Interview With ANT of Last Comic Standing


by Carrie

Let’s start off with the basics – how did you get into standup comedy, and how long have you been doing it?

I’ve been doing standup since 1994. I actually got into it by mistake. There was an agent on one of my flights when I was a flight attendant, and I’d been goofing off on the mic. He pulled me aside and said he could get me some work that would pay much more than I was currently making. I thought, “Hey buddy, you don’t know what I’m making now!”, but then he showed me some figures and I was like holy cow, you’re right! That is a lot more!

Who are your heroes, in comedy and in life?

In life, my Mom and Dad. In comedy, Whoopi Goldberg, Ellen Degeneres, Ralphie May, and Kathleen Madigan.

Speaking of Ralphie, did the season 2 comics know about his father’s passing before you chose him to go up that first night?

No, no. That was taped the night before. We actually went to the producers when we found out and asked them if we could change it. We wanted to change it, you know, and give Ralphie the night off. But they told us this was a contest, and basically our picks were set in stone.

Your Dad hadn’t seen your act until Last Comic Standing. Why not?

My Mom hadn’t either – she still hasn’t seen it live! My dad, well I have a potty mouth. You know, you always want to hide things from your parents. My parents found out that I smoke from watching the show! But when you’re presenting things to your parents you want everything to be perfect. I guess I thought my act wasn’t good enough.

So what do your parents think of your act now?

Oh they love it. My dad says that people come up to him in public now – he feels like a celebrity. And of course everyone seems to think my Dad is very attractive, so I hear that all the time. Even Gary Gulman told me my Dad is a good-looking man!

You tried out for Last Comic 1 and almost made it – if you hadn’t made it to the house for Last Comic 2, would you have kept trying?

Yep! My Mom and Dad always told me that if I really wanted something that I should go after it. A quitter never wins.

What was your reaction when you heard about Last Comic 3? Did you have any reservations about doing it all again?

It’s a chance for me to do standup again, and I love doing it. I had absolutely no reservations whatsoever. The only thing that I was bummed about was that Bonnie wasn’t coming back. That was disappointing, but you know, we picked a new comic and moved on with it.

Who’s funnier – Season 1 or Season 2? Why?

Season 2 of course! They’re my team! All of the comics are extremely funny though, and they all have a different voice. We have male, female, ethnic, gay – everyone has a different voice and they’re all funny in their own right.

America keeps giving Season 2 the $50,000 too, so we must be doing something right!

Where do you draw your inspiration from?

God. I had a near-death experience when I was younger, and I battled drugs and alcohol for a while. This is going to sound strange to you, but twice I’ve had the opportunity to meet my creator. Both times He wasn’t ready for me. I was given a voice to show a different side of things. Whether it be for gay people or short people or whatever, I have the chance to use my voice and make a difference.

I’ve had truck drivers approach me, saying that after hearing my act they think they may have misjudged gay people. It’s incredible.

Since you mentioned it…rumour has it that you’re actually gay. Can you confirm or deny?

Oh, I don’t want to perpetuate rumours! No comment, let’s keep them guessing!

Seriously though, I’ve had people come up and ask me if I really am gay. I mean I advertise onstage that I’m looking for a boyfriend, but they still ask. It’s mostly teenage girls, you know, holding out hope or something.

Do you think that it’s more difficult for you to be successful in comedy as a gay man?

Look where I am! I have a message to all the young people: Be Yourself! No one can force you to be someone you’re not. You’re special, unique, and perfect just the way you are. If you’re yourself, only good things will come of it.

If you don’t win LCS 3, who would you like to see take the title?

Kathleen. Kathleen or Tammy – they’re my homegirls.

You’ve done a lot of television work! Do you have any appearances coming up that you’d like to share with us?

Oh tons! I’m doing a new series for VH-1 called ‘Celebrity Fit Club’, I’m an on-air correspondent for Dennis Miller, and I’m doing Balderdash on PAX. I’m also doing a couple of specials for TVLand – in October I’m hosting TV’s Greatest Moments, and then the 100 Scariest Movie Moments.

If you weren’t doing standup, what would you be doing?

Folding sweaters at The Gap. You know employees get 35% off? And they have great stuff!

If someone created a sandwich named after you, what would be in it?

Jelly beans, FlufferNutter, and strawberries.

How has Last Comic Standing affected your everyday life? Are you being recognized more now?

Oh it’s crazy! It’s difficult to go out in public now. I get recognized everywhere. I’m so flattered though, I welcome it. It’s because of people like you that I’m here doing what I’m doing. Seriously, if you see me out in public then come and say hi!

Where does all of your energy come from? You always seem to be so happy and excited to be onstage making people laugh!

Crack. No, I’m kidding – had to get a joke in somewhere! It’s just a basic happiness. Happiness that I get from doing what God put me here to do.

There are still some places that won’t book me, but I’m having so much fun with this. You know, if Alabama doesn’t want a gay comic then it’s not my problem. I’m travelling to Hawaii, Aruba, China, Europe – I’m having a ton of fun!

Finally ANT, tell me about your name! Where did ‘ANT’ come from, and why the all-caps?

Well the caps make my name stand out in a story, you know, if there’s an article with no picture or something. You might not read it, but if you see the name ANT in caps you’ll wonder what’s up.

I chose ANT because an ant can carry 100 times its’ own weight, and onstage I lift myself 100 times my height. Ants are incredibly hard workers too, and they’re tough! After a nuclear holocaust, there will only be 2 things that survive – ants and Cher.

Thanks ANT for taking the time to speak with me today! You wanna mention your new CD?…

Oh yes! My CD comes out December 7th, and it’s called ‘Follow My Ass’. It’s on the Comedy Central label, and it will be available in all the major record stores worldwide. Make sure you buy it the first week it comes out – that’s the most important week!

Thanks again – it’s been a pleasure speaking with you! Best of luck with Last Comic!

Thanks sweetie – don’t forget to vote for me!

You can keep up-to-date with what ANT is doing by visiting his very cool website (which will apparently get an extreme makeover very soon!) at www.gaycomic.com. You’ll find tour dates, pictures, videos, and lots more! It’s a great site for a great comic.

Comments are welcome! Contact me at carrie@realityshack.com.


Even Marvin Wasn't Backdoored! – Big Brother 5, September 9th

by Wumple

It’s day 70 inside the Big Brother house, and Michael and Karen are up for eviction. The evicted housguest will become the 5th member of the jury who will decide the winner of Big Brother 5.

After taking Drew off the block, Karen was nominated by default. Karen approaches Diane in the cloud room to discuss the situation. Diane says that the worst case scenario would be the voting being a tie and Nakomis having to vote out her brother, Michael.

Diane, Drew and Cowboy are in the wood room plotting. Cowboy is speaking Cowblanglish, so you can’t understand him. Diane says that Karen won’t know what’s happening until the moment she’s evicted. Diane promises Nakomis that the vote will either be unanimous or a tie. (Wow Diane, did you figure that one out all by your lonesome, or did Cowboy fill you in on it?)

