GUG Season 2, Episode 11 – The Big O

GUG Season 2, Episode 11 – The Big O

by Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos

Last week’s [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/articles/article.php?id=609] recap[/url] was part one of this episode. In it, Victoria, Robert and Susan took off to Aspen, Colorado during Gay Ski Week no less. The boys had a sitter and Luigi was driving everyone nuts.

So, did Victoria find a straight man in Aspen?
Did the babysitter ever show up?
Why do three almost grown men need a sitter anyway?
Will Luigi ever do anything productive? Ever?

Victoria starts off the episode by saying that her manhunt is a bust, so she’s going to learn how to ski. She’s always wanted to and since there’s no men around for her to look foolish in front of, she’s going to do it now. She, Robert and Susan hire a ski instructor to teach them. Robert, who complains about the big “O” – OXYGEN (and just what were y’all thinking? Hmm? Get your minds out of the gutter now) – or lack thereof.

If I had a dime for every time he said he’d need Oxygen, I could afford more cable channels so I wouldn’t have to watch this show anymore. Okay?

They try on their skis. Robert’s like – do they have to be so tight on the ankles. Victoria says, “you must have fat ankles.” Robert said his legs are shaped fine. He has great calves, thank you very much. Meow! Cat fight on the slopes.

Victoria’s worried. She says it’s not about skiing down the mountain; but rather, what Luigi is up to while she’s not around to supervise. Tracy, the babysitter who’s just there until the babysitter shows up, is young, tall and pretty. Luigi immediately warms up to her and starts flirting.

I have to say I was very uncomfortable watching this. It was sleazy. Yech!

Tracy, who’s a natural flirt, asks him if she should tell Victoria that he’s smoking in the house. Luigi says, ‘nah. I won’t tell her you were late.’ Beth, who’s the real sitter, called to cancel last minute. Victoria’s not thrilled but she tells Tracy to hang out with the boys overnight. The boys and their friends didn’t seem to mind. Luigi was pleased as punch and offered to make her dinner.

John doesn’t like the way Luigi’s acting around Tracy and calls his mother. She tells him to make it clear to Luigi that he needs to steer clear of Tracy. Meanwhile, Victoria, Susan and Robert are trying to get their snow legs so to speak. Robert’s like, “I feel like a duck.” He’s not having an easy time of walking around with the skis. Victoria, who’s the only one attempting to ski, sails off down the hill for a bit, then falls on her butt.

She says, “so far, so bad.” How true! She’s like ‘skiing has been as successful as my manhunt.’ Of course, she’s a Gotti and Gotti’s don’t give up so she’s gonna conquer the mountain. Robert’s sucking on the oxygen can like it’s going out of style. Victoria yells at him to save some for everyone else.

She wonders why she’s the only one learning how to ski. Robert and Susan have abandoned the idea altogether and decide to stroll along in the snow instead. After a while, they go have lunch. Going up on the lift makes Victoria very nervous. It was pretty high. Once they got to the top, it was beautiful. They all agreed. They called for oxygen help. Robert – get this – gets oxygen and lights up a cigarette. What an idiot!

During lunch, a man comes over to Victoria. He’s local to the Aspen region from January to April. Then, he lives in New York where he’s an investment banker. He invites Victoria out to dinner that night. She agrees to meet up with him. Victoria quips, “Romance is in the air, even though it’s pretty thin (air).”

Victoria and her friends wonder what the guy will wear. She hopes it’s a suit. Robert says in Aspen he’ll probably wear jeans and you can tell a lot about a man by his shoes and watch. Thanks for the tip, Robert.
Back on Long Island, Luigi is cooking dinner and flirting with Tracy. Tracy is drinking lots of wine. I’m sure Luigi’s used to dates drinking A LOT in order to put up with him. He’s making salchiches (sausage), broccoli rabe and pasta e fagioli (pasta and beans). Sounds good to me.

John butts in and says to Tracy – aren’t you a little young for Louie? She’s like – shut up! I mean all the girl wants is some dinner. Hello! Luigi tells her to taste some of his sausage. John and Carmine joke:

“Is that your pick-up line, Lou. I’ll give you some Italian sausage!”

I hope not, but I’ve heard worse. How about –

My pants are like Windex. I can see you in them?
OR
Your legs must be tired. You’ve been running through my mind all day?

Those are just two I can remember. Luigi tells John he needs to learn how to cook. A single man needs to have some culinary skills. John’s like I’m Italian. I can cook. All Italian men have the ability to cook. It’s in their heart or something. (Or somewhere else!) If all else fails, their mammas will cook for them.

At the same time, Victoria’s prepping for her date. She’s bringing both Robert and Susan along. Ralph did bring a date for Susan, but not for Robert. I got the distinct impression he wasn’t thrilled with the group date, but — too bad. They talk about how looks are important. Victoria disagrees. I think this guy’s a goner. Uh-oh. She wishes that, for a man his age, he’d be more mature.

Speaking of immature men, Victoria hopes Luigi acts his age with Tracy and not his height. Tracy is drinking a whole lotta wine. She says she has to cut herself off. Luigi asks her what she does for fun. She says she hangs out with friends, looking for guys, but there’s nothing good out there.

In Aspen, Robert decides to call it a night. Ralph wanted to go out for a drink with the ladies, but Robert said he was leaving and taking the ladies with him. Ralph tried to argue with him, but Robert held firm. I think Victoria was relieved (or put him up to it). She ordered some chocolate soufflés back at the hotel and announced that the more she dates, the more she realizes she doesn’t really want nor need a man. Chocolate is hotter, tastes better and is more reliable.

I hear ya, sister.

At the end of Luigi’s “date”, he and Tracy have a smoke. She’s like, I’m going to stop when I get married before I have a baby. Luigi asks her what she’s looking for in a guy. She said someone nice. Do you know anyone? Want to hook me up? Luigi looked hurt – like he honestly thought he had a chance. In the end, he asks her if she’d like to have dinner again. She says, with you?

Oh well! Victoria goes back home tomorrow. What a ho-hum end to her Aspen vacation.

Is it just me or is this show starting to fizzle out? Email me at panndyra@yahoo.com if you have an opinion!


The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend – The Contender, Episode 4

Last episode, we saw Ahmed Kaddour defeated at the hands of our favorite bad guy Ishe Smith.

“The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend” starts out with the aftermath of the Smith versus Kaddour match. “My cancer is gone, I beat him,” Smith smiles. He relates how he’s going to be celebrating Ahmed being gone rather than his victory. He goes back to the lockeroom beat up, bruised and prays for being blessed to win the fight. He comes back to the suite to applause from his teammates and the East Coast team. “You showed heart,” Sergio praises.

That night, Jeff goes home to visit his family. He’s been with his girlfriend for ten years and they have a seven year old son together. He, too, is in the competition to provide for his family. “I don’t know if anybody knows I’m sick or not,” he confides. “I really believe Jeff could win this,” Sylvia, his girlfriend, says.

Jackie sits down with Najai and observes that he has trust issues. “There’s something about him that’s very endearing,” she says. “I’m not meant to be known,” he tells her about his trust issues. “If I die today or tomorrow, they have nothing. Just give me the opportunity to give them something,” he says. He believes his mother, who passed away, and his daughter are the only two he could ever trust in his life.

He later spars in the ring with a trainer while Sugar Ray and Sly look on. “He throws a thousand punches,” Alfonso observes during training one day.

They gather around Sly and Ishe is given his golden globe and his immunity until the semi-finals. Sugar Ray says he’s taken the West Coast team out that night. They went into downtown Los Angeles to a restaurant in the VIP section. Jackie joins the boys for the dinner, too. “When you question that [your ability], you’re lost,” he lets them in on.

Jeff talks to Jackie. “Jeff’s my biggest concern,” he says. “The last thing he wants is to be perceived as sick or ill.” He finally gives in to going to the doctor’s but he doesn’t want anybody to know he’s sick or they will take advantage.

Sergio spars in the ring, while everyone watches, and does a good job keeping up with his trainer. “I’m just trying to help you,” Tommy tells him as he gives him advice. Sergio is a self-taught knowledge base. His favorite author is Oscar Wilde, and he quotes him several times. He journals about his favorite quotes and authors as he finds them in life. “Not all boxers are dopes, and if people can change their perspectives on one person, perhaps they can change it for all boxers.”

