It's Not Even Going to Be Close – The Apprentice 2, Episode 5

by aurora

Last time on The Apprentice, the teams were asked to take an empty restaurant property and turn it into a functioning restaurant within 24 hours. The women bickered while the men had fun, leading to another Mosaic victory. In the boardroom, Jennifer C. brought Stacy and Elizabeth with her, where Jen C was called out for lack of leadership and fired. 14 candidates are left – who will be fired this week?

As Elizabeth and Stacy return to the suite, Ivana says privately that she agrees with Carolyn’s assessment of the women’s team – they’re a disaster. Stacy walks in saying “the witch is dead”. Elizabeth confronts Sandy, calling her out for helping Jen C build a case against herself and Stacy. Sandy fires back that it’s unprofessional to cry in the restaurant, and the men look around wide-eyed. Pamela admits she’s not rooting for uteruses versus penises here, she’s rooting for whoever happens to be on her team.

In the morning, the phone rings and Chris is told that the teams need to meet up with Trump at UPS. Chris has been selected as the project manager for Mosaic. At UPS, Trump points out that the dynamics on the women’s team are horrendous, so he’s decided to send Pamela over to Apex as their project manager. He wants her to pull them together, saying that everyone hates each other and the level of animosity is beyond belief.

With that settled, it’s time to learn about the next task. Trump talks about how retailers have changed, and mentions ‘electronic shopping’. The teams are about to head to the offices of QVC in Pennsylvania, where each team will pick a product, price it, and appear on live television to sell their product. The team with the highest gross sales wins.

The Apex Corporation boards the bus, and Pamela immediately takes charge. She explains that everyone might think she’s a bitch, but she’s going to have to be that way for the next 24 hours. “Whatever you used to do isn’t f*cking working,” she says. Maria privately whines about Pamela lecturing them about what is and is not appropriate. Pamela asks everyone about their skill sets, and Maria jumps on the public speaking/sales role. As the other women are talking to each other, Pamela asks them to stop talking and listen when someone else is speaking. Really, this is pretty basic stuff but half of the women look like they got caught with their hand in the cookie jar, and they’re not happy about it.

Time for the weekly Trump Business Lesson – Price It Right. Trump stresses that you can’t go too high or too low with your pricing, or your product or service is doomed. He’s in a limo and on the phone with Bill (apparently), and says “You’d better do a good job Bill, or your ass is grass.” You tell ’em, Donald.

On the Mosaic bus, Raj points out that they need to win this task because if they don’t, Trump will think they’re lost without Pamela.

The women arrive at QVC and they now have to pick their product. They decide on the “It Works” cleaning block, which is basically a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser – a little sponge that takes stains and marks off surfaces with only water. Pamela starts assigning tasks to each team member, and Ivana is irritated that Pamela doesn’t take responsibility for anything herself. Hello, she’s the PM. She’s responsible for everything. Anyway, the women bicker about pricing, with Stacy once again becoming frustrated and everyone else feeling tense.

The guys have decided to sell the DeLonghi Panini Grill. They too are having difficulty deciding on a price. Kelly wants to keep the price above $70, while Raj argues that psychologically the price should be lower to encourage more people to buy it. Kelly appears to be leading the group, and Raj picks up on this saying that Chris should be concerned about giving someone else so much power over the task.

Pamela wants to price the sponges at about $1 per sponge. Ivana thinks $19.99 for a package of 30 would be a good deal, but Pamela isn’t buying it. Elsewhere, Stacy is on legal detail and is running through specifics with the legal department. She seems to be taking too long with the details, and Pamela tells her they are not there to be ‘legally thorough’, they are there to get things moving. Privately, Stacy says that if she didn’t want things to be perfect then Pamela shouldn’t have asked the lawyer to do the legal work – “ask the wedding planner to be the lawyer!”

The ladies decide to do a test run of their tv spot. The product is introduced, along with Maria and Jen. Maria starts blinking like crazy, waving her arms around, talking faster than a speeding train, and really just looking like she’s on fast forward while the others are in slow motion. Pamela says Maria looked like she was having a seizure, and that’s a pretty accurate assessment. Elizabeth and Pamela decide that Jen should do all the talking, and Pamela goes down to talk to Maria. Elizabeth gets on the walkie talkie and tells Ivana the plan, and Maria overhears. She’s insulted to say the least, and comments that it wasn’t a very professional way to deal with the people who had to be on camera with a smile on their face in a few minutes. Maybe not, but someone had to say something about the way Maria was wired up!

Each team has 12 minutes to sell their products. The men go first, with John and Wes acting as the on-air talent. Their time starts, and immediately the QVC phone lines go from 300 calls to 50. Andy likens it to the stock market crash of 1929. Things go slowly until Patty from Oklahoma calls in to give a testimonial about how great this grill is. After all is said and done, the men sell over 200 units. Raj is disappointed, as they expected to move 800 units. Chris says, “The thing that sucks is that it’s not even going to be close.” Remember those words – this is called foreshadowing.

The women are up, and they start off extraordinarily slowly as well. After two minutes, there are no calls. Once Jennifer starts demonstrating how the product works, the phone lines light up. Maria gets to say exactly nothing during the spot. The women say that they sold about 650 units.

In the QVC offices, the teams meet up in front of a screen that looks like a Rubik’s Cube. Trump appears on the screen asking for results. George is asked how the women did – they moved 659 units, and made $17,944.57. Carolyn says the men sold 252 units, and made $17,955. Mosaic wins by a little over $10. Mosaic cheers, and Chris congratulates Kelly on his pricing.

The Donald tells the men that their reward is to meet two friends of his – John McEnroe and Anna Kournikova. They’re off to the Arthur Ashe Tennis Stadium in Flushing Meadow to play tennis with John and Anna. Then, as a special treat, Trump is sending the men back to QVC on October 11th to sell their product live once again.

At the Arthur Ashe Stadium, John McEnroe is yelling and hollering in vintage style as the men enter. Andy is star-struck as he’s been playing tennis all his life and has always had McEnroe posters on his walls since he was a kid.

Raj, meanwhile, is quite taken with Anna Kournikova and asks her out. She teases him a bit and they flirt. Anna shouts out “How about a dare!?”. Raj takes the bet, and has to return one of five serves from Anna. If he gets one, he gets to dare her – if not, she gets to give him a dare. Raj misses every serve, and Anna ends up daring him to run around the stadium in his underwear. Raj is a good sport and accepts the dare, and as he’s running the rest of the group serve tennis balls at him. A good time was had by all, I’m sure.

Of course the women are ‘clumping’ and trying to play the blame game. Most of them decide that Pamela is not an effective leader and should be fired. This might be the first time they all agree on something – how ironic. Ivana says that it comes down to “taking out Pamela or taking out one of us”. Pamela is playing basketball and working out by herself. She says that the Apex team needed and wanted guidance, and she would be surprised if she got fired.

