Survivor: Transylvania, Episode 2

by Dolliac

Survivor: Transylvania
Episode 2 – Immunity Is Key

Last Time On SURVIVOR…

The tribes were abandoned in the harsh forests of Transylvania…

Wayne Confessional: I keep expecting to see Dracula or a Werewolf come out of nowhere!

An Immunity Challenge tested the Survivors ability to work in teams. Some succeeded…

*A shot of Amanda and Wayne hugging*

Others did not…

*A shot of Alexander as his hand slips off the side of the windmill*

ZAPOLYA became the first tribe to visit Tribal Council…

*A shot of the Survivors walking to the massive castle that now serves as Tribal Council*

Where they ejected Alexander from the tribe…

Alexander [final words]: I can only hope they learn from their mistakes.



*Amanda rests up against a log as she vomits over the side*

Amanda Confessional:

These past couple of days have been pretty bumpy for me. The first night I was fine, the second okay, and then it all just went to shits on the third day. I haven’t stopped throwing up in a while.

*As Amanda continues to vomit, Norm walks out of the tribe’s tower and comes over for assistance*

Norm [to Amanda]: You doin’ okay, darlin’?

Amanda [to Norm]: Oh yeah, I’m fine – my stomach is just a little upset.

Norm [to Amanda]: Stick out your tongue!

*Amanda, after laughing, sticks out her tongue and lets Norm examine her*

Norm [to Amanda]: You’re sick – have you been eating?

Amanda [to Norm]: Not as much as I probably should be.

Norm [to Amanda]: We need to fix that. Come on, let’s go start some beans or something.

Amanda [to Norm] (nervously): Wait…you…Norm, I know you’re a doctor and you can probably figure out what’s wrong with me, but…please don’t tell the others about this.

Norm [to Amanda] (putting his arm around Amanda’s shoulder): Not a word.

Norm Confessional:

Amanda is very concerned about her status in the tribe. I don’t blame her. She’s a strong young woman whose not used to being this weak, but if she continues to go down like she’s been for the past two days she’s not going to last up until the merge.

*Norm takes Amanda to the tribe’s campfire where they heat up enough beans for the two of them from an already open can*

Amanda [to Norm]: I’m glad that if somebody had to find out about this that you were the one.

Norm [to Amanda]: Hey, I’m a doctor…if anybody can tell you what’s wrong with you it’s me!

Amanda [to Norm] (laughing): Just so you know, you’re not getting a dime out’a me!

Norm Confessional:

At this point in time I don’t intend to tell anybody about her not doing so well, but if she continues to get worse and worse I’m thinking of bringing it up – just for her own safety.

*As Amanda and Norm continue to chat, Chris and Cory walk out of their tower, barely awake, and begin to chat it up with them*

Cory [to Amanda and Norm]: How’re you guys doin’ this morning?

Norm [to Cory]: Good, yourself?

*Amanda smiles as Norm says this, happy that he has kept her secret*

Cory [to Norm]: Pretty Good, Pretty Good.

Norm [to Chris]: How ‘bout you, C-Dog?

Chirs [to Norm] (sleepily): It’s all good, baby.

Amanda [to all three] (quickly): I’m gonna go look around for a second…

*Amanda gets up and runs to the nearest gathering of trees where she can get sick without the others seeing or hearing*

Cory [to Amanda] (as she’s running): Be careful! Want me to come?

Amanda [to Cory]: No, I’m fine!

*After she is out of hearing distance, Cory turns to Norm*

Cory [to Norm]: So are you going to tell me what’s up with Mandy?

Chris [to both]: Looks like she was gonna puke or somethin’.

Norm [to both] (uneasily): She’s just…not feeling too well today.


*Tiffany, Chad, and Theo sit in the dirt outside of their shelter, waiting for the others to get up*

Theo [to both]: Man, last night was not a good night.

Tiffany [to Theo]: It had to happen.

Theo [to Tiffany]: It can’t happen again.

Chad Confessional:

I understand that it sucks to have to go to Tribal Council for the first time – but come on, these guys are really upset about losing Alexander? Nice enough guy, but when push comes to shove he was a whack job!

Tiffany [to Theo]: No. No, it can’t.

Chad [to both]: If we go again, who are we voting for? Jamie? Delilah?

Theo [to Chad]: Jamie’s the weakest person. He hasn’t shown any signs of getting better – he’s always so tired, and if he’s still throwing up, I don’t see any way for him to start goin’ up.

Tiffany [to both]: But honestly, are Stacey, Delilah, or Pamela as strong as he is? Maybe put together, but individually I think he’s probably one of our strongest.

Chad [to both]: Pamela is a freakin’ monster, she’d crush Jamie. The other two, there’s no telling.

*As Chad, Tiffany, and Theo chat away Stacey, Delilah, Pamela, and Jamie listen in from the shelter*

Delilah [to the other three]: Don’ listen to d’em, Jamie, d’ey aren’t as strong as t’ey t’ink t’ey are!

Delilah Confessional:

Jamie felt sick for two days, n’ now they gon’ write him off as useless? I don’ t’ink so – sorry.

Jamie [to the other three]: We can’t let them run the show. I worked too hard to get on here for them to vote me off because I had a bad day. Nuh –uh.

Jamie Confessional:

Those three had better watch their backs, because I know we didn’t appreciate hearing all this stuff behind our backs.

Jamie [to the other three]: Should we start an alliance? Right here, right now – just to ensure they don’t pick us off!

Stacey [to Jamie]: I like that idea.

Delilah [to Jamie]: I don’ t’ink t’at’s objectionable in t’a least!

Pamela [to Jamie]: Why the hell not?

Pamela Confessional:

Losers. What would be the point of starting an alliance with the three weakest members of our tribe?

Jamie [to all three]: This is going to be great, guys – we just have to keep it kinda hush-hush. We might be able to ride this all the way to the end.

Pamela Confessional:

I don’t know what they’re thinking, but I’m in this for one reason and one reason only – to reach the final two. They don’t see that – they think – oh, yeah, I’ll make the jury and be satisfied. Well guess what? I’m not here to be sorta, kinda satisfied. I’m here to be the champion.

Stacey [to all three]: This isn’t something we need to feel guilty about –it’s part of the game. They’ve probably got one already, and so now we can have one. No biggie.

Jamie [to Stacey]: You’re hitting the nail on the head. It’s part of the game.

Stacey Confessional:

You could tell Jamie was nervous about having to go to Tribal Council again, and to tell you the truth, I was, too. This alliance probably isn’t the one I would’ve chosen right off the bat, but it’s an alliance nonetheless, and I intend to stick with it so long as it can get me farther.

*Back outside, the other three begin to discuss forming an alliance of their own*

Tiffany [to Theo and Chad]: So, what do you think? Maybe we could all start something up here – the strong have got to survive, and from the looks of it, we’re the strong.

Tiffany Confessional:

I made it through one Tribal Council, but that’s not good enough for me. Get me through a couple more and I might start feeling more secure in my place in the tribe, but for now – not a chance. Not a chance.

Theo [to Tiffany]: I don’t know if we should be doing this so early.

Theo Confessional:

I have nothing against alliances, and I totally understand Tiffany wanting one – it’s natural, you know, like, it’s just what happens, but I can barely remember these people’s names.

Tiffany [to Theo] (laughing): Oh. Umm…wow, I wasn’t expecting that. Well, I guess I understand where you’re coming from…it is only day 4.

Tiffany Confessional:

That was stupid on his part. It takes thirty seconds to form an impression of somebody. It’s been four days – how much more time does he need?

Theo [to Tiffany]: Don’t think it’s anything against you, ‘cause it’s not, I totally respect you, it’s just that I’d like to learn more about people than I already do.

Theo Confessional:

I don’t really care for Tiffany all that much. It’s always pressure, pressure, pressure. Everything is under pressure with her. It’s always an emergency. I’d probably like to see her as one of the next people to go, but I doubt the others will agree with that.

Chad Confessional:

The safest thing for the BOTH of those two at this point is to win the Challenges thrown at us.


(No poem inside the Treemail Box, only a key inserted into a lock)


Wayne [to everyone] (laughing): Okay, my best guess would be we’re doing something with a lock and key!

Chris [to Wayne] (laughing): No shit, Sherlock.

Wayne [to Chris]: You any good with undoing locks?

Chris [to Wayne]: I can open my car door – that’s about it.

Wayne [to Chris] (laughing): Oh good, glad to see we’ve got an expert on our side.


Pamela [to Delilah]: I can’t imagine this being anything easy – why do they keep on making us do these challenges?

Delilah [to Pamela]: Pamela, you aren’ t use’ t’a doin’ ver’ much work, are y’a, darlin’?

Pamela [to Delilah]: What the hell did you just say?

Delilah [to Pamela]: You don’ do ver’ much t’a work, do y’a?

*Pamela stares at Delilah with a confused look on her face for a few seconds*

Delilah [to Pamela]: Never mind.

Pamela [to Delilah]: I swear, sometimes I think you just make noises and pretend like you’re talking to screw around with my head!


*The Bobalna tribe is the first to make their way to the Immunity location. Surrounding them is lush, bright green grass, and in front of them lays a large, rocky ravine. They proudly march over to their tribal mat where an eager Jeff Probst awaits. Shortly after the Zapolya tribe follows. The seven remaining members stand on their mat and wait for Jeff to begin speaking*

Jeff Probst: Bobalna, getting their first look at the new Zapolya. Alexander voted out at the first Tribal Council.

*The camera flashes to a look of surprise on Brittnie’s face*

Jeff Probst: Today’s Immunity Challenge is simple. Inside the ravine you are going to find six cages. Six people from each tribe are going to be locked in those cages while one member searches through a ring filled with keys to unlock you. Once out of the cage, the two people will race to the next cage to unlock the next person and so forth. The cages are a good fifty feet apart, and let me warn you – it may not seem bad from up here, but once you’re down there you’ll realize how slippery those rocks really are and how cold that water really is. Each cage is opened with a different key, and let me tell you – there are a LOT of keys on this ring that don’t open anything. The first team to have all their members across the finish line wins. Sound Good?

Everyone [in unison]: Sounds good!

Jeff Probst: BOBALNA, you’re up one member – who are you sitting out?

Charlene [to Jeff] (angrily): I am.

Jeff Probst [to Charlene]: You don’t seem very happy about that.

Charlene [to Jeff]: I’m not. This looks like fun.

Jeff Probst: Alright, which people will be holding the keys and starting for both tribes?

Wayne [to Jeff]: I am.

Theo [to Jeff]: Me, too.

Jeff Probst: Alright, Charlene – you can have a seat. Wayne and Theo, come with me – everyone else, get in place.

*The camera flashes to both Wayne and Theo as they get set to run for their first cage at the start line. In one of their hands they hold a ring filled with dozens of keys. Both brace themselves as they wait for their word to go*

Jeff Probst: Survivors Ready? GO!

*Both Wayne and Theo take off as fast as they can and make their ways to the first of six cages. In the BOBALNA cage is Brittnie, in the ZAPOLYA cage, Chad*

Brittnie [to Wayne]: Come on, you’re doing great!

Wayne [to Brittnie]: Thanks…there are just so many keys!

Brittnie [to Wayne]: I know, but you’ve gotta find it.

*Three feet away at the ZAPOLYA cage*

Theo [to Chad]: I’m trying to go in order so I don’t get messed up.

Chad [to Theo]: You’re doing a good job, man. Just keep everything straight.

Theo [to Chad]: Dude, I don’t wan’na take my eyes off the keys, are they ahead of us?

Chad [to Theo]: Nah, man, you’re doin’ fine – just keep going.

*Behind the two men struggling to open the cages, Jeff watches, waiting for some sort of news to announce to give the other survivors down the ravine a little hint as to how close they are*

Theo [to Chad]: I GOT IT! I GOT IT!

*Sure enough, the fourteenth key Theo tried was the one that would unlock Chad’s cage. Theo flings the cage door open, helps Chad out, and then sprints off to Jamie’s cage*

Jeff Probst: ZAPOLYA has CHAD’S cage open!

Wayne [to Brittnie]: Damn it, they’re beating us.

Brittnie [to Wayne]: Don’t worry about it, we’re still in this.

Wayne [to Brittnie]: I know, I know…

*Over at Jamie’s cage, the second for ZAPOLYA, Theo begins trying to unlock the door. Upon entering the first key into the lock, he suddenly stops and shouts…*

Theo [to Jamie]: Look! Oh my gosh! It was the first key! It was the first key on top!

*The camera flashes to the look of disappointment on both Wayne and Brittnie’s face as he continues to struggle opening her cage*

Brittnie [to Wayne]: Don’t give up – that’s what’s going to lose it for us – keep going!

*Coincidentally, right after Brittnie finishes speaking, the lock opens with one of the very last keys*

Wayne [to Brittnie]: Oh my gosh, I did it! Brittnie, I did it!

Brittnie [to Wayne]: Good job, now lets go get Norm!

*Both survivors race off to their tribe’s second cage as Theo, Chad, and Jamie race to their tribe’s third, Stacey*

Stacey [to the three men]: Hey fellas, looks like we’re kickin’ some ass!

Jamie [to Stacey]: You know it – four more.

*In the background*

Jeff Probst: BOBALNA on their second cage, ZAPOLYA on their third. It’s anybodies race at this point, guys – keep going!

*After a few minutes of trying, both teams eventually get their cages open. For BOBALNA; Wayne, Brittnie, and Norm begin in on Chris’ cage, while ZAPOLYA’S Theo, Chad, Jamie, and Stacey begin in on Delilah’s cage*

Chris [to Wayne]: Come on, dogg, you can do d’is!

Wayne [to Chris]: I know, I know…

*Over at ZAPOLYA*

Delilah [to Theo]: Come on, T’eo, you got t’is one!

*Again, ZAPOLYA continues with its miraculous streak of luck as one of the first keys Theo tries opens Delilah’s door*

Theo [to everyone] (laughing): I can’t believe it – this time I started from the back…unbelievable.

Stacey [to the Zapolya’s]: Come on, guys, we can’t lose our lead!

*Back at the BOBALNA cage*

Wayne [to the Bobalna’s]: We’re still in this guys…

Chris [to Wayne]: Yeah, jus’ don’t worry about it if we can’t come back, you know? They’re winnin’ ‘cause a’ luck.

*Just before Chris can finish talking, a loud cheer rings through the ravine as Theo and the rest of the ZAPOLYA tribe members help Tiffany escape from their fifth cage. Although the boisterous roar of Theo after he opened the cage has disappeared, the other cheers and squeals continue to echo through the ravine*

Wayne (in disgust): Damn it.

Chris [to Wayne] (through the cage bars, patting him on the shoulder): It’s a’ight man. Let’s just finish this race.

