was just a risk you have to take in the game. In the goodbye messages, Karen and Cowboy think she’s a great person, Diane still can’t tell them apart, Nakomis reminds her of the pinky swear, and Adria is (you guessed it) crying.

Next up is the HOH competition. The houseguests are divided into two groups of 3. They must step up to a mini-putt green and put golf balls into a tube – the first person to sink a putt, and whose ball falls all the way down to the bottom of the tube wins the round. The winner of each round will face off in a final round. Those two will be given 60 seconds to put. The person who makes the most balls will be the new HOH. In the first heat, Cowboy sinks one immediately. In group two, Marvin and Karen both make it in. Karen’s ball actually sinks first, however, Julie calls MARVIN the winner! Karen should have won the round, but Marvin went on to the final round, where he blew Cowboy out of the water and is our new Head of Household!

Will Big Brother do anything about this? Who will Marvin nominate? Will Adria ever stop crying? Keep in mind, there will be no show this Saturday, so tune in Tuesday at 8 est. to find out!

~Wumple~

Every Show Needs a Sexy Cowboy – Big Brother 5, August 24th


by aurora

Lots to cover this week, including a luxury competition, veto competition and the veto ceremony. Of course we need a recap first, because us reality freaks have limited memory capabilities (tell that to someone who’s still arguing that Lex got screwed in Survivor Africa). The quickie version – Will’s gone, Nakomis is getting revenge on the breaking of a pinky swear by putting the twins on the block, and the twins are upset because somehow they’ve been wronged, even though they are obviously playing the game masterfully, with skill, wit, and, oh heck, I can’t even say this sarcastically.

Natalie tells the camera that Nakomis is the last person she wanted to win HoH, and isn’t surprised at all by the nominations. Nakomis, for her part, says there is no loophole in a pinky swear. The twins broke a promise to her, Karen, Diane, and especially to Will.

The twins have a good laugh after the nomination ceremony, complaining that they got no valid, personal reason why they were put up. Diane makes a face and calls them poor sports. She says if there had been anything funny during the nomination ceremony, then it went right over her head.

Nakomis goes to find the twins to explain again why they’re on the block, because she doesn’t think they understand it. She says that they pinky swore about two things – that they wouldn’t nominate each other without discussing it first, and that they wouldn’t vote for each other. She feels that since the twins were playing as one person, then the promise should have been upheld by both of them. Adria says that once both twins came into the house, all bets were off. Well, this is a nice time to announce that to everyone, dontcha think? Maybe you should have brought that little nugget up a bit earlier so your alliance would know you weren’t to be trusted. Good thing I have my trusty puke bucket at the ready.

One of the twins compares Will to Charles Manson, in that he’s out of the house but his minions are still killing for him. To this I say, “Oh Please!!” Who shows more signs of becoming a cult leader, Will or Nadriatalie? I’ll let you decide.

Diane is cornered in the bathroom by both evil twins. Natalie is still whining about not getting a personal reason why she’s up on the block, and both are talking a mile a minute. Diane looks like a deer in the headlights. Natalie didn’t pinky swear with Will, so she thinks Nakomis has no right to nominate her. It’s a copout as far as she’s concerned. Argh. Via the HoH screen, Nakomis sees the conversation with Diane in the bathroom. She knows the twins are upset and angry, but doesn’t really care.

Adria goes into the bedroom to talk to Diane and Drew about the veto. She wants to make sure that the person she chooses to play for it will indeed use it (like it’s some kind of honour to be chosen to play or something). They’re unsure – Diane thinks that Drew will be put up if one of the twins is taken off the block. Adria assures her that Drew is safe, but Diane can’t promise anything. She leaves the room, and Adria manages to get Drew to give his word that he’ll use the veto if he wins it.

Nakomis announces that it’s time for a luxury competition. Marvin whoops it up and picks Nakomis up and spins her around. He says in the diary room that they all don’t care if it’s a warm bowl of spit they’re playing for, they’re all jacked up for the competition.