Nakomis and Karen are talking about trusting Diane. They don’t believe that she could pull off a lie like that after looking them in the eyes. Outside, Cowboy babbles something about this being the only chance he had, and he looks at Drew and tells him that they will be the last two standing. Drew nods knowing full well that Cowboy will be screwed in the end. However, Diane comes out and breaks up the conversation. When Cowboy leaves, she makes Drew promise that he won’t screw her over for Cowboy, and he does.

Inside, Chenbot asks the houseguests questions. Drew says that with the double eviction, it felt like the house just got cut in half. Diane says that she knew she would make it as far as she did. Karen says she doesn’t know what she’d do if she won the money. Cowboy says that he’s leading an example for Chason.
[i]Cowboy: “If he wants to be a police office who rides motorcycles go for it Chason! If I can do it, you can!”[/i] (Hmmm, I must have missed out on the “Deputy Cowpoke.”)

Next Karen fills us in on her strategy. She does everything she can to fit in with the rest of the house. She kisses Diane, learns card games, stays up all night, sunbathes, and even began drinking coffee. She swallows her pride and she tells everyone what they want to hear. She admits that she doesn’t mind taking a backseat and letting everyone else make the decisions. She also says that part of her strategy is to be nice to the people who are going to be evicted.

Nakomis is troubled. She says that she was upset that Diane took Drew off the block, but she now knows where her and Diane stand. She hopes Karen will be here next week, but she could also go to the end with Diane. She feels that if Karen stays tonight her spot in the house is somewhat safe, however if Karen leaves, she will probably be the next one evicted. She also reveals that her brother, Cowboy, doesn’t talk to her on a daily basis, so he probably won’t side with her.

Next up is the jury house. Natalie and Will anxiously await the new juror’s arrival. As Adria turns the corner, Will screams “Oh yes!”. Will was upset that he has to be with the two of them, but at least one of them won’t win the money. Natalie shows Adria around, and they all do a champagne toast. Adria then whips out the tape for Natalie and Will to watch. Will asks Adria if her comments when she left defeated the purpose. He says they’re like two psychotic cocker spaniels gnawing at the same piece of meat, they finish each other’s sentences and then immediately jump all over you. In the midst of the chaos, Marvin slips down the stairs and informs everyone that there is a new landlord in town, and his name is Marvin. He climbs on top of the table and lets them know how he is there so soon. He admits that he kissed Diane.
[i]Marvin: “Weeeeeeeell, hey! A brother get locked up, he’ll kiss Nakomis!”[/i]

Back in the house, its time for the live vote! One at a time, Diane and Drew enter the Diary room and cast their votes.
Chenbot:”By a unanimous vote, Karen, you ARE evicted from the Big Brother house!”
Karen is visibly shaken, as she looks at Diane and thanks her for back-dooring her. Nik walks Karen to the door, and Karen says “even Marvin didn’t get back-doored.” Nakomis says that she isn’t upset at Diane, and she understands that it’s a game.

Outside, Karen fights back tears in her eviction interview. She said she knew it was coming due to Diane and Drew’s body language over the past few days. Karen brings up Diane’s promise not to use the veto when she won it last time, and she says she knew then that Diane couldn’t be trusted. Karen says she hopes Nakomis wins. (Big shocker, I know!)

Up next is the HOH competition. “Before or After”. Chenbot will read 8 questions about whether an event happened before or after another event. If they think it is before, they will step backwards, if they think it was after, they will step forward. The questions are mind numbingly easy, obviously so Cowboy will have a chance in hell at winning. However, in the end Cowboy still can’t pull it off, and Drew wins his third HOH!

Who will Drew nominate? Find out this Saturday at 10 est.

It's Not Personal, It's Just Business – The Apprentice 2, Episode 1


by aurora

Welcome back to New York City! The Donald kicks things off by telling us that NYC is the benchmark for success. He brags a bit about the hundred or so companies he owns, along with various beauty pageants, golf courses, and of course, a TV show. Last year he hired Bill Rancic, who we see in action on the building project in Chicago. This year, Trump is looking for someone who’s smart, someone who’s a leader – he’s looking for…The Apprentice.

18 candidates have arrived in New York to be taken under Trump’s wing. Some are well-educated, others have only a high school diploma but have proven themselves to be entrepreneurs with a good head for business. We get a preview of the companies that are involved with the tasks this season – Mattel, Pepsi, Levi’s, Proctor and Gamble, and Toys’R’Us to name a few.

Jennifer M. is the first to arrive at Trump Tower. She’s an attorney, and admits to being intimidated and scared by the situation. Others soon follow, including Raj, who is dressed in a black suit jacket, red pants, white shirt, and bow tie. Andy comments that Raj looks like Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack, but admits to being impressed with Raj’s bowtie, calling it p-i-m-p. (Yes, he spelled it out.) Maria checks out the competition, and thinks that Bradford has ‘his stuff together’. Bradford, for his part, says that he was immediately sizing everyone up, surveying weaknesses. He picks out Pamela and likens her to Cruela DeVille, saying he knows he’ll be able to push her buttons.

Robin, the secretary, lets everyone into the boardroom. John’s pumped to be meeting one of ‘the most powerful businessmen in the world’. In the boardroom, they find Carolyn and George, Trump’s right-hands, waiting for them. Trump arrives and welcomes everyone. The Donald notices that the women are all smiling – they think they have it made because the women cleaned up in the first season, but he grounds them by saying it was a man who won. He found the dynamics so interesting last time that he’s going to use the same format this time – men versus women, 9 against 9. Trump also reveals a small new twist. If a team wins and they find themselves in the boardroom the following week, the winning project manager is exempt from being fired. He tells them to head up to the suite, he’ll see them tomorrow.

The suite is redecorated, but it’s still the same basic setup. Raj and Pamela introduce themselves to each other, and Raj admits being intimidated by Pamela’s height. They all find bottles of Dom Perignon and caviar waiting for them, and toast to victory. Wes toasts to the men dominating the women, not winning any likability points with the opposite sex.

The men and women eventually break off into groups, and read the letters left for them by Donald Trump. The letter welcomes them to the suite, and instructs them to each choose one person to permanently go to the opposing team and be their project manager for the first task. Bradford volunteers to go for the men’s team, and comments that there are MBA’s, Harvard grads, West Point men, and no one else wanted to step up to the plate. Bradford arrives at the women’s side, while the women are still trying to figure out who will go. Pamela decides she’ll go because she wants to lead the first project anyway.

Pamela arrives at the men’s side and says that her ‘penis is getting larger by the minute’. Rob says privately that he thinks the men came out on top. The men’s group throw out a couple of names for their team – Empire and Mosaic. Raj is really into the Empire name, but the vote goes to Mosaic. Privately, Raj calls it a fruity-toot name that says nothing about them. It’s antithetical to his character, and he doesn’t like it on a fundamental level. Raj is someone who we’re either going to love or hate – it’s too early to tell.