Wayne [to himself] (visibly upset): What’s the point?

Brittnie [to Wayne]: Come on, don’t get upset – there’s nothing you could’ve done.

Wayne [to Brittnie]: I could’ve won, that’s what I could’ve done.

Norm [to Wayne]: I can’t believe you – you’re throwing in the towel already?

Wayne [to Norm]: What could I have done?

Norm [to Wayne]: It doesn’t matter what you could’ve done – you keep going! Give me those keys!

*Norm grabs the keys out of Wayne’s hands and begins trying to unlock the lock of Chris’s cage. After a few tries, the lock opens and Chris is freed from his prison*

Norm [to Wayne] (upset): You can’t just up and quit. Now I intend to keep this between the four of us, but if I catch you acting like this again – next time we’re at Tribal Council your name is going to be on my paper, do I make myself clear?

Wayne [to Norm] (staring into the water beneath him): Yes.

Norm [to Wayne]: Alright – now we’ve got a race to win!

Jeff Probst: BOBALNA on their FOURTH cage, ZAPOLYA on their SIXTH and FINAL cage! Come on guys, you can still do this!

*Wayne, Brittnie, Norm, and the newly escaped Chris all make their way over to BOBALNO’S fourth caged member, Cory, and begin the unlocking process*

Cory [to all four]: Hey guys – looks like they’ve got a little bit of a lead on us.

*Wayne ignores Cory and continues working*

Cory [to Brittnie]: Well, even if they’re ahead, you all did a great job!

Brittnie [to Cory] (quietly): Thanks.

*The camera flashes to shots of both Theo and Wayne frantically trying to open the locks. All the keys seem to be failing for both contestants. Suddenly, almost miraculously, Wayne’s key opens the gate to Cory’s cage. The BOBALNA tribe speeds off to their fifth cage where Laura waits nervously*

Laura [to BOBALNA]: Come on guys, this is the comeback from behind…

*Before Wayne has time to stick the first key into the lock the air is once again filled with the roar of Theo, but this time he is joined by the other members of the ZAPOLYA tribe as they throw their hands in the air, hug, and do a victory dance after opening the last lock, freeing Pamela, and making their way past the finish line*

Jeff Probst: ZAPOLYA wins IMMUNITY! BOBALNA, we’ll be having our first date at Tribal Council together.

*The camera goes in slow motion from shots of disappointed BOBALNA members to excited ZAPOLYA members. Amanda wipes a tear out of her eye as Brittnie gives her a huge, while Tiffany and Chad embrace while hoisting the Immunity idol into the air with shouts of victory*


*Wayne sits alone inside the tower as he thinks back of the previous days incidents and how he could’ve done things differently*

Wayne Confessional:

I keep thinking of things I could’ve done differently – ways I could’ve done stuff that would’ve gotten us out of there faster. Instead, I cost the team a good minute and a half when I threw in the towel and decided I wasn’t going to do anymore.

*He pauses for a second to hit himself in the forehead before continuing on*

Wayne Confessional:

Now somebody has to go, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the guys out there are planning on voting for me. It just pisses me off because I wasn’t even the one who wanted to do the stupid unlocking, no, that was Norm’s idea. But now we’re in this mess and my ass is the one on the line.

*Wayne stands from his place on the hard, dirty floor and walks outside. There he finds Brittnie, Cory, and Chris chatting away. He joins them and suddenly the conversation changes from work to Tribal Council and who they will chose to leave them*

Wayne [to Cory, Chris, and Brittnie]: It better not be me – I don’t want to go out like this. I won’t.

Chris [to Wayne]: Nah, man, I’m not gunnin’ for you, you know what I’m sayin’? You might’a messed up yesterday, but we all got our moments.

Wayne [to Brittnie and Cory]: Who are you guys voting for?

*Brittnie and Cory remain silent as they look down at the ground and try to think of a way to avoid the subject*

Wayne [to Brittnie and Cory]: So you don’t have the guts to tell me you’re voting for me? You want it to be a surprise? Huh? You don’t have the decency to tell me that you’re voting my ass out’a here – what kind of teammates are you?

Brittnie [to Wayne]: What kind of teammate are we? You gave up on us ‘cause you were losin’!

Cory [to Brittnie]: He did what?

Brittnie [to Cory]: Nevermind. I shouldn’t have said anything.

Cory [to Brittnie]: No, what do you mean he gave up?

Brittnie [to Cory]: It wasn’t nothin’. He just got frustrated and so Norm helped him out a li’l bit.

Cory Confessional:

I was in the cage down the line, so I wasn’t able to see this hissy fit that Wayne had apparently thrown when we were losing pretty bad. I just figured he was having a hard time with the locks, and I actually felt bad for him – but now, to find out he had tried to give up? I mean – what’s up with that? He should be voted out for that alone.

Brittnie [to Wayne]: Wayne, I’ll tell you this – I’m not even sure who I’m voting for yet. I respect you a great deal and value you as a team member, so I would never let you get blindsided by a vote, but you have to understand that I’m thinking of voting for you because of your own actions – nothing else.

*As Brittnie, Cory, Wayne, and Chris debate over who should be the one to leave, an exhausted Amanda who was sitting on a log near the campfire faints and slumps onto the ground. She manages to stay away from the fire, but the others rush over to her for assistance immediately*

Brittnie [to Amanda]: Amanda, you okay? Are you with me? Amanda? Amanda?

*After a few seconds Amanda comes to, surprised to see everyone staring at her*

Amanda [to everyone]: Oh my goodness – Must’ve gotten a little overheated.

Brittnie [to Amanda]: Amanda, it’s about 60 degrees. What’s happening?

Amanda [to Brittnie]: I’m fine – I’m just a little faint, I don’t think I’ve been eating enough. I’ll be fine, I’ll be fine.

*She shoos the others away, but Brittnie stays by her side to make sure she’s alright*

Brittnie [to Amanda]: Alright, they’re gone now – what’s really happening to you?

Amanda [to Brittnie]: You promise you won’t tell the others?

Brittnie [to Amanda]: No. If you’re seriously in danger I’m going to at least tell Norm. He’s a doctor, you know.

Amanda [to Brittnie] (shaking her head): He already knows about it. He says I’m going to be fine, I just need to be eating a little bit more.

Brittnie [to Amanda]: But I’ve seen you around the campfire – you eat just as much of the food as we do. How come you’re falling apart and we’re not?

Amanda [to Brittnie]: I haven’t been able to keep it all down. I was doing fine the first three days, but recently – not so much. Please don’t tell the others – I can still compete and I don’t want to get voted out over something like this!

Brittnie [to Amanda]: I’m going to go get you some beans, okay?

Amanda [to Brittnie]: No, don’t do it now – I won’t be able to keep ‘em down. I’ll just wait until we eat after Council tonight, okay?

Brittnie [to Amanda] (pausing): Oh – okay.

*Brittnie stands from the log and begins to walk over to the tower for a nap. Before she can get there, however, she begins to hear shouting coming from inside. As she gets closer the sound gets louder and louder. She quickly scampers over to the tower entrance and walks inside only to find Chris and Norm in a battle. They pause for a moment to acknowledge her presence in the room, but then continue where they left off…*

Norm [to Chris] (upset): What could you possibly know about leading a tribe? You’re a kid!

Chris [to Norm] (enraged): Better than having you as our leader, Grandpa! Get with the program here, playa, this ain’t no summer camp!

Norm [to Chrid] (even more upset): Bite me, Eminem!

Chris [to Norm]: Don’t talk to me like that or I’ll vote your ass out tonight!

Norm [to Chris]: Too bad that’s not gonna happen, ‘cause Wayne is the one whose going!

Chris [to Norm]: No he’s not! It’s Amanda, but if you don’t keep your mouth shut I think you might be takin’ the walk pretty soon, yourself!

Norm [to Chris]: Are you threatening me? You even wanna try to get me out’a here, ‘cause I’ve got people on my side – who do you have? Your little challenge horse, Wayne?

Chris [to Norm]: Who’ve you got? Miss Piggy over there? Charlene? Oooh, you’ve got me shaking now.

Brittnie [to Chris] (sternly): Hey! Don’t talk about me like that! My kids are watching this!

Chris [to Brittnie] (slowly): I apologize – I didn’t mean to drag you into this, but Norm here, he’s just not lookin’ at the big picture, you know what I’m sayin’? He wants to get my homeboy Wayne out’a here, and he’s pro’lly our strongest member. What purpose is that gonna serve?

Brittnie [to Chris]: I actually agree with you. I shouldn’t have done it, but I wanted to give him a scare earlier, so I told him I was thinking about voting for him. Now, I mean, the guy was a wimp to give up like he did out there, but he’s our strongest asset – we need him!

Norm [to Brittnie and Chris]: That’s probably true, but he also turned into one of the biggest babies I’ve ever seen in that ravine yesterday – I’m voting for him. You can join me or not, I don’t really care.

Norm Confessional:

I’m a firm believer in living up to your actions. Wayne – he let us down, so he needs to pay. Call me crazy, but that’s just the way things work in my mind. He needs to be the one voted out because he’s the one who cost us the win. End of story.


*The fully stocked tribe of eight make their way into the massive Tribal Council castle and find the meeting chamber where Jeff Probst and their torches await*

Jeff Probst: Grab those torches behind you and dip them in the flame.

*The survivors grab the torches and dip them in the fireplace, then put the torches behind their thrones and prepare for discussion*

Jeff Probst: As you know, in this game fire represents your life. You lose your fire and you lose your life in the game. This is your first trip to Tribal Council, so just so you are all clear on things – you will be voting out one member of your tribe.

*The survivors nod their heads, all having known this prior to coming there, and prepare for what is to come*

Jeff Probst: Charlene – you sat out at the Challenge today. Why was that?

Charlene [to Jeff]: We worked out a rotation, and yesterday was my day.

Jeff Probst: So it wasn’t because they thought you were the weakest or didn’t want you to participate?

Charlene [to Jeff]: No, it was because of the rotation.

Jeff Probst: Fair enough. Where would you say your place in the tribe is at this point?

Charlene [to Jeff]: I’m just kind of a worker bee at this point. I’m not the leader and I’m not the slacker…

*A few audible chuckles are heard as Charlene speaks*

Charlene [to Jeff] (continuing): So, I basically just try my hardest to fit in.

Jeff Probst: Wayne, yesterday during the Challenge it looked like at one point you had almost given up. What happened there?

Wayne [to Jeff] (embarrassed): You know, I was frustrated. I’m a very competitive person and when I don’t win or when I know I’m not going to win – I throw fits. It’s not that I want to, it’s just that that’s the way I’m wired.

Jeff [to Wayne]: Did the others give you a hard time over that?

Wayne [to Jeff]: Yeah, a few of them did. Some more than others.

*Wayne lifts his head to look across his shoulder to Norm who sits silently*

Jeff Probst: Do you fear getting voted out tonight because of that?

Wayne [to Jeff]: You know – I got myself so worked up on thinking about that that I almost got sick, and so I figured – you know what? If they’re going to vote me out, let them vote me out. I know I gave it everything I had to give and I just couldn’t find the right keys. Can’t fault me for that.

Jeff Probst: Laura, how’re you holding up? Physically you still feeling okay?

Laura [to Jeff]: Physically? Oh, you mean like my body and everything?

Jeff Probst (laughing): Yeah, like your body and everything.

Laura [to Jeff]: Oh, I’m pretty good. I mean, I think I’ve already lost some weight, but, you know, that’s something you come out here expecting, you know? So, like, as long as I have my beans every day I’m fine.

Jeff Probst: How about you, Amanda? How are you holding up?

Amanda [to Jeff]: Oh – I’m fine.

Jeff [to Amanda]: Alright, so I’m not an idiot and I can tell you’re lying – what’s really happening?

Amanda [to Jeff]: I just get dizzy occasionally and faint sometimes, but it’s just little stuff like that.

Jeff Probst: Just little stuff like fainting? Are you not drinking enough water – what is it?

Amanda [to Jeff]: No, I’m drinking enough water – I just haven’t been able to hold any food down, so I’m pretty hungry, but I think it’s the type of thing that’ll kinda heal itself.

Jeff Probst: So, you’re not eating – how is your energy level?

Amanda [to Jeff]: Well, I’m a runner in my real life, and I can tell you right now I wouldn’t be able to do what I’ve done before out here, but I still think I’m in pretty decent shape.

*She pauses to look over at Wayne*

Amanda [to Jeff]: I haven’t cost us a challenge.

Wayne [to Amanda]: What’d you have to say that for?

Amanda [to Wayne]: I heard about how you’ve been planning on voting for me – it’s funny how word gets around when your mouth is as big as yours! I’m just pointing out I’m not the weakest link.

Wayne [to Amanda]: I am voting for you, but it’s so you’ll get better – I never would’ve brought something like you messing up a challenge for us up!

Amanda [to Wayne]: Because I haven’t messed them up for us. I know this one was something that had a lot of luck involved, but I heard what you did out there. I had a pretty good view of it, to tell you the truth. You quit, and that’s something I would never do.

Wayne [to Amanda]: Screw you!

Amanda [to Wayne]: Whatever.

*Amanda turns to and addresses the rest of the tribe*

Amanda [to tribe]: Look, I realize I’m probably getting a few votes from some of you because I haven’t been feeling good the past couple of days, but when push comes to shove this is a test of our endurance in the challenges – I’m doing fine physically. I’ve got a long way to go before I become our weakest link. Now, you can vote me out and I’ll respect your decision, but I would prefer to go out after somebody who quits on his team.

Jeff Probst: Wayne, anything you’d like to say in response to that?

Wayne [to tribe] (depressed): No. They can make up their own minds, they’ve probably already got their opinions anyways.

Jeff Probst: Alright then, with that it IS time to vote. Charlene, you’re up first.

*Charlene Votes*

*Laura Votes*

*Norm Votes*

Norm Voting Confessional:

WAYNE. You’re a good kid, but you quit on us. There’s no telling how much effort you’re going to be putting into the game later on down the road.

*Chris Votes*

Chris Voting Confessional:

AMANDA. I’ve gotta look out for my boy.

*Wayne Votes*

Wayne Voting Confessional:

AMANDA. (he says nothing after voting)

*Amanda Votes*

Amanda Voting Confessional:

WAYNE. At least you made it through Tribal Council without quitting.

*Brittnie Votes*

Brittnie Voting Confessional:

AMANDA. Amanda, this is a vote for your health and safety. Wayne is strong and feels well enough to the point that he can carry on for a while. You’re lying to yourself about how you feel and it’s not safe. So go home, get some rest, eat some good food, and think of all of us who are going to miss you.

*Cory Votes*

Jeff Probst: I’ll go tally the votes.