The backyard is set up with a contraption that looks like “a giant rainbow exploded and had a baby”, according to Karen. It’s a bunch of strings of elastic that form a huge web, and inside are a bunch of balls with letters on them. The houseguests have to climb through the web and retrieve the balls, then put them together to form a word. They’re playing for shopping sprees at Amazon.com – as a team, they will get 18 items from Amazon if they complete the task in three minutes or less, losing one item for every 30 seconds they go over. They are also being timed individually, and the person with the highest score will win a $1000 shopping spree to be used when they get back home.

Drew gets in first, and pushes all of the balls forward before coming out with one himself. Cowboy says Drew took one for the team. Adria and Diane follow, and the timer is just over a minute. Karen and Nakomis follow, and while Nak is getting her ball out they figure out that the word they need to spell is ‘internet’. Cowboy, Natalie, and Marvin go through, and Marvin gets stuck. They end up having trouble spelling ‘internet’ (somewhere Scott is laughing at this), and complete the challenge in just over five minutes. They end up with 14 items from Amazon. Diane has the fastest time, and wins the individual spree.

Marvin says that the competition took some pressure off of them for a while. “I kinda liked them for a while. And I hate these people.”

Everyone heads off to the HoH room to order their stuff from Amazon. The screen that normally shows feeds from all over the house is set up for them to shop. They have to select from a list of pre-determined items, and end up choosing steaks, a fire pit, exercise equipment, a water volleyball set, barbeque tools, and other various items.

The twins try to corner Diane again, demanding to know about the veto. She says she would probably use it, and Adria harps “Probably don’t get it!” Apparently you don’t get it either, Adria. No one wants to be responsible for you or your twin scraping by this eviction. Diane starts to cry, and says privately that the twins have a way of catching her off guard and making her feel uncomfortable.

The packages arrive from Amazon (what the heck kind of shipping offer did they get? I’ve never received anything that quickly from Amazon!), and are piled in the backyard. The houseguests unpack their stuff, and find all the goodies they’ve ordered. Marvin hurries the steaks into the kitchen while Diane scores the gourmet s’mores kit. Mmmmm…s’mores…

They set up the fire pit, and fetch Holly’s ceramic cat to sit on top of it while they sit around the fire. Marvin says they’re turning that white cat black.

Talk now goes to the America’s Choice prize – a day out of the house and an appearance on the Young and the Restless. Marvin tells everyone what a huge fan of the show he is, and Cowboy says in the diary room that the show needs a sexy cowboy like himself. There are so many things wrong with that statement that my mind can’t even process it. Cowboy and Marvin ad lib a little scene where they’re fighting over Karen, which is pretty darned funny.

Drew and Cowboy talk strategy outside, which is a painful procedure to watch. Cowboy thinks that if the veto I won and used, Marvin will go on the block. Drew asks if Cowboy is worried about going up himself, and he says he knows that up against a twin, he is absolutely safe. Drew admits he’s scared.

Time for the veto competition finally! Nakomis explains the rules, and the selection begins. Nak chooses Marvin, Adria chooses Drew, and Natalie picks Cowboy. They are all separated, and have to go to the backyard one at a time to complete the challenge.

Nakomis is first, and says that it’s a ‘Sci-Fi Morph-O-Matic”. Faces are displayed on a giant screen that are made up of pictures of three different houseguests – kind of like Conan O’Brien’s “If They Mated” segment. Nakomis is immediately freaked out by a picture of her face, Holly’s hair, and Scott’s mouth. I’d be freaked as well. Each person has to name the three people that the faces are made up of.

The funniest face by far is made up of Marvin, Lori, and Diane. Marvin says, “That’s an ugly chick!” The twins are listed as just that: Twins. I guess that was to make things easier for everyone to not have to distinguish between the two, but I have to wonder if they were upset at not being ‘individuals’ in the challenge.

Anyway, Diane and Karen get to watch everyone complete the challenge, and Diane gives Cowboy props for finishing in under 30 minutes. Seriously, why would anyone pick Cowboy to play the veto for them? Challenges aren’t exactly his strong point.

Adria ends up winning the veto, and Natalie comments that Nakomis’ face was priceless when the winner was announced. Now, I saw the camera pan over to Nak when Adria’s name was announced as the winner, and she had no facial expression whatsoever. None.