Jeff visits with the doctor who meets him in East’s lockeroom. He has legions on legs and the doctor tells him he has chicken pox. Jeff is told he must be taken out of the competition, because he is contagious. “I’m done,” he sighs, “I’m devastated. I’m trying to hold my composure up and not shed a few tears.”

Sly comes up to the suite and tells the rest of the guys what is going on with Jeff. “Chicken pox,” Sly admits and some of the guys can’t believe that. Sly then adds a new component, one of the previous three that have been set home must be voted back the next day, and both teams must decide who will come back together.

The next day they meet with Tommy and Sugar Ray to do a ballot to decide who will come back to replace Jeff. “Vote for what’s best for you,” Tommy advises. The votes are read off by Sugar Ray: Four votes for Jonathan Reid, eight votes for Peter Manfredo, Jr. and no votes for Ahmed Kaddour. (THANK GOD!)

Peter comes in, takes his gloves off the wall and rejoins his teammates in the suite. Alfonso has worries he still might be devastated from the fight. “Did you think in a million years you’d come back?” Sugar Ray asks. “Not in a million years,” Peter admits.

This week’s challenge is to pull a 5,000 pound Toyota Tundra across a path. Along the way they must load the truck with nine letters to spell a word at the end of the finish line. Since East Coast has lost three challengers, the three winners on the West Coast team sit out.

East Coast makes it to their Tundra first. Both teams send members ahead to gather the punching bags as others begin pulling on both teams. East Coast is leading, Tommy shouts that they need it as does the team. East Coast has the first and second bags, West Coast is lagging even though their truck is further ahead. East Coast’s truck begins to falter because the truck begins going and there’s a contender stuck almost under the truck, Tommy warns them, and they end up having to stop to make sure their teammate is okay. West Coast has a huge lead as Sugar Ray cheers them on. East Coast crosses the finish line first, West Coast is way behind as Tommy yells at them, “Let’s go!” Sugar Ray tells them, “You cannot lose this one! Come on guys, come on!” West Coast finally makes it to the finish line. East Coast wins their first challenge! “West Coast, for the first time, you are at the mercy of the East,” Sugar Ray smiles.

Both teams meet up in the gym with Sly. “I guess this is a long time coming,” he jokes. Najai steps up to toe the line for the East Coast team whereas he calls out Sergio. “I came here to fight the best,” he says, and while they toe the line, he doesn’t look at Sergio at all. “I don’t look my opponent in the eyes until I fight,” Najai explains. The fight will be Najai Turpin versus Sergio Mora. “Nobody wanted to fight Najai because nobody wanted to crack him. He’s a nut,” Sergio admits but now he wants to fight him.

Now, we find them in their respective lockerooms prior to their fight. Sergio’s family comes to visit with him. “I’m here to fight my heart out,” Sergio explains. He assures his mother that he will be okay in the fight. “My mom is the best thing in my life. There’s no price to be a good mom.” Sergio now gets wrapped up as we visit with Najai in his lockeroom. His daughter and girlfriend come to visit and he’s delighted, playing with Anyae. “She’s my everything. She gives me a reason to do everything I do,” he beams. He plays hide and seek with his daughter in the lockeroom. “My family needs this. Hopefully, this right here, will make their future brighter.” He, too, gets wrapped up in preparation for the fight.

Sergio and Najai began shadowboxing in there lockerooms. Sugar Ray comes and wishes Sergio good luck; he then comes and wishes Najai luck, too.

Shaquille O’Neil and Burt Reynolds are in the audience tonight as the contenders are introduced. First comes out Sergio. “I have fear in my heart… to lose,” he says as he comes out to cheers from his team and audience. Najai is next. “I feel as nothing can go wrong. God bless me for being a fighter,” he praises.

Round 1: And the fight begins… with Sergio coming out strong, he’s much faster than Najai. Najai plays defense, Sergio attacks through the defenses. Najai lands a few good punches, still defensive in nature. Sergio gets in a great right hook and another left hook, knocking Najai into defense. Sergio gets another set of punches to Najai’s face. Round goes to Sergio.
Round 2: Najai gets a pep talk and comes out in utter defense. He gets Sergio to the ropes and begins a set up combinations and ducks to get in. Sergio is on the complete defense. Najai keeps punching and working Sergio’s body. He gets in another set of combinations and there’s nothing Sergio can do to stop him as he’s against the ropes. Najai gets four punches to Sergio’s head. Round goes to Najai.
Round 3: Sergio goes for Najai’s abdomen, but Najai works him and gets him against the ropes again. Sergio goes on the defense as Najai works him; Sergio’s tired, very tired as noted by Sly. Najai lands two punches to the head, Sergio getting in a few punches to drive him away. Round goes to Najai.
Round 4: Sergio comes out swinging, Najai ducking to get in. West Coast is cheering, Sergio gets a head shot in and is taken to the ropes again. Sergio lands a solid punch, another, another and makes work of Najai’s head. He calls Najai out and begins making work of his abdomen, Najai’s on the defensive as a barrage of punches connect by Sergio. Round goes to Sergio.
Round 5: They touch gloves and begins the final round. They lock up, hitting each other and ducking. Sergio connects a few shots. They’re both tired, Sergio lands a punch to the head, chases a fleeing Najai to the ropes and begins working him hard. They lock up again as everyone cheers on. A few ducks later, Sergio connects and makes work of Najai’s defenses getting him in the head an abdomen. Najai’s barely defending himself anymore; he can’t, he’s done, he’s gone. Round goes to Sergio.

West Coast storms the ring to lift Sergio up to the applauding crowd as Najai looks on knowing he’s defeated. Judges scorecard is in: Sergio Mora wins by unanimous decision. “A little guy picked a big guy and he came out swinging,” Sergio praises. “I told him I respect you. Thank-you.”

Najai heads back to the lockeroom slowly. Sly meets him half-way. “You’ve won everyone’s heart over. You were absolutely fabulous,” he tells him. “I left everything in the ring. I came up short,” he relates morosely. His girlfriend and daughter come to meet him and he holds his daughter. “What did I do wrong for something to go wrong when I thought I did everything right?” he asks as he cries. “It hurt me that I didn’t keep my word,” he admits, crying into his daughter. “I gave it my all for every single second.”

Turpin, the fourth contender to be sent home, hangs his gloves up on the wall with his fallen comrades, spouting the truth, “I feel greatness ahead of me. I feel a greatness ahead of me.”

Unfortunately, on February 14, 2005 Najai Turpin took his own life and this rocked The Contender family. In reaction to Turpin’s death, a trust fund has been set up to benefit his daughter, Anyae Chapple; if you’d like to make a donation, checks can be written to the Anyae Chapple Trust:

J.P. Morgan Trust Company, N.A.
1999 Avenue of the Stars, 26th Floor
Los Angeles, CA 90067
Attn: Fiduciary Services Dept.

Carpesomediem is an aspiring freelance writer from Lancaster, Pa. who enjoys music, movies and writing about the way the world works; you can contact her at carepesomediem@realityshack.com to talk about this week’s episode or anything at all.

Contender Commentary, Episode 4 – There's Something About Najai

Contender Commentary, Episode 4 – There’s Something About Najai

by Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos – panndyra@realityshack.com

Before the episode started tonight, I was very upset that a fighter who already lost was coming back on. I thought it was a Mark Burnett style twist like kicking two people off on this week’s Survivor Palau. Check out Atarus’ smoking review here:

http://www.realityshack.com/modules/articles/article.php?id=618

I was torn. I mean I liked every guy – except Ahmed – and wouldn’t have minded seeing Manfredo or Reid return. But, I thought it would be incredibly unfair to negate another’s win like that. Ishe, Jesse and Alfonso all deserved their wins. They were good fights.

However, a few minutes into it, my preconceptions were thrown out the window. Peter Fraza, the fighter from Haverhill, MA (I still have cousins who live there!), was coming down with something. He talked with Jackie Kallen, boxing promoter extraordinaire who was played by Miss Meg Ryan in the cool movie, Against the Ropes. Peter saw the doctor and it was determined that the rash he was developing was Chicken Pox. In adult males, Chicken Pox (varicella virus) can be extremely troublesome. It’s also contagious.

He was OUT of the competition just like that! Jeff was disappointed but I’m sure we’ll see the scrappy boxer again. He’s got talent if not the size of some of the other guys.

So, Sugar Ray tells the rest of the contestants they’ve got to choose to bring back one of the guys who’ve already fought – and lost. They need the numbers to be even for the competition to work so, they can chose from Ahmed, Manfredo and Reid.