In the boardroom, Pamela tells Trump that the teams basically tied in this task. George points out that if you don’t get a contract because you were outbid, it doesn’t matter if you were outbid by $10 or $10 million – you lost the contract.

Jennifer is asked what she thinks, and says that she feels the price was too high. Pamela argues, and says that no, the price was too low. She says the price should have been $30 instead of $27, but Trump and Carolyn disagree strongly. Carolyn goes so far as to say that if the product had been priced accordingly, Apex would have blown the men out of the water.

Pamela decides to keep Maria and Stacy with her in the boardroom, and Trump sends the others back to the suite. As the three wait in the lobby, George says that Pamela has some good leadership qualities, which is more important than the pricing error. Carolyn says that the reason they lost this task is because it was overpriced, which was Pamela’s decision. Trump nods and brings the ladies back in.

Trump asks Pamela why Stacy is here, and she says that “Stacy does not add one ounce of value”. Trump asks Stacy is she’s offended, and Stacy replies “No, because she’s wrong.” Pamela goes on to say that Stacy speaks so frequently that it’s distracting. Stacy explains the whole legal tiff to Trump, and tells him that if he wants another Enron on his hands he should keep Pamela.

George asks why Maria is there, and Maria says she’d like to know as well. Pamela says that Maria sold herself as a public speaking expert. Maria confirms this, and says that Pamela then determined that her rate of speech was not appropriate for the task. Carolyn chimes in and says she agrees with that, stopping Maria cold.

Stacy says that Pamela did not do a good job of assessing their skill sets when assigning tasks. Pamela defends herself saying that she hadn’t worked with the women before and relied on the women to take positions they felt they could do successfully. Trump tells her that he doesn’t think she has a good assessment of people. “I think you’re really smart, I think you’re really interesting. I totally disagree with your choices, and you don’t have a good assessment of people. Pamela, you’re fired.”

After the women leave the boardroom, Carolyn says that she thinks it was the right choice. Trump agrees, saying that she’s so sure of herself and so opinionated. Carolyn says that she’s very decisive, and Trump says “She’s very decisive, and she’s wrong!”

In the taxi, Pamela says that she wanted to be above-board with people and not play people against each other. She says that there’s cut-throat, and then there’s heavy political mud-slinging, which she just wasn’t used to. She adds that in the end, she probably should have been more underhanded, but she just doesn’t play like that.

What do you think? Did Pamela deserve to go before the others? I don’t know – I think Trump put her in an awkward position and then punished her for pulling the women together, at least for the task at hand. Yes, the pricing error cost Apex the task, but Trump has already set a precedent for not relying on the task results in order to justify firing someone.

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J'Accuse – Starting Over, 10/6/04


Kim’s waking her daughters. She tells them they have an appointment in less than an hour. She tells Towanda she’s pissed at Iyanla for demanding to know her intentions the day before, when Kim asked to be allowed to wear makeup and nice clothes. She relates that she told Iyanla she just wanted to feel like herself while out with her children. This is an uh-oh moment for Towanda, who tells her “I hate that you said that.” While her children put on their makeup, Kim complains to Towanda that Iyanla makes her feel like her feelings are always wrong and she wants to tell her so. Towanda agrees she should speak with Iyanla but cautions her to “control your emotions.”

Sommer is on the phone telling someone she found her makeup in Kim’s bag. She mulls over the irony, considering Kim has said she does not trust Sommer, yet it looks like Kim may be the one who can’t be trusted.

Kim and her daughters meet with Dr. Stan. They discuss Kim’s problems with women. Chelsea says she has the same issues with other girls and wants to learn, along with her mother, how to make these friendships work. Snowden says she understands the assignment of not wearing makeup or dressing up, and that her mother only does this around people who do not know her very well. Chelsea tells him the whole family, dad included, “gets ready” for everything. Dad will not allow them out of the house in sweats. Dr. Stan asks Kim that, while she feels the same no matter what she’s wearing, how do others feel about her based on how she looks? Kim says others feel the same, but Chelsea thinks strangers would see her differently based on how she looks. Dr. Stan tells her it’s possible other women feel “less than”, intimidated, negative, and Kim has an opportunity to change that. Kim protests that with the women she hangs out with, their diamonds are even bigger than hers, and her daughters remind her that those are not the good friends. The kids get to tell her how they feel about her and they all cry. Chelsea tells her everybody loves her and she doesn’t even know it.

The women gather in the loft without the daughters and Iyanla wants to talk about distinctions between what they hear versus what they’re listening to. She says everything we hear is filtered through our internal critic. The women are given slates to carry with them all day, and write down whenever they think their internal filter has just dropped down. Iyanla brings Kim up front (they call it the “love seat”) and asks her if any filters were on during their phone conversation when Kim was asking to be able to dress up for a day. She makes Kim watch a tape of the phone call and her behavior afterwards. (This is a huge improvement over last year, when Towanda narrates that Kim doesn’t get it and is sliding back. They go back and forth, Kim trying to rationalize why she thought she had more permission than she did and even suggesting that there was hidden meaning behind what Iyanla had said. Iyanla narrates that Kim’s rebellion means she is at a crossroads and now she will either start healing or go home. Iyanla tells Kim that her (Iyanla’s) experience was that Kim was dishonest, that she lied to get what she wanted. they go around the room and Towanda tells Kim she clings to things. Sinae says it all makes her wonder what Kim might say to her, to manipulate her to give Kim what she wants. Jen is disappointed because she thought Kim was learning. Josie says she feels like Kim has gone back to day one and will always stay that way. When it’s Sommer’s turn, she tells Kim that earlier while playing cards, she had noticed Kim was wearing eye shadow and asked about it. Kim had assured Sommer she was not, and Sommer, remembered another comment Kim had made about Sommer owning more makeup than Kim. Sommer says she later noticed her own eye shadow missing and decided to look ion Kim’s makeup bag rather than accuse her first. She found the makeup in Kim’s bag and now wants to know why it is Kim who can’t trust Sommer. Kim protests that she doesn’t know what Sommer is talking about. Iyanla dismisses them but first gives them a new vocabulary word – CARE-frontation – to replace “confrontation”.

Later Sommer is with Josie and Jennifer and now they’re all pals because they can hate Kim together.

Sommer meets with Dr. Stan and tells him about the makeup incident. She tells him she looked in Kim’s stuff because she was trying not to be a people-pleaser. Dr. Stan wonders if there were any other options. Sommer says she didn’t want a confrontation and she needed the support of the group. Dr. Stan points out that it wasn’t helpful anyway. WHat if it was unintentional, he asked. Sommer insists that asking would have been a confrontation. Dr. Stan observes that it is easier to go to “anger” when we are confused and scared. they end their session and she says “yay, I didn’t yell at you today!” “You can,” he replies, and she says no. “Then you can’t yell at me later now.” he reminds her.