Adria and Natalie discuss the veto together, huddled up in bed. They both cry, bemoan their situation, and complain about the others. So what’s new? Adria wants to save Natalie, but Natalie wants her to save herself. The rest of the houseguests could care less, they just want one of them gone.

Nakomis, Diane, and Karen talk in the HoH room. Nak doesn’t know who to put up, and asks Diane about Drew. They’re unsure of how Marvin will vote, thinking that he’s guaranteed another couple of weeks if he keeps a twin in the house. Karen insists that Marvin wants to ‘split those girls up’ more than he wants to see Diane and Drew split up. Nakomis doesn’t want to nominate Cowboy, out of bloodline respect.

It’s now time for the veto meeting, and Adria calls everyone together. She says that Natalie will now get a turn to plead her case, and Natalie says something about welcoming the veto, getting second chances, and knowing it’s a hard decision to make. Adria thanks her and says she knows that Natalie’s words were from her heart. Blah blah blah – where’s my bucket?

Adria talks about the importance of the veto, and even though she wanted to use it last week, it just wasn’t wanted. She says that she is going to use the veto – on herself. She adds that if the others aren’t willing to give Natalie a chance in the house this week, then maybe they never had it in their hearts to do so. (vomit bucket break for me) Adria’s reasoning for leaving her sister flapping in the wind is that Natalie needs to be judged for her own actions, while Adria should stay in the house and take the rap for hers.

Nakomis now has to put up a replacement nominee. She says that she’s decided to put up Cowboy, because she knows he is a safe bet and has nothing to worry about.

Marvin says that no one is ever safe on the block, not with him in the house. Cowboy is upset because he and Nakomis apparently promised each other they wouldn’t put the other on the block. (Apparently Cowboy has a short term memory, because he asked Nak to be a pawn on more than one occasion.) Nakomis confesses that if Cowboy goes she’ll be very upset – because she promised him he’d be safe, and because she’ll then have two angry twins after her. Natalie closes the show by saying that she only needs three votes to stay in the house. Looks like the next couple of days will be unbearable for the rest of them!

Thursday will bring the live eviction, as well as the results of the America’s Choice poll. Don’t forget to tune in!

Comments are welcome! If you have something to say, or want to write for us, drop me a line at carrie@realityshack.com.


Colin or KY – The Amazing Race, Episode 8

by LauraBelle

As Episode 8 was winding through the opening credits, I began to wonder how much the show would miss the newly eliminated Charla and Mirna. Love them or hate them, they added much suspense and entertainment to the show.

After the credits we are shown the five teams spending their down time between legs of the race eating. How could they eat anything the night after eating all those huge bowls of scrambled ostrich eggs, equivalent to two dozen chicken eggs?

Chip and Kim are the first to depart at 2:42 a.m. They will need to take a taxi to Kilamanjaro airport where they will be assigned to three different charter flights to Nairobi by order of their arrival at the airport. The first taxi asks for a hundred-fifty dollars, and Chip takes another driver up on his offer to drive them for a hundred dollars.

Colin and Christie are the next to depart with Christie noting that it is hard for a team like theirs because they are both decision-makers. When a taxi offers to drive them for a hundred dollars, Colin says, “No way, fifty dollars.” The taxi driver repeats he needs a hundred dollars. Colin says, “Sixty dollars, no more.” Eventually Colin climbs in the taxi, saying for a hundred dollars, it better be fast.

Brandon and Nicole, the Bowling Moms, and the Twins leave shortly thereafter with the twins saying they need to slow down and take their time, feeling that quick, bad decision-making has placed them dead last. Soon all five taxis are close enough to pass each other, making the running order change frequently. The taxi carrying Colin and Christie stops along the side of the road because of a blown tire. When Colin asks the driver to put the spare tire on, he is told there is no spare, as the spare is already being used on the car. Colin blows the first of many fuses and scolds the driver, “Bad, very bad.” I immediately felt as if Colin was speaking to a dog, and when I saw my own dog wake from her nap and glare at the TV, I knew I was not the only one.