The women have a list of possible names longer than Trump’s list of companies he owns. Bradford looks like he’s going to go nuts with all of them talking, and Maria thinks he hasn’t had a lot of experience talking with a group of women. He says he likes Elite Corp., and says that’s the one. They end up voting on Apex though. The girls’ team, along with Bradford, jibe the heck out of Mosaic for their girly-sounding name. Raj comments that he’s getting his ass handed to him today.

It’s 6:30am, and the telephone rings. Everyone runs around like they don’t know where the phone is. The call is from Rona at Trump’s office, and the group is asked to meet with him at Toys’R’Us at 8am. The store itself is massive, complete with a ferris wheel. Trump asks for the team names, and comments that Mosaic is awful. Raj is decked out in another awesome suit, and even carries a cane. Trump doesn’t understand the cane as a fashion accessory, and says that Raj looks like he has two very good legs.

Time to find out what the task is. Trump explains that the toy industry makes over 20 billion dollars a year. Before he gets the apprentices working with adults, he’s going to have them working with children. Their task is to invent a new toy for Mattel, the largest toy manufacturers in the world. There are three judges representing Mattel, and of course George and Carolyn will work as Trump’s eyes and ears during the task. The two team have access to all of Mattel’s offices and facilities, and as Trump takes his leave, they head out to Mattel.

Mosaic Corp arrives first, and Pamela orders them all to take off their ties immediately, hoping to get them thinking like Mattel execs. The ideas start coming – a backpack water jet, a magnetic fish tank, and finally Andy throws out his crustacean action figure line, Crustacean Nation. The rest of the guys run with this idea, and come up with good guys vs. bad guys. Rob sits back and listens for most of the brainstorming, but finally chimes in with his idea to branch out to an electro-static eel. The other guys shoot the eel down immediately and carry on with the original plan.

Meanwhile, Apex Corp is also brainstorming ideas. Someone suggests a drag-queen wardrobe for an 8-year-old boy. Bradford draws a remote control football player who drives around and picks up footballs. He’s pumped about the idea, but the women aren’t into it. He asks for other ideas, and the women have plenty. He won’t have it though, and says no. “We’re going with the football idea. It’s my ass on the line, we’re going with my idea.” Maria says privately that if she had access to his jugular she would have taken him out right then and there.

The women’s team heads off to the developers to run Bradford’s football guy idea by them. They are told that the idea stinks – it wouldn’t fare so well on the market. Bradford then suggests an RC car that you can change the parts on. This goes over well and the women run with it. Privately Bradford says that it was his decision to go with a different idea because the original plan wasn’t finacially sound. Duh – dude, you’re going to have to eat a few humble pies if you want to stay in this game.

The men, meanwhile, have the prototypes of their action figures. They’re pretty excited about them. The women also get the prototypes of their cars, which they have to take into a focus group made up of four kids. The teams, the Mattel execs, and George and Carolyn all get to watch the action. The Metamorphors (RC cars) go over very well with the kids. They like that they can change the cars up, and really, what kid doesn’t like a remote controlled anything? They crash the cars into the walls with delight.

Crustacean Nation is then bought in for the focus group to evaluate. The kids take a look and start to play with the action figures, but they think they fall apart too easily and quickly get bored. Pamela says, “Who cut that kids’ hair? He looks like a mini Dumb and Dumber!”, which Carolyn reacts to with wide eyes and a look of complete shock. Only Chris seems to realize that they’re trying to make an impression on professionals who have devoted their lives to making toys for kids. Perhaps making fun of an 8-year-old’s haircut would be considered unprofessional in this setting. We’re 0 for 2 with tactful project managers so far.

Bradford and the women are enjoying lunch in one of the offices while waiting for the verdict. Stacie starts playing with a Magic 8-Ball and asks it if they won. The 8-ball says the outlook is good, and Stacie tries again. The others start talking amongst themselves, and Stacie loses it. She starts saying “excuse me, excuse me”, and asks them all why they’re being quiet towards her. She says privately that she felt they were all anti-Stacie. Then she starts asking everyone if they think they won, and suggests they all leave and claim their prize. The whole situation is a little weird, and it’s chalked up to Stacie being stressed out and buckling under pressure. Sandy says that Stacie will be the first one to leave their team.

At the Mattel offices, the teams are called in to join Carolyn, George, and the Mattel execs. One of the Mattel guys compliments both teams on their passion and creativity as Trump arrives. Mattel-man says that the action figures were a little like other toys on the market, and lacked oomph for the kids. The RC cars, on the other hand, could easily becaome part of their Tyco line, and the kids really enjoyed them. Trump asks if there was a clear winner, and Mattel-man says yes, Apex is the winner. Apex cheers as Trump tells them their reward is dinner at his house with him and his girlfriend. Bradford is now immune if the women end up in the boardroom next week. Mosaic Corp is headed for the boardroom tomorrow, where The Donald will say the two words he’s been waiting for a long time to say again – you’re fired.

Apex arrives at Trump’s home, and everyone is impressed with the grandeur of the place. John, at the suite, is very jealous of the women getting the chance to spend personal time with Trump outside the boardroom.

Over dinner, Jennifer C. quite obviously copies every move Trump makes, wanting to appear professional and classy. She says privately that she did it while keeping her cool and looking natural, but the clips we see are anything but. She looks like she’s considering stalking the man.

The Mosaics decide to bond over a game of basketball, while Pamela feels left out. She talks to the women as Andy eavesdrops. He tells one of the other guys that in the boardroom, he wants to hit Pamela over the head with a shovel. The men speculate over who Pamela will choose to stay behind with her in the boardroom. Rob is already preparing his comebacks, knowing that he’s a target. Andy thinks he’ll be targetted because he’s young, but watch out everyone – the reason he’s there is because he’s a great debater, and he’ll take anyone out in the boardroom. Andy honey, you underestimate Trump’s BS-detector.

In the boardroom, Trump asks Mosaic if they were impressed with Mattel. Pamela says right away that she thinks the Mattel folks weren’t on board with what their dossier said. Carolyn calls her out on blaming Mattel for their own failure. She adds that she doesn’t think Pamela understands children, and mentions Pamela’s comments during the focus group. When Trump hears that Pamela said someone had a bad haircut, he chimes in that he has a bad haircut himself. Trump is amazed that a group of men couldn’t come up with a great idea for a toy for little boys. George chimes in with the same sentiment.