Now, the guys were surprised – and a little put off by this, but they took it in stride. The next day they voted Peter Manfredo (8-4) back on. Ahmed received NO votes. Surprisingly enough.

It was cool to see Peter back in the hunt. It’s gonna be tough to beat him again. He seemed quiet and hungry, maybe hungrier for the title because he almost lost his chance. The East did win the challenge and got to chose the match-up. Najai, who’s been super-quiet up until this point, picked Sergio Mora.

Sergio’s quite the intelligent boxer. He reads a lot of books that you may not figure a boxer to check out like those written by Emerson and Sun Tzu. He also keeps a quote list to inspire him. I love a man who can knock another’s brains out and has some of his very own.

Jackie talked a bit with Najai this episode too. She said she worries about him because he’s so distrustful of others. Najai made me want to cry. He’s a loner. He’s depressed. He has a lot of responsibilities on his 23-year-old shoulders. His mom died when he was still a teen and he’s had to take care of his younger siblings. He often worked three jobs to support them and keep food on the table.

He loves being a dad to his little girl Anyae. She’s so cute. Watching him on the screen was hard because I knew this young man was already dead – he committed suicide on February 14, 2005. I knew that the Contender had come under fire even before it aired because of Najai’s death.

I was looking for a way to ‘see’ if this man could be saved. It was eerie.

In the end, Najai lost. He put up one strong fight. Sergio had his hands full. He did kiss Najai on the cheek and told him he did very well. I hope that Sergio doesn’t feel badly that he beat Najai. I hope that Sylvester Stallone, who encouraged this young man even after his defeat, doesn’t feel bad nor anyone on the Contender series.

I also hope that Anyae receives all the love and blessings that life has to offer and that her daddy didn’t feel he could bring her. His love for her was not enough to keep him alive. I didn’t know this young man but I was angry that he gave up his fight for life.

I understand how broken he was. I had a cousin commit suicide. My sister has attempted it and I have struggled with deep depressions in my life. The worst pain is for those who are left behind to wonder “WHY” and “WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE/SAID”.

In the end, we didn’t know why Najai died nor do we know really how he lived. We know how he fought on the Contender and we know that perhaps we could make his legacy mean something by donating to Anyae. We know that Najai’s life meant more than he believed it did and he will be missed by those who loved him.

The Contender has set up a fund in his daughter’s name. Check out the link at:

http://contender.tv.yahoo.com/01/fighters/najai.html

for more information. Or send your donation to:

J.P. Morgan Trust Company, N.A.
1999 Avenue of the Stars, 26th Floor
Los Angeles, CA 90067
Attn: Fiduciary Services Dept.

I feel emotionally invested in all of these fighters. It’s weird. I know I don’t know them. I know I usually make light of Reality TV. I can’t do that with this series. It seems wrong, somehow.


“Did You Get All That?” – The Apprentice 3, Recap Show

Did You Get All That? _ The Apprentice 3 Recap Show

By: Cori Linder
clinder@realityshack.com

It seems a popular trend that more and more people start hooking into a show as it progresses (I watched the last few episodes of “Project Runway” and could have kicked myself for missing the first half of them…thank goodness for marathons!). We are now at the half-way point in the interview process. So, for those of you who have now decided to tune in, don’t fret, for you can read the following to get the “Cliff Notes” version. This article will include links to the recaps and interviews. For the faithful followers, you’ll be privy to behind-the-scene moments and Mr. Trump’s personal insights (although there doesn’t seem to be a lot of surprises and hoopla here).

The show began with a quick glance at the audition tapes with Danny’s looking more professional than the others. Wouldn’t it be fun to be the person at NBC who gets to view all the audition tapes?

Who remains in the world’s longest job interview? Erin, Alex, Tana, Craig, Kendra, Bren, Angie, Chris, and Stephanie. How did they get to this point?

First, the teams were divided into “book-smarts” and “street-smarts,” and named themselves Magna Corp. and Net Worth, respectively. This added some much needed spice to The Apprentice mix. The show’s producers should have thrown in some Jalapeño peppers into tonight’s episode.

Task #1 – Burger King (read Recap)
Mr. Trump told us that what we didn’t see during this task was the teams’ high-level training sessions in which they had to watch videos on how to make hamburgers and make their customers feel appreciated. Is it just me, or does this “never-before-seen-scene” seem mundane and uninteresting?

Mr. Trump revealed he thought project manager Todd’s hands-off approach was a big mistake. Net Worth won the task. Todd was fired because he didn’t have the leadership skills. Looking back, Todd said he was embarrassed about being the first person fired but then tried to console himself that he really came in 18th place out of thousands of applicants.

Task #2 – Renovate Motel (read Recap)
Each team had to renovate a run-down hotel on the Jersey Shore. Brian was project manager for Net Worth and made the task all about replacing the toilets. Regarding Magna, Mr. Trump told us we didn’t see Erin’s confrontation with Verna about her not giving Erin the money (again, another let-down scene). We also missed what happened when Bren and Danny were sent out to buy furniture only to discover the store was 2 hours away. They soon got lost in New Jersey and started to discuss Michael’s poor performance as a leader. What might have been more interesting was to hear what they discussed the remaining 1 hour and 45 minutes.

With Michael as their project manager, Magna won. In the boardroom, Net Worth’s Brian took full blame for his actions as project manager, and Mr. Trump had no choice but to fire him. In hindsight, Brian said he had no regrets and that Mr. Trump should hire him back.

We are able to see another behind-the-scenes moment, which is more entertaining than the previous ones. In the boardroom, Chris had screamed at everybody and had apparently given Angie an ominous look. You think he has anger management issues? Later, back in the suite, Angie became emotional and started crying, saying that Chris’s blow-up scared her. “I’m sorry,” he told her. You still scare me, she tells him. And this is before she saw him as the tobacco-chewing clown! Now, THAT was scary!

Also, this episode marked the first time that somebody left the show without being fired. Verna just couldn’t hack it anymore. What we didn’t see in the original airing was that Mr. Trump invited Verna to his office the next day. It was tougher than she thought, she explained, because she had never gone more than 48 hours without eating or sleeping. Apparently, she doesn’t have young children. “Never give up,” Mr. Trump says. And, I’m waiting for him to add, “Never surrender!”

Task #3 – Taster’s Choice (read Recap)
The downfall of Magna was that project manager Danny (read Interview) couldn’t make up his mind, which led to a time crunch and a poor overall performance. One of the most entertaining behind-the-scenes moments was when Danny tried to cheer up his exhausted team, performing a one-man music show and singing, “Magna, the musical, the corporation…I think we won this task.” And then, the team had the audacity to turn on this cheer-me-up fella in the boardroom. Danny was fired. It seems that sometimes it’s better to be a grump than bring cheer. Looking back at his experience, Danny said (sang!) he took this opportunity and went with it.

Task #4 – Dove Cool Moisture Body Wash (read Recap)
Oh, Bren…it’s the cucumber thing that killed your commercial and made it into a vegetable porn. What we didn’t see in the original airing was the scene when Kendra and Michael tried to sell the idea to Carolyn. Kendra couldn’t believe she was going to tell Carolyn they would be stroking a cucumber in a pornographic way. Carolyn was in shock, and Michael admits he was embarrassed he had to relay the message (how do think the man who actually stroked the veggie felt?!). Carolyn thinks it’s a bad, very bad, move. Maybe she’s a meat-eater.

Meanwhile, Kirsten’s abrasive tone rubbed her team members the wrong way (hey, at least she wasn’t rubbing the cucumber!), and Audrey just couldn’t stand her. Mr. Trump said he thought the cucumber commercial was the worst commercial he’d ever seen—until he saw Kristen’s commercial. No winner, no reward. For the first time, both teams were sent to the boardroom. Mr. Trump admits he wanted to fire all of them and hated the bickering between Audrey and Kristen. He fired Kristen (read Interview). Looking back, Kristen says she did a good job and wouldn’t change anything.

Task #5 – Business on Wheels (read Recap)
Each team had to create a business on wheels. Tana was the project manager and assigned Audrey as the accountant. This was a mistake, for Audrey lost track of the money and resorted to doing the math using pen and paper (kudos to her for even trying that technique…most people run from that old-school method in favor of modern-day inventions, like a calculator). As Tana remarked, “That’s how I knew the elevator wasn’t going all the way to the top.”