The next team to break down along the side of the road is the Bowling Moms, as their taxi is out of oil. The twins stop and help Colin and Christie, giving them their spare tire, but they decide not to help the Bowling Moms, noting that they are not AAA. Eventually a new taxi picks up the Moms and they are on their way again, noting that they are dead last, one again.

Chip and Kim, arriving first, and Brandon and Nicole, arriving second, are scheduled for the first charter, and are sharing money stories. Kim and Nicole feel the men are being too generous with the two-hundred dollars they started this leg of the race with. Chip explains he tipped the taxi driver twenty dollars because he knows that amount of cash could greatly improve his life. Nicole is upset at Chip, realizing he is thinking she is not a giving person.

The Twins and Colin and Christie arrive in time to catch the second charter, but Colin is not alone. He has refused to pay the taxi driver the one-hundred dollars he promised him, and is only offering fifty, saying the driver was not driving wisely to leave on a two hour trip without a spare tire. The police are called, and Colin now needs to go to the police station to plead his case. The taxi driver’s boss also arrives, asking Colin what the problem is. He says no problems, “Hakuna Matata.” Now, I had no idea this was a real phrase. I thought it was just something made up for Lion King. You can bet I will be Googling this phrase later.

After being threatened with jail time, Colin throws the money on the floor, and decides now to direct his anger at Christie, upset with her for not supporting him. Returning back to the airport, the Bowling Moms and Chip are giving Colin a hard time. One of the women in the race says in a voiceover, “Colin is so beligerent and abusive towards Christie.” Colin and Christie talk privately, and she apologizes to him. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I am not sue whether it was Colin and Christie or the KY Jelly commercial I was just forced to endure.

Later in Nairobi, all teams make a 6:00 p.m. flight to Dubai except the Bowling Moms. They arrive and are told the flight is scheduled to depart in ten minutes, and they can’t board. Linda says, “Oh, please?” and is rejected again. Where is Mirna and her superb language talents when you need her? No matter where she was in the race, she seemed to always speak the language.

The four teams on the first plane to Dubai are all running to get the next clue with the Twins leading. Chip laments, “Leave it to them to make an old man run again.” The next clue sends them to a helioport that doesn’t open til 8:00 a.m., giving them a fourteen hour break, and allowing the Bowling Moms to catch up once again. Colin looks at Christie and asks for a kiss. I believe I would have rather ate the caviar and ostrich eggs mixed together.

8:00 a.m. comes and all are now to take water taxis to the Port of Dubai. Kim and Nicole are again complaining about money after Chip paid ten dollars more than others, and Brandon had said, “Keep the change.”

The teams are met with a Detour – off-plane or off-road – and need to take land taxis to their choice. The Twins and Brandon and Nicole choose off-plane, which is sky-driving. The twins are first to arrive, but don’t trust their instinct to stop once they think they see the Amazing Race flag, and continue driving around. Brandon and Nicole seize the opportunity and catch the first sky-diving plane with the twins immediately realizing they had made a mistake not stopping the first time, as the planes take off forty-five minutes apart.

On the taxi ride to off-road, chosen by Chip and Kim, the Bowling Moms, and Colin and Christie, Chip realizes that he will not have enough money to pay the fare. Since he is not blowing a gasket about the price like Colin had before, the driver accepts Chip’s lower offer of money, ten dollars less than the actual amount. Chip feels bad, but seems lost on the fact that his desire earlier to allow the other driver to improve his life has now affected this other driver negatively. Interesting to me is the fact that only the teams that are couples argue about money; the sisters, friends, brothers, cousins, never do.

Once arriving at off-road, the teams need to drive 4x4s through the sand dune course. The Bowling Moms are the first to get stuck, and need to be towed. Chip and Kim get stuck as well. Eventually, Colin and Christie arrive at the flag first, not having been stuck in the sand at all. Chip and Kim arrive next, followed closely by the Bowling Moms.