Kim’s in the van telling her children that the women have all turned on her. (By the way, those rhinestone sunglasses count as both makeup AND jewelry, IMO.) Kim thinks Sommer planted the makeup to set her up. (It does remind one of the mysterious sign-in-the-dumpster situation in The Apprentice Season One finale. It’s very amusing that Snowden is adding lip gloss during the conversation. Kim calls Iyanla to cancel their meeting. She tells Iyanla she’s too upset to talk. She wants Iyanla to tell Kim HER intention for wanting to meet. It doesn’t work, and they all go to Elixir Tonic & Teas to meet outdoors. Kim tells Iyanla she’s upset at the way she was attacked in the loft. She’s confused because all the women had told her the makeup was toned down the day before. It ruined her day with her kids. Iyanla narrates this is not a vacation, and tells Kim “YOU ruined your day.” OK, Iyanla tells her, you’re upset. Now what? Kim suggests she might leave the show. Iyanla presses, wanting to know what is next in her life, not the show. “You came here to heal a pattern of women dishonoring and disrespecting you. It can’t be everybody… 6 million people in the world and all the bad ones came into YOUR life?”

Sommer is trying to explain her tactics to Rhonda. She says she does not like confrontation and it’s safe within the group. She also wanted Iyanla to know the whole story when dealing with Kim. Rhonda wants to know why Sommer didn’t call her for advice and Sommer says that didn’t occur to her because Rhonda is her coach, not Kim’s. Rhonda narrates that Sommer is an expert evidence-builder. She tells Sommer that if she had called, she would have ended up speaking to Kim alone.

Back to Elixir, where Snowden is telling her mother she sees the relationship with Iyanla breaking up like all the others. Kim says she no longer trusts the process or the other women and wants to know why Iyanla keeps turning it around to Kim. “Because it’s your life. When is your life going to be about you?”

Rhonda is now telling Sommer she appreciates that Sommer tried to do something different besides people-pleasing. It’s a new approach but she violated Kim’s privacy to prove a point. Sommer protests that Kim would have been offended if Sommer had asked.

Iyanla bows to Kim’s courage to do the healing work publicly but that she can’t just do the parts she likes. Kim is feeling hopeless and wants to leave. Iyanla asks, “when you hit a pothole in the road, do you stop the car and go out and buy a new one?” They all giggle. She continues, “You say `Lord, I hope I don’t lose my hubcap’, and keep on driving.” She tells Kim she “awful-izes”, meaning she expects the worst and then acts as if it has already happened. Kim says that she thought it would stop when she stopped telling her “story”. Iyanla tells her she’s still trying to make up another story that doesn’t fit, and that Kim has a gift for fiction. “Why am I like that?” Kim wonders, and Iyanla assures her she is not the only “filtered” human being on the planet. Iyanla reminds Kim of what one of her daughters said, that she strives for perfection and misses all the goodies in the process. Kim reminds herself she has completed her assignments (well, mostly) and Iyanla tells her she has been vulnerable in front of her daughters, which is also good progress. Then she has Kim “take it in” by breathing really hard and invites the girls to “give your mama hug.”

Back to Sommer, who is telling Rhonda she does beat herself up for looking in Kim’s bag but did not want to accuse her. Rhonda says it would be asking, not accusing. She tries to get Sommer to understand that everything in the house relating to her is about her. Sommer thinks that’s way too self centered. She whispers that she doesn’t like it.

Josie, Sinae and Jen are getting ready to eat ion the kitchen when Kim and the girls return with fast food. Kim narrates that it’s bizarre how everyone has ganged up on her now that her daughters are here. She surmises they are feeling threatened or jealous. She and the girls eat outside on the lower patio. Josie hollers down and asks Kim if she’s angry. Kim says no and Josie yells “Are you sure?” Kim replies, “Positive. Have a great day. Thank you.” Chelsea comments on this and Kim says, “sometimes, ya fake it til ya make it.”

Interview With Julie Ann Titus of America’s Next Top Model 3

by aurora

After telling Tyra and the judges that she wanted to learn about modelling so she could become an apparel manufacturer, Julie was eliminated from the competition. Here, she explains her comments, gives her impression of the whole Cassie/bulimia thing, and more!

Hi Julie! Last night you said that you were using modelling as a launch pad for a different career. Could you explain your comments in a bit more detail please?

Wow! Okay, what I actually said was that I wanted to learn more about modelling because I wanted to get into apparel manufacturing AND also modelling. I do want to become a model! Of course I want to learn as much as I can about the industry so I can accomplish both of these things.

Did you realize the moment those words left your lips that you were a goner?

No, that was the smartest move ever! Seriously, it was like I heard myself say I wanted to get into manufacturing and I was thinking, “Why am I talking? Why did I say that?” I didn’t want to cover anything up and I was trying to be honest, but I guess that’s not what they wanted to hear.

What was the most valuable thing you learned while on the show?

I gained a true sense of self from the show. You know, you just have to stick to being you. That’s what got me on the show in the first place, being myself.

Do you plan to continue modelling now?

Yeah, I do. I still plan to do both modelling and manufacturing.

What are your thoughts on the situation with Cassie and her eating disorder?

Oh, that whole thing was totally blown out of proportion. Amanda is great you know, she’s the free-spirited, hippy woman in the group. But Cassie wasn’t looking for a counsellor, she just wanted to talk.

I was part of that conversation – Cassie talked to Amanda and me about it. And she said that sometimes when she goes to bed, if she feels too full she goes and throws up because she can’t sleep. I’m disappointed that Amanda said anything to the other girls. I know she was trying to help Cassie and not hurt her, because she’s just not like that. But I understand where Cassie is coming from. She wants to be thin, and I don’t think she really has an ‘eating disorder’.

You seemed disappointed with your makeover. Was there anything you wanted them to do differently?

I wasn’t disappointed! I laughed because I was saying that they’re not doing too much with me, but then I realized that it was a compliment! All the other girls were getting worked over, but I didn’t have to have that much work done.

And you know, someone said on the show that I only have one look. Well that’s the only look I need!

For sure, and you don’t want to come out looking all weird with bleached-blond hair or what-have-you.

Yeah, I don’t want to be the Indian RuPaul!

What advice would you like to pass along to other young East Indian girls who want to pursue modelling?

Go for it! Indians are some of the most beautiful people in the world; why not show that off?

Thanks for your time today Julie, and best of luck to you!

Thank you!