Time for blame-placing. A lot of men think that Pamela didn’t assign any tasks and was a bad leader, while most of the others point fingers at Rob for not doing anything. Rob says he wasn’t utilized by the team leader – it’s not his fault. He wasn’t delegated a specific task. Andy blames Pamela for the loss, because a leader has the right to be defeated but never surprised. Andy is this season’s Sam – annoying as all get-out. The boys bicker back and forth, and Rob gets very defensive. Trump decides to give Pamela a choice – she can pick two or three people to stay in the boardroom with her. She wonders out loud what the benefit of taking three people would be, and Trump is surprised she has to ask that question. She decides to keep Andy and Rob with her, and the other men are sent back to the suite.

While the three potential bootees wait in the lobby, Trump asks for input from George and Carolyn. Carolyn says that although Pamela made obvious mistakes, she thinks that she is a good leader. George questions Rob’s lack of initiative. Trump nods and asks Robin to send Pamela, Rob, and Andy back in.

Trump notices that no one ‘grabbed’ Pamela’s chair, and says it’s not nice. He asks Pamela why she’s better than Andy – she says he’s too young and lacks experience. Why is she better than Rob? He’s a great salesperson and good motivator, but his depth of skills needs to be improved. Rob looks incredulous and again says the reason he didn’t do anything is because he wasn’t given anything to do. Andy says that he’s not here to compare resumes, he’s here to work hard and earn a job. He says he was the most successful and creative person on the team. Rob quips “He came up with the name – what else did he do?”

The Donald tells Pamela that she has a very hard edge which he doubts will disappear. Virtually everyone said that Rob didn’t participate – to do a job he shouldn’t need to be asked. Andy is a bit of a project for Trump – he’s really smart, but lacks experience. Trump is going to give Andy a chance, and tells Rob that he’s fired. Rob takes a minute to let this sink in, then says “It’s business”, and thanks Trump for the opportunity.

Pamela and Andy take the elevator up to the suite, as Rob goes down to the street. Trump comments that this was tough for him, and George says they have a good group of people. Carolyn adds that it’s going to be fun.

In the taxi ride from Trump Tower, Rob says that nothing is a coincedence and he accepts the decision. He’s disappointed to be let go first. He thinks that every person who is left needs to look at it like each visit to the boardroom could be their last, because as we can see, this was his last trip.

Comments are welcome! If you have something to say, or want to write for us, drop me a line at carrie@realityshack.com.


Double Trouble – The X-Factor, September 4th


by Luke

Simon Cowell’s new reality show “The X-Factor” stormed onto UK screens this week and with its impressive graphics and catchy theme tune quickly presented itself as an update to the “Idol” format rather than just a spin-off. There were the usual tears and tantrums as the first round of auditions were shown, and not just among the contestants. Judges Simon, Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh found that with the age limit on entrants removed and vocal groups allowed auditioning glamorous grannies and barbershop quartets might be more fun, but the reality soon set in that if the public actually voted one of their more eccentric acts the winner they would have to manage them.

For the 50,000 hopefuls who applied for the show the preliminary auditions were much the same as you would expect from any of the “Idol” shows. The best and worst of the entrants were given the chance to perform in front of the judging panel, chaired by Sharon Osbourne. From then on the panel voted yes, no, and sometimes even maybe as to whether they should return for the next stage. It didn’t always work like that though. The judges were dismayed that one barmy (or should i say, baaaa-rmy) young man used his fifteen seconds of fame to rip off his trousers and dance around them wearing only a posing pouch in the shape of a sheep’s head. He was escorted away from them by Simon’s personal bodyguard, the rather large Tony Adkins who has become quite a star on the UK shows.

Amongst those who did actually come to sing were the usual mix of tuneful and completely tone deaf people. Like the sheep man, there were also some entrants who were just plain weird. In fact, Simon Cowell himself has said that if you thought you had seen “weird” on the “Idol” shows before then you ain’t seen nothing yet. This weeks worst included two sisters who had formed a double act called “Sweet Harmony” and looked like even less polished Christina Aguilera clones. After being booted out and coming back to argue against the judges decision Sharon Osbourne held nothing back as she described them as like “.. two ropey old strippers that pick up $1 notes with their crotches.” Also feeling Sharon’s wrath was Benjamin, who she nicknamed “The Yorkshire Rapper”. Well, all Benji had was a bad attitude rather than being able to rap and after his ejection from the show decided to insult Sharon with a comment about her children having been in rehab. Simon on the other hand was most admired by the contestants. In fact many of the maturer ladies attending the first round heats were there specifically to swoon at him, including the scarily obsessive Sharon Hornsby (pictured) who brought along her husband who she had styled to look exactly like Cowell. His unconvincing look-a-like was invited to sit at the judges desk while Sharon struggled through a rendition of “I Just Called To Say I Love You”. She was denied going any further on account she could not be trusted to stay loyal to her man if she had to work closely with Simon and left after the other judges had forced him to kiss her – no tongues.

Amazingly there was some talent on hand. Barbershop quarter “G4” performed an excellent version of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and were given the thumbs up for round two. A boy band called “Lyce” followed them with one member of the group moved to tears as Simon singled him out as the best. Rumor is that he will be asked to choose between his loyalty to the band or the chance of a solo career if he is to progress much further which should provide some dramatic moments. Most surprisingly, 81 year old senior citizen Renay was invited to the next stage after she sang old time songs. While Simon asked her if she knew anything from the charts judges Sharon and Louis were genuinely moved and put her through. The sentiment was not shared by “Mr Nasty” who jokingly threatened to leave the competition as he thought the others were deliberately trying to sign a singing grandma to his record label.

While the debut of “The X-Factor” achieved respectable ratings it was not watched as widely as some past episodes of the UK’s “Pop Idol” – though this may have been because an international soccer match was being shown live on another channel. There were definitely many similarities with “Idol” but the original parts of the show format should become more visible as the competition progresses and the judges begin to compete against each other. One thing very noticeable with the lack of any age limit on contestants was a greater focus on the life stories people had to tell, bringing some more depth and emotion to the talent show realm. It also meant a greater focus on “fun” too with various Elvis impersonators and other humorous acts there just to have a laugh. If anything, the best performance of the show came from Sharon Osbourne. She is the perfect reality TV judge showing an emotional side but also not being afraid to tell the auditionee’s and other judges what she honestly thinks of them. It will be interesting to see how this develops when the series goes live and she is not subject to as much editing. Her fresh take on the harsh judge role seemed to eclipse Simon Cowell somewhat, perhaps he has met his match.

Don’t miss “The X-Factor” show updates and episode recaps each week here at Reality Shack and check out the shows official website at www.xfactor.tv for video clips, competitions and the latest news.

You can contact Luke with comments or questions at luke@realityshack.com.


Starting Over, round two

Season 2 begins September 13th.

Some of us will miss Rana Walker. Devotees will remember that Rana originally applied to BE a houseguest when she was tapped to be a Life Coach instead. She basically got steamrolled by saleswoman-turned-self-promoter Rhonda Britten. Rana is sweet and gentle, not over-the-top like you need to be on reality TV.