As the teams finish this Detour, they are now asked to ride on camels and direct the camel and camel guide through the sand dunes via GPS tracking devices. Colin and Christie are the first to arrive at the pit stop, winning a trip to the Caribbean, with Christie uttering, “I should never have doubted him.” Now I am positive; it is Colin and Christie, not the KY jelly commercial.

Brandon and Nicole arrive second, with Chip and Kim in third. Chip is excited and thanking Phil. Sure, Phil isn’t the one with ten dollars less in his coffer today. The Bowling Moms arrive second to last, and the Twins arrive last, only to find this to be a non-elimination leg, meaning they will run the next leg starting with no cash.

The previews for next week promise that one team will find they need to shave their heads, leaving me to wonder if this is how the Twins will raise money for their traveling expenses. We were also treated to previews saying that Colin would be, “hitting his breaking point.” You mean that breaking point wasn’t when he was nearly thrown in jail? And I thought without Mirna and Charla I was not going to find suspense or entertainment.

If you have comments, I would certainly enjoy reading them. Please email me at LB53064@yahoo.com.

Yet Another Twist on the Assistant

I was all geared up for a grand finale showdown. I mistakenly assumed because we were down to the final two — Melissa & Tanika — that the show was going to be over this week. It’s not that I am not entertained, but well..frankly….I’m getting tired of this show.

Andy whines all the time. So now I’m going to whine about Andy’s whining. Yes, I see the irony there. I really do. However….it’s my review & I’ll whine if I want to.

Andy started the show off by reading a letter from a former Assistant contestant who begged to return to the showl. Guess who’s making a comeback? No, it’s not Nikeda again. It’s Mark. (Remember Andy booted him because he made Mr. Dick look like a …well, dick, on Japanese television.)

Andy tells the Assistants to watch over his dish. Glenn Close gave him a dish. It’s him in the nude, looking all buff, with some cats on either side. Well, I thought Ms. Close had better taste than that. However, she did also play Cruella DeVil in 102 Dalmations. Oy! That was a stinker.

Andy didn’t want to be disturbed during his therapy session. I’m not surprised that his therapist makes house calls. Before the therapist shows up, Dave Navarro drops by. Andy sounds surprised, but this had to be soooooooooooo contrived. Guess what? Navarro interrupts Andy’s session repeatedly. Andy yells at his assistants, of course. Dave also breaks the “dish”. YUP! He breaks the dish.

After Dave and his Jane’s Addiction drummer have an impromptu jam session with pots as drums, Andy has a meltdown and tells his assistants to get rid of Dave. Dave goes off and gifts two guitars and a painting to Tanika, Melissa & Mark.

Andy breaks the acoustic guitar that Mark was given. What an a$$!

The clipping ceremony was a rip off of Fear Factor. There are two stunts. The first was a complete joke. The assistants had to walk across a thin pole which was placed over Andy’s pool, carrying a cup of coffee and a script. Mark and Tanika nailed the stunt. Melissa fell into the water.

The second stunt was stupid. Completely unneccessary. He had them spin the wheel and eat “gross” stuff like day old brownies and gas station hot dogs. Mark & Melissa got thru their food easily. Tanika got a head-cheese pop. GROSS! I’ll take the pig uterus, puh——lease…..

She couldn’t eat it and got clipped. Kind of unfair, but oh well, it’s Holly-weird as Andy says. When Andy’s in it, Hollywood is very weird.

Next week is the finale. Melissa and Mark must endure more of Andy’s diva demands and pendulum-swinging moods. I can’t wait — until it’s over.

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos
panndyra@yahoo.com
—Email me if you disagree with me. I don’t mind. I love a good e-argument.

😆

This One’s For Will – Big Brother 5, August 21st


by aurora

Just to catch us up to speed, we get a review of what happened last week. Adria demolished any ties left to the pinky-swear alliance by casting the deciding vote to evict Will. Nakomis comments that Will leaving added 100 tons of oil into her already-raging bonfire.

In the diary room, Adria says that she feels that she took out a mojor player in the game. She commends herself for having the strength to do it. Marvin likens himself to David Copperfield, having escaped eviction three weeks in a row. Diane is upset for having lost Will, and resigns herself to stick with Nakomis and Marvin. Drew comments that seeing Will leave reminded him that this is a game, and any one of them could go at any time.