*2 minutes pass as Jeff tallies the votes*

Jeff Probst: Once the votes have been read the decision is final. The person voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I’ll read the votes.

First Vote…


Second Vote…


*Amanda puts her hands on top of her head and looks down at the ground*

Third Vote…


Fourth Vote…


*Wayne lets out a deep breath and looks around at his other tribe mates in nervous anticipation*

Jeff Probst: That’s TWO votes AMANDA, TWO votes WAYNE…

Fifth Vote…


Sixth Vote…


Seventh Vote…


Jeff Probst: Amanda, I’m afraid that’s enough – you’ll have to bring me your torch.

*Amanda stands from her throne, grabs her torch, gives Norm and Brittnie a quick hug goodbye, and walks to Jeff who awaits her with his snuffer*

Jeff Probst: AMANDA, the tribe has spoken.

*Jeff places his snuffer atop Amanda’s gothic torch and extinguishes the flame. After a few seconds he removes the snuffer and watches as she waves goodbye to her tribe*

Jeff Probst: Obviously this was not an easy vote, but keep team spirit up because things aren’t going to get any easier. You can head back to camp.

Next Time On SURVIVOR…

Pamela and Tiffany have it out on ZAPOLYA…

Pamela [to Tiffany]: Listen here, hag, you don’t tell me what to do, okay?

Tiffany [to Pamela]: Excuse you – what did you just call me?

While Wayne reacts to the night’s previous vote…

Wayne [to Norm]: So you voted for me?

Norm [to Wayne]: You know I did.

Wayne [to Norm]: I can respect that. I just hope you realize that this means war.

And a SHOCKING Tribal Council vote BLINDSIDES one contestant…

Male Voice: No, there’s no way. No way, uh-uh!

Amanda’s Final Words:

I can see why some of you voted me out, so that you were able to keep Wayne and his strength in there, and I can respect that – so, I don’t know what to say, really. I enjoyed the good times out here and I made some really good friends. One of you voted against me, but I know it was because you were worried about my health and not anything personal, so – enjoy the ride while it lasts and make the best of your time out here! Good Luck!

Tribal Council Voting:

Amanda: WAYNE
Brittnie: AMANDA
Charlene: AMANDA

Survivor: Transylvania, Episode 1

by Dolliac

Survivor Transylvania
Episode 1 – Signed, Sealed, Delivered – You’re Gone!

As the sun sets beyond a dark and mysterious forest, the rustling of a train can be heard from far off in the distance. As the sun continues to set, the rustling gets louder and louder until the train comes speeding in front of the screen. As it passes by, sixteen average Americans and one excited TV host can be seen in one of the cabins. As the last bit of sunsets behind the forest, the camera switches to onboard the train to meet Jeff Probst and the new set of sixteen castaways.

Jeff Probst:

Transylvania is a region characterized by its gruesome and bloody past, violent history, and eerie reputation as one of the most beautiful but horrifying places on Earth. Abandoned castles and churches are scattered throughout the region in between the dark and dangerous forests. Although not known for its dangerous predators, wolves and other vicious carnivores inhabit the land. Tonight, sixteen Survivors will be dropped off in two locations deep in the forest and forced to fend for themselves while competing in the ultimate game of strategy, deception, and lies.

Thirty-Nine Days, Sixteen Contestants, but only One – SURVIVOR!

Jeff Probst [still aboard the speeding train]: These sixteen average Americans have all agreed to take part in the adventure of a lifetime. They’re leaving loved ones, family members, spouses, and friends behind to participate in the greatest game the world has ever seen. These sixteen people are our new Survivors.

*After Jeff says this, the TV over in the corner flips on and begins to show their audition tapes and a little bit about who they are. They are, in alphabetical order:*

Alexander Norman
Age: 46
Profession: Real Estate Sales
Location: Denver, Colorado
Luxury Item: Picture of Family
Quote: “If I don’t end up killing anybody, I think I’ve got a good shot at winning. I don’t think I’m going to end up winning, to tell you the truth.”

Amanda Craig
Age: 24
Location: Modesto, California
Profession: Lingerie Sales
Luxury Item: Hair Brush
Quote: “I’m going to be so nervous when I first meet everyone. Just so long as nobody hates me I think I’ll be okay.”

Brittnie Espinoza
Age: 25
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Profession: First Grade Teacher
Luxury Item: Frisbee
Quote: “If we work together and try our hardest, even if we don’t come out on top, we’re still winners.”

Chad Duncan
Age: 28
Profession: Professional Pirate (as listed on application)
Location: Wherever the wind takes me (as listed on application)
Luxury Item: Fake Sword
Quote: “If they don’t have a sense of humor, they’re gone. If they don’t want to have a good time, they’re gone. But most importantly, if they try to get rid of me, they’re gone.”

Charlene Reynolds
Age: 26
Profession: Hand Model
Location: Los Angeles, California
Luxury Item: Lotion
Quote: “I’ve never even peed outside, much less been camping. When my friends and family see this, their jaws are going to hit the floor.”

Chris Cooper
Age: 27
Profession: Basketball Player
Location: Pittstown, New Jersey
Luxury Item: Basketball
Quote: “Just don’t get none’a my ex-girlfriends out here to compete n’ I should do just fine. It’s all about The Cooper, baby.”

Cory Johnson
Age: 31
Profession: Guitarist/ Singer
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
Luxury Item: Guitar
Quote: “To me, this game is about effort. If you put in the effort, you’re rewarded. I plan on both putting in the effort AND being rewarded.”

Delilah Jones
Age: 23
Profession: Beauty Queen
Location: Miami, Florida (originally from Barbados)
Luxury Item: Antique Flower Hair Clip (family belonging)
Quote: “If t-ey see ‘ow hard I’m workin’ to keep the tribe goin’, may-be t-ey’ll see t-at t-ey actually need me. I ‘on’t know why, but bein’ a be-auty queen seems to make peo-ple look at you differen’ly.”

Jamie Peterson
Age: 24
Profession: Swimming Coach
Location: Royalstown, West Virginia
Luxury Item: Chess Set
Quote: “I’ve got it all worked out in my head. I’m gonna play these people like they’d never even see coming.”

Laura Pepper
Age: 21
Profession: Magician’s Assistant
Location: Tulsa, Arizona (originally from Ojai, Califronia)
Luxury Item: Scrapbook
Quote: “My strategy is to have no strategy. Why worry about people playing, like, all sorts of – I don’t know – mind games and stuff, you know what I mean, like, just enjoy yourself out here. I mean, I’m gonna try to win, don’t get me wrong, but, I mean, people always stress the small stuff!”

Norm Crenshaw
Age: 41
Profession: Doctor (surgeon)
Location: Dallas, Texas
Luxury Item: Toothbrush
Quote: “If they want to have any chance at Survival, they’ll keep me on their team. I’m a doctor, for cryin’ out loud!”

Pamela Jordan
Age: 33 (lied on application as being 21)
Profession: Socialite, Hostess, Wife to Multimillionaire Wilford Henry Jordan
Location: Beverly Hills, California
Luxury Item: Nicotine Patches
Quote: “They’d better have alcohol in the jungle or wherever the hell we’re going.”

Stacey Beal
Age: 28
Profession: Corporate Recruiter
Location: Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Luxury Item: Lucky Necklace
Quote: “I’m just going to enjoy myself and have a fun time competing. Compared to what I’m around at work, it’ll be like competing against a bunch of lightweights.”

Theo Martinez
Age: 23
Profession: Competitive Surfer
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Luxury Item: 56 Stick Pack of Chewing Gum
Quote: “My motto in life has always been treat others as you’d like to be treated. I intend to play this game that way. I want to play with all my heart in this, but I’m not going to hurt anybody in the process.”

Tiffany Ann Gunther
Age: 43
Profession: Tattoo Artist
Location: Trojan, Rhode Island
Luxury Item: Henna Kit
Quote: “If people can get past my appearance, they’re goin’ t’a find a person with a good heart who loves to meet new friends and enjoys being around others. If they judge me on how I look n’ stuff like that – screw ‘em! I’ve got people who love me, I don’t need ‘em!”

Wayne Montgomery
Age: 24
Profession: Actor
Location: Hollywood, California
Luxury Item: Teddy Bear
Quote: “This is new for me. I’m from California, and even though we’ve got beaches and mountains and stuff out there – nobody ever goes camping or really sleeps out in the wilderness.”

Jeff Probst:

Now that you’ve had a chance to sort of meet one another, you’re on your way.

*The train, after slowing, suddenly halts as Jeff begins to throw their provisions off the train*

Jeff Probst:

As I call your name, you’re going to come up to me, receive your buff and hop off the train. First up is Bobalna in gold. First member of Bobalna, Wayne.

*Wayne stands, grabbing his luxury bear from the floor next to him and walks to Jeff to grab his new buff. After getting it, he easily jumps off the train (now completely stopped) and onto the soft, cold dirt*

Jeff Probst:

Next for Bobalna, Norm.

*Jeff continues on after Norm, announcing the other members of the new Bobalna tribe. Third, after Norm, comes Amanda, followed by Charlene, then Chris, Brittnie, Laura, and finally Cory*

Jeff Probst:

Alright, the rest of you – Theo, Stacey, Tiffany, Delilah, Chad, Jamie, Pamela, and Alexander – you all are now part of the Zapolya tribe. You will wear these Yellow buffs and will compete together as a team. You can all come up and receive your buffs.

*The new Zapolya tribe walk up to Jeff and grab their buffs. After climbing off the train, they turn and wait for Jeff to give further instructions*

Jeff Probst:

Looks like you’re all fitting in pretty nicely. The first thing I have to give you is the map to your camps. Now, the first thing you should know is that each tribe will be getting their own shelter. Bobalna, you will be living in an abandoned tower. It’s empty and has no roof, but aside from a bit of rain, it should protect you from the things that go bump in the night. Zapolya, you will be sleeping in a run down church. Bobalna, where you have the disadvantage of having a weaker shelter, you are closer to your water source. Zapolya, where you have an advantage with your shelter being strong, you are a good two miles from your water supply.

Tiffany [to Jeff]: Now Jeff, are we going to be anywhere near towns or villages?

Jeff Probst:

No, neither of you are anywhere near a town. The closest place is about thirty miles North of this point, so neither of you need to worry about running into the locals.

Tiffany [to Jeff] (laughing): Oh good, so we won’t be running into any vampires?

*The others laugh quietly as Jeff responds*

Jeff Probst:

Transylvania is a land deeply routed in its past. Vampires and Werewolves and Frankenstein may seem like legends to us, but I’m sure if you took it up with some of the people that live in the towns here – they wouldn’t be taking it so lightly. Are there any more questions before I send you off?

Pamela [to Jeff]: Can we get a f—ing flashlight or something? It’s dark!

*Some laugh while others are offended*

Jeff Probst:

You might want to be careful the way you present yourself. First impressions are usually hard to break.

Pamela [to Jeff]: Oh I don’t give a s—t.

Jeff Probst:

Well, Pamela, you were actually on to something. Both teams will be given four flashlights. Be careful, though, because you are only being given enough batteries to make each flashlight operate. It’s up to you if you want to use all the batteries in one flashlight, or if you want to share different flashlights – whatever, just know that you aren’t getting any more batteries for the time being. Anymore questions?

*After waiting for a few moments with no response, Jeff continues*

Jeff Probst:

Well, it looks like you guys are all ready to go. Bobalna, you’ll be heading out to the right of where we are. Zapolya, you’ll be going to the left. You’ll follow your map, but it shouldn’t be more than a few miles. Before you go, a few rules and reminders. First, no visiting the other camp. In the end, you’ll both be about ten miles apart, but don’t get brave and try to spy on the others. None of that is allowed. Secondly, remember the reason we have given you shelter already – because it is dangerous out here. This place, from when the sun is up to when the sun is down are two very different places. Be careful. Other than that, get to it!

*The survivors, after wishing good luck to the other tribe, head off in their separate directions. The camera follows the Bobalna tribe as it heads off in search of their tower*

Cory [to Chris]: Hey man, how’s it goin’?

Chris [to Cory]: Everythin’s good in the hood, you know what I’m sayin’?

Cory [to Chris]: Yeah. This is going to be awesome.

Cory Confessional:

Upon meeting Chris, you know – he comes off as very street and very, you know, tough guy, macho stud hombre, but he’s a good kid.

*The camera moves to other groups of people as they get to know each other*

Brittnie [to Amanda]: Hi Amanda, I’m Brittnie.
Amanda [to Brittnie] (shaking her hand): Hi Brittnie. You’re really good with names!

Brittnie [to Amanda]: Yep, I’m a teacher so I’ve got to know how to manage a bunch of names flying at you at the same time.

Amanda Confessional:

Brittnie is a doll. I mean there’s really no two ways about it. You look at her and she’s got this beautiful hair and these big puffy cheeks and it’s just like – you’re adorable. The only problem is, dolls aren’t usually the best Survivor players.

*The camera switches from Brittnie and Amanda to Wayne, Norm, and Charlene as they get aquainted*

Wayne [to Norm and Charlene]: I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pretty excited about this.

Norm [to Wayne] (in his deep, strong voice): I don’t think there’s any way that this could be anything less than a milestone in all of our lives.

Charlene [to both] (laughing): I’ve just got to warn you guys now – I’m a nice person. I swear it, I really am, but after I go for a couple of days without my cup of coffee there’s no telling how enjoyable I’m going to be around.

Charlene Confessional:

The real test of their survival skills is going to see who can survive living with me.

Wayne Confessional:

Great way to work your way into people’s good graces – start by warning them about how cranky you get. You know, I’m not claiming to be an expert at this game, but I can tell you that it was a bad move on her part.

*The camera fades from the newly formed BOBALNA group to the ZAPOLYA tribe as they make their way to their camp for the night. The first two people to officially meet and greet one another are Stacey and Delilah*

Stacey [to Delilah]: I’ve just got to tell you – I love your accent. Where’re you from?

Delilah [to Stacey]: Well, I’m from Bar-bados original’ly, but I moved to Miami when I was eigh’teen.

Stacey [to Delilah]: Well, it’s beautiful. I’m Stacey.

Delilah [to Stacey]: T’ank You, I’m Delilah.

Delilah Confessional:

Sweet, sweet girl t’at Stacey is. I was act’lly worried t-ey were gonna be wantin’ to get rid’a me because I’m ‘ard to understand sometimes, but she was gre-at about it.

*As Stacey and Delilah get to know each other a little bit more, behind them Pamela, Alexander, Chad, and Tiffany introduce themselves*

Tiffany [to everyone]: Well this is sure fun!

Chad [to Tiffany]: True indeed. Tell me, how long did it take you to get all those tattoos?