So Rhonda will be joined by “Inspirational speaker and best-selling author” Iyanla Vanzant and “renowned clinical psychologist” Dr. Stan J. Katz. He’s a pop psychologist who has done a lot of TV. This will be interesting, given the way the season one houseguests chewed up and spit out the hapless male therapist who got thrown at them.

Here’s the first set of HG’s for season 2:

JOSIE, who joined the cast last season while she was eight months pregnant, and her baby. In season one we loved to hate the boyfriend and possible father of the baby, the evil Jonathan.

TOWANDA, 30 years old from Atlanta, who struggles with the pressures of being in a famous family.

SINAE She’s 18 and has suffered some sort of major setback from which she needs to recover.

JENNIFER 21 and getting ready for adulthood without ever having had a childhood.

DEBORAH She’s 46 and she wants her a man.

KIM also 46, she’s rich and unhappy.

OK ladies… come out swingin!

To the EXTREME – Amazing Race, Episode 10

[i]by atarus[/i]

We open up at the Victorian Memorial in Calcutta, the last pit stop. Brandon and Nicole are hiking around the memorial, asking people for some moolah since they are without. They are both uncomfortable asking for money. I could make a joke about this, but my brain is fried right now, so I won’t. Colin and Christie start off again, and the trip is headed to New Zealand! They have to fly to Auckland, and then take a drive to the Rodarua Museum. In India, you can’t make international flights from the airport, so they have to travel to an agency first. Christie says that her and Colin need to be okay when things aren’t going perfectly. Personally, I think they need to be “okay” all the time. Maybe then I wouldn’t hold my head when Colin talked.

Chip and Kim have been nice to C/C so far, but they need to batten down the hatches and start playing harder. (Am I the only one that sees ominous foreshadowing in this? They’ve been playing up the Chip vs. Colin scenario for a while now.) Brandon and Nicole finally start getting some money from some nice people. $$$ is the good stuff, yo. Linda and Karen’s goal is to stay in the top 3. I must say, the moms have definitely been growing on me since the beginning of the race. C/C and C/K get their tickets at the travel agency, and so do Linda and Karen. Linda/Karen get a flight as well, but a different one. Kami/Karli get a flight but they want to get a better one once they get to the airport.

C/C and C/K reach the airport at the same time, and C/C manage to get the only flight on Singapore Air, once again getting a lead ahead of everyone. Kim complains that they need to start being more aggressive, as they get a flight that will arrive 20 minutes later than Colin and Christie. Brandon and Nicole get on the same flight as Chip and Kim. Kami and Karli are on the phone trying to get a faster flight, but they aren’t having any luck. L/K are on a flight that arrives 25 minutes later than Chip/Kim. K/K are unsuccessful in their attempts, so everyone heads to Bangkok. Colin and Christie depart first, the lucky SOBs that they are. The twins decide to try to lie their way onto a quicker flight, but are shot down by the airport person, so they end up with C/K and B/N, except they dont’ have the direct flight that the other two teams do, so they will arrive later.

The teams arrive in Auckland, and Chip and Kim and the twins promptly get lost trying to find Highway 1. The other three teams are ahead of them. There is a Yield at the Rotorua Museum, but C/C decide not to use it. They are faced with a Detour, Clean or Dirrrrrty. In Clean, they drive 13 miles to do an adventure sport called sledging, require them to ride down rapids on a thing called a sledge. It looks like humungo fun. In Dirty, they have to find a karaoke bar and sing a horrible Christina Aguilera song. Er, I mean, they have to go to Hell’s Gate and search through boiling mud for the clue, which according to Phil, “could take a very long time.”

C/C decide to do sledging, and when Colin questions Christie’s map-judging skills (hey, with my experience with women and maps, he had a right to….just kidding, please don’t kill me) Christie gives him a piece of her mind. Colin, for the first time ever, says “You’re right, I’m wrong.” It’s a landmark event, people. Brandon and Nicole arrive next, and decide to do the mud-searching. Linda and Karen, however, decide to do the sledging. I, personally, have so much respect for the moms, they have done pretty much every hardcore thing you could do in this race, and they’re always so plucky about it.

Colin is having a blast doing the sledging, ’cause he’s Colin TO THE EXTREME. If Colin were an AOLer, this would be my impression of him: OMG THIS IS SO KEWL, RAWK ON!!!!!1 In the tricky editing of CBS, you see Christie’s sledge flipped over, and for a brief moment, you think that maybe, just maybe, Christie drowned. But she hasn’t, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. C/C get the next clue, and they have to go to the Manaparra Farms (I think?) for the next clue. Meanwhile, we switch back to Chip and Kim, who are barely ahead of the twins. Chip and Kim, being his goofy self, decides to trick the twins into thinking he was going to Yield them, but he doesn’t, because he thinks the moms are still behind them. But then he finds only two clues in the clue box. And Chip goes “Rut-roh!” The twins get a breath of life, but promptly screw it up by deciding to do Dirty, not knowing that Brandon and Nicole have been doing that for the past hour. Chip and Kim decide to sledge.

The moms are a bit nervous about the rapids, as Linda says “They’re screwing the helmet to my head! This can’t be good!” But once they get going, they start whoopin’ it up. C/C reach the Roadblock, and find out they have to roll in a New Zealand thing called a Zorb. They roll down the hill in the Zorb, and then hamster-wheel themselves to the finish line, and then run up a hill to the Pit Stop. Now, as soon as I saw the Zorb, I was like SO COOL. If I were on TAR, there would have been a fight between me and my partner on who would get to do it, because I would SO want to do that. And once again, we are witness to Colin TO THE EXTREME, batteries not included. He gets in the EXTREME Zorb, and rolls down the hill EXTREMELY, and then rocks out TO THE EXTREME as he finishes. And then C/C finish first TO THE EXTREME, but not really, since they’ve been first so many times it’s not a surprise anymore. *yawn* Oh, and they get a trip too. I think C/C are going to be vacationing in different places for a good month thanks to CBS. The moms, plucky as ever, manage to finish in second!

K/K are on their way to Dirty, and just hope the other teams are having as much bad luck as they are. Brandon, getting frustrated with the mudhunting, finally invokes prayer to the Lord. And lo and behold, the Lord shineseth down upon the models, and they find their clue. (True miracle, or CBS editing? You decide.) They’re off to Manaparra Farms. I love how Nicole looks at the clue, sees “Wild Ride” and tells Brandon to do it. But yes, the models finish third.

So now it’s a race between Chip and Kim and Kami and Karli. Blast you Chip for not using that Yield and giving me an increased heart rate for the last ten minutes of the show! Kami and Karli are digging through the mud, and Chip and Kim are sledging their way to a clue. Who will get their clue first?! The car rolls up to Manaparra Farms, aaaand….it’s Chip and Kim! And I nearly pass out. Chip does the Zorb, and they run in and get fourth! Phil talks to Chip, and Chip exclaims that the moral of this leg is “USE THE YIELD!” Thus, after two non-elimination legs in a row, the twins are eliminated from the race.