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Painted Ladies – STarting Over, 10/5/04


Sinae is taking Jennifer out to breakfast. Jennifer is being snotty about public transportation, She thinks there are germs and also crazy people who might kill you. Sinae is having none of it. Jen narrates that she admires Sinae because she doesn’t think she herself would be able to figure it all out.

Kim’s daughters are coming for a visit. She’s been gone three weeks and this is the longest she’s been without seeing them. They’re planning to go shopping on Melrose so she calls Iyanla to ask for permission to wear nice clothes and makeup, just to go out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. They bargain a little and it is decided that Kim can wear a little makeup, her watch and wedding ring, but just to dinner. Iyanla narrates that Kim will look for any excuse just to wear her mask, and that something doesn’t feel right about the phone call. She’s pretty sure Kim is up to something. As soon as Kim gets off the phone she runs around telling everyone that Iyanla gave her permission to put all her stuff on. She’s going to dress to the 9’s and put on enough make up to look like a hooker. There is a close-up of her putting on makeup and it’s like applying a salve. Her eyes are closed and it’s like a healing balm that she is caressing onto her burning face.

Rhonda meets with Sommer and want to talk about people-pleasing. Sommer has a tendency to put others’ needs above her own and in the S.O. house, it isn’t working. Sommer is unsure where to draw the line between being a nice person and a people-pleaser. Her assignment will be to dress like June Cleaver and wear a ton of makeup, and insist on doing everything for everyone, while talking in a sugary-sweet voice all day.

Jennifer and Sinae are in a restaurant and Jen is please that Sinae has asked her to read the menu to her.

Rhonda is putting on Sommer’s makeup, reprogramming her to be the ultimate Stepford Wife.

Kim is having a reunion with her Louis Vuitton bag. Iyanla calls her to ask what “a little bit” of makeup and jewelry looks like to Kim. She wants to know what Kim’s intention is. Kim tells her she wants to see if it feels differently to herself and also she wants to wear her wedding ring and know what time it is. Iyanla is still not convinced and Kim tells her she did not feel different during her 7 days without makeup. Iyanla tells her the makeup keeps her from dealing with the ugliness she feels inside. Kim is so high on glycerine & gold by now, she just goes along with it and sits there looking painted and contented.

Rhonda is briefing Sommer. She tells her not to take no for an answer, and also she must dust continuously. She has to make sure everyone keeps eating and drinking and stays happy.

Jen and Sinae discuss Sommer and don’t understand why she was hurt in the loft when the group told her she was two-faced. Jen says she does not trust her.

Rhonda narrates that she wants Sommer to get sick of people pleasing. She makes her appearance and Josie calls her “Suzy Homemaker”. Kim calls her a “hooker gone Beaver Cleaver”. They laugh at her sugary voice and Kim is the first to guess that she is supposed to be a Stepford Wife. Towanda reacts with “Oh Sommer, I’m so sorry.”

Jen & Sinae are climbing a hilly street and wondering where Kim is. When they get into the van they notice she is dressed and she asks them how it looks. Jen tells her she likes her better “without”.

Sommer is waiting on Josie and Chloe. “You’ve lost it”, Josie says, and Sommer replies, “Perhaps, if that makes you happy”. Kim, who is still there through the magic of editing, decides to make hay and asks Sommer to clean the guest bedroom for her daughters. We see Towanda scowling.

Dr. Stan meets with Towanda. She’s struggling with trust. She doesn’t tell people how she feels when she’s attacked. She just withdraws. Dr. Stan asks her what she SHOULD do and Towanda says she should ask people to listen so she can tell them she really feels. They agree she could change her whole life if she could start reacting that way.

Sommer narrates she is having trouble with her assignment. We see her serving lunch and Kim says she’s a stalker gone mad. She’s quite annoyed. (Hey, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, Tammy Faye.) Kim has herself convinced that this is how Sommer really is and she can’t be trusted. Jen narrates that it’s the same Sommer, only in different clothes. In group they all pile up on Sommer as if she WANTED to act like that, and she sits with a forced smile while they have at her. Sommer narrates she thinks it’s Kim who’s really 2-faced. Rhonda has all the women discuss their preferred defense mechanisms. They all say they just want to retreat when attacked. Kim says she starts out people-pleasing like Sommer, then when it gets too much she blows her stack and people are left wondering what happened. Towanda reiterates that she does not tell people the truth because she does not want to hurt anyone. Sommer is ordered to continue her assignment, and then the plasma screen comes on with a photo of Kim’s two daughters. Kim tells the group that when they are around she pretends to be happier than she is. Rhonda says she is lying to her children and Kim says she is planning to be human while they are here instead of Supermom. The next plasma picture comes up and it’s a new step earned by SInae – accepting blindness. Rhonda dismisses the group. She tells Kim to have a great day with her kids and “be true, be true, be true”.

Later, Kim asks Sommer if she can get her clothes and makeup back for the rest of her stay. Then Kim’s daughters arrive and this is clearly a family who spends A LOT of money on cosmetics.

Iyanla is meeting with Towanda and observes that twice, Towanda has told her she does not trust her. “Trust is a decision you make,” Iyanla tells her. Towanda says she doesn’t trust her mother either, and can’t express feelings to her. “I didn’t come looking for you”, Iyanla reminds her, and wants to know how present Towanda has been to the work they are doing. Iyanla tells Townada she’s dishonest about it, gives herself excuses, blames and she projects. Iyanla tells her she is no longer willing to put her heart and soul into “standing in the gap” between Towanda’s reality and the rest of the world. She wants Towanda to tell her what to do, she will do it and it will be Towanda’s responsibility. Towanda narrates that now she feels punished for being honest.

We cut to Sommer dusting.

Iyanla arrives to see Kim and is horrified at what “a little bit” of makeup turned into. “Wait til you see her tomorrow,” she tells Kim’s daughters. “She’ll be her real self.” She narrates, “It’s not nice to fool your Life Coach.” Kim had told Josie she had permission to wear whatever she wanted, and Josie intones “You’re going to lose everything tomorrow. You won’t even be able to look at it.” (These pearls, from a person who I was quite sure was developmentally disabled not six months ago!) Kim’s daughters observe it was probably hiking with the purse that got Kim stripped of her doo-dads. Kim protests, “It’s not like I snuck and did this and didn’t tell her.”

Towanda is on the phone with her husband and he is backing Iyanla. Towanda narrates that if Andre thinks it, it must be true.

Jen and Josie are discussing Kim. Jen thinks she will be in the house the longest because she has so much work to do, and Josie thinks Kim will be first to go because she is resisting.

We see Kim and her daughters shopping. They’re in a vintage clothing store and Kim is trying to wrap her mid around the idea of used clothes. She doesn’t get it.