Tiffany Confessional:

First thing out’a ol’ Chad’s mouth was “Where’d you get those tattoos?” and you know, I have no problem telling people about ‘em – that’s why I got ‘em, but sometimes they freak people out a little bit.

Tiffany [to Chad]: It’s been over the course of my life. I’ve had a lot of struggles, so every time I made it over one of life’s hurdles, I got a tattoo.

Chad [to Tiffany]: Well Tiffany, I’m afraid to say that those things are absolutely bitchin’!

Pamela [to herself] (rolling her eyes): Oh jeez, here we go.

Chad [to Pamela]: Don’t you worry, Pamela, there’s enough Chad to go around. I love you, too!

*Chad, who had been investigating Tiffany’s tattoos suddenly turns around a flops onto Pamela, hugging her*

Pamela [to Tiffany and Alexander] (laughing): Can we just vote him off now?

Alexander [to Pamela]: We can give it a try.

Alexander Confessional:

Who knows WHAT this guy is thinking – maybe it’s a strategy, maybe it’s just insanity – but Chad was just totally all over the place when we were walking to camp. People are either going to love him or hate him, and I’m afraid to say I’m just not fallin’ in love. He’s either going to be the first off or win the whole shebang.

*Both teams continue on their ways to their shelters. The night continues on without incident as the Survivors spend their first night together in their preexisting shelters*


Laura Confessional:

Our tower is magnificent. Like, seriously, this is the coolest place I think I’ve ever been in my entire life. I mean, like, sure, it’s pretty much decomposing on top of us, but it’s like living in a fort or a tree house.

*As Brittnie and Norm chop wood together, Laura comes by to help and see what she can do*

Laura [to Brittnie and Norm]: Anything you need me to do for you?

Brittnie [to Laura]: Sure, you can take over for me. My arms are really tired.

Laura [to Brittnie]: You mean, you like – want me to chop and stuff?

Brittnie [to Laura]: Umm. Yes.

Laura [to Brittnie] (hesitantly): Oh, okay. So, where, umm…what do I do?

Brittnie Confessional:

I shouldn’t be so judgmental. I don’t know where she comes from. I don’t know who she is in real life – but to not know what you do with an axe? It just seems pretty self- explanatory to me.

*After showing her what to do, Laura takes her first whack at chopping the wood, but after putting barely any power behind her swing she makes only the tiniest of dents. After several seconds of awkward silence, Brittnie finally speaks up*

Brittnie [to Laura]: I know – why don’t you go get some of the guys together and you can all go out and find the water source.

Laura Confessional (almost crying):

I made, like, a complete joke of myself.

Laura [to Brittnie] (fighting to hold back tears): I’m sorry I can’t – chop the wood – I just never did anything like that – before.

Brittnie [to Laura]: No, no, it was stupid of me to even make you try and do that!

Norm Confessional:

My goodness – call this Camp Estrogen. I mean Laura couldn’t chop wood – whoopdeedoo. I don’t know if they were aware of this, but the world WASN’T actually going to end because of that.

Brittnie [to Laura] (crying): I’m so sorry if I made you feel bad.

Laura [to Brittnie]: No, don’t even say that, I’m sorry if I’m not as good at this stuff as the rest of you.

*As this exchange goes on, Norm rolls his eyes in the background and continues to chop*


Theo Confessional:

Sleeping in our palace was wonderful. We call it the palace because that’s what it is, really. I mean, it looks like it belongs in a cemetery on the outside, and it’s the same way on the inside, but – I mean, look at this (he points behind him to the shelter) – how cool is that?

*The camera watches as Theo comes in and wakes a few of the others up from their slumber on the hard dirt and wood floors*

Jamie Confessional:

To be honest, I would’ve rather slept outside. That place is a freakin’ mess. There’s walls and stuff, which is good, you know, but that floor was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever slept on in my entire life.

*Theo tries again to wake Jamie up so he can join the others outside*

Theo [to Jamie]: Come on…you’ve gotta get up, man.

Jamie [to Theo]: I know, I know, I’m just not feeling too good right now.

*As Jamie tries to sleep in, Delilah and Stacey enter the one room and see Jamie still sleeping on the floor*

Stacey [to Jamie]: Come on, get up, nobody wants a lazy tribemate.

Jamie [to Stacey]: I know, I know, I’ve just got a terrible headache. I need a little bit more rest.

Delilah [to Theo]: T’eo, didj’a happen to see where t’a map to t’a water hole is?

Theo [to Delilah] (laughing): Oh, yeah, I kept it in my pocket last night. I knew I was sleeping on something funny.

Delilah [to Theo]: T’anks. Anybody else wan’ to come lookin’ for it wit’ me?

Theo [to Delilah]: Yeah, I’ll come with you in a second – go see if Alexander or Pamela want to go, too.

Delilah [to Theo]: Alright, I’ll see what they wan’ t’a do, in t’a meantime, Jamie, you get some rest. We gon’ t’a need strong tribe mates in t’a challenge.

Jamie [to everyone] (laughing): Thanks, now can you guys just please go?

Theo [to Stacey]: What’d’ya think, Stacey?

Stacey [to Theo]: I think we should just stand here until he gets up.

Theo [to Stacey] (laughing): I like that idea.

Jamie [to Theo and Stacey] (still laughing): Would you people just leave me alone?

Theo [to Jamie] (laughing): Fine, fine, fine.

*Both Theo and Stacey exit the room, allowing Jamie to get his extra minutes of sleep. As they walk outside, however, they are surprised to see that Alexander has already opened one of their five cans of beans and has started to cook them*

Theo [to Alexander]: Whoa, whoa, whoa – what’re you doin’ there, buddy?

Alexander [to Theo]: I figured I’d make us some breakfast.

Stacey [to Alexander]: Aww, that’s awfully sweet Alex…

Alexander [to Stacey] (sternly): It’s Alexander.

Stacey [to Alexander]: Sorry…well, thank you, Alexander.

Theo [to Alexander]: You know, we really should make sure that everyone agrees when we need food, don’t you think?

Alexander [to Theo]: I thought about that, but I’m the oldest one here, so I figured I’d make an executive decision. My decision was that we needed food.

Theo [to Alexander]: And I appreciate the thought, but we’re going to need the food later on down the line as well.

Alexander Confessional:

I can’t even cook a can of the damn beans without the kid complaining. Who does he think he is? I mean, I – ooh, forget him. If we end up going to Tribal Council, he’s one of the people I can tell you right now that I’d give thought to voting out.

*Before they can get into anymore of an argument, Pamela comes waltzing into the camp carrying the first Treemail*

Pamela [to Theo and Alexander who are still bickering]: Shut up and pay attention to me. I’ve got something – I think I just found a secret present or something.

Stacey [to Pamela]: That’s Treemail – it tells us about our upcoming Challenge.

Pamela [to Stacey] (after realizing what it was): Oh…damn, well I don’t care then, you take it.

*Pamela tosses the mail over to the waiting hands of Stacey who reads it aloud*

Reach, Reach, As Far As You Can
Go Out For The Flag At The End of the Fan
Immunity Goes to the Team With Luck
Tribal Council Looms For Those Who Suck


Chris [to everyone]: What do they mean, “end of the fan”?

Cory [to everyone]: Who knows?


Jamie [to everyone]: Well we’re going to be reaching for something – but what?

Tiffany [to Jamie]: Maybe we’re reaching for each other or something?

Alexander [to everyone]: Well, no matter what it is – we’ve got it in the bag, right? GO ZAPOLYA!


The two complete teams of eight march into the challenge area and wait for Jeff Probst to arrive. In front of them stand two very high windmills with orange and yellow flags attached to the end of each arm. After a few seconds the contestants are greeted by Jeff Probst and informed of what their task for the Challenge is.

Jeff Probst:

Alright guys, obviously we’re doing something involving windmills today. What’s going to happen is you will all be strapped to a partner. We’ll start the challenge when all four teams are strapped to the arms of the windmill. What you’re going to do is, one team at a time, climb to the end of your windmill’s arm and grab the flag at the end. Whichever of the two has the flag in their hand, drop it. Once the flag has touched the ground the next pair of partners can go. First tribe with all four flags on the ground wins Immunity. Sound good?

Everybody [to Jeff]: Sounds good!

Jeff Probst:

Oh yeah, one other thing. While you’re doing this – the windmill is actually going to be turning.

Pamela [to Tiffany]: Well damn it, I’m going to end up puking on my shoes – or in my hair!

*Tiffany only laughs and slowly inches away from Pamela*

Jeff Probst:

Alright, you’ve got one minute to decide on who your partner will be.

*After the one minute has passed, Jeff goes around and asks the partners to reveal themselves. In the end, the final eight teams are:


Wayne and Amanda
Cory and Brittnie
Chris and Laura
Norm and Charlene


Chad and Tiffany
Jamie and Pamela
Theo and Delilah
Alexander and Stacey

*After everyone is properly strapped in, Jeff goes on to explain a few more rules*

Jeff Probst:

You’ll only be going out one arm at a time, so say Chad and Tiffany are out and start to struggle to get all the way to the end – no other team can go out to retrieve their flag yet. You have to wait until the first team has already tagged back and secured themselves to the center of the windmill before you can actually start on the next arm. Sound good?

Everybody [to Jeff]: Sounds good!

Jeff Probst:

Good. Survivors Ready? GO!

Both tribes’ selected partners begin to race out to the end of the windmill’s arm to grab their designated flag. The first team up are Norm and Charlene for BOBALNA and Jamie and Pamela for ZAPOLYA. Within the first forty-five seconds both teams have reached the end of their arms and have begun to untie their flags. The windmill, which up to that point had been moving slowly, begins to speed up and causes both pairs to hang on as it makes one full rotation.

Pamela [to Jamie]: Keep untying while we’re going over – that’ll give us an advantage.

Jamie [to Pamela]: Alright, but you’ve gotta help me, I’m getting dizzy!

Pamela and Jamie continue to untie as Norm and Charlene struggle with hanging on to the arm of the windmill as it makes its first full rotation.

Charlene [to Norm]: Norm – get my hand, make sure I don’t slip!

Norm [to Charlene]: You’re not going to slip, just hang on tight.

Charlene [to Norm]: Norm, just grab my hand – I don’t feel steady!

Before being able to catch Charlene, Norm “accidentally” unties the first flag.

Norm [to Charlene]: Oh my gosh – I got it!

Charlene [to Norm]: What? Already?

Norm [to Charlene]: Yeah, I did – now come on, let’s MOVE!

As both Norm and Charlene make their way down the arm of the windmill, Pamela and Jamie have similar luck as their flag also comes undone from its rope harness and they are able to climb across back to the center of the windmill where everyone waits.

Jeff Probst:

BOBALNA in a slight lead. Come on ZAPOLYA, you’re still in this! Catch up, guys!

Next out for BOBALNA are Chris and Laura who race to the end of the windmill’s arm as it faces downwards, giving them an advantage in time. As it starts to go up they begin to untie the flag. For ZAPOLYA, Chad and Tiffany make their way out. While going a little slower, they make up for lost time in untying their flag nearly the second they reach the end of the windmill.

Chad [to Tiffany]: Come on, baby, we got this!

Tiffany [to Chad]: Chad, I just don’t like heights!

Chad [to Tiffany]: I know, I know, but we’ve gotta hurry – we’re winning.

Both make their ways across the arm and back to the center to tag off to the next team, but end up, once again, in a tie with the BOBALNA tribe. Cory and Brittnie for the BOBALNA tribe hurriedly climb out and onto their arm as Theo and Delilah for ZAPOLYA grab on and slide to the end of their arm quicker than any team thus far.

Theo [to Delilah]: Grab the flag and throw it off!

Delilah [to Theo] (smiling): This is what’cha call teamwork, T’eo!

Theo [to Delilah]: You know it!

While on the BOBALNA side…

Cory [to Brittnie]: Ok, we’re going to take this one step at a time, but we’ve got to keep up a fast pace!

Brittnie [to Cory]: I know I weigh a lot more than those other girls do, but we’re gonna do this!

Both Cory and Brittnie climb to the end of their arm quickly, but before they can get there Cory’s arm that had, up to that point, been supporting him slips off the side causing him to fall onto the windmill and grasp back for support. What was only a minor slip up had had major consequences – they had lost their lead.

Cory [to Brittnie]: Wait, don’t go without me…I’ve just gotta get a good grasp on here.

Cory, after a few seconds, is able to get a firm grasp on the rungs of the windmill and is able to help close the gap between them and ZAPOLYA.

Jeff Probst:

ZAPOLYA with a lead over BOBALNA, this is it guys – final flags!

For ZAPOLYA who is still in the lead, Alexander and Stacey finish the race, while over at BOBALNA, Wayne and Amanda take over. Both teams start out strong, making their way to the end of the arm quickly with BOBALNA making up enough time to actually even it out, but all hell breaks loose when Alexander and Stacey are unexpectedly turned upside down by the windmill’s rotation.

Alexander [to Stacey]: Hold on!

Stacey [to Alexander]: I am, but I’ve gotta keep untying!

Alexander [to Stacey]: No, wait for the arm to turn the right way…

Stacey [to Alexander]: No, we can’t stop!

As Stacey continues to untie the flag Alexander, who had up to that point been steady, accidentally loses his grip on the arm and slips down three or four feet, yanking Stacey, who up to that point had been fine, down with him.

Stacey [to Alexander]: Great, come on, now we’ve got to get back up there!

Alexander [to Stacey]: Oh it’s too late, we’ve already lost!

Stacey [to Alexander]: Shut up and climb!

Both begin to climb their way back up to the flag, but it’s too late. In the distance they are barely able to make out the sound of Jeff Probst announcing…

Jeff Probst:

BOBALNA wins Immunity!

The BOBALNA tribe, who have by now been able to reach the ground, erupt into a fit of cheers. Hugs and kisses are thrown around as laughs and shouts of victory can be heard over as far as the ZAPOLYA tribe’s windmill.

Jeff Probst:

ZAPOLYA, Looks like we’ve got a date with Tribal Council tomorrow night. You can all head back to camp.


Tiffany Confessional:

Well, yesterday we lost our first Immunity Challenge. It kind of sucks, because I know we’re all a pretty close knit group and we didn’t want to have to do this on our third day, but – I suppose that’s the way things work in this game.

Theo [to Tiffany]: How’re you holding up?

Tiffany [to Theo]: I’m fine, thanks.

Tiffany Confessional:

I just hate that, because I’m the oldest woman here, people are constantly – “how are you feeling,” “Are you doing okay,” “Everything alright” – you know – I just want to be a regular person. Nothing is getting to me any more than it’s been getting to them.

Pamela [to Tiffany]: You look like s—t, you holding out okay?

Tiffany [to Pamela] (laughing): Yes, I’m fine.