Meanwhile, Michael and his team’s massage business struggled. Again, we are served with a behind-the-scenes moment and are able to witness Stephanie’s annoying sales technique that can really be labeled as good old-fashioned begging punctuated with “Come on! Come on!”

Magna lost, and Mr. Trump told us that in the original airing we did not see the team plot against Stephanie. After viewing this scene, I realized it wasn’t missed. Bren picked up smoking again after 6 years. In the boardroom, Bren and Stephanie went at it, but Michael interrupted with “nonsense.” Accusing him of being lazy, Mr. Trump fired him. Later, Michael (read Interview) said he believes his team unfairly ganged up on him.

Task #6 – PlayStation Graffiti Ad (view Recap)
The teams had to create the best advertising PlayStation ad using graffiti. As project manager, Tara thought she understood the Harlem community and tried to create the ad around it. She wanted to promote social consciousness while forgetting it’s about the product. Dressed in his white paint clothes, Bren said he looked like the marshmallow man (when did the marshmallow man have red hair?).

Net Worth found themselves in the boardroom, and Mr. Trump told Tara she didn’t get the marketing task right. You’re fired, Tara. Later, she said she conducted herself well and was inspired to pursue her own goals.

Task #7 – Miniature Golf Course (view Recap)
The teams each had to build their own miniature golf course. As project manager, Audrey delegated too much responsibility, and the team (especially John) disliked everything about her. What we didn’t see in the original airing was that Erin had her own issues with Kendra and complained that Kendra was micromanaging her.

Magna earned more money than Net Worth. Audrey blamed her entire team except herself and never took responsibility. No respect, no job. Audrey later said she saw Trump as a mentor for whom she has a lot of respect. She knows deep down she has what it takes. (This must be very deep down.)

Task #8 – FuseTV Charity Auction (view Recap)
First, there was a corporate restructure, and the project manager on each team has to choose two team members to give away. We learn that Chris had originally chosen to discard Stephanie even though she had just been discarded by the other team. Poor Stephanie, I’m sure you felt like a used tissue. They learned that their task was to produce an 11-minute live charity auction for fuseTV network and would negotiate with big musicians for products to auction off.

What we didn’t see in the original airing was that Tana asked Erin and Stephanie to leave their room in the suite so that she could jive with her team. Erin refused to leave her room.

John team met with the musicians, took center stage in “The John Show,” and became nostalgic for his guitar. Another behind-the-scened moment that will now be revealed is that Stephanie flirted with Gene Simmons, and vice-versa. Stick out your tongue, she told him. He gave her a private performance, much to my relief.

Tana stole the show for Magna who raised twice as much money as Net Worth. John defended his negotiating skills in the boardroom, but Mr. Trump said he let him down and that he did terrible negotiation. John, you’re fired. In hindsight, John said he performed with honesty and integrity, and he’s fine with that.

Only nine candidates remain. In the coming weeks, they’ll face more difficult tasks. But, judging from the previews, it might be more difficult for us to watch. Perhaps, there will be more twists and turns on this roller coaster owned by Mr. Trump.

We are left with Danny’s audition tape in all of its glory and splendor.

Until next time…

Cori Linder is a freelance writing consultant. Feel free to check out her website at http://www.granolaink.com/ or email her at clinder@realityshack.com.


Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My! – Simple Life – Episode 7

Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh, My! – The Simple Life – Episode 7

By: Chloe

Paris and Nicole are staying in Baltimore, Maryland with the Sawczenko family. The dad is a correctional officer and the mom is a registered nurse. The mom plans on being very strict with Paris and Nicole. Their house is immaculate and she expects the girl’s language to be the same way. Anyone got any soap?

The girls get to intern at the Baltimore Zoo where Prada won’t last against the manure or the attack ducks. Right away the girls have to change into the proper attire. They HATE the outfits. But they are quickly distracted by the handful of slimy, dirty worms they will be feeding to the turtles.

Paris and Nicole thoroughly enjoy feeding the giraffes and polar bears. While at the polar bear pond, zoo visitors stroll by, so Paris and Nicole educate them on the sex life of the bears.

Work continues with the feeding of the birds of prey – live feed of chicks, mice or meat, are spread across the counter smorgasbord style. Unfortunately, the girls have to PREPARE the food by cutting it up. Paris refuses, but Nicole is game (pun intended) and dives right in. Gingerly, Nicole offers a mouse to one of the birds and then the girls watch in horror as the mouse is ingested between sharp beaks.

That evening Paris and Nicole discover it’s the Dad’s birthday. They run to the store to get items that would provide Mom and Dad an intimate evening. Next they go scoping in the bar cruising for free condoms. They follow one guy back home in order to get his supply and find a whole drawer full of sex toys.

Back home, Paris and Nicole decorate the Mom and Dad’s room with the plunder of condoms and toys, then lay out a romantic dinner in the kitchen. All this romance makes Nicole lonesome for her fiancée, so she retires to her room to give him a call.

Day two at the zoo the girls give out mud baths to the rhinos and make friends with the birds of prey. The director praises them for the good job they are doing and rewards them with a visit to the reptile house.

For not screaming in the reptile house and for giving great mud baths, the girls earn their $100 and say goodbye to the zoo.

Even though they are exhausted, the day is not over yet. Nicole is in for a surprise. Her fiancée, Adam, shows up unexpectedly. A beaming Nicole runs to greet him as soon as she hears his voice. Aww! How sweet! Nicole and Adam disappear to spend some alone time. Paris is not to be left on her own. She finds friends, who take her out for the evening, too.

Adam and Nicole return to the house and head up stairs for the night. Mom and Dad Sawczenko don’t seem to mind them sharing the same room. I wonder where Paris spent the night.

The next morning, Paris and Nicole say goodbye to Baltimore, Adam and the Sawczenkos.

I welcome your comments! Chloe@realityshack.com

Pimpin' the Contestants – American Idol 4 – 3/16/05

Pimpin’ the Contestants American Idol 4

by Annie

Well here we are at yet another 30-minute advertising extravaganza – American Idol, Wednesday edition. I can’t really complain as much about the lack of entertainment this week as I did the previous weeks since we got to hear 2.25 songs.

There were over 30 million votes cast this week. Ryan says that is the most they ever had. Last week he said there were 120 million votes. That’s that new fuzzy math stuff, right? 30,000,000 > 120,000,000

Ryan explains to us that during the remainder of the season the contestants will be performing three songs, one of which will be released as a single to raise money for the American Red Cross. The choice of the song will be up to us, the viewers. He promises more details will be forthcoming next Wednesday but tonight we get to hear the first song for consideration: “When You Tell Me That You Love Me”.

I’m not sure how it can get much better than this, as the song sounds terrific! There were pitchy spots in the solos – especially from Anthony (surprise!), Nikko and Mikalah. Anwar and Lindsey did a great job of starting it out while Scott and Jessica take it even higher. Then came the pitchy ones (and I’m throwing Nadia in there too). They all come together in glorious chorus, then Constantine’s little solo made my heart soar (Mario who?). Bo and Carrie sang a bit of the song in duet and did superbly. Over all, I loved the song and replayed it several times.

Then we learn who the bottom three are. These are the contestants that received the least amount of votes. Lindsey is the first to be announced and then Mikalah joins her.

It’s time for a commercial. It’s a Ford commercial. Hold the phone! That’s the contestants doing the commercial! Constantine and Lindsey are in a beautiful new Ford going to a party where the other contestants are and everyone is singing. It sounded great and was nice to see the contestants smiling and having fun (supposedly). Nothing like pimping out the contestants!

Did you know that you are voting the way that you are because you are listening to Simon? Well, that’s what Simon said.

Okay, you can stop laughing now.

So far, the appearance of Lindsey and Mikalah in the bottom three isn’t all that surprising, right? We were pretty much expecting that. But when the third was announced, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Jessica. Jessica? Jessica!

Um – hello? Just who is calling in all those votes for Nikko???

Fortunately, although Jessica is among the bottom three, she didn’t receive the least amount of votes and is safe. The same with Mikalah. So that leaves us waving goodbye to Lindsey.

Lindsey is quite the trooper. Although there are tears in her eyes, she is very gracious. She sings her final song “Knock on Wood” and does a great job! While singing (and crying) she goes to the judges and shakes their hands, the climbs up on the catwalk and sings to us. *sigh* Bye bye, Lindsey.