We go back and forth between Jen with Josie and Kim with her kids. they observe that Kim’s daughters have just as much gunk on as she does, because that’s what they learned from their mother. They don’t understand the assignment either but they think it might be about money.

Sommer is exhausted from people-pleasing. Rhonda says that sometimes we have to exaggerate something to really see what we’re doing. She wonders what Sommer will do instead, but doesn’t make any suggestions.

Towanda calls Iyanla to announce she had an epiphany. It’s not Iyanla she doesn’t trust; it’s herself. Towanda narrates she’s the only one in the house who hasn’t cried yet and “I don’t trust me in knowing I can take myself to a place where I don’t want to show any weakness.”

Rhonda is helping take the makeup off Sommer, who asks if this is like removing the “bad Sommer”. Rhonda assures her she’s not a bad person, she just has no skills. Sommer narrates that she’s hurt that she was used today even though she let them do it, and sorry she wasted so much time.

Josie is talking to Towanda about Kim. (Really loud, and Chloe is good at ignoring the yelling. My baby would have been scared witless if I had yelled like that all the time. ) Josie tells Towanda she’s seen what happens to people who don’t do their assignments. She predicts Kim won’t be around for long.


Tuesday’s episode of The Real World: Phillidelphia brings one question to my mind — Will these people EVER let things slide off their backs? I mean, I can totally understand Karamo being upset about getting pulled out of the club and ruining his night, then I could even understand how he could be upset at how unsympathetic MJ was, but — come on, get over it! you’re stuck living with these people for the next four months, right? Why cause these huge problems the first couple of weeks in the house? Oy!

Anyways, the episode focused on two things — the ongoing struggle of Karamo and MJ’s fractured relationship and their new job working for an arena football team (that happened to be co-owned by Bon Jovi and his beautiful “feathered bangs” as MJ put it — I didn’t even know the term existed until MJ, a supposedly straight male, pointed that out to me).

The first fifteen minutes of the episode focuses on the Karamo/MJ feud. In a dark alley they express that they feel neither was in the wrong on the positions they took in their arguments. MJ reaches out his hand to settle the dispute but Karamo once again pushes it away. The other roommates seem to agree with MJ that, although it was a bit insensative of him to treat the situation as such a small ordeal, Karamo seems to be blowing the whole thing up into a racial thing and that it only happened because he’s an African American male. It’s at this point in the show that I’m wondering — did he not notice that the majority of the officers questioning were African American as well? I don’t see what he’s complaining about, but — whatever.

The second half of the show focuses on the new job that the room mates have gotten. Their job is going to consist of working in the community to help with kids and blah, blah, blah, blah — the important thing is that they get to go out onto the field at half-time and throw free shirts at people. Wee! Everyone (even Melanie, who appears to have stuck around the house long enough to actually make her way into a few shots) is really excited and seem to love it.

The last two or three minutes go back to Karamo and MJ as they finally agree to take it back as if it were the first day all over again and start their relationship from there.

Surprise? … What Surprise? – The Bachelor 6, Episode 3

by LauraBelle

The big surprise that the folks at The Bachelor had promised us wasn’t much of a surprise. They themselves had leaked that two women that were alumni to the show would be rejoining it. I was expecting it to be two women that would really rock that house.

But before we meet the new/old women, Andrea comes bouncing out in a tight t-shirt emblazoned with a butterfly with wings stretched wide across her chest, to find the next date envelope is for her. She is quite happy, as she has very strong emotions for Byron. Besides, her eight yards of satin are wasting away in her hope chest.

Shy Jayne decides to come out of her shell, and shows up on Byron’s doorstep. She is upset that Andrea got the date, and wonders how Byron could be attracted to both her and Andrea, as she believes they are very different. She is also upset that she hears he is quite “handsy” with the other women. The odd thing is this normally shy woman is having this conversation with Byron on his bed … laying down. This makes me wonder if she really is shy and wanting to be more open and available, or if she has been putting on an act. Since she works with animals as a dog groomer, I am betting she tends to be more on the shy side.

As Byron and Andrea are preparing for their date, he says he feels he shares a special bond with Andrea, and wants to see what makes her tick. Andrea, for her part, also knows they have a connection, and wants it confirmed that he’ll be her husband. Byron, I’ve been trying to warn you about this one, but apparently it’s falling on deaf ears.

They are taken by limo to a B-25 Bomber named, “Executive Sweet.” After donning flight suits, Byron tells Andrea as they board the plane, “If we’re soulmates, we’re goin’ down together.” I half-expected Andrea to pull a minister out of the back seat to marry them on the spot.

Back at the house, the other women decide to speak openly about their feelings for Byron. Jayne admits to feeling a connection, while Krysta is irritated at not getting a date yet. Cheresse, like Jayne, also can’t understand Byron’s attraction to Andrea, seeing that she is so different. She adds that Andrea is such a nurturing person, and is always cleaning or cooking, acting like this is her house, and Byron her man. The demented side of me will keep turning in every week hoping to see Andrea eliminated to see that bubble bursted.

Andrea and Byron have dinner in the airplane hangar. After, they sneak into the library for dessert and champagne. How much sneaking was actually done if there was dessert and champagne waiting for them? Andrea admits she feels like she’s falling in love. Oh … come … on! This has to be an act, either that, or she’s a lost Stepford Wife.

The next day, as the women are anxiously waiting to find out who the lucky woman will be to get the next date, Chris walks in and informs them Byron’s next date will be with … none of the ten women sitting there. He will be having a mystery date, and while he is gone, the women will be left with a VCR tape to watch, and get information on Byron’s mystery date.

The women speculate that the mystery woman will be someone that has already left the house, or one of Byron’s past relationships. Byron is thinking along the same lines, that the mystery guest is friend of family. He drives off in his sporty GTO and arrives at a dark, dreary place, which he says makes him feel like he’s in a horror film. He walks through a red door with a question mark, and sits down to wait.

The elevator arrives and out walks two women, not just one! They are Heather from Bachelor Two with Aaron and Mary from Bachelor Four with Bob. Byron is pleasantly surprised, as they are better looking than the friends and family he was expecting. He is also surprised to hear they are Bachelor alumni, as he has never watched the show before. I can’t for the life of me, figure why someone would go on a reality show without ever watching it themselves.

Heather is looking for a second shot at the love she missed out on with Aaron. She sees that both sides have an advantage. Her and Mary have an advantage since they have been there before, but the other girls have an advantage as well, since they already bonded with each other.

Mary says it is very scary to do this again, but admits to being attracted to Byron, and thinks he is a nice guy. When he asks why she is doing this again, she says she has a very happy life right now, but there’s one thing missing. Byron says he knows what she means; he sees kids at the dock running up to meet their dad, and wishes he had that.