Tiffany Confessional:

I just have a feeling that, because I’m the oldest woman and because I don’t have as much strength as the three younger ladies they’re going to want to encourage me to bite the bullet and be the first one voted out – you know, like, they’re telling me “Oh, you bring less to the tribe because you’re old, so you should go”, but…I don’t know…I’m not going to let them do that to me.

Tiffany [to Stacey and Delilah]: I just don’t want you all to think that because I’m old, I’m weak, because I’m not.

Stacey [to Tiffany]: I don’t think you’re weak – I think you bring a lot to this tribe!

Delilah [to Tiffany]: Oh yeah, don’ sell yo’self short! You got lots t’a offer.

Tiffany [to Stacey and Delilah]: Thanks. So, you aren’t going to vote for me?

Stacey [to Tiffany]: Hell NO. I’m voting for Alexander, he screwed up that Challenge for us yesterday.

Stacey Confessional:

Alexander messed up our chances at Immunity big time when he slipped during the Immunity Challenge. I wouldn’t have minded so much if it was an accident, but he totally gave up after that – I don’t want somebody on my team whose going to throw in the towel after they get frustrated. I won’t have it.

Tiffany and Stacey approach Theo, Chad, and Pamela as they chat around the newly constructed fire.

Tiffany [to the other four]: Can we talk about the vote tonight?

Theo [to Tiffany]: Yes, we need to break it down – what’s gonna happen?

Tiffany [to everyone]: I just want to kind of plead my case to you all…

Pamela [to Tiffany]: What the hell for? You’re not going anywhere.

Tiffany [to Pamela]: No?

Pamela [to Tiffany]: It’s either Jamie or Alexander, I thought we all agreed upon that.

Pamela Confessional:

Dumbass Tiffany comes over and starts trying to give us sob stories about why she doesn’t want to go because she’s old and blah blah blah – it’s just like – shut up – we’re not voting for you so just go back into the scary little world you come from and shut up!

*As Tiffany, Stacey, Theo, Chad, and Pamela discuss the upcoming Tribal Council vote, Alexander surprises everyone by popping up from the forest right outside the abandoned church’s campfire. He is visibly upset*

Alexander [to everyone]: ME?

*Everyone remains silent, uncertain of how to break the news to him that he is a potential target*

Alexander [to everyone]: ME? Why am I a target already?

Pamela [to Alexander]: Because you’re scary as shit and you blow on the challenges.

Alexander [to everyone]: Unbelievable – I’ve been working my ass off for this tribe for the past three days and I’m already a target? I mean, I was expecting later on down the line but already?

Stacey [to Alexander]: Just calm down for a second, okay, no decisions have been made.

Alexander [to Stacey]: I should sure as hell hope not, because while I’m out here working as hard as I can to chop wood for our campfire and get water from the river, Jamie’s sitting inside on his lazy behind doing NOTHING!

*Hearing the commotion outside through the paper thin walls of the decomposing abandoned church, Jamie rushes outside and joins in on the argument*

Jamie [to Alexander]: You can say whatever you want, Alex, but I’m not the one who screwed up the challenge, now am I?

Alexander [to Jamie]: Challenges are going to come around every few days – when it comes to survival I’m one of the only people who has a clue what they’re doing.

Jamie [to Alexander]: Screw you, I’m not dead yet – I’ve apparently got some sense for survival.

Alexander [to Jamie]: So when I saw you puking out the window of the church it was because you’re a survival expert and you can take care of yourself, right?

Jamie [to Alexander]: That could’ve happened to anyone.

Alexander [to Jamie]: But it didn’t – it happened to you. You’re probably not even going to be able to compete at the next challenge at the rate you’re declining.

Jamie [to Alexander]: Do you have even the slightest clue what you’re talking about? No! So shut up!

Alexander [to Jamie]: Don’t tell me to shut up! Your name is as good as written on my vote!

Jamie [to Alexander]: GOOD! Same for me.

Jamie Confessional:

The confrontation between Alexander and I didn’t really do any good when you think about it, it just helped cement the fact that it’s down to the two of us.

Jamie [to Chad] (alone in the forest): What good has he really been?

Chad [to Jamie]: Oh, I know, the guy is a complete tool, but some people still haven’t made up their mind.

Alexander Confessional (upset):

I don’t know why they’d want me gone. I’m not holding us back – it’s just one mistake and they think they have reason enough to take me out? If they’re going to be stupid enough to ditch me this early on I hope they realize what a mistake they’re making when they start losing every other challenge.

Alexander [to Theo] (alone in the woods): Why? I mean – it’s stupid to even consider it between the two of us – it’s like…we’re talking David vs. Goliath here.

Theo [to Alexander]: I know, I know – don’t be surprised if you end up staying.

Alexander [to Theo]: Well I should hope so!

Jamie Confessional:

I just don’t want to leave first – I wouldn’t even care if it came down to somebody other than Alexander – I just don’t want to be out of here first.

Alexander Confessional:

It’s got to be Jamie. Everyone but him has been pulling his or her weight. I just don’t see any other options.

Jamie Confessional:

Whatever the outcome, I think the only safe assumption at this point is that this is going to be one messy Tribal Council.


The eight freshly deserted castaways march up to the gates of the new Tribal Council. Although many were expecting a simple meeting area with enough room for them to sit and chat, the reality was much, much different. This season, in keeping with the Transylvanian theme, Tribal Council is set within a massive gothic castle. Towers and stained glass windows allow enough space for the moon to shine into the center great room of the castle where Tribal Council has been set up. Each castaway has their own solid wood thrown to sit in, and a large fireplace in the center of the room serves as the pit around which they will have all their discussions. One by one the survivors all grab their torches and dip them into the fireplace, put them in the holders behind their chairs, and take their seats.

Jeff Probst:

As you all know by now, in this game fire represents your life. Without fire there is no life, so our torches reflect that. Now, since you were the team that lost the Immunity Challenge yesterday you will now be forced to vote out one of your own and continue on with only seven members.

*Jeff adjusts his voice from deep and authoritative to caring and curious*

Jeff Probst:

Theo, you guys appear to be a pretty tight bunch. Is there anyone in particular that’s causing problems or is this really a love tribe?

Theo [to Jeff]: It really is the love tribe. I mean, like, don’t get me wrong, we totally really like each other n’ all, but every tribe I think is gonna have a few hiccups along the way, you know?

Jeff Probst:


Theo [to Jeff]: Sure, you know, like, there are always going to be a few arguments, but – that’s to be expected, you know? It’s the nature of the game.

Jeff Probst:

So are you going to give me what I’m looking for or are you going to keep beating around the bush?

Theo [to Jeff]: I mean, I don’t – I don’t really understand what you want me to tell you.

Jeff Probst:

Who was causing the hiccups?

Theo [to Jeff]: Well, it’s like—it’s not really one person in particular, but there was a fight earlier this morning, so – that’s been our only hiccup, but it was pretty small, so no worries.

Jeff Probst:

Pamela, who was the argument between?

Pamela [to Jeff]: Alex and Jamie.

Alexander [to Pamela]: It’s Alexander.

Pamela [to Alexander]: Oh shush, he’s talking to me.

Jeff Probst:

Actually, I’m done with you for right now. Jamie, what was the argument about?

Jamie [to Jeff]: Alexander thought I should be the one to go because I haven’t been feeling tip top the past couple of days, but I flat out said he was the one who lost us the challenge and he needed to be the one to pay for it.

Jeff Probst:

Alexander, what’s your take on it?

Alexander [to Jeff]: It went down just like he said it, actually. I mean, I don’t hate the kid, but my opinion is, when you look at facts, one screw up in a challenge isn’t going to cost us the whole game – a weak link IS. He needs to be the one to go.

Jamie [to Alexander]: But I’m not the weak link. In the one challenge we’ve been in I did better than you did, and you’re not even sick.

Alexander [to everyone]: He’s just trying to make excuses!

Pamela [to Alexander]: Excuses or not, he’s right! You’re the one who screwed it up – he did fine. I don’t blame the kid for throwing up a few times, maybe that’s what he’s into!

Alexander [to Pamela]: But I’m so much stronger than him – look at me!

Pamela [to Alexander]: How would we know? All you’ve done these past few days is eat up our food supply, lose the challenge for us, and cause the only problem on the tribe thus far.

Alexander [to Pamela]: You know, I’m getting tired of hearing you pipe up when you’re not even involved in a lot of this!

Pamela [to Alexander]: Oh, I’m involved. I’m involved plenty. When you’re screwing up MY chances at the million, you had better be damn sure that I’m gonna get involved.

Alexander [to Pamela]: You know, speaking of the million – why are you even HERE? I mean, your husband is a millionaire – why compete on this?

Delilah [to Alexander]: Now you stop t-at! She don’t need to tell you ‘bout her personal life or finances – that’s her own b’ness!

Alexander [to Delilah]: Stay out’a this!

Jamie [to Alexander]: Don’t talk to her like that – she’s right. Pamela didn’t have to tell you anything about her personal life – just because she’s well off doesn’t mean she’s not competing just as hard as the rest of us!

Pamela [to everyone]: Well that sealed the deal for me. I know who I’m voting for.

Jeff Probst:

Are we ready to vote?

Pamela [to Jeff]: You know it!

Jeff Probst:

Alright, Stacey, you’re up first.

*Stacey Votes*

Stacey Voting Confessional:

ALEXANDER. I wasn’t planning on voting for you when we got here, but it’s obvious you are the one causing all the conflicts in the tribe. We’ve got to be happy to operate well, and I think you’re taking away from our level of determination and spirit.

*Alexander Votes*

Alexander Voting Confessional:

JAMIE. You’re really not a bad guy, but you’re sick and you can’t admit it to yourself. Take care.

*Delilah Votes*

*Tiffany Votes*

*Theo Votes*

*Pamela Votes*

Pamela Voting Confessional:

ALEX (she makes sure to leave off the “ander” from “Alexander”). Just go away.

*Jamie Votes*

Jamie Voting Confessional:

ALEXANDER. It’s down to you or me and I have no intention of writing my own name down.

Jeff Probst:

It’s been a long three days for some of you here. For some of you the journey has just begun, but for others – their adventure has ended. I’ll go tally the votes.

*2 minutes pass as Jeff tallies the votes*

Jeff Probst:

Once the votes have been read the decision is final. The person voted out will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately. I’ll read the votes…

First Vote…


Second Vote…


*Pamela smirks as Alexander shifts uneasily in his chair*

Alexander: It’s Alexander.

Third Vote…


Fourth Vote…


Jeff Probst: That’s THREE votes ALEXANDER, ONE vote JAMIE.

Fifth Vote…


Sixth Vote…

First Person Voted Out of Survivor: Transylvania…


*Alexander stands from his seat and grabs the torch from behind him. He leans over and gives both Theo and Stacey hugs as he walks over to Jeff Probst. Jeff grabs his torch and places it in its holder, then raises his new and improved extinguisher and makes it official by reciting the words every Survivor dreads hearing…*

Jeff Probst:

ALEXANDER, the tribe has spoken.

Alexander turns to wave goodbye to his former teammates as he exits the Tribal Council area through one of the large, baroque wooden doors, slowly making his way into unknown darkness.

Jeff Probst:

You can all head back to camp. Remember, make sure to stay in the light.

The Survivors all stand, grab their torches, and exit the Tribal Council area making sure to have all their flashlights in hand. They head back to their camp and prepare for the rigors of the days to come.

Next Time On…SURVIVOR:

On BOBALNA, Amanda is feeling the stress of living in the wild…

*A shot of Amanda puking behind a tree*

The Survivors face one of the most difficult challenges ever…

Cory [to Wayne]: COME ON! You can do it!!!

Wayne [to Cory]: I need to concentrate right now, okay?

A fight breaks out as Norm and Chris battle for status as Alpha-Male…

Norm [to Chris] (upset): What could you possibly know about leading a tribe? You’re a kid!

Chris [to Norm] (enraged): Better than having you as our leader, Grandpa! Get with the program here, playa, this ain’t no summer camp!

Norm [to Chrid] (even more upset): Bite me, Eminem!

That’s next time on…SURVIVOR!

Alexander’s Final Words:

Well, it certainly wasn’t what I was expecting, but I guess if I was voted out now it was for a reason. I know it wasn’t because I was least deserving, because most of the people there don’t deserve it, but – whatever, when they start losing all their missions it’s going to be because they decided to keep the nice people over the strong. I can only hope that they learn from their mistakes and don’t make too much of an embarrassment of themselves. I’d also like to wish good luck to Stacey and Theo, both very good kids. They’re the two shining stars of the tribe and hopefully one of them will walk away with some sort of reward.

Voting History:

Stacey: Alexander
Alexander: Jamie
Delilah: Alexander
Tiffany: Alexander
Theo: Alexander
Chad: Alexander
Pamela: Alexander
Jamie: Alexander

Open House – GUG Episode 9

Victoria’s children need to be slapped. I’m sorry. I don’t hit my kids, but I sure as hell want to hit hers. These three are spoiled and just nasty to her. They don’t behave very well at all.

She’s trying to sell the house and under immense pressure to get the house up to a certain standard. Of course, the boys don’t want to move. They still hold onto the dream that daddy will return. The house has bad memories for Victoria and SHE’S IN CHARGE. They need to get with the program.

The boys’ rooms are terrible. Carmine’s got ants in his room from leftover food. Gross. Frankie won’t even let mama in his room. If that happened in the house I grew up, my dad would’ve killed me first and asked questions later. In fact, we didn’t have doors on our rooms. Talk about that for strange.

John’s is neater than the others, but he’s cheesed off because he doesn’t have a wide-screen tv like Frank and Carmine. He’s jealous. The kid has a nice spread. It’s much better than my first apartment was. (Probably, the home I live in now too!)

Mona tells Victoria to fix up the stank-ass pool. It smells rotten and it looks like something out of Creature from the Black Lagoon. Of course, Victoria tells Luigi to get on it. Luigi! She even refers to him as a not-so handy-man. My question is — why don’t you fire him?

I know he’s a family friend, but please. I’m Italian too (well, 1/2) and there is a limit to the amount of crap you have to take from family. He’s showing you no respect and not doing the work, Ms. Gotti. Kick him to the curb.

Especially after he donned a SPEEDO and fins to check out the leak in the pool. That was a visual I didn’t need to see so soon before bed. I’m going to have nightmares now, thanks.

Mona, the real estate agent from hell, has a ‘broker’ open house. Well, it doesn’t go very well. She wants to sell the house on its notoreity and people are complaining that it’s not as good as it should be. They expect more from a Gotti home.

Victoria, in the end, decides to stay put. I think it’s a wise decision.