The next episode, Chip fights his fear of heights, Colin and Christie have a meltdown (what’s new?), and one team faces the “ultimate betrayal” in terms of Yield use. My prediction is that somehow Chip and Kim beat C/C to the Yield and use it on them, since the relationship between those two teams is really the only one that has been focused on, of the four remaining teams. But we’ll see. If you nearly had a heart attack when Chip and Kim were almost eliminated, please e-mail me at atarus33@yahoo.com! Until next time!

They've Got a Plan! – Big Brother 5, September 7th

by Lisa

As tonight’s episode begins we recap last Saturday’s eviction of Marvin. Nakomis, the new HOH, has Cowboy worrying that he may indeed be put on the block a second time, even though she promised him it would never happen again. Nakomis yells at Adria for breaking a promise, but she can do it with no problems. For once, Karen regrets throwing a competition and wishes she had won HOH. Well, Karen, you have no idea how much that mistake may have cost you.

Nakomis gets her HOH goodies once again. A Nine Inch Nails cd is included. She then basically tells Cowboy, oh, well, remember that promise we had? Yeah, I’m going to have to break that again because I’m a total hypocrite. Karen, meanwhile, has issues with trusting Diane, but not much is done about it.

Now we move onto the story of Kung Fu Cowboy. He states that he’s had a few lessons in his day, but Diane highly doubts that is a reality.

Now, onto some major game scheming. Diane brings into existance the very idea that will cause the demise of Karen, and most likely Nakomis in the following week. The plan is, basically, to have Cowboy and Drew nominated, Diane win veto, save one of them, and Karen is forced up on the block. Karen is then voted out unanimously, and a helpless Nakomis can’t compete for next week’s HOH. Will the plan succeed? Can Diane successfully screw over her two supposed allies? We shall see very shortly.

Now we move onto a segment dedicated to the wonderful fish that us live feed viewers lovingly see half of every day. The girls like to name the fish and compare the one that rubs against the other fishies to Marvin. How exciting, you can tell they’re going crazy with boredom.

Now onto the nomination meeting. So surprisingly, Nakomis breaks her promise to Cowboy again and nominates Cowboy and Drew. I guess her deal with Cowboy didn’t count because no pinkies were involved, so silly of Cowboy to trust in his own sister to keep a promise. I wouldn’t send her a Christmas card this year if I were him.

Now onto the pivotal Veto competition. Diane, Drew and Cowboy plan to find a way for Diane to win it. If they can throw it so Diane wins, both Cowboy and Drew will do so. Before the competition, Cowboy and Drew are both in the workout room praying for a miracle so that they will both survive in the game. I hope they get it, it’s about damn time they get a good break in the game.

Time for veto! Every houseguest is locked in a cage, and has to find a way to reach keys on a far off podium using a vast array of items before them. Once they get the keys, they can unlock the door, and must run over to hit a button to light up their podium. What’s important to note in this is the fact that they were allowed to choose their own cages. Drew and Diane were next to each other on the end, with Cowboy next to Drew. Drew and Cowboy gave both of their golf clubs to Diane, so that three clubs together could reach the keys. Cowboy does a fantastic job of acting like he’s trying to win by banging on a pink plastic flamingo constantly. As the competition goes on, Karen and Nakomis look more and more confused. Karen sits fiddling with an apron. Nakomis seems to be the second farthest along, and is the greatest competition for Diane. However, the three person effort is impossible to overcome. Diane, with the help of Cowboy and Drew, reaches the keys, and wins the veto!

Afterwards, Nakomis wonders why Cowboy lent his club to Diane. She understands Drew helping, but not Cowboy. Oh, Nakomis, you have no idea what’s going to happen, just wait and you will see. Nakomis at least realizes that Diane will probably use the veto on Drew, forcing Karen onto the block. However, it seems like Karen and Nakomis trust in Diane and really believe that Cowboy wil be going, and Karen is safe.

Before the veto meeting, Diane informs Nakomis that she will probably veto Drew to prove she is trustworthy. Nakomis begins searching for a way to convince Diane to not do so to save her close ally, Karen, from nomination. Nakomis tells Diane that Drew put Diane on the block once, and herself on the block twice. Why Diane should care about Nakomis being on the block, I have no idea. I think it’s just Nakomis searching for a way to change Diane’s mind, but that’s not going to happen.

Now, onto the veto meeting. Each boy pleads his case. Drew says that he will respect Diane’s decision no matter what, and Cowboy requests that she save Drew. As Diane begins her speech, it becomes more and more clear to Karen and Nakomis that she will use it. Karen looks like she’s going to be sick as she realizes that she will be forced on the block. Diane officially saves Drew, and Nakomis is forced to nominate Karen. The plan is off and running according to design. Will it all follow through? If so, Karen sure will be surprised come Thursday night!

Last Comic Standing 3 — Shall They Stay or Shall They Go?, Episode 3

Season 2 won the $50,000 again. I haven’t seen a contest this lop-sided since Mike Tyson fought PeeWee Herman. (Maybe that was a dream after some bad spaghetti!) Anyway, you get the drift. Season 2 is just b**ch-slapping Season 1 week after week. Even Ralphie joked about it by saying when the next round of competitions started, ‘there’s another $50,000 we won’t be getting.’ He’s a smart man.

Jay decided to make the comics sweat again. I swear he thinks he’s Ryan Seacrest and this is [b]Comic Idol[/b]. If so, I want a Simon Cowell. I would’ve loved to have seen him rip Bonnie McFarlane apart. The host with the receding hair line called out four comics. They were, from Season One, Tere Joyce and Sean Kent (see my interview with him right here on this site at the following link: http://www.realityshack.com/modules/articles/article.php?id=106).

Season Two’s picks were Corey Holcomb and Kathleen Madigan. Yes! I said KATHLEEN MADIGAN. I really think Americans are nutty sometimes, but…that’s just me. An American b**ching about other Americans. That’s the American way, right? So, Jay announces that one is leaving and one is staying. We won’t know until the end of the show. Bye-bye, Fantasia. (Oops! Wrong show — again!)

The rest of the comics go to the war room, which does indeed look like the Big Brother House, despite Jay’s sarcastic quip that it doesn’t. It does! It does! It does! I wonder if they used the same decorator. Hmmm? Where’s Tom from [b]Queer Eye for the Straight Guy[/b] when you need him?

The teams have to choose 4 comics FROM THEIR OWN TEAM to compete tonight. What a twist! Last time, they had to choose comics from the opposing team. I was so excited I almost dropped my pencil. I’m not sure if my heart can take all these twists and turns. (Spoiler for next week — Meet Todd Glass’ twin, Ted Glass. He’s a CPA!)