The women pop the tape into the VCR, and all seem to recognize Heather and Mary right away. Krysta immediately jumps up to imitate them with a fake, “Hi! I’m a cheerleader from Texas!” and “Hi! My ovaries are drying up!” I must admit that last one was a good line for Mary.

As Byron and the two women arrive at the house together, some of the other women have decided to stay awake and greet them when they arrive. Krysta decides to live by the old adage of keeping her friends close, and her enemies closer. After they walk in, and Heather and Mary go upstairs to their room, Heather says she hopes they’ll all be mature about it, and not sit around and imitate them or something. Well … you knew it was coming. There’s Krysta, downstairs saying, “Hi!” with a Southern accent and flouncing around, pretending to hoist big breasts all over.

The next evening, before the Rose Ceremony, Byron chooses to have his Last Chance talk with Susie, Heather, and Cheresse. Susie tells him she doesn’t want him to mistake her feelings for disinterest. She’s just waiting for a date with him to show him how she really feels. Heather and Mary are discussing this new “Last Chance Talk” thing. They aren’t sure if it’s a good or bad thing. When Byron talks to Heather and reasons her to be a pro at these rose ceremonies, she says they don’t get any easier. Byron says later he thinks Heather is a beautiful woman that he doesn’t know well.

Cheresse enters and Byron wants to know where she’s been, noting they had such a strong connection early on, but he hasn’t seen her around much since. She replies that the other women just seem to find him easier, and she had thought since they had such a good time, he would have asked her out again. After their Chat, Cheresse runs straight to the bathroom, and doesn’t come out, and Krysta assumes her talk with Byron didn’t go well.

There are now twelve women present at the Rose Ceremony, and only eight roses. After saying, once again, that he is looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with, and believes the woman is there with him now, he gives the roses to Andrea, Jayne, Elizabeth, Cheresse, Tanya, Mary, Cynthia, and the final rose goes to Krysta. Being eliminated is Heather, Amanda, Kristie, and Susie. I have never realized it so strongly before, but these women look like cattle all herded up like that. They look so embarrassed when they’re not picked. I can’t imagine putting myself through that.

At this point I am beginning to wonder why we haven’t seen what ABC teased us with all week. We kept seeing a scene of Krysta skinny dipping to get Byron’s attention. Finally, we se it at the end, as if it is an outtake. Nothing much comes of it, and Byron just laughs. He must have enjoyed it since she got a rose.

The surprise wasn’t much of a surprise, and the new women didn’t exactly rock the house. I’m waiting, though, for fireworks between Mary and Andrea. The dried up ovary girl meets the girl with the eight yards of satin waiting for the wedding dress pattern. THAT is going to be good.

I welcome all questions and comments at

captainD's Boot Prediction – Survivor Vanuatu, Episode 4

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. At least that is what I’m telling myself after last weeks performance. I correctly picked the winner of tribal reward and Yasur’s castoff, but John Kenney winning individual immunity cost me another perfect week and several spots in the polls. Will this weeks main course be revenge, or is it a dish best served cold? Let’s find out!

There isn’t too much information known about the different challenges this week. In fact, the only thing we do know is the reward challenge will be some kind of puzzle which will finally test our survivors mentally. The wiser women should have the advantage. Nothing is known about who wins immunity, but judging by the previews I would bet on the women again. At tribal council the “young alliance” will target Travis because of his homesickness, and the “flab five” will target either John K. or Brady. It pains me to say that this weeks boot will most likely be BRADY.

Comments? Questions? E-mail me at

The Final Night

(Monday 4th October 9pm – Midnight GMT)

It’s the Final night and our celebs enter the castle and are immediately sent too the great hall, by our Cheggars, for a séance. Ian Lawman is there sitting at the top of a long table laid out with bread and fruit. The point of this séance is to invite a spirit to join them for supper, they have an empty chair ready for them.
Lawman becomes host to a spirit called Richard, from the 11th century. When asked what year it is Richard responds that it is 1130. Well, excuse me Mr. Lawman, I’ll think you’ll find that’s the 12th century. Is this the worlds worst medium or what?
Richard is unhappy, there’s no meat on the table, he starts calling them peasants. It’s obvious he’s seen what these celebs are being paid for the few nights they were there. Ricardo looks disgusted to be called a peasant, or is he? Towards the end of this séance he complains of smelling sweat.

After the séance Cheggars breaks the main party up into two teams again. Colin, Jo, Nancy and Roy are to go off too the battlements to hunt for the ghost of the headless drummer boy. Faith, Richard, Tamara and Ricardo are to visit the sacristy to check on those trigger objects that were placed on the hotspots the night before.

In the sacristy they note that the knife and the candle have moved. Ian Lawman joins the team and they go into night vision mode. Lawman picks up on monastical music and a presence. Tamara is feeling a slight stomach upset while Faith is feeling overwhelmingly tired.

Cut too the Battlements. Some damn fool has given Nancy a drum. She has to beat it and call out for the headless drummer boy. Legend has it that the drummer boy was murdered by bandits while delivering the wages of the soldiers that were stationed there some centuries before hand.
While Nancy beats her drum the team are plagued by a bat. Everyone gets excited by this an note there are two flying about.
Ian Lawman is now with them, he calls out too the spirit. He gets two letters spring to mind, S and F. “I’m getting the name Sean.” Says Lawman. “Farrell” jumps in Roy “I have no idea where I got that from.” (Maybe Sean Farrell is the name of landlord of the nearest pub)
After a quick break we find it’s Roy’s turn with the drum, he doesn’t half look uncomfortable. They point out a strange phenomena, the sky has gone orange (street lights, maybe?) and the bats start dive bombing them. All five of them start walking, talking and drumming. With all the outside lights turned off they are sure they can spot the entrance too a tunnel with a mirror at the front, they presume it’s a mirror because they can see a figure and presume it’s a reflection.. It is a tunnel but there’s no mirror. Roy swears that he heard hysterical laughter. To be honest I didn’t know I was laughing that loudly.

Skipping ahead team one are in the sacristy again with Lawman and the four that checked the trigger objects. It’s séance time again. Ricardo is crying before they even start, it’s only a good thing he doesn’t wear mascara.
It’s to be another one of those séances where Lawman tries to find someone one of our celebs knows. After picking on Faith and Richard he starts picking up on an 82 year old woman who spends a lot of time in bed. But we don’t get a chance to see how this ends as we now go to a commercial break.

After the break the team from the battlements are sent too the Ante room with a ouija board. This is soon abandoned by Lawman as he takes possession of a spirit. This time it’s supposedly Henry IV and the year is 1456. After shouting and swearing, which makes Jo and Nancy jump out of their skins, Colin takes charge and tries to calm the angry spirit. Nancy is making me laugh now with her comedy startled look and Roy seems to be thinking of that pub again.
Lawman is now taken by another spirit, one called Jimmy. Jimmy likes Scotch on the rocks (watch Roy’s eyes light up) and has had throat problems. It’s this point that the floor manager breaks Lawman out of his “possession” and once more into the break dear friends, once more.