Note to Constantine: It really was YOU that I adored all along – not Mario. Call me. I’m a mere 20 minutes from you and I’m free Friday night. We could work on a duet – or something. :heart:

As always, I’m Annie and you can contact me at annie@realityshack.com


The Ulonging Continues – Survivor: Palau, Episode 5

The Ulonging Continues Survivor Palau Episode 5

by atarus

The episode opens up with Gregg snuggling with this apparent person named “Jenn.” However, this “Jenn” is purely a mythological figure. Sightings have been few and far between, and she rumor has it she may just be a blow-up doll Gregg snuck onto the island in his back pocket. Either way, Coby is wary of a Gregg-blow-up doll alliance, as he should be, because blow-up dolls are vicious game players. Meanwhile, everybody tells Willard to keep watching the fire during the night, and Tom yells “Willlllaaaaard” similarly to how Rocky yells “Adriaaaaaaaan.”

At Ulong, the poor hapless souls try to go find a cave for shelter. Bobby Jon and James try to lead the way, but they end up getting lost. Angie starts crying and BJ tells her that he’s trying to find his way in the dark, so don’t start giving him crap. But I think he said it in a nicer way, ’cause that’s how Bobby Jon talks. Angie continues to complain, and James says that Angie is one of those people that says “I’m *never* gonna find it” and he says to never say never. Eventually Steph convinces the guys to head back to camp and they sleep through the awful storm. The next morning Angie looks pathetic and miserable and just downright downtrodden.

Back on Koror, Tom is annoyed at Willard because he had to get up all night and tend to the fire while Willard was sleeping. Tom says that “he’s got an attitude of why should I do it if somebody will do it for me.” Gregg has his own comments, saying that if we keeping winning immunity, everybody is sitting pretty and as long as they don’t play the voting game, Willard gets a free ride.

It’s challenge time! The tribes have to pull a tribe member on a platform out using a pulley system, and the tribe member has to dive for a sake bottle attached to a Japanese shipwreck. The first tribe to six bottles wins a reward. What are they playing for? Well, first of all, both tribes are going to tribal council tonight. Koror looks shocked. Ulong just looks completely destroyed. The reward is stew and root beer that will be eaten at Tribal Council in front of the other tribe. The winning tribe has TC first, then they move to the Jury section and eat their feast and observe the other tribe. Pretty cool.

As usual, Willard, Janu, Caryn, and Katie sit out. It’s a close race at first, Steph and Jenn are dead even, but then Ulong gets a good lead on Koror with Angie going a bit faster than Tom. But then Ibrehem screws up and tries to dive down three times and never gets a sake bottle. So Ulong reels him in without one and BJ goes out in his place. Meanwhile Koror gets an extra bottle, so they go up 3-2, then 4-3. It looks like Ulong is completely down, but then Ian starts having problems diving, and James is able to grab a bottle and get back and even up the score. Steph is back on her way out when Ian gets his bottle, but Steph gets one quickly too and it’s a close race for the last bottle as Ian and Steph are both pulled out again. However, the dolphin trainer’s diving abilities pull them through and Koror is victorious, yet again.

At Koror, they’re happy they won the reward. Coby tells the tribe that while they get to eat the reward in front of them, “can we please be nice about it?” Yay Coby for having manners. Ian sings a funny little song about how Koror is cool and Ulong is being destroyed, and does a hula dance too.

At Ulong, James is upset at Ibrehem because he gave up in the challenge. Stephenie says that she might “throw up” watching them eat and she’s not a good loser. Ibrehem says that he panicked during the challenge and couldn’t get a bottle, and Bobby Jon in his own confessional says as much as Ibrehem is his buddy, he may have to vote for him tonight.

Back at Koror, the Koror 5 (Tom, Ian, Katie, Gregg, Jenn) has a little pow-wow and Tom says that Willard is a thinker dude and he’s dragging the tribe down.

(No Mr. Miyagi! Noooooooooo!)

Anyway, Mr. Miyagi gives his usual thoughtful message, saying that he has a problem and will probably be voted out, and says something very enlightening about how the tide won’t stop and gravity won’t shut down. He talks with Coby and offers him his pants. Mr. Miyagi Pants! Anyway. Coby says that “Katie is worthless” and he wishes he could vote her off instead. Right now though it’s a popularity contest, but he says if Katie lasts longer than him he will just puke puke puke. Hmmmmmm. Foreshadowing? And then suddenly, out of nowhere, Gregg pulls Coby aside. He tells Coby that he thinks that Tom and Ian are too strong a bond and need to be broken up. He outlines a plan of how after Willard and Caryn are voted out, Gregg and Jenn will team up with Coby and Janu to vote out Tom, Ian, and Katie, because Gregg knows that he’s an outsider in that alliance and he doesn’t want to be picked off. Coby is as surprised as I am, saying that Ken and Barbie want a secret alliance with me and Janu! He’s amazed. Gregg comments that people probably think he and Jenn are just dumb, pretty people, but he’s playing the game too, and he says that since he’s in the middle of both alliances, he can choose to pick off who he perceives to be the biggest threat.

It’s Tribal Council time! Jeff says he has a lot of catching up to do. He asks Katie who’s leading the tribe, she says Tom leads in challenges and Ian leads in getting food. Tom wasn’t expecting to be the leader, he wanted to be the 40 year old father figure and fade into the background. (Kinda like Mr. Miyagi, who he’s voting for tonight. Wouldn’t work well, huh Tom.) Coby is his usual flambuoyant self and says he’s a social butterfly and likes to talk to everyone. Gregg outlines all the pairs in camp, Caryn and Willard, Tom and Ian, Coby and Janu, and lonesome Katie that goes around with everybody….oh, and him and his blow-up doll too. Willard is sad that he isn’t as strong as he thought he’d be, and Gregg says that trust is about to kick in with this first vote.

Willard votes for Katie, Katie votes for Willard, and in no surprise my Mr. Miyagi is voted out unanimously. *cry* However, in true Mr. Miyaginess, as he leaves he imparts more words of wisdom. “Stay strong, stick to the plan, finish them off.” In his final words, he says that he surprised himself, at times he got crabby, and it’s been many years since he was in a situation where he didn’t have water or sleep, but the tribe as a whole is good people. We’ll miss you Mr. Miyagi!

Now it’s time for Koror to shift over to the Jury area, and their feast is covered in a cloth. Ulong comes in….and it’s probably the most pathetic sight you’ve ever seen. They bring nearly their entire camp with them, tools, flag, everything, hoping beyond hope that maybe they’ll merge or something. But no. Instead Jeff points to Koror, and all of them gasp and moan at the food and say how delicious it smells and all that, and Ulong just looks completely wiped out and utterly drained.

As much as I like more of the Koror people, it’s just awful and gut-wrenching to watch how hard Ulong is struggling.

When Ulong’s TC actually starts after Koror is done moaning over the food, Jeff asks about the fact that they brought everything with them. Bobby Jon verbalizes that maybe there’d be a twist and a merge or something so they brought everything just in case. You can see it in his eyes, he just wants something different and to stop losing. Jeff shakes his head and says nope, no merge. Angie is hiding her face because she can’t stand to look at the food, and said they really needed this reward because it wasn’t the food, it was the morale boost that they needed. Stephenie says they had a great lead in the challenge but they blew it all away. James really tears into Ibrehem about how the tribe really wanted it and the desire was there, but people didn’t pull through. Ibrehem then starts a whole plea about how everybody is thinking emotionally right now, and how everyone’s thinking about just the past challenge and not collectively, how they should look at how he’s done in all the challenges not just this past one, and how all he’s heard about today is how they could have had stew. The poor guy is near tears by the end of his speech, but the rest of Ulong just looks like they’re about to roll their eyes.

But there’s a final twist. Koror now gets to vote to give one person immunity on Ulong. Individual decision, not tribal. They immediately vote. The votes are tallied, and through seven votes we have 1 vote for Angie, and two votes for Bobby Jon, Stephenie, and Ibrehem. The last and final vote is revealed…and Ibrehem is immune. And now the other four of Ulong look absolutely stunned and confused, while Ibrehem looks impassive as always. No smile of relief or anything.

Koror leaves and now it’s time for the actual Ulong voting. James walks up and votes for Angie and says “sorry.” Ibrehem votes for James. Stephenie votes for…Bobby Jon. (What the hell Stephenie? What the hell?) The votes are read and it’s Angie – James – Bobby Jon – Bobby Jon – Angie. It’s a tie. James, Steph, and Ibe all vote again between Bobby Jon and Angie.