Ralphie wants to go so he can do some ‘real stand up comedy’ this time. Rich Vos says he should go too because their strategy is ‘likability.’ Okay! Rich? Rich Vos? Likeable? Sure, as much as his girlfriend, Bonnie McFarlane is! Alonzo & Tess are the spokespeople for their respective teams.

The line up for Season 2 was: Tammy Pescatelli, Gary Gulman, Jay London & Alonzo Bodden. Season 1’s line up included: Rich “The Don” Vos, Rob Cantrell, Ralphie May and Tess.

Alonzo went first. He was so funny. He just proved why he was a finalist in Season 2 and will go very far in this competition. The man’s set was solid. Here are some highlights:
–Why is the price the secret info when you’re buying a car?
–Car insurance…It’s the only thing you buy that you’re afraid to use. (Not sure ‘bout that. I’ve been afraid to use my EPT pregnancy tests, but that’s a different type of fear, right?)
–I have fantasies about burning down an insurance agency…just so they’ll have to file a claim.

Ralphie May was next. He thanked his fans for their kindness to him and his family at this difficult time. (His dad died from cancer the day before Season 3 started.) He was one funny m****r f****r. Here are some of his funnies:
–Toronto, Canada was so cold that I couldn’t find my nuts for 4 mos afterwards. It’s not like I had a visual on them or nothing, but you know what I mean.
–A hooker in Toronto asked me (with teeth chattering) if I wanted some oral. I replied, “Not from your chattering ass I don’t.”
–I’m not trying to be black. Black people are trying to be fat. Stay out of my stores.

Tammy Pescatelli talked about a real-life Reality show called [b]What the hell is wrong with you?[/b]. It would call people on the stupid things they do. The celebrity version would include people who let their kids spend the night with Michael Jackson and Donald Trump. If you have to ask why — Donald Trump, then…well…I can’t help you. Have you seen his hair? She closed by saying, “I don’t care. I don’t wanna be on the Apprentice.”

I love Tammy’s work but I’m afraid that she’s gonna be the one voted off because of the other strong players on her team. It’s not fair. It’s just not.

Okey-dokie. Tess was up next. She talked a bit about politics and marriage and dating. She’s the ‘rainbow coalition’ and admits that white men are ‘challenging’ because they always ‘want to take her hiking’. She quipped, “Do I look like I’ve been hiking lately?” Bye-bye Tessie. It’s been nice knowing ya. I predict she’ll be gone by the end of next week’s show.

Gary Gulman was up next. He looked so hot. Jeans fit him quite nicely. I know, I’m evil. Hey, Gary, call me! I had this dream the other night that we were eating the Halloween double-stuff Oreos with the orange-colored middles. (Boy! Have my fantasies changed since I hit 30 , got married and had two kids! God I’m old!)

I was also annoyed when Jay Mohr called Gary Gulman and Tess the ‘sexiest couple in comedy.’ Puh-lease.

Gary talked about how he lived at home with his parents until he was 26. It’s obviously a Boston thing. I lived at home until I was 28. I had to move to Austin with my son to afford a place of our own. The rents are too high. Ugh!

Anyway, here are some highlights from his act:
–If you’re 26 and waking up under Star Wars sheets, the “force is NOT with you.”
–My mother’s not familiar with e-mail. She asked me, “What time does e-mail get there?” I don’t know, when the e-mail man brings it.

Rob Cantrell was up next. He kept slipping in (not-so) subliminal messages asking people to vote for him. I would do it automatically — if he were FUNNY!

He did have a good quip about Ben Franklin being high, “I’m gonna fly this kite in a thunderstorm.” Makes sense to me, now! I would like to see Rob reenact Ben’s experiment during the next hurricane in Florida. What say you, Rob?

Hey, Rob, tell your ‘inner old man’ to help you write some jokes, huh!

Jay London was the next comic up. He must have a stylist now. He matched his overalls to his shirt this time. I love Jay, but his fashion sense is only eclipsed by Dog and his wife Beth on Dog, the Bounty Hunter.

Here are some of Jay’s best one-liners:
–I was going to file a lawsuit for impotency. My lawyer doesn’t want me to sue because it won’t STAND UP in court.
–I was traveling in a poor country. Even my pictures came back underdeveloped.
–I bought a book on hair loss. The pages keep falling out.
–I just did a made-for-tv dinner.
–Do they do comedy here? (Sometimes, I wonder that myself, Jay!)

Rich “The Don” Vos went last. He started off in his usual cocky way by ‘thanking’ all of his opening acts tonight. He went into a routine about how stupid people are. I felt myself getting stupider and stupider as I listened to him. How you like me now, Vos?
Some hightlights:
–I go into this record store and ask the clerk, “Do you have any Lenny Bruce?”. The kid replies, “I have Lenny Kravitz.” “Yah! Any Lenny will do.”
–Jared from Subway gets on my nerves. I hope he gains all the weight back.

He also flubbed his own act up. He said he loved people when he meant animals. Then, he chided himself, “That’s it. Screw up your own bit, stupid.” I am so upset that he took that shining moment of critique glory away from me. I wanted to say it. Waaaa!

His last line was a call back to Tess’ routine. He said, “I gotta get outta here. I gotta go hiking with Tess later.” I do like when a comic can use all the material around him. Rich is a good insult comic with a sharp wit. He’s also EGO-less.

I’d have voted for him, but, since it’s an election year, I’m boycotting all voting right now.

By the way, Tere Joyce & Corey Holcomb bid the competition [b]adieu[/b] this evening. We shall miss you greatly!

Okay! That’s it for my long-winded review. If you want to talk to me, email me at panndyra@yahoo.com. If you are an LCS comic from any season and want to have a pain-free interview, email me too! We’ll talk!

And your Dog-gy dresses you funny — Episode 4

Okay! I am not a huge fan of the way Beth dresses. I really thought that she picked out her own clothes. Imagine my shock and surprise at the beginning of Episode 4 when we find out that Ms. Beth allows Duane to pick out her clothes for her. (Now, I understand why she wears what she wears.)

Duane (DOG) is apparently picky about his clothes. I’m so glad that biker-metal-goth is hot again. I can’t wait to pull out my leather bustier with the dog collar. (And it’s only a month to Halloween!) I mean what’s next? Someone like Angelina Jolie will go out and get lots of tattoos and wear dark clothing that shows off her figure. (My husband can only hope, right?)

Sorry. I just OD’d on sarcasm there. Anyhoo, Beth and Duane have a true love story. They enjoy being together. Beth says she enjoys working with Dog. I’d be a widow if I worked with my husband. I would also be in jail for murder one.

The big apprehension this week is Joseph “Maniac” Sampaio. He’s a drug addict hooked on ‘ice’ (Wow! Don’t I sound soooooooooo street!). He’s been in lots of scrapes with the law. His record goes back almost 30 years. He’s hanging with his hooker girlfriend, Robyn, but the crew doesn’t know quite where.