I Feel Like A Prostitute – The Surreal Life 3, Episode 6

by LauraBelle

I am becoming increasingly more aware weekly how self-involved and narcissistic Jordan Knight is. From the moment he first walked into the Surreal Life house and decided he deserved a private bedroom and blocked everyone out of the phone room, making it his own private room, to choosing to sleep in the RV over sharing a hotel room, and complaining the following morning that he felt he was stuck with it, throughout he doesn’t seem to understand he is one of six.

Dave wakes up this morning and finds unattended eggs boiling in the kitchen. This makes him wonder how long until the mayhem. We are treated to a flashback of Flavor Flav saying Bridgette had pissed him off the previous night, and that the situation with Bridgette had really upset him. Flavor Flav then makes her some sausage, saying he just can’t stay mad at her. We are left to imagine that Flavor Flav was the one that had been boiling the eggs.

As Dave retrieves the Surreal Life Times with a headline that says, “Time To Face The Music,” we find that by midnight the six celebrity housemates are to write and produce their own single. As they all pitch in with the performing and writing of the song, Jordan is to be the sole producer, making him feel very pressured.

Charo and Bridgette are working together with Charo on her guitar, and Bridgette is asked if she can come up with any Danish lyrics. The best Bridgette can come up with is lyrics where every other word is “something.” Flavor Flav calls Momma Flav on a phone that matches his sold gold teeth. Could this be a hint of foreshadowing? Flavor Flav tells his mom about their project for the day, and tells her his wish is for the song to be a big success. He then adds he “[bleep] is hard for this” at the thought of this song becoming successful. I am sure his mom loved this visual.

Ryan is seen skating, with Jordan deducting they need to make her part in the song reflect that. After working on the lyrics for a few hours, Ryan calls the lyrics they have “crappy.” Charo tells Ryan she feels it will be best if they all add their own personal touch, her with a Latin flavor, Ryan with a rock beat, etc. Otherwise, if they all try to do the same sound, their efforts will sound like a crazy … salad? It is often hard to understand Charo, and VH-1 was displaying ads at the bottom of the screen, which covered their subtitles they often display for Charo’s words, making me unsure what she said, but I swear it looked like she said they would sound like a crazy … salad.

While Flavor Flav is doodling on the piano, and Dave on the drums, Jordan doesn’t understand anyone else’s viewpoint on this project but his own. Ryan feels the focus of the song is on the two writers – Jordan and Flavor Flav, and no one fits the style of music but the two of them. I believe this is the crazy … salad Charo was referring to. With the others doing music that doesn’t reflect their own personal style, they don’t sound cohesive, they sound like a crazy mixed up …. salad.

Jordan comes down wearing what the show editors call “$6.84 Producer Shades,” and pronounces it time to leave for the studio. Flavor Flav is busy on the phone with Antisa, his stylist, setting up a time for her to do his hair while they’re at the studio. Dave see this as a waste of time, since they only have twelves hours to get this track down and recorded. At least it will allow him to take off the viking hat.

Charo is excited, pulling into the music studio lot, Conway Studios, as it’s where she practically lives. They are met by an engineer that has worked with Foo Fighters and Blink-182, among others. He wants to go over the song with Jordan, but the assumed success is already getting to Jordan’s head, and he tells the engineer he doesn’t want to go over it. With too many people offering ideas, Jordan thinks they only need one captain … himself. Yet, Ryan is bored with her part in the song, and says she wants to make music that she wants to make, not music Jordan wants to make. Jordan can’t see that. By insisting it be done his way, he is alienating everyone else.

While Antisa is doing Flavor Flav’s hair, Bridgette tells him something that at first confuses me, uttering phrases like, “If you say, ‘Ooh, Ee, Aah, Oh,'” and “You miss the important things.” While initially not understanding, I later realize that Flavor Flav was saying these sounds, and Bridgette felt he was missing out on things since he was too wrapped up in his hair details and pain. Later, Bridgette had Antisa do her hair like Flavor Flav’s (while not in two huge tarantulas on the top of her head like Flavor Flav’s, it is in tight braids), and she realizes the pain Flavor Flav was going through, and why he was complaining with his oohs, ees, aahs and ohs. Bridgette tells him the gold teeth are fine for the music business, but feels they don’t belong in a relationship between a man and a woman. Flavor Flav says he’ll give her that if she marries him. She is flattered, and he is happy to have her back. He doesn’t see that she is only back because she hasn’t seen any other men since yesterday.

Jordan is adding a section into the song where Charo can play the guitar; he considers this to be a seasoning for his song. As she struggles with putting a Latin guitar sound to Jordan’s pop song, he tells her to make her guitar sing. When she asks what chords are in the song, Jordan says she is “classicaly trained,” and admits to not knowing any specific chords. What he fails to admit is that perhaps New Kids On The Block wasn’t the best training ground for learning the music business. Charo just thinks the whole song is a big “F” up; she doesn’t seem to have a problem admitting it like Jordan.

Charo is getting increasingly more upset, and feels the music is being vandalized because they are so disorganized. Ryan is still wishing they could just work together instead of doing it Jordan’s way, feeling they are all like puppets. Dave compares Jordan to their quarterback, and says he walked in and out wearing his shades, not taking care of the process at hand. Even the engineeer makes a potshot, saying he is sure the song will be successful somewhere, “maybe the Germans will love it.” Even Flavor Flav is beginning to get upset, saying the producer should stick with it until it’s done. Still upset, Ryan tells Bridgette she feels like she’s selling out. Bridgette gives her great advice, and tells her she just needs to “Be you.”

Jordan brings in a friend of his, the man that created Backstreet Boys, ‘NSync, and discovered Britney Spears. This just seems to further alienate everyone. He begins to feel the tension is being created by Ryan, and tells her to just take the pop edge and add a rock edge to it. She wants to know what he knows about rock, reasoning, “C’mon.! He found Britney Spears!”

Charo and Ryan continue to not like the song, with Charo saying it’s like, “R&B funky like 1999,” and Ryan thinks Jordan feels like he is back in New Kids On The Block. Ryan becomes increasingly more outraged, and eventually yells, “I’m a rock star, not a pop star! It’s like American Idol all over again!” She storms off into the unisex bathroom, and slams the door. Surreal Life adds a “To Be Continued” to the screen in a blue oval with a distinctive American Idol flair to it.

Jordan and Flavor Flav, and mostly Jordan, are so busy trying to further their own careers, they aren’t paying enough attention to making the song a success. Jordan can’t seem to find a way for it to benefit anyone other than himself. At the beginning of every show, there is a sound clip of Jordan saying, “I don’t like doing this kind of stuff. I feel like a prostitute.” He is so wrapped up in himself, he doesn’t see this as exactly what he is doing to Ryan, asking her to put her name on something just to further his career.

I welcome all comments and questions at

The End Of The Road – The X-Factor, October 2nd

by Luke

I know what you’re thinking. What could possibly be better than an update on
“The X Factor” here at Reality Shack? I’ll tell you … two updates! This week is
an all singing, all dancing double recap of the final two shows in the first round
auditions. Just to remind you, this is Simon Cowell’s new reality programme on air
in the UK where he and co-judges Sharon Osbourne and Louis Walsh will
compete to see who can manage the most successful artist or group. It’s coming
to the USA and Australia next year too so if you want to audition you’d
better start warming up your vocal chords.

If you’ve been reading over the last few weeks you’ll remember Louis Walsh’s
stalker, the rapper who couldn’t rap, and the Simon Cowell look-a-like who
looked absolutely nothing like him. I’d think under normal circumstances you
probably couldn’t hope for much worse amongst a bunch of wannabee singers.
This is reality TV though where almost anybody can get at least fifteen seconds
of fame so you’ll be glad to know that all the crazy people came out for the
X-Factor tapings. That’s right – they saved the best of the worst until last!

In the fourth show of the series the highlight had to be Simon taking an
unexpected shower thanks to co-judge Sharon Osbourne. She tipped two glasses
of water over his head. A thirty five year old singer called Gary had been told by
the nasty judge that he was nothing more than a tired old entertainer after he
had been given two chances to impress the judges but was just too worn out
from practising. Sharon took offence at Simon’s comments and decided to give
him a reality check – she said the second glass was for her daughter Kelly who
Simon had also insulted in the past.

It’s no surprise that Simon was in a bad mood for the rest of the show and
almost every contestant had to face his wrath as he hurled insult after insult –
the people who did scrape through only did so after the other two judges joined
forces to over-rule him. That’s what happened with wheelchair user Linda who
wanted to enter the competition on behalf of all the disabled people and in
memory of her mother. It was the same with Matt, a singer who had recently
won another UK reality show called “Popstars” but his group had failed to top the
charts. Not so lucky was group “Wired For Sound” who Simon said were
“horrendous”, the other judges agreed. I promised total fruitcakes and oddballs
you will get …. toward the end of the show we met Rowetta, a former backing
singer. She couldn’t go five words without breaking down in tears, was really
nervous, and talked so much the judges couldn’t get a chance to speak – she has
the most amazing voice though and it looks like she will be going far in the

Show five saw the last batch of auditions and towards the end of the show the
judges were shown being told who was going to manage which category of
singers. Among the last auditionee’s was Simon Cowell – no, not THE Simon
Cowell but another man with the same name. He was so bad that Simon Cowell
– yes, THE Simon Cowell told him “Simon Cowell, you are useless”. Confused
yet? I know I was. Also turning heads was the very exotic Alina. She turned up
in a very sexy tight gold outfit and even did acrobatics for the judges but while
Louis and Simon drooled, they didn’t actually put her through on account of her
awful singing. That wasn’t the case though with Lloyd, a big guy very much like
Reuben from “American Idol” and a vocal coach who had taught the likes of
Daniel Bedingfield to sing. He had the voice, but not the image but luckily it was
enough to put him through to the next stage.

There were a few surprises among the final people shown from this stage. When
three middle aged ladies came in to audition the viewers, as well as Simon and
Louis had no idea that they had a famous relative. Sharon Osbourne liked them
a lot but then she would, she had invited Ozzy’s sisters down to sing and kept
quiet until they had been denied their chance at going any further in the
competition. The other judges were stunned to learn the truth. Another person
who wasn’t quite what they first seemed was Robert, he worked at a chicken
factory called “Pick-A-Chick”. As the judges expected him to audition seriously
he burst into a version of a Bee Gee’s classic complete with a falsetto voice, then
followed it up with a rendition of Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” playing both male and
female parts. A stunned Simon Cowell declared it the worst audition he had ever
heard in his life but Robert took it all in his stride and said at least he could go
back to working with chickens.

So there we have it – the end of the road for the local auditions. While the
contestants either jumped for joy or drowned their sorrows the judges were told
of their roles in the show from now on. As correctly predicted here at Reality
Shack – Sharon Osbourne has the 16-24 age group, Simon the 25+ and Louis
Walsh will manage the vocal groups. It will be upto them to hold a boot camp
where each will pick the best five from their category to progress further in the

Don’t miss “The X-Factor” show updates and episode recaps each week here at
Reality Shack and check out the shows official website at for
video clips, competitions and the latest news.

You can contact Luke with comments or questions at

Anything But The Cheez Doodles – Starting Over, 10/7/04


It’s Morning. Jen is commenting that Kim has not smiled or laughed since her daughters arrived. Then we see Kim on her bed with her face behind a book or clipboard or something, and one of her daughters sitting with her and trowelling on makeup. We get a close-up shot of the sparkly pink plastic sandals on Kim’s feet. Kim narrates that she was not expecting her children to have to witness the process of the house and participate with the Life Coaches and the shrink. In group without them, Rhonda asks Kim why she is off by herself and Kim responds that she didn’t think she was, but she does feel distracted. She tells Rhonda the visit has been harsh for her daughters. Rhonda wonders what’s wrong with that. Kim admits that she feels closer to them now that they have seen her vulnerable. Rhonda asks the rest of the group for observations and they keep quiet. Rhonda and Kim talk a bit about how isolation is comforting sometimes and Rhonda asks the group how they comfort themselves when attacked, because when you can identify an unhealthy response, you can change it. Today’s topic will be food because that’s how some people comfort themselves. She wants to know how each person uses food and they all lie and say it’s for energy or whatever. They’re a little more real about what one food they would want on a desert island, except Towanda who would want an apple because it cleans your teeth. This discussion is an excellent opportunity to pile on Sommer once again. It starts slowly, with Jen going around the room and telling everyone what’s wrong with their eating habits. It keeps coming back to Sommer, who eats cheez puffs and fast food because it’s inconvenient to go into town for groceries. Rhonda quizzes her about why she will spend 25K on surgery but not 20 bucks on a taxi to go get real food. Rhonda narrates that Sommer has put herself through dangerous surgery but won’t eat right or exercise to complete the process. She wants the group to think about what and why people eat, and what that can tell you about a person. She dismisses them and then tells them there will be a Board of Review later that day.

For newcomers, Board of Review is where they all sit around a big table and two people get called to the podium to defend their progress in the house and receive a grade. A grade of A means you are right on track. B means you need to work harder. C means you’re on probation. Two C’s, and you’ll be asked to leave. An F means you have to leave right now. Someone could graduate, someone could be asked to leave.

Josie narrates that Kim is the number one person who might be asked to leave, and Kim narrates that she hopes she will not be called to the podium.

We see come of the women talking about Kim’s behavior. Then cut to Kim telling her children she is surprised things have been so harsh in the house while they are there.

Rhonda and Sommer are getting ready for the doctor. Rhonda wants to know how she felt when deciding to have gastric bypass surgery and Sommer says it was hard to admit to being morbidly obese. She thinks she may have gained weight since being in the house. She also has blamed all the pain in her life, except for the deaths, on her body. Rhonda narrates that some bypass patients have dies from not taking care of themselves. (I really couldn’t find anything on that. I think the greatest risk is just getting fat again. ) Rhonda tells Sommer she recently lost two dress sizes and when she journaled her food, she was surprised at how the carbs and desserts can creep back in, even for someone not clinically obese. They marvel at what a big year it is for Sommer, getting physically fit and coming to the house for emotional work too.

Towanda meets with Iyanla and narrates she can tell she’s going up for review this day.

Then we see Iyanla meeting with Kim and the daughters. Kim tells Iyanla she has felt attacked and used while her daughters have been there and wants Iyanla to “just look at that.” Iyanla turns is back to Kim and says Kim’s “filters” are seeing theiur usual discuss as attacks just because the girls are there. Kim is trying to grasp the concept.

Sommer is in the doctor’s office. She has lost half a pound for a total of 76 pounds in four months. She narrates it’s not enough for her.

It’s not enough for the housemates either, and they are talking about it at home. They are tut-tutting about Sommer’s food choices. Jennifer announces she has decided it’s not her place to talk about it – then proceeds to do just that.