The votes are tallied for a second time, and unanimously it’s for Angie. Angie walks out and says something to Steph about something as she leaves. Her final words are that she was happy she came out there and it was a different and refreshing experience.

Next time, James lays into Ibrehem about his performance, a storm hammers Koror, and Janu “pays the price.”

I must say, the people that I disliked on Ulong have already bitten the dust, although I wouldn’t mind Stephenie leaving too. This episode was just painful to watch. Ulong is just….well, this will teach Mark Burnett to let people pick their own tribes. Anyway, my e-mail is atarus33@yahoo.com . Hit me up if you have any comments.


ANTM 4, Episode 3 – You Better Walk

ANTM 4, Episode 3 – You Better Walk>by Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos

UPN promised one of the most intense and dramatic eliminations ever on tonight’s America’s Next Top Model. They didn’t disappoint, but more on that in a bit.

This week was runway-coaching week. You know what that means, girls – Miss Jay is in the hizzouse. If you haven’t read the Shack interview with him by my good friend, Cori, you’ve gotta check it out here:

http://www.realityshack.com/modules/articles/article.php?id=598

They had to battle to the death in a runway elimination competition. Runway Elimination Competition – say that ten times fast. I bet you can’t without tripping up and that’s ironic. About ten of the girls tripped tonight on the runway.

They had to walk across grass in clunky, chunky clog-type shoes. The best part had to be seeing Miss Jay in a cheerleading outfit, complete with pig tails and pom-poms.

Brittany, of course, sexed it up. She walks like a stripper. Michelle, the wrestler, looks like her head is too heavy to carry. She’s a bit stiff. Sarah is very slow. Miss Jay called her the “tortoise”.

After the first challenge, Sarah was disheartened. She
asked Keenyah for help. Keenyah gave her a few tips. Kahlen decided to try and help out as well. It was so sweet. They all seem to get along so well – NOT.

The next morning, the girls were off to another adventure. This time – they went to K-MART, or in French – K-MART. Tiffany was all like ‘I love me some K-MART. I shop here.’
Some of the girls were disappointed. I guess K-MART isn’t fabulous enough for them.

Too bad so sad. I was thinking the store needed some new mannequins. Then, they met up with Miss Jay and Sandi Bass, a former model for Givenchy and a model scout – they said ‘talent’, I say model. It was a boring ass competition. They walked. The overall winner was Rebecca. She got to choose five friends to meet a shoe designer. She chose Sarah, Kahlen, Noelle, Lluvy and Naima, who was the runner-up. The rest of the girls had to ‘service’ them. I wonder what that means.

It wasn’t nearly as salacious as it sounded. When the gals got to Stuart Weitzman they met the man himself and each of the ‘chosen ones’ got a pair of shoes. The other girls had to grab shoes for them and be their personal slaves it seemed like. At least, that’s how Rebecca treated them.

(Now, I don’t want to start nuthin’ but did anyone else notice that it was the black girls who did the serving! That was whack, yo! I was pissed and I’m only ½ Latina.)

The shoe warehouse gave us a really good glimpse into not only the pecking order in the model hen house but also Michelle’s insanity. She was scared of getting squished by the moving shoe racks. What do you call that fear? Squishbyshoea-phobia.

Keenyah thought she’d be funny and play a trick on Michelle. Well, poor Keenyah almost got squished by the wrestler. Michelle was – oh let’s just say – less than happy. She freaked out. Crying. Then, she turned on the bubbly charm to service the other models. Tiffany wondered to herself if Michelle was crazy. Apparently she wasn’t alone in that thought. I have to note the irony that Tiffany found Michelle crazy. That’s all I’m saying. You infer what you will. My lawyer is watching me as I type and told me to not be slanderous. He’s such a pain in the ass.

After the trip, we head back to the loft. Michelle continues her strange behavior. Noelle decides to discuss it with her. Michelle says “I’m Bi.” I mistakenly thought she meant bi-polar. Her moods swung faster than a cracked out squirrel at a playground.

Tiffany and Brandy decided to eavesdrop. They heard the word “bi” and were like, “she’s gay.” Color me surprised. The female wrestler is gay. They walked in the room and Michelle was a little nervous. It all worked out in the end just like a Hilary Duff movie. Of course, my husband really had hoped that they would have all taken it to the next level.

But that’s probably in the editing.

Finally, we get to the photo shoot. The girls got a cryptic message that they’d be working with 10 bitches. Tiffany was like, ‘I gotta work with these bitches. Why do I need more?’ She sure gives some great sound bites.

The shoot was for 1-800-FLOWERS. Tyra shows up with a dog. Oh – those kinds of bitches. The girls had to hold onto 10 dogs like they were walking them and carry some flowers with a hot guy staring at them. Now! I know this happens to me all the time. What a great ad idea!

Mr. Jay tells them to ‘look fierce’. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to the dogs or the models. Rebecca, Noelle and Michelle seemed to impress those at the shoot. Some of the others didn’t fare quite so well.

Now for ELIMINATION time. Tyra gives them the elimination challenge – to take a 50 cent potato sack and make it look like haute couture. Keenyah fell, Tiffany looked scared of the stairs and Sarah took three hours to walk ten steps. Well, it seemed that way.

At the judging, as guest judge Sandi Bass was giving Rebecca her less-than flattering critique, Rebecca’s eyes rolled up in the back of her head and she fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes – kind of ironic considering they just modeled one of those.

Everyone was skeerd. They panicked. Finally, someone called 911. Rebecca went to the hospital. Apparently she has a pre-existing fainting condition, but we’re still not sure what it is. She’s had it since she was 3 but hadn’t fainted in 5 or 6 years.

Tyra asked the remaining girls if they were okay and they continued with judging. Rebecca was treated and released from the hospital. She was afraid she’d be eliminated. She and Tyra talked. Tyra wanted to make sure that she was healthy enough to continue and told her to not feel like she’s being judged 24/7 and to listen to her body more – to take care of herself.

That was nice.

As for the other critiques, Janice was pissed that she’s compared to Brittany so much and doesn’t believe that Brittany’s too much like a porn-star like the other judges do. They say Sarah has a great face but not much else it seems. Michelle had a fierce eye – just one. Lluvy isn’t conventionally beautiful but she’s got something and she walks like a ‘sexy Chihuahua’ according to Nole Marin. Perhaps his pooch Empress Minnie told him to say that.

In the end, it came down to Brittany and Sarah. Some of the girls seemed put out that Rebecca made it through. Brittany is more triple x (but the high class, $39.95 version that Tyra spoke of but doesn’t know why she knows that fact) than haute couture but she’s got more potential than Sarah I guess in the judge’s eyes because they kept her.

Sarah was very upset. She felt it was another blow to her and that she’s just not good enough or smart enough and feels like no one likes her.

I sure do hope that Next Week’s Top Model is sponsored by Prozac. Some of the girls really could use some.

That’s it for me. I hope I’ve offended you just enough. If you wanna chat about the episode, email me at panndyra@realityshack.com. I might respond if the mood strikes me. I’m “BI” too.

Deena's Pre-Natal Tea Party: Queer Eye for the Straight Girl Episode 1.9

— Christina M. Rau/GatsbyGirl

It’s a new kind of straight girl tonight—the pregnant kind. Deena is a personal trainer and a singer and is six months pregnant. Robbie says she’s “got quite a gut on her.” Heehee. She’s not prepared for the baby and she thinks she’s going straight back to work right after the birth. Their mission: to have a baby shower/tea party!

Credits. Why does Robbie look 10 years older here?

The Gal Pals arrive at Deena’s house. Honey says it’s “so cuuuute.” Deena’s in maternity wear. I mean, seriously, who can make fun of a pregnant woman? She could be dressed in orange velvet with lace trim and a tutu and no one would say it’s unfashionable. She’s got blonde, curly hair piled on top of her head in a ponytail. BabyDelilah kicks and dances.

The house is also pretty un-make-fun-able. The walls are white. She has an organized desk, some clutter on the floor along the walls, and a pretty nice living room with hard wood flooring. The kitchen is bleached white. It’s all nice. Danny says that they had a bet that she had fake flowers. He holds up a fake flower. Hee. Except for the nursery…

Robbie walks in: “This is the nursery?” The walls are a peachy-orange. A faded off-white carpet is on the floor. And it’s filled with a desk and recording equipment. It’s actually not a nursery at all.