So, they case the neighborhood of where his last known whereabouts were. They ask lots of people lots of questions and get some leads that bring them closer. Tim’s gearing up for a fight because this one’s probably gonna give them a fight ‘cuz he’s so strung out.

Beth & Dog get into an argument because he is picking out her clothes. I have to side with Beth yet again. The woman should be allowed to choose her own trashy duds. C’mon, man. Loosen the leash a little, why don’t ya, Dog?

Tim mentions that Beth likes to control everything and gets mad when she can’t. What’s wrong with a controlling woman? I mean, really. I’m a controlling woman and well, my husband says he likes it. (Sure and if you believe I believe that, can we play a few hands of Texas Hold ‘Em? You bring lots of cash, okay!)

The crew gets a lead that Joe’s been staying at the [b]Island Hostel Hotel[/b]. Hostels in Hawaii are apparently very different from the ones in Europe. They are hotbeds for criminals, hookers and drug addicts. Dog also tells us that drug addicts section off their own spots. They’re territorial — like dogs. Sorry! I couldn’t resist. Joseph’s spot is a local [b]Jack in the Box[/b] where he can see all around him, thinking no one will catch him.

Dog & Beth argue again. This time, about Dog’s smoking. Beth says his blood pressure is through the roof and he needs to quit. Dog won’t because it helps him handle the stress of this job. Oh well! Save it for the after-school specials, people.

The crew is hot on the girlfriend’s trail. They trace her to a cheesy apartment complex. (You know, the one thing I hate about this show is that it’s shattering my misconception that all of Hawaii is gorgeous beaches and white sand. I can see drug addicts and hookers at home, or when I visit my parents back in ‘da hood’.)

I’m sure y’all care so much that I grew up on the mean streets of Boston. Well, it was tragic. I know it’s not all about me, but…Okay! I’m just stalling. I forgot what happened next.

Ahhhh…yes. The owner of the complex argues with Dog because his crew is waiting there. He wants them gone. Dog’s all like…well, we got a warrant. The guy was like…these people don’t live her. Dog’s like…well, they hang here so nananabooboo. We’re staying.

Then, they leave to go hang with the kids for a bit. They try to apprehend Joe at night ‘cuz he likes to come out at night. What – is he a bat?

The crew gets a few more leads, but not much else. They go home after midnight empty handed. The next day is Tim’s birthday. Tim is NOT Dog’s biological brother. They have worked together for 25 years and well, they love each other and fight like flesh and blood brothers. Dog wants to plan a party for Tim because he never had ‘nothin’ growing up. He can’t hire a clown. They’re all booked.

In between the party planning, Dog and crew have to catch Sampaio. Sampaio has heard that Dog’s hunting him. He calls Dog and yells at him. Dog goes toe to toe or cell phone to pay phone with him. Eventually, ‘cuz Sampaio is so out of it and keeps calling to argue with Dog, Dog gets the scoop on where he’s at.

Dog keeps Sampaio on the phone for as long as he can while the crew moves in. They get him pretty easily. He’s just ornery ‘cuz Dog took his beer and made him crush his pipe. Awwwwwwwwww! My heart bleeds. Dog tries to set him straight and tells him to quit this s%%t – the drugs. Then, they’re off to Tim’s party.

They trick Tim by saying that Sampaio’s bro showed up to the office. Tim rushes over, ready to fight and finds balloons, cake and a full-fledged birthday party. As Beth says, “it’s not all work and no play.” This team plays a lot and loves a lot.

That’s so true and part of the appeal of this show, isn’t it?

[b]Hasta la next week![/b]. Panndyra out! Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you have questions or just want to argue with someone.

Apprehension Olympics — Episode 3

Team #1 is the vets, Dog & Beth vs. Team #2, the little ‘DOGS’, Leland and Justin. The object of the competition is to catch the bail jumper first. Simple, right? Beth & Dog have no real leads yet; Leland & Justin have an address. They think that means they’re gonna win. We shall see, right?

Leland has been a bounty hunter for 7 years. Justin, who looks at Dog like a surrogate daddy, is relatively new to the biz. They get going. Cut to Dog & Beth. Dog sends Beth into the gas station to ‘ask for directions’ ‘cuz ‘men don’t do that.’ (Don’t I know that! My husband would rather die than admit he was lost.)

The young guns have Toni as their bail jumper. She’s wanted for possession of drugs. She made all but her last court appearance, so she’s running scared. The contact for Toni is her ex-boyfriend. He’s still responsible for the bail money if Toni doesn’t show because he co-signed for it. Leland explains that to him. He ain’t happy ‘bout it, ‘cuz he’s missing work and well, he and Toni aren’t exactly on speaking terms.

Cut to Dog and Beth. They are trying to find Augustine. He’s another drug issue. While checking out some leads, Dog tells Beth to put on her belt. She says, “no, it doesn’t match my outfit.” Oh Beth! Not many things match bondage chic, do they?

Augustine’s ‘girlfriend’ doesn’t want to turn him over, but she doesn’t want to pay the cash either. Someone at her house (another male, maybe her bro) takes Dog & Beth to him. Augustine doesn’t put up a fight. They take him back to see his kids. He has 3 with this girl. Of course, Beth asks him what he was doing kissing another girl at the beach. Augustine says he got a new girlfriend when his other girlfriend kicked him out. He was lonely.

Beth scoffed at that. When Augustine saw his youngest (the baby), he started to cry. So did Dog. When they get back to the office, Dog talks to Augustine and tells him, “you’re a dad. Act like one.” Dads set rules and have to be an example. Dog also discusses how, when he got out of a Texas prison in 1979 for murder, he only wanted to be a daddy to Leland, which is what helped turn his life around. Well, that and Jesus.

Leland and Justin still haven’t found their gal. Dog and Beth won the challenge, but they’re not gonna let the pups know ‘cuz they won’t work as hard. Leland and Justin ask for Ili’s help. She’s another bounty hunter and a native. She tracks down Toni and sets up a meeting with her at the Waikiki Convention Center to get some “ice.”

When Beth hears that they enlisted help, she was like…that’s a cheat. Dog gets serious and asks if he ‘got thru to Augustine.’ Beth said yes. Dog said something to the effect of, “it’s god guiding me, dude, but sometimes he has to scream.”

Beth quips. “Nah. That’s me screaming.” I think I’m on her side for that one.

Dog & Beth meet up with Ili, Leland & Justin. Together, they apprehend Toni. Toni is told to get rid of whatever drugs she has on her so she won’t have another case on her. Justin & Leland still think they’ve won until they get back to “headquarters”. Dog & Beth gloat in their victory. Dog finishes by telling Leland, “You put up a good fight, son.”

Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos, or Makalakahimeccahineyho (my Hawaiian name!). Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com to kvetch. We’ll talk, we’ll argue, we’ll have some coffee.

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