After a dissection of the previous 2 nights and another break Cheggars informs us that it’s down to two people who have been voted King/Queen of the castle. The two going head too head are Ricardo and Faith.

And the winner is……

With 27% of the overall vote…..

Faith Brown. You see what you can achieve if you jump a foot in the air and land on your rump, you win I’m Frightened and Famous 3.

LCS 3 – A Fantastic Finale

by Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos

I’ve been awfully hard on this show, especially this season. I am a huge fan of comedy and have taken a few comedy writing classes. I know it’s a hard gig. However, I didn’t think that some of the comics were bringing their A-game all the time. I certainly haven’t enjoyed some people’s work and have liked other people’s style and routines better.

Comedy is subjective like many other things in life. However, comedy is HARD to perform. Stand-up is a killer. All 21 comics from both seasons – that includes Bonnie McFarlane and Jessica Kirson – do deserve big props for getting up there and reaching a level of success that many of us have only wished for or dreamt about.

So, let’s give a big round of applause to these people: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Now, on to my review.

Jay Mohr starts the show and announces that this is our final chance to vote. He gives much love to corporate sponsor Rolaids for donating the $250,000.00 prize money. It’s the least they can do. I mean the comics have probably eaten about that much in Rolaids tabs throughout these three seasons.

Season 2 won the $50,000 again. Yeah, big shocker. They took that prize each week. Jay said that’s like $200,000.00, but I thought this show lasted about 8 weeks, so either my math is off or his is. Since I am a magna cum laude (that’s latin for POMPOUS ASS) graduate of a major university in the Northeast, well, I’ll say –it’s his fault. And I may add…nananabooboo. Hey, it’s a big word.

Jay reminded us to give some respect for Season 1. The crowd did give them a standing “O”. Last time I gave a standing “O”, I got nothing too so I feel for you Season 1.

Hey, $50,000 woulda been nice, at least once, right? C’mon, America. We know that the presidential election won’t be this lopsided. It wasn’t right.

Okay! I’m off the soap box. (Yes, I really am that short. Wanna make something of it?)

Geoff and Juicy (Tess) were ousted from Season 1. Give Tess big ups. She was the LAST FEMALE COMIC Standing! You go, Tess. Geoff, gotta admit I was not loving the shirt. It looked like you had a bad run-in with a bunch of cantaloupes.

Gary Gulman and Todd Glass bid adieu to the competition. It’s okay, guys. At least you’re together now. In a happy place…hopefully eating cookies. (Yes, I am still low-carbing it and it makes me cranky!)

So, for those of you keeping track, the final four ARE:

  • Heff was up first. He had a good set. Heffron’s biggest asset is his boyish mischievousness. He’s charming, cute and well, I guess he just naturally hits the SLACKER DEMOGRAPHIC. He reminds me why we were NOT afraid to be called Generation-X once.

    Yes, I did have a crappy car, too, John. My tapes — cassettes, they were — got eaten because I used those stickers. I felt a symbiotic relationship with John. If he wins, he will definitely enjoy his ‘ribbon-cutting’ responsibilities. We all know that if he wins, he can afford to buy a decent pair of scissors and not the ‘dingle-berry ones’ we all remember, right?

    He talked about the advantages of dating ‘older women’ – they have less energy, they’ll get you home early and may even feed you.

    He also discussed the age-old bath mat dilemma. “How do you get in and out of the tub without getting the bath mat wet?” Hmm. It’s pondered sages and mystics for ages….along with the how-many-licks- does-it-take-to-get-to-the-center-of-a-tootsie-pop-question.

    Next up was Rich Vos. I’ve seen Vos on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. I’ve panned him repeatedly in my reviews. I know he’s A-list. I just thought he often brought a B or C-game. Again, this is my REVIEW and it’s MY opinion.

    Tonight, however, I was prepared to hate him. I wanted to hate the one they painted as the DON. However, Vos had his game face on. He gave an A performance. It fit the audience, the venue and well, I say, yay!

    He talked about his children. Here were a few of his gems, paraphrased, of course!:

  • I love it when my ex-wife yells at me. The kids stand behind her, making faces. So, I’m laughing and it pisses her off more. The kids deny it and say, “No mom, he lies. Now we know why you left him.”
  • I’m a Jew. Where the Jews at? If Moses would’ve walked two more miles, we’d have all the oil now…
  • On Ash Wednesday: Yeah, that’s a great holiday. The priest burns you. You’re lucky. It coulda been worse. Read the papers, people.
  • He comments on our overly PC-society. I thought he was better than Heffron was. I really did.

    Now, Mordal was next. He had a solid set too. Season 1 didn’t just come to play tonight – they came to WIN. It’s gonna be close, I hope. Dave mentions that he’s usually just thinking about his opener and doesn’t think much beyond that before his set starts.

    He said if he wins the title of Last Comic Standing, he’d….”travel around the country giving hope to others. Nah, I wouldn’t do that. I’d just stay home.”

    He talked about his technologically-challenged parents. I wonder if they met my dad who thinks call-waiting is Satanic?

    So, his mom tries to log into AOL with WORD. LOL.
    Mom says that the computer went nuts when her game of Tetris ended. That’s the disk defragmenter. OMG. Me and my geeky, software engineer husband felt like well, we just saw Shatner at a convention.

    Hey, mom, how about a game of “Restart”? You go, Dave.

    He also talked about how 20 years later some of his ‘crimes’ are funny. A cop opened the door of my car and I fell out. You just don’t talk your way out of that.

    Not, unless you’re my friend, Art. He told the cop in a similar situation ….Don’t you question me!. Now, that was funny — even then. But not to him, of course.

    Here’s a few more gems from Mr. Mordal:
    –I hate picking up friends on pot; they’re always late. My friends on speed – they’ve already left.
    –Crappy cars will keep you awake. I usually am playing – “Guess that horrible noise?” or “What’s coming through the vent – steam or smoke?”

    Great set, Dave. You go, Mr. M!

    The final finalist was Mr. Alonzo Bodden. Can I get two snaps in a circular motion and a what-what for Alonzo? As good as all the other comics were tonight, my opinion is that Alonzo was just a little better.

    I think he’s the best writer of the bunch. It’s how I feel. I am always impressed with the sharpness of his lines and the intelligence of his wit and his insights.

    He says he likes to go out and own the crowd. He wants to “detroy the room!” He also said his set would be strong and edgy. “Some people may be uncomfortable with it, but that’s comedy.” That’s a statement I wish I had remembered in a few previous reviews.