In the living room, Danny yells, “What is it with every straight girl has an organ?” Heehee. Danny said organ. I’m so twelve. Deena giggles and explains that she writes songs. She wrote “Lullaby for Delilah” for her daughter.

In the non-nursery, Robbie and Damon pick and prod things. Damon lifts the blue gingham curtains and says it’s “frightening.”

Honey feels Deena’s abdomen to see if the baby kicks. Because that’s what pregnant women do. They let people touch them.

Back in the non-nursery, Danny finds out that Deena’s been married a little over a year. And then he drags out a box and starts pulling things apart. Deena’s friends says, “Deena’s gonna kill you.” Pregnant Woman Bludgeons Bald Gay Man in her Future Daughter’s Nursery. Details at ten.

Now Robbie and Damon have their hands all over Deena’s tummy. Robbie puts his ear to her belly button. “I hear a heartbeat.” Deena laughs, “That would be mine.”

Danny finds unwrapped wedding gifts in the box he pulled out. I think he means wrapped. Deena’s friend hopes to not find hers in there.

Honey is now in the middle of a biology lesson. She, Deena, and Damon read through a book which I assume is about pregnancy because they talk about spinal cords and placentas. Damon says, “They make skin care products out of placenta.” So not the way to defuse an uncomfortable situation. Not human placenta, Damon. Then Honey snoops through photo albums and finds pictures of the wedding. She aws over Deena’s husband, Jerry.

In a narrow hallway, Robbie screams, “Gal Pals! Come quick! Hurry Gal Pals!” They swarm and find him wearing a gold silky jacket. Then he says something like, “Gal Pals activate” while Danny says, “I’m back in the closet!” Deena omigods and puts her hands to her head.

Robbie and Danny dance in the living room in Deena’s shiny shirts. Deena’s friend holds up her drink and eggs them on, grooving along to the tune. Is she Deena’s entertainment sidekick? Like Ed McMahon?

Damon wants to take the synthesizers out of the nursery. Why??? He says that he needs to put storage into the room for the diapers and baby things.

Honey then makes a meal for the boys: ice cream and pickles. Then Danny licks something. Geez, I need a moment. Yum.

Honey finds things that vibrate in the bathroom. Vrrooom.

Deena explains her day to Danny. It starts at 5 A M and then she goes goes goes. Danny tells her that she’s going to need to take time off. Robbie starts boiling sheets in the non-nursery. Just in case. Danny finds three toys. “That’s not going to get you by.”

Robbie has a coronary when he finds out she’s going to wear shirts that say “baby” on them. Damon rips down curtains because he needs some light. Then he growls at some boxes.

Honey then retells the tale of her natural child birth. She says there’s no pain because there’s pressure. What?

Danny then talks to the friend and nominates her “team leader” for the surprise baby shower. Who is this friend? Where did she come from? Does she have a name?

Deena tells Honey that her body is changing rapidly. Her nails and hair grow profusely. Her skin is dry. The baby takes takes takes.

Deena’s friend tells Danny that Jerry and Deena are cute together. Then he tries on Jerry’s thong. At least, the friend says it’s Jerry’s thong. Why would she know that? Is she a special friend? It may actually be Deena’s thong. Either way, Danny still wears it because it matches his outfit.

Honey wields a flat iron while explaining the ins and outs of stretch marks. She tells Deena to give herself lots of attention. She’s going to try natural child birth. Robbie says, “you’re going to be like, no! give me drugs!”

Finally the GP send Deena’s friend away. Danny stage whispers, “Remember you’re the point person.” She looks like Chaka Khan.

Out of the closet, everyone gathers round the counter that separates the living room and kitchen. Honey comes in with a laptop saying that she’s found a childbirth video from babycenter.com. This spells trouble. They gather round and play it.

Priceless! Robbie shrieks his usual shriek. Danny covers his mouth so hard that his hand mushes up his face. Damon does the same and then turns away from the monitor. “What is that!?” they scream. Honey backs away so they can get the full effect. Robbie says, “They’re twisting its head!” and then the guys all faint to the floor. Deena remains standing, laughing at the meek men.

Damon is on the couch in the fetal position with his hands over his ears. Danny pops a Tums. Robbie sweats. Honey points out the afterbirth to make it worse. Deena sighs that it’s precious.

The husband interviews that in the last few months they got married, bought a house and got pregnant.

Honey talks to Delilah in the SUV while Robbie asks, “Why in God’s name do you want to do this natural?” Honey says, “that’s a man. Even if he’s gay. He can’t deal with pain.” Ha.

Hunky Helpers!!!

Robbie talks about the people who won’t be at Deena’s baby shower. Her best friend can’t be there because of distance.

Robbie takes Deena to Liz Lang to try on sexy clothes. Robbie and Honey don maternity wear and pregnant bellies. Deena’s sexy parts are the nape of her neck and her shoulders because they don’t change. She wears a bunch of wrap shirts. A sweater with a collared shirt. A satin pink flowy tank top. A flowy strapless black dress. Robbie likens her to Sarah Jessica Parker. Then he puts some pearls around her neck and almost chokes her. She also puts on heels with fake fur which are surprisingly comfortable.

Deena meets Damon at a baby furniture store. They find a changing table that is also a dresser that’s good for storage. The drawers have knobs that are grabbable. That sounds dirty. He shows her his favorite crib that has a mattress that lowers and traps the baby inside. It then converts into a toddler bed. She loves it all.

Over to The W to meet Honey. They sit poolside and get massages. Mario the Masseuse is doing some foot reflexology thing for Deena’s back. Then some guy feeds them grapes. Honey says, “I just might go straight. I have never had a man feed me a grape ever.” Neither have I. I’m posting a sign up sheet on my front door.

Honey repeats that Deena needs to take time to herself and to prepare. She says that her daughter was a life changing experience and it’s a testament for pursuing what you really want to do.

Honey, ChakaKhan, and another friend who is Deena’s best friend who Deena thought couldn’t make it meet up with Danny at the Juvenile Shop, which is the perfect place for Danny. He’s wearing a baby carrier with a bunny in it and asks Honey for a breast pump. Best friend and Honey find one. Danny shows Chaka a stroller that looks more like a lawn mower. He calls it, “The SUV of strollers.” Honey then finds a diaper genie that Best Friend says “makes poopie sausage.” That’s gross. So gross.

Danny then shows Chaka an adjustable high chair. That seems collapsible. But he says he has a friend who’s had one for twenty years. That’s durable, I suppose.

The friend interviews that the house is not ready for a baby.

The friend calls it typical Deena.

In the SUV, Deena’s hair has been done and was dyed which is okay in the first trimester. It’s straighter and she looks like Marg Helgenberger.

The Hunky Helpers leave. Sigh. Deena says, “I’m knocking on my own door. That’s weird.” Then, “Omigod!” She’s all breathy. The wall trim is earthy tones and Deena leaps with joy because she has a table. Damon says that they decorated around the great architecture. They have a wooden entertainment center.

Then the nursery. Lavender-blue. Fabric on the ceiling with a chandelier. Crib. Lavender sea grass wallpaper behind the crib. A vase with sunflowers. Danny calls it “Cinderella’s room.” The closet is organized and stocked with creams and blankets and containers. Danny tells Robbie, “Jump up. I want to change you.” Robbie says, “This is oddly kinky” as he hops up on the changing table.

Danny corners Deena in the living room and talks to her about life changes. She doesn’t cry though. He hasn’t broken her!

Damon and Danny arrive at Betsy’s house. AKA, Chaka Khan’s house. She finally has a name. They drop off some stuff. Danny shows her and Best Friend of Deena how to make scones for the tea party. Flour, baking power and soda, nutmeg, salt, raisins, sugar, butter, buttermilk, and yolks. Then he molds them so the will rise up instead of wide so he can jam cream inside. That sounds dirty, too. Heehee!!!

As much as I love Danny, he needs to button up one button when cooking.

Meanwhile, Honey shows Deena how to create a time capsule for the baby. She gives her a fireproof box to put stuff in. Then she gives her a video camera to make a tape for Delilah. Is Deena dying? Because this is turning into the storyline of that Michael Keaton movie.