Marvin was positive that he was the pawn last week, and tells Cowboy that he’s surprised to still be there.

Drew and Diane are feeling a bit of tension. Diane is upset that Drew voted for Will last week, but knows that Drew is his own person and will play the game the way he feels he needs to. They both realize that one of the twins will be gone this week.

Adria and Natalie talk about Will’s parting comment, “If Karma is a boomerang, I’ll see you sooner than later.” Adria questions what karma refers to. “Did he mean Karma Electra? She can throw down some dance moves!” They can’t decide if Will’s comment was positive or negative. (side note – surely this is some creative editing! No one can be that dumb!)

Nakomis confesses in the diary room that it feels great to have won HoH. She’s proud to be the first person to win it more than once, and now she’s gunning for the twins. She mentions the pinky-swear, and says that someone owes her a finger. Diane’s next, and says that although she really wanted HoH, she’s glad Nakomis got it because Nak is more upset with the twins than anyone else.

Adria’s turn in the diary room now, and she speculates on who the nominations might be. She thinks one of the twins could go up, but thinks that maybe Drew or Marvin are also at risk. Drew thinks that Cowboy will be put up.

Now we come to a little segment on the way the twins speak to each other. Diane calls it Twinglish, and says that twins just have a connection. Drew agrees, and says that sometimes they don’t even have to speak to understand exactly what the other is thinking. We get to see lots of clips of Adriatalie speaking to each other in what sounds like a foreign language.

Diane and Nakomis huddle in the HoH room talking about the twins and the nominations. There’s a clip of the pinky-swear (which, as we all know, does indeed include Will). Nakomis again says that someone owes her a finger. She adds that she hasn’t talked to Marvin, Cowboy or Drew at all. Diane says that this one is for Will.

Nakomis calls the houseguests to gather for the food competition. They head out to the backyard and find a couple of fancy-schmancy dining tables set up. Their plates are already served, covered, and waiting for them. Nakomis reads that each houseguest has, under the cover, their favourite meal. Each houseguest will now have to eat their meal in under three minutes. Each one is playing for a different day of the week – if the houseguest finishes their meal successfully, they get food for that day. If not, they’er on PB&J for that day.

Cowboy is up first, and he has sweet and sour chicken, rice, fortune cookies, and Dr. Pepper. He brings his plate up to the front and is ready to go, but Nakomis tells him to wait. There’s a twist – this challenge is called “Smoothies From Hell”! She pulls out a blender and tells everyone that they won’t be eating their meals, they will be drinking them.

Cowboy’s food is dumped into the blender, and Nakomis makes him a nice beige-coloured shake out of it. He gulps it down while doing some kind of dance (which Marvin impersonates rather well later in the DR), and ends up completing the task. They get real food on Friday.

Marvin’s up next, and he has deep-fried lobster, shrimp, oysters, lemon wedges, and a Corona with lime. Nakomis makes him a chunky shake, and Marvin has serious troubles getting it down. In the DR, Marvin says it was like trying to drink battery acid mixed with dog vomit. Marvin fails, and a red ‘x’ is added to the chart for Saturday.

Natalie has fettucine alfredo, chocolate cake, and a nice big glass of red wine. She finishes hers with no problems. Drew gets spinach artichoke dip, filet mignon, a baked potato, broccoli, and a Corona with lime. He has some troubles (Nakomis comments in the DR that he vomited a little bit in his mouth), but gets it down.

Karen finally gets her Taco Bell – a big bean burrito, a taco, a choco-taco for dessert, and of course, a Diet Coke. She drinks her shake without incident, and comments in the DR that she’s tough; “Don’t mess with this! Of course when I stub my toe I cry…”

Adria has filet mignon, a sweet potato, and some kind of coffee ‘my style’. She drinks it down and gets food for everyone. Diane is up last, and she has spinach pizza, chicken, a potato, veggies, and water. She drinks her shake as well, commenting that she just has to pretend that she’s at the bar. Marvin quips, “Someone might actually get lucky tonight!” Diane finishes her shake, and the houseguests end up with food every day but Saturday.