    Alonzo joked about the presidential debates:

    ‘They give the candidates two minutes each to speak and then a red light goes on. Then, people vote for the winner. We’re picking the president the same way we pick the Last Comic Standing. That scared me!’ (If only we could vote online or via phone for the pres…that would be great!)

    He mentions that now Kerry and Bush aren’t going after each other; their henchman are doing it. Apparently, Kerry didn’t get shot correctly in Vietnam. (Well, coming from Massachusetts, I could see how he could ‘screw’ that up, but…I digress!)

    Bush was ‘protecting Texas and Alabama from the Viet Cong.’ That couldn’t be hard. “You guys, alright. Okay. I’m heading off to the bar.”


    Here’s some pearls of wisdom from Professor Bodden:

  • If you kill your wife, don’t report her missing. I watch CSI and they’re pretty good at figuring these things out.
  • The government needs new computers to track terrorists. How come the DMV can find a parking ticket I didn’t pay in 1972? Let’s just wait for them to commit some traffic violations.
  • I say let’s get WILD ON! Terror. Send those drunken sluts from E! to Iraq.
  • The one to send is Paris Hilton. Can we get rid of her? Paris Hilton wrote a book? She couldn’t read one. Of course her book has pictures. Just like the ones she colors in.
  • He also cautions us to ‘keep an eye on the latinos’. Hey, wait!?! I’m 1/2 latino. I guess I need to keep an eye on myself. “Pretty soon we’ll lose our month. We’ll be stuck with Cinco de Negro!

    Silly man, Latinos have Hispanic Heritage Month. It’s right now — from September 15th to October 15th! Viva la raza!

    Anyway, Alonzo finished up a strong season. He was consistent and well, I voted for him. I don’t care who y’all voted for. I just want you to vote. You can NOT complain about the choice of the Last Comic Standing if you do not become a part of the process. Remember that and vote. Vote as often as you can. Get your friends to vote. Your neighbors, your dog!

    Okay…I’m done.

    Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos. Got comments? Can you tell me how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Hmm. Good. Email me at

    GUG – Episode 8? – Injections and Objections

    The show starts off with an argument. John’s getting ready to go out with his friends to ‘celebrate’ his birthday. Carmine’s pissed ‘cuz John John’s punished. Aww. Victoria steps in and allows John to go out tonight, but he’s punished tomorrow. Carmine’s still pissed. Too bad, Carmine. Nananabooboo. (Sorry, I am a sibling too!)

    Victoria has a love affair with —cupcakes. I am a cookie ho from back in the day so I can relate. She says chocolate fills the void that she feels without a man in her life. Again, I can relate. I was a single mom for a brief period in my 20s so I can understand. My hips still show the after-effects.

    She admits that the dating thing hasn’t worked out so well. However, she hasn’t given up on the idea. Victoria talks to a new prospect on the phone. He was set up by Denise, the ‘celebrity’ matchmaker. He sounds nice and Victoria’s excited about their date on Friday nite.

    The editors then cut to a shot of Frankie talking ’bout how he hates the idea of his mom dating and knows that his dad wouldn’t like it. Well, Frankie, I love ya and understand, but daddy cheated on mommy and he’s in jail right now, so daddy ain’t got no right to say a thing.

    Victoria sends the boys off to Splish-Splash Water Park. Quack Quack is their chaperone. Victoria, I really agree with a lot of your decisions, but you need to find the boys a better chaperone than Quack Quack. Really.

    Victoria knows it’s a mistake. She says, “Everything we plan is like a fiasco.” That is certainly not an exaggeration, it would seem, especially to us faithful watchers of Growing Up Gotti, right?

    While the boys are away, Victoria says she has to work, which is true, in a sense. She also is having some WORK done. She’s got an appointment for some botox injections. I felt sad for Victoria who is a pretty lady with a lot of intelligence and a lot going for her. She said, she needed the Botox because it’s “a little shot of self-confidence.”

    I really got a kick when en route to the doctor’s office, Tula said, “Do you think they can Botox my ass?” She’s a hoot.

    Victoria is in a little bit of pain and well, she says, “this date better be worth it.” Then, she goes home and treats herself to some more cupcakes.

    After eating a bunch of cupcakes, Victoria weighs herself. She’s shocked by the number so she takes off her jewelry to see if the results are better suited to her tastes without the bling-bling. Sorry, but NOPE! I’ve tried that too. It never works.

    Meanwhile, Quack Quack ended up riding to the waterpark without the boys. They went on ahead. He spent a while trying to find them. Of course, the boys rough house with their ‘chaperone’. I always wonder who’s really watching who here. Remember, Miami?

    Anyway, Quack gets called out by the lifeguards, who he chooses to ignore. He takes off and jumps in a restricted area. He gets himself booted out of the park. Nice, huh!

    So, back to Victoria. She’s gained 8 lbs. She decides to go to a health club. She meets with a nutritionist and says she doesn’t want to give up her cupcakes. One day, she ate 11. She admits to binge-eating because she’s lonely. Her food intake for one day alone is astounding. It’s based on junk food and high carbs. I’m so jealous. (Yup! I’m low-carbing it here, folks!)

    She then has a session with hunky fitness trainer, Craig. Sign me up for that gym!

    Victoria decides to ‘sneak out’ because she doesn’t want the boys to know she’s going out on a date. She feels like a teen again. She mentions that she doesn’t want to bring every guy home to meet the boys. That’s pretty common. I remember when I was ‘auditioning’ husband #2. {smiles, but I am being serious, at least in part!}

    The boys, of course, suspect. Carmine waits on the second level to see the limo pull up. Angel, Victoria’s sis, comes to watch them for the evening. Paul is the date du jour. He seems nice. At dinner, however, he proves to be a bit of a bore. He talks about how close he is to his parents and goes into a diatribe about his mother’s health problems. I know nothing turns a woman on like hearing a man talk about his sick mother. Don’t you?

    Then, when he suggests that they ‘go bowling’ when they’re dressed to the nines, Victoria excuses herself. I think he was teasing, but you can never be too sure.

    She calls her sis and begs for her to come up with an excuse to get her out of the date. When she returns to the table, Paul talks about Victoria’s honesty and how he admires her for it. She’s ‘forthright’. Well, then the phone rings. It’s Angel (Surprise Surprise!). She’s been ‘rushed to the emergency room.’

    Victoria almost laughs during the call. I don’t know if Paul bought the excuse, but they bid farewell. Victoria returned home a little down-trodden and ready for more cupcakes. She admits that she’s more upset about the loss of a shared future than the loss of her actual marriage. Losing the dreams is often harder than losing the man. I know that from experience.

    ——–Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos. Email me at if you have a comment or suggestion about this or any other of my reviews. I will be happy to take them ‘under advisement’.

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