Damon is outside with Best Friend and Betsey. He loves the lawn. He makes grandiose arm movements because he’s in his element as an event planner. He gives a bunch of directions about renting stuff, flowers, and rental people and how to give directions to the people with the rental stuff. It’s all in rapid fire. He’s a drill sergeant!

In the kitchen, the scones are done. Damon tries to get Danny to leave. He says, “I don’t want to leave! I’m having afternoon tea!”

Finally, the GP arrive back in the living room of Deena. Honey gives her a Kate Spade diaper bag. Robbie points, “That’s a bottle for baby and a bottle for you.”

Deena says, “I’m never going to forget this for my whole life.” She reads the card they have given her. She still hasn’t cried. I love this woman! Don’t give in! Okay, I just noticed the large cross Danny is wearing. What’s going on with his wardrobe today? Kisses, hugs, and they leave her.

Hip Tip: Damon says to use anti-static cling spray on furniture to clean up animal hair.

The Best Friend interviews that Deena “has no idea that I will be at her shower. I convinced her I was a total letdown.” Because the best way to make people happy is to make them miserable first.

Over to the Critic Couch with tea instead of booze. Deena goes through lots of baby stuff and stocks the drawers. Danny’s says, “She’s like I haven’t got a clue what it is, but I think it goes in the drawer.” Heehee. That’s so me.

Deena then records her lullaby into the video camera in the rocking chair. Danny and Robbie embrace and smile these goofy smiles. There are palm trees swaying in the room with the Critic Couch. It’s all very soothing. Damon says, “I wish my mom would have sung to me.” Honey says, “I wish my mom would have breast fed me.” Robbie rings in, “me too.”

Deena showers. Then Danny says, “Of course we start with pearls, before we have an outfit.” Then the string breaks and pearls go flying. Deena shakes out her robe and out fall more. She puts on the strapless dress. Honey says, “And who says a pregnant woman can’t wear heels?”

Jerry comes home and starts crying. Is he more impressed with his wife, his home, or his entertainment center. He says the room is “so warm. How come we couldn’t do this?” He keeps covering his mouth in disbelief. Deena brings him into the nursery and he laughs in amazement. He cries more. She points out a basket that they can put the baby in. Damon says, “Then they send it down the L. A. river.” Heehee. Then she shows him the closet. He wows even more. They kiss on the rocking chair. Robbie says, “It’s a baby room! Not a brothel!”

Over to Betsy and Best Friend giving orders to rental people. Rosanne! That’s the best friend’s name. She’s in the kitchen making scones like, as Danny says, Betty Crocker. He then pushes Robbie off the couch.

Scott comes in and asks to squeeze in. Who is this tall, strapping man? I believe one of the rental people. Who cares? He’s a looker. Robbie coughs, “Scott I love you!”

Robbie says it’s really amazing how all her friends are pulling together to make this happen. “And when I say all of her friends I mean Rosanne.” Heehee. Because Rosanne is doing EVERYTHING in the kitchen. The woman just got off a plane a few hours ago!

The backyard is set up in shades of purple. Damon says, “I don’t like the teepee things they’re doing with the napkins. That’s a little steakhouse-ish, but that’s okay.”

Deena arrives with Jerry. Everyone yells surprise. Honey says, “She’s glowing!” Deena hugs everyone. Everyone touches her belly and points at her breasts. They love her shoes. Then Rosanne comes out and Deena screams and hugs her. She jumps. Robbie and Danny yell, “Stop jumping!” They fear labor.

Out comes the food. Danny is horrified because there’s no clotted cream and the scones are overcooked. Deena likes them though.

Rosanne gives a toast on the verge of crying. She says that it’s a magical beginning.” Then, “Let’s raise our glasses to the journey.”

Honey is happy they got her at six months so she can embrace the rest of her pregnancy. Danny says she now looks amazing. They toast. Cheers.

Three months later, Deena has Baby D in the rocking chair. She thanks the GP for everything and makes Baby D wave.

This week’s tips: None. Because Baby D took up all the time.

GP, high tea, and Baby D, a make-over tea party that’s better than Alice in Wonderland.

Email me: Christina@realityshack.com Would you use placenta on your face?

Donna-The Prima Donna! – The Starlet, Episode 3

Donna, The Prima Donna – The Starlet, Episode 3

By: Chloe

Tuesday, the lovelies acting skills were tested in commercials. Confidence was at mountain range levels, and in one interview after another, all of the girls expressed security in their ability to do well. After all, a commercial is only seconds long. Memorizing the script and shooting the screen test should be a snap. Should be. Uh huh, right.

To their surprise, the hardest task master yet was their instructor for today’s lesson. Beginning with Lauren, each girl was given a phrase to say into the camera and ordered to “sell the product”. Each one, according to the instructor failed miserably to entice the viewer into buying anything. By the end of the day, self confidence was at sea-level. Even Donna, who believed since she was a model and models fill the commercials on TV, did not receive the praise she assumed her due.

At one point of the exercise, the instructor invited the girls to critique each other. That worked for a while until Lauren expressed her opinions about Katie’s performance. In turn, Katie nitpicked Lauren’s time in front of the camera, an obvious counter attack for Lauren’s barbs. The dislike between Lauren and Katie was palpable and made the other girls uncomfortable.

The instructor was most impressed with Lauren so the Diva Suite is hers for a while, along with a night on the red carpet at the premier of Oceans 12. AND on the arm of a handsome soap opera star no less.

Back at the house, the other girls watched in green-eyed envy as Lauren was pampered from head to toe in preparation for the event. Later, when the door opened to admit her hunk of a star, she gracefully floated down the steps amid ooh’s and aah’s.

So, Lauren spent the evening with the sweet taste of fame as she waltzed down the red carpet, her hunk at her side and pausing occasionally for a photo op here and there.

Meanwhile at the house, bathing suites erupted from suitcases as the girls prepared for their Garnier Fructise commercial. Again, Donna the Prima Dona took comfort in her long-limbed, perfect model’s body. Mercedes watched from afar, swimming in the deep pool of insecurity about her own figure. No, fat is not her problem, but those jiggly inner thighs and bottom are her nightmare.

The day for the commercial shoot is beautiful and sunny, plenty of light to expose even the smallest imperfection. Poor Mercedes.

Katie goes first and in her perky way, does well with the spot. Hair commercials just may be in her future. Lauren thinks she is a better actress, however, and with ego oozing from every pore, shoots her spot. Mercedes sits in the shade and wonders if she should cover up the lower half of her body.

Cecile, whose heavy South African accent trips up her tongue, is having trouble pronouncing the word “hair”. She can’t remember the words and finally stumbles through the spot with as much emotion as a robot.

During her turn, Donna disagrees with the script and feels uncomfortable with the words. Donna! Prima Dona!

Michelynne isn’t feeling well, and gets upset later because she can’t focus on anything.

Mercedes stops worrying and elects to wear a sarong around her hips to complete her shoot.

After returning to the house, Lauren indulges in a little back biting about Katie. She doesn’t understand why Katie is still here and thinks she doesn’t deserve it. Other than Lauren and Katie, none of the others feel very good about their commercials.

The judges, Vivica, Joseph and Faye await them and one by one the girls enter the green room sanctuary.

They liked Katie and couldn’t agree on Michelynne.

Tensions rise higher as Mercedes takes her turn.

Faye Dunaway zeroes in on the sarong Mercedes is wearing in the commercial. Oh, no! Her secret is exposed! As a starlet, she is expected to be tight and firm. Mercedes struggles to hold back the tears.

Lauren enters the green room with high hopes, but the judges were disappointed with her commercial.

In Cecile’s commercial, the stiffness and awkward diction were apparent.

At last, Donna glides into the room. She received praise for her body, but they picked at her diction and gestures. Faye said the client reported Donna wanting to change the script because she wasn’t comfortable with it. Faye wanted to know where she got off thinking she could do this. Faye said Donna came across as a Prima Dona! The judges were not as thrilled with the performance as Donna seemed to be. But Donna wasn’t going to leave it there, she began to argue with Joseph and nearly bit her tongue off to stop the flow of angry words. I have to admire her for reining it in pretty quickly.

But it was to be her downfall. In an emotional farewell, Donna leaves the other girls with her head held high. Even Vivica sheds tears in the moment. In her last interview, Donna vows to take classes or whatever she needs to do to get her dream. She swears she will not let rejection get her down.

Stay tuned next Tuesday. Lauren and Katie come to blows!

I welcome your comments. Chloe@realityshack.com

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