Iyanla and Kim are still exploring the “filter” problem. Iyanla tells her it’s a habit to feel attacked, and she will help Kim find the cause and replace it. Kim is unconvinced but admits it happens all the time so there must be something to it. Kim tels Iyanla she asked her roommates if the makeup looked lighter than usual and they all assured her it did. Iyanla says if it had been her, she would have asked why Kim needed to have makeup on for her daughters’ visit. Why can’t they see you without it? The girls remind Iyanla Kim wears no makeup in the house at home, so what’s the big deal? (Come on, we all know it’s because these 3 princesses have decided they need to look just so for the Hollywood cameras and for shopping on Melrose, in case the neighbors are watching!) Iyanla reminds Kim that ” I want for you joyful living, andwhat got you here will not get you there.” Kim wants to know what she is supposed to wear from now on and Iyanla tells her to make a choice.

The doctor is asking Sommer about her diet. She tells him she eats a lot of meat and dairy and protein bars, and that she eats chips “every once in a while.” He asks her to stay away from carbs and she responds, “well, I like them so I am going to eat them.” He asks her to substitute pretzels for chips and she says she doesn’t like pretzels. The doctor narrates that Sommer could gain back all her weight if she doesn’t use this first year to modify her behaviors.

Back at the house, Jen and Josie are talking about the Board of Review. Josie says she is always prepared to be called to the podium.

Kim, getting ready to say goodbye to her daughters, tells them she thinks Josie might graduate. Then the subject is the girls leaving and Kim cries. They hold her and stroke her hair. Later she narrates that she hopes the will know now that they can support her the way she does them. I wasn’t taping, but I am sure that when they left, they said “Goodbye, Kim.”

Now the focus is on the Board of Review. Sinae narrates it’s like a parent-teacher conference when you have just gotten in trouble. Jennifer narrates that she does not want to be reviewed. Kim narrates that Iyanla and Rhonda look mean coming into the room.

Sommer is called first. She says her biggest fault is defensiveness. She gives herself a B We go around the table and everyone gets to say something. Kim is upset that Sommer went public with the makeup incident without talking to her privately first. Jen tells her she’s not putting much effort into losing weight. Josie tells her the extreme work is over and now it’s time to get busy with the smaller pieces. (Did she like, GAIN I.Q. by having a baby????) Iyanla says she should surrender the need to fit in, just be yourself and you will. (yeah, that worked so well on the first day) Next they all get to say whether she should stay or go. (We learned in season one that this is not the same as voting.) They all say she should stay. Rhonda says she should stay and learn to make small decisions every day to get disciplined. They ask if she can think of any times when she showed her true self in the house and she starts collecting tears on her fingers for inspection. She says that in the makeup incident, she didn’t confront Kim privately because she didn’t feel she could do it on her own. She apologizes and Kim narrates it’s a fake just to be able to stay in the house. She gets a B and is told she needs to be more honest.

Kim is sweating but it’s Towanda who’s called next. She says she does well by getting along with everyone. She knows she needs to work on vulnerability. She sees it as a sign of weakness that could leave openings for others to hurt her. She gives herself a B for realizing it was herself she did not trust, rather than Iyanla. She knows she’s a control freak, even trying to control her own feelings, and she feels the trust incident was the first time she was honest with herself. She is asked to list 3 things she has done in the house that have had meaning, and she says number one, she knows it’s ok to cry and show emotions. Then she cries and the show ends with Iyanla looking puzzled.

Eating Disorders, Backstabbing and Beauty Shots

First we start the show off hearing Cassie talk about food and not really eating. Amanda is in the booth singing to her son Eli while in tears. She really misses him. Amanda is considered to be the mother of the house as her and the girls gather around the table enjoying a meal and she tells them whatever they need they can ask her.
Tyra Mail!!! The girls are all about to receive makeovers and they all seem really excited.

The next morning Tyra greets the girls as they go over what each will receive. Kelle will receive very long wavy hair, Julie will have about 6 inches cut off, YaYa’s dreads will be coming down for a more versatile look, which seems to depress YaYa, but she also gets a dermatologist appointment which makes her very happy. Nicole will go Lucy Red and shorter, Tocara will get a little more length and a lot of thickness. Amanda (the mommy) will be getting icy blonde hair to match her icy blue eyes. Norelle will get her hair chopped off and her braces removed. Jennipher will get her chopped and go blond. Cassie will just get a couple of tracks for thickening. Eva will get her hair shaped, shorter and blonde. Ann received a shorter cut and more blond streaks. We see over crying to Tyra telling her that she is going to look like a boy. Tocara thinks Amanda will be a little scary but Amanda can’t wait.

Later we see Cassie coming out of the bathroom stating that it smells really bad in there. Everyone is a little concerned because Cassie has stated that she has been starving herself. They watch as she picks around her food.
Tyra Mail!!! The girls have to get packed and get in the car and head to an Indian restaurant.

Jay tells the girls in the car that they will be tested on their makeup skills. Kiara a model for covergirl will help Jay judge how well the girls do. The winner will be invited to an industry party in New York. The catch is that the girls have to get ready in the Limo on the way to the party. When Jay yells go we see a girl jump over the rest of the girls to get to the makeup. Norelle is using her finger because she did not get to the applicators. Jay yells time as the girls arrive at their destination: A. John’s Indian Restaurant. Kiara and Jay look over all of the girls lined up outside of the party. Norelle is the winner she did the best job with her makeup (and only used her fingers). She is asked to pick 3 girls to go with her. She picks her roommate Eva, Kristi and Ann. They are lead off to pick out some designer clothing to wear to the party while the rest of the girls are handed waiter uniforms and are advised to get to work. Kiara wishes girls luck and leaves. After a night of partying the girls get Tyra Mail!!! Be ready for a 7am photo shoot.

The next morning the girls are advised by Jay that they will be doing some of the hardest shots to take which are beauty shots. The are done without any make up. YaYa immediately feels that she is being personally attacked because she can not see herself in front of the camera without any make up. The girls will be modeling hand cream.
While the girls are taking their shots other girls are standing around whispering about Cassie and her eating disorder. Eva feels that Amanda is wrong for telling the other girls about Cassie’s habits and think that she is doing it to get others kicked off so that she can win. Amanda is seen crying in the confessional while on the phone with her mother and her mother tells her to stay out of it. Tyra Mail!!! Someone will be going home.

Tyra welcomes the girls to the Judgment. She goes over the prizes for the final winner and introduces the panel of judges. Danilo (hair extraordinaire) is the Guest Judge this week. Jay gives the girls one final test. They will have to create a night diva look on one side of the face and a day look on the other side of the face. The girls rush to the rooms with only 10 minutes on the clock to create the two faces. We start with Kristi who Janice states looks like cousin it but Nigel loves the bangs. Her pictures look dead but they love the mouth. Eva’s makeup has no difference on either side of the face. Her pictures are gorgeous. Cassie make up is perfect. Pictures look good and her untouched photo appears to be better than the retouched photo. Jennipher has no difference with make up and the judges feel that as far as her pictures go she is not bringing it, boring. Amanda is complimented being told that she reminds them of Darryl Hanna from splash and her pictures are gorgeous, but her make up was not that good. Nicole: judges love the new color of her hair and her pictures are good. Tocara receives praises on her beautiful pictures. Norelle non retouched pictures are horrible but her makeup is perfect. It is remarked that she looks like Winona Ryder on the red carpet. Ann is not utilizing her oval face. Julie use eyes more and they make her change the style of her outfit. She tells them that she would rather be in manufacturing. YaYa looking good and soft but untouched photos need help. Nigel advises water, water, water! Kelle is slamming and fierce with her new look but her pictures are bland and her non retouched photos are even worse. Kelle advised them that they just picked a bad picture. That set the wrong way with Tyra because she felt that Kelle was trying to put her faults on someone else.
The judges deliberate and the next to go home is Julie for not having the determination and drive and because she wants to become a manufacturer.

Last Comic Standing – The Joke’s On Us

by aurora

Thursday morning, Last Comic Standing fans awoke to learn some startling news; season 3, The Battle of the Best, had been cancelled. This would be distressing enough on its’ own, but with only one show to go in the series (and the reveal of the winner at stake), it was simply astounding. Why would NBC pull the plug on LCS with only one more hour to go?

Fans were angry. Very, very angry. We had spent the entire summer juggling Last Comic with Big Brother 5 and The Amazing Race 5, all of which were scheduled on the same night. We hadn’t been thrilled with the idea of season 3 starting up right after the second instalment, but we watched anyway. Voting could only be done for a few hours after the show aired, but we faithfully logged on and sent in our votes. And now we find out that it was all for nothing? We’re not even going to see a final show to find out who wins the title? It seemed impossible to believe.

Over at NBC, there was very little information coming through. Apparently the finale was pulled from the line-up because of poor ratings – an average of 6 million viewers tuned in each week. Another struggling NBC offering, Father of the Pride, was put in the LCS timeslot and billed as a ‘marathon’, during which there would be an announcement concerning the winner of LCS 3. That didn’t cut it for fans of Last Comic, and we came out in droves.

Meanwhile, the comics themselves were just as bewildered as the rest of us. Dave Mordal made his way to the final four, only to find out there wouldn’t be a crowning moment for the winner. When asked for his reaction to the news, Mordal commented, “I have so little information at this time that it wouldn’t even be interesting to quote me.” And Rich Vos, who was also still standing and in the same situation as Mordal, said, “I am upset but I have nothing bad to say about NBC or LCS, they both helped advance my career.”

A few of the other comics also offered their comments. ANT, vacationing in Aruba, said, “I can’t say that I was shocked to hear the news. I just hope Alonzo Bodden wins.”

Kathleen Madigan had three excellent points to make:

“1. It doesn’t surprise me. The ratings have been horrible and things have sort of spun out of control all the way around. I was surprised they waited this long though. If they were gonna do it, it would have been more humane to do it before the very last episode.

2. I’m happy because being a seat filler is a much more stressful job than I’d anticipated.

3. I’d like it if someone could make sure we’re still getting our prize money because I already went to Best Buy and pretended it was Christmas.”

And Sean Kent also tried to lighten the mood:

“I think America was sincerely clamoring for NBC to not air the final episode of Last Comic Standing so they could get more of a show about the sexually abused pets of two gay German magicians.
But realistically, I suppose if Joey was my last, best hope for success, I might panic too.
You know I tried to tape Joey last week and my Tivo accidentally recorded The Tony Danza Show instead. Weird, huh?
Side note – I’ve haven’t been watching Father of the Pride. Is the lion who bit Roy’s neck in two and crippled him for life a main character on it or does he play the “wacky neighbor”?”

Aside from getting a good chuckle from a few of the responses, they actually made me a touch angrier. These are funny people. From what I had read before season 3 started up, a lot of them weren’t all that enthusiastic about coming back and doing the show again. But they did, and they worked it. They came up with new material each week, they entertained us, and they worked the show into their already busy schedules. Sure, NBC had waved a nice chunk of money at them to come back, but doing standup isn’t easy and these comics made it look like it was.

So what’s a disgruntled fan to do? I’ll tell you what we do – we bitch. We complain to anyone who will listen, and in this case we complained to NBC. We sent e-mails and made phone calls, left messages with automated voice recorders, and encouraged our friends and fellow fans to do the same.

Last night Rich Vos e-mailed me to tell me that the show was back on. We all know now that the show will indeed go on, but it’s been scaled back to thirty minutes. Better than nothing? Definitely. And forgive me for not being undyingly grateful, but I still say give us and the comics the full hour. What’s an extra thiry minutes to NBC? Diddly. But it would mean the world to all of us.

Alonzo Bodden, another comic in the final four and a heavy favourite to win, wraps up the situation best. “My initial reaction was laughter. I couldn’t believe it but then, it’s a network and their decisions are based purely on ratings. Someone must have read what the fans were writing because now the show is back on for a half hour reveal show. My reaction was to write jokes about being replaced by animal puppets. How sad was it that on the day Rodney died NBC showed comedy no respect. I’m glad someone came to their senses. The shows ratings may have dropped but there are millions of fans who deserve

Absolutely Alonzo, and the comics deserve more too.

Comments are welcome! Contact me at

Addendum: I’ve heard directly from NBC that the 30-minute finale will air on Comedy Central. Date and time is to be determined.

If I may add one more small rant to this article, I am in Canada. I would love to get Comedy Central, but it’s just not offered by my satellite company. Sure, I’m in the minority here, but why does NBC continue to screw over loyal fans of this show? It’s mind-boggling to me.

Da Da Da – Survivor: Vanuatu, Episode 4

[i]by atarus[/i]

We start off the episode on Yasur. It’s right after TC and Lisa and Eliza are fighting. Eliza tells Lisa that she’s sorry she ever apologized for what she did. In a confessional, she says that they were supposedly in an alliance, and that she was totally blindsided by “that bitch.” Honey, you did the exact same thing as she did a round before, and didn’t expect them to get mad at you. I’m sorry, but…sheesh. Twila tells the group that they need to be tough, in and out. The group splits up, Lisa says she isn’t surprised that Julie and Eliza are mad at her, and Eliza “doesn’t trust” Lisa.

On Lopevi, Rory says that he took three votes, but it doesn’t bother him. Chris says that right now it’s all about the numbers. John K is annoyed that all the good-looking, athletic people are being voted out and that the fat dudes are running the show. It goes to Brady, who says that since they are playing an easy numbers game, the older men don’t have to work at all. JK states that most challenges are physical and none of the older guys are athletic. Brady says the “Fat Five” are in charge, and he tries to go fishing to change their minds about voting. Unfortunately, he only catches Little and his brother Littler.

On the way to the Reward Challenge, Yasur sees a rainbow and one of them exclaims “this must mean we’re gonna win!” Huh. Anyway, the reward challenge is a simple memory game, and the first tribe to match 5 items wins the reward. (Psst, also, did anyone else catch that at this point Probst says “You’ve been out here for 9 days.” ? Did we miss a day somewhere?) Anyway, it starts off Chad, Lisa, Rory, and Scout pulling up goose eggs. (No, goose eggs were not an item, I mean zeroes.) And then the men start screwing up proficiently. And one, two, three points go to the women. JK has a chance to make a match, but blows it (Gotta save you for the physical challenges, huh). And the women have four points. Sarge and Chad score two more points for the boys, but Lisa does a silly dance (like Mia! Grrr, someone new to hate) to get the fifth item and the women win the reward, a native named Da.

Da returns to the Yasur camp and the women are excited to meet him, but he goes straight to work. He walks up a tree and gets coconut for the ladies to drink. He starts going through the woods, pulling up roots and cutting up plants and handing them to the women. Eliza is amazed, and Leann states that “we had no idea what to eat.” Da finds sugar cane, and sugar cane to the Yasur tribe is like chocolate to Jerri. (not Jenna or Heidi though…does anyone want to see Scout strip for sugar cane?) As they go on, it seems that Da understands the women more than the women understand him. Julie says that they were in awe of him, and that he cooked them a wonderful dinner. Ami confesses that it’s just what the tribe needed, a breath of fresh air that boosted morale.