Back in the house, the storage closet is stocked with food and the houseguests give a cheer.

Nakomis gets the key to the HoH room and announces that it’s ready. They all file in to see the usual basket of treats, and pictures of her boyfriend Donald. Nakomis gets letters from home, and a CD that Donald made for her of songs that remind him of her. She gets very emotional over the cover art for the CD – which features a dead and bleeding bird. Marvin says in the DR that a bleeding bird wouldn’t be the first thing that came to mind if he were thinking of someone he loves. Donald has also sent a picture of himself with the lyrics to Pink Floyd’s ‘Wish You Were Here’ written on the back.

Nakomis sits with Diane and reads a letter from her younger sister out loud. Her sister says it’s neat to see her clothes on television (guess Nak raided her closet before leaving!), and that she’s happy to see that Nakomis is being true to herself and not acting like a different person on the show. She also says that it’s cool to find out they have an older brother, and now Nakomis isn’t the oldest anymore.

In the bathroom, Cowboy tells Drew that he’s been watching Drew and Diane kiss, and attempts to give Drew some pointers. How creepy is that? Drew thinks he’s doing just fine thankyouverymuch, and Cowboy tells him to practice some more and then he’ll see how Drew has improved. This leads to a segment on Drew and Diane both complaining how the other kisses.

Adria and Natalie invite the rest of the houseguests to do some stretches and aerobics with them, but Cowboy is the only taker. He follows them around looking like a clumsy toddler, and Adria comments privately that Cowboy isn’t quite in touch with his co-ordination skills. Diane can’t even watch.

The houseguests return inside to find that their table has been replaced with a much smaller one. Marvin seems to notice first, saying “Does anyone notice anything different in here?” Cowboy picks up on the smaller table, which leads to reflections on how far into the game they all are, and they’re grateful to still be there.

Natalie enters the HoH room and tells Nakomis that she doesn’t have anything against her personally. She says that she’s always available to her and that she would love to stay in the house. Nakomis asks Natalie if she voted for Will last week, and Natalie admits she did. But only because Will couldn’t assure her safety for the following week. (uh, right.) Nakomis says whatever she does, she’s doing for a reason.

Next up is a segment on Marvin’s funky feet. No, not because he dances so much, but because his tootsies smell atrocious. Diane and Karen say the smell makes them physically ill, and Diane says that she doesn’t understand how Marvin gets women to stay with him after he brings them home and takes off his shoes.

Adria takes her opportunity to kiss Nakomis’ butt in the HoH room. She says that she’s never had a problem with Nakomis and that she respects her. Nakomis asks why Adria chose Will to put up and to evict. Adria says that it was the safest thing for her, because she knew Will would come after her. Nakomis says that she hasn’t made up her mind completely. In the diary room, Nakomis says that Adria is going up regardless, but she’s not sure whether to put her up with Natalie, Cowboy, or Marvin.

Nomination day finally rolls around. Nakomis goes to get the keys to place in the box, and says that some of the black and white pictures of the evicted houseguests are simply ashes of past victories, while others are oil for her raging fire. She says that she is nominating the ones who have wronged her the most, and she’s not going to let the dog bite her twice.

The houseguests gather around their new, smaller table. Nakomis brings the box out and explains the process. She pulls the first key – Marvin. Drew is the next safe one, followed by Diane, Karen, and Cowboy.

Nakomis explains the obvious – that she’s nominated Natalie and Adria for eviction. She tells them that they are the only ones who have broken a direct promise to her. She says it’s the same reason for both of them, so she only has to make the speech once.

Adria confesses in the diary room that she’s not surprised, and now she has to just focus on the veto. Cowboy says that the two strongest, most competitive women are now on the block. Diane says the twins will now both be fighting to save themselves, but she doesn’t care which one of them goes as long as it’s one of them. (This sentiment seems to be shared by most of the houseguests.)

As the show closes, Nakomis says that “One of them will pay.”

Comments are welcome! If you have something to say, or want to write for us, drop me a line at carrie@realityshack.com.


Everything Reality TV