On Lopevi, Rory says that the stuff to eat and help the tribe is right at their fingertips, they just don’t know where to get it. Chad says that Bubba is starting to get homesick. In a confessional Bubba says that he’s from the country, and you eat with your family, and do everything with your family, and he misses them and wonders how they’re doing. Dude, it’s only a week. Chin up, Bubba. Rory and Chad discuss Bubba, and they say that his family is his weakness. Rory has a heart-to-heart with Bubba, saying that he needs to put it behind him, otherwise people’s perceptions of him will change and it may physically affect him. Bubba says that Rory’s actually a good guy, he’s just misunderstood. (This is the first positive editing of Rory in the show so far. Hmmm.) He then talks about how Sarge and Rory are just an ongoing barrage of bickering, and he’s tired of it. *insert scene of Sarge and Rory fighting here*

Back on Yasur, Scout is marvelling over how Da has made their bed comfortable. According to Twila “all the humpty-bumpty-bumps are gone.” Da made the group torches and they walked down the beach and showed them where crabs would be. Then the next morning the group went out, and lo and behold, Yasur has crabs now. Then Da leaves, and there is a sad farewell. Eliza says that the group was practically crying when Da left, and they all sing him a farewell song. Awwwww.

Now it’s back to Lopevi, and Rory decides to try and “fish.” Rory’s defintion of fishing, however, is meandering around poking at rocks with the fish-catcher-ma-bobber. Brady is still trying the “rift between Sarge and Rory” manuever. He tells Sarge that “nobody’s going to vote for Rory because nobody sees him as a threat.” (Ominous foreshadowing? Hmmmm.) He says he got a little bit more vicious than normal, but he had to try something.

It’s immunity time! Another mind game, this time they have to arrange tiles so that no colors and no symbols are in the same row or column. (Is it just me, or has Mark Burnett decided to try and throw a bone to the Lopevi tribe here? It’s like “Okay, you guys are voting out physical threats, so supposedly you guys should be able to win the mental ones, right? ……Right?”) The tribes apparently switched brains since the last tribe vs. tribe immunity challenge. Remember how they picked Sarge as the caller vs. Scout the caller, and how the loudmouth did better? Same principle here, except it’s Eliza doing the yelling and they choose Rory to lead them. And you know that this is over before it began. Yasur is working together while Lopevi is just utter chaos. Everyone tries to do their own thing, nobody listens to Rory except for Chad who tries to tell people to listen to Rory, but…*sigh*. Anyway, Yasur wins and Lopevi looks stupid.

Back at camp, Chris says that the challenge was pandemonium. Rory says it “was our worst performance as a team unit.” Lea says that Rory was “just sitting there with a blank stare.” John K is trying to sway Bubba, or at least try and open his mind a little bit. Bubba however says that he’s not the one calling the shots, Sarge is. (Which is of course a blatant lie, considering Sarge went running with his tail between his legs to Chris last episode when Brady tried to get him to vote for Rory.) Rory says that if anyone goes against him, it will be Sarge, and he’s scared right now. Chris says that Sarge likes to be in control, and he could make a change if he wanted to. Sarge himself says that if Brady goes, he loses a work partner, and that he would keep Brady here to the end, and says that you don’t need bad seeds (Rory) when you’re fighting for survival.

At TC, Probst points out that Rory got no respect at the challenge, that he was leading them but nobody was listening. Rory says he’s scared as hell, he’s the leading vote-getter up until this point. Bubba says that the women kicked them in the groin, they took it hard, but it’s a whole new ball team next game. Brady states that day one, hour one, people started thinking about 6-8 challenges down the road, but that it’s still a team game right now. Chris says that they don’t know if the women are going to stick together or not, you have to do what’s right for you. Chad agrees, he says that if it starts becoming individual early, you have to become individual too. John K says he’s one of the more athletic people, he’s extremely worried. Brady says his vote will go in the way that will give the men more momentum at merge.

It’s time to vote. Rory votes for Brady. “You caught the fish, you climbed the pole, but sometimes the spirits dictate the time for you to go.” Brady votes for Rory. “Maybe third time’s the charm.” In the end, Brady gets 6 votes and he leaves with a wave.

Next time: There’s a switch and an earthquake.

Brady’s Final Words: He says he feels like a bit of a loser, “how much did that suck”, and he’ll take the votes as a compliment, that if “Brady makes merge he’ll kick my ass.”

Questions? Comments? Rantings? My e-mail is

Interview With Marvin Latimer of Big Brother 5

by aurora

Marvin was such a strong presence on Big Brother. He never held back his opinions and told it like it is. He made things so much more interesting in the house! In this interview, his no-holds-barred style comes out loud and clear. Read on!

Hi Marvin! Thanks for taking the time to answer our questions.

In your pre-season interview, you said your strategy was to hook up with another alpha male, and then get into everyone else’s good graces by cooking, making them laugh, and complimenting them – which is exactly what you did. What part of the equation was missing to get you to the end?

I also said I would try to join in with a loose group of 6 people (The 4 horsemen) which would probably go to hell in 2 weeks. Luckily the 4 horsemen saved me the 1st week. The problem was just a numbers game and a timing thing with the double elimination weekend. I was sitting HOH and was a sitting duck after winning HOH 2 times and America’s Choice. I felt Cowboy was still pissed about that. My only plan while I was HOH was to break up Diane & Drew or at least make them trust each other less. I knew I probably could swing a vote from Diane if her and Drew got in a big fight. Then she could swing me Karen & Nik. With only 12 hours to work it, I was dead in the water after Drew found out about the kiss. Also, you can only make it so far in that game with no allies or friends to protect you. I was surprised I made it that far.

You said repeatedly that you couldn’t stand any of the other houseguests. How do you feel about them now? Is there anyone that you’ll continue to stay in contact with? Anyone you truly can’t stand?

Couldnt stand living with them but I’m sure maybe they are cool out of the house. Just emailed Will & heard back from him. Talked to Scott today and The DON last Saturday. Also emailed Lori & Todd to say hello. I try not to hold any ill will because we are bonded together like it or not. As far as can’t stand…….. I better not answer that now because I’m really still kinda pissed at Diane. But because I like her and Drew got her and the cash and my ass is po broke and lonely. Damn!!!!!!!

Which cast member from The Young and the Restless would you most like to be in a scene with, and why? (not including Phyllis or Michael Baldwin, who you’ve already worked with.)

Lauren Fenmore in a love scene. I always had a crush on her and that would be cool as central air. She just seems so powerful and that turns me on in a woman. A woman that will try to put me in check and pull rank with me but still loves me.

There are rumours flying around about a sitcom involving Chip & Kim from The Amazing Race, and “two guys from BB5”. Are you involved in this project, and if so can you shed some light on it?

It don’t involve me since I haven’t heard this. That sounds like a rumor that Chip & Kim came up with though. Nice strategy.

You were controversial from day one – Holly and Lori complained about sexual harassment, you called the twins out on what you said was sanctimonious and self-righteous behaviour, you kissed Diane – was everything planned and intentional, or did you find yourself doing things you wouldn’t normally do from the stresses of being in the house?

I don’t think I sexually harrassed anyone. Trust me CBS would have told me if I did something wrong. They never ever said I sexually harassed anyone. Holly was pissed that I peeped her bullshit story out day 1 in the house. She starts saying in front of me & 3 others that “Marvin, don’t be offended but I was attempted raped by 3 black guys and they beat me up so badly I had to be in the hospital for weeks. I also have all these med bills that I need money to pay.” I said the entire story was bullshit . She doesn’t have a scratch on her little ass. She was mad I never hit on her and she wanted all the guys to want to bang her. I told her, she wasn’t my type. She wasn’t used to some dude saying that and got pissed. When I said I thought Lori was hot, but after living with her a week she is just like a sister now and like furniture that you get used to instead of being a raging hormone freak . Holly went to Lori and told her, Marvin said you were an old piece of furniture. I told Lori what I really said but Holly talked her into going to the producers and tried to get me thrown off the show. I didn’t plan any of this in advance.

The deal with the twins was me just calling a spade a spade. I thought they were pampered the entire time and for one of them to be chillin in a hotel in Hollywood with the lights off and my black ass was going through hell, with a camera in the toilet and lights on 24 hours a day. F that. I made sure one of them didn’t win just to make sure the winner was credible and the game maintained integrity even if that meant I didn’t win. But that’s just how I am. When I told Booty I wouldnt beg her for a freakin veto and I would pack my shit and leave now!!!!! I meant that. That’s just how I am. I get to a point where my integrity and my word doesn’t have a price. I had faith in God that I knew I wasn’t gonna win but things would work out for the best.

The Diane kiss. She kissed me the first time when I was on the block with Scott and she came in the stone room and told me to have faith in her and kissed me on the lips. I was slightly shocked and sprung after that. The kiss in front on Cowboy was planned to break her & Drew up and create some mistrust there. I wanted to be there to pick up the pieces and say,”We are just buddies, why is Drew jealous of me. He’s perfect and why would he be jealous of little ol me.” I played the people in the house, I didn’t give a damn if the cameras caught it or not. It’s funny because Diane and I kissed about 4 times but they never showed a good one on TV. TOOO Hotttt for CBS I guess. I finally saw the tape and if you remember when he asked her about it, she said,” that was a couple weeks ago.” That proves it right there. But as far as controversey for TV…… homey don’t play that. If I do some shit and it’s controversial.. that cool but I don’t say…. I want to do something that’s crazy.

Who, besides yourself, do you think deserved to be in the final two based solely on game play?

Diane & Nik. Diane is hard core. She’s a bitch but I kinda like that about her. I could never ever trust her but I am attracted to strippers anyway. Nik is just a good player and had more moves than X-lax in the game.

Jase made some comments at the reuinion show about feeling sorry for you because you had to hang out with Will after Jase was evicted. He said that he knew you didn’t like Will, and you didn’t deny it. What’s the real story? Was the bond you forged with Will real or not?

I was like, yeah Jase, I wanted you there. Hell I was trying to get Jase out the game. Shit, I helped put that together but it didn’t come off like that on TV. Jase was mad he didn’t make it to the jury house and was trying to make his beef with Will & I. Will is cool as a snowman. I just heard from him today. I was bullshittin and having fun but Will and I hung out in Mexico and chilled. Jase has completely changed since the House though. I don’t know what’s up there.

In my recap of the final show, I wrote that it seemed that you pulled your jury question for Cowboy out of your ass. Certainly, it seemed that way to some of the other jurors, as well as the viewers. Did you have a solid reason to believe that Cowboy is racist, or were you trying to make him squirm?

A little of both to be honest. Firstly, I hated the format for that show . We weren’t allowed to ask follow up questions and Drew & Cowboy were sidesteppin questions like George Bush at an Iraqi news conference. I said F this. Cowboy answered each question the exact same way no matter what it was. I can hear it now…….. “I love everybody…… we are all friends………I just wanted to be myself.”
No shit Cowboy. The problem was he never addressed the questions they asked him. So I said I got a question he won’t put that bullshit on.

The way I phrased the question would #1 shock him #2 make him not be able to give the same rote ass response & #3 make it address the race issue. I felt, this dude has been after me from jump street and I did nothing but try to ally with him & protect him so what’s up? Is it a black thing or what. You gotta remember that being the only minority in the house was hell becasue I felt like an outsider so I had to address this issue. He said he had to vote for Nik because that was his sister but he votes her ass out the next week so what’s up? But I don’t think he’s a racist. I just don’t think he liked my ass for whatever reason. But I had to make him prove it to me and the public. From what I hear, it was edited out of the final show . In the diary room afterwards I said I thought Cowboy answered the question to my satisfaction. But they have a show to do and it sounded rougher without them putting that in there.

Cowboy and I are cool outside the house though. He was pissed at me that I had to find some dirt on him to make sure he didn’t win in the end early on in the game. I found out his father in law is well off and oversees oil wells. I called his ass Jed Clampet and Cowboy has been pissed ever since. But I am a hard core player. I come hard and heavy daddy!!!!

Have you watched the tapes of the show yet, or been to the internet message boards to read what people thought of you? While you were in the house, who did you think ‘America’ would be rooting for? Have you been surprised by anything that was going on in the house that you’re just finding out about now?

I watched some of the shows but some of it bored me to death because I already knew what was gonna happen. My brother missed about 3 or 4 of them so I’m trying to get copies from someone now. I fast forwared through a lot .They cut out a lot of funny stuff though. Haven’t read too many message boards but I’ve found out that people really hated me in the beginning and then they started to like me. It’s funny but I guess they warmed up to my edgy sense of humor. I come off a little rough at first because I have a low tolerance for BS. It comes from being single and hating it. Maybe you guys can find me the chick on the treadmill from my scene at Young & The Restless.

I figured Ameica would root for Drew & Cowboy. Drew because they think he’s pretty & Cowboy because they feel sorry for him. I didn’t think about that type of stuff in the game because I have tunnel vision when I am competing at something.

I’m surprised Drew didn’t get more HJ’s from Diane. Was shocked how the twins came off on TV. They came off as real bitches and I thought CBS would spin them in a good light to make people feel sorry for them. I was amazed at that.

You were very outspoken about the twin twist, and indeed about the twins themselves. What was your main beef about the twins – that they had an unfair advantage in the game, or the way they acted in the house? What were things like in the sequester house with them?

Hell yes they had an unfair advantage. If I could leave that freakin house 1 or 2 times a week and have my own room and not have to listen to Karen’s ass talk about Larry or Savage telling his lies, I would be fresh as hell every week. Adria and I were cool when we met and she is one hot chick. She is a girl you can have feelings for in the house. But when Nat came in they changed completely and went on a power trip. It just rubbed me the wrong way.

Then she said the bible told her to put Will & I up. OH !!!!!!!! I just went off like a roman candle and was beside myself. Get the hell outta here. She comes in the house on the premise of a big ass lie and now she wants to pistol whip me with the bible. I glad I don’t go to her church.

The sequester house was big enough we had our own space. The twins hung together and Will & I would maybe do shots and play cards. When someone else would come down the house would change. In the end I felt like I was back at the BB house again. The twins hung out, Di, Karen Will & Nik hung out and I was the Maverick, Lone Wolf again.

Since you don’t have a website Marvin, is there a way that your fans can get in touch with you?

Sure, you can post my e-mail address for fan mail. I will try to answer some of their questions if I get a chance. It’s

Thanks very much for a great interview Marvin! Best of luck to you in the future.

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