| by Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos
Last week’s [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/articles/article.php?id=609] recap[/url] was part one of this episode. In it, Victoria, Robert and Susan took off to Aspen, Colorado during Gay Ski Week no less. The boys had a sitter and Luigi was driving everyone nuts.
So, did Victoria find a straight man in Aspen?
Victoria starts off the episode by saying that her manhunt is a bust, so she’s going to learn how to ski. She’s always wanted to and since there’s no men around for her to look foolish in front of, she’s going to do it now. She, Robert and Susan hire a ski instructor to teach them. Robert, who complains about the big “O” – OXYGEN (and just what were y’all thinking? Hmm? Get your minds out of the gutter now) – or lack thereof.
If I had a dime for every time he said he’d need Oxygen, I could afford more cable channels so I wouldn’t have to watch this show anymore. Okay?
They try on their skis. Robert’s like – do they have to be so tight on the ankles. Victoria says, “you must have fat ankles.” Robert said his legs are shaped fine. He has great calves, thank you very much. Meow! Cat fight on the slopes.
Victoria’s worried. She says it’s not about skiing down the mountain; but rather, what Luigi is up to while she’s not around to supervise. Tracy, the babysitter who’s just there until the babysitter shows up, is young, tall and pretty. Luigi immediately warms up to her and starts flirting.
I have to say I was very uncomfortable watching this. It was sleazy. Yech!
Tracy, who’s a natural flirt, asks him if she should tell Victoria that he’s smoking in the house. Luigi says, ‘nah. I won’t tell her you were late.’ Beth, who’s the real sitter, called to cancel last minute. Victoria’s not thrilled but she tells Tracy to hang out with the boys overnight. The boys and their friends didn’t seem to mind. Luigi was pleased as punch and offered to make her dinner.
John doesn’t like the way Luigi’s acting around Tracy and calls his mother. She tells him to make it clear to Luigi that he needs to steer clear of Tracy. Meanwhile, Victoria, Susan and Robert are trying to get their snow legs so to speak. Robert’s like, “I feel like a duck.” He’s not having an easy time of walking around with the skis. Victoria, who’s the only one attempting to ski, sails off down the hill for a bit, then falls on her butt.
She says, “so far, so bad.” How true! She’s like ‘skiing has been as successful as my manhunt.’ Of course, she’s a Gotti and Gotti’s don’t give up so she’s gonna conquer the mountain. Robert’s sucking on the oxygen can like it’s going out of style. Victoria yells at him to save some for everyone else.
She wonders why she’s the only one learning how to ski. Robert and Susan have abandoned the idea altogether and decide to stroll along in the snow instead. After a while, they go have lunch. Going up on the lift makes Victoria very nervous. It was pretty high. Once they got to the top, it was beautiful. They all agreed. They called for oxygen help. Robert – get this – gets oxygen and lights up a cigarette. What an idiot!
During lunch, a man comes over to Victoria. He’s local to the Aspen region from January to April. Then, he lives in New York where he’s an investment banker. He invites Victoria out to dinner that night. She agrees to meet up with him. Victoria quips, “Romance is in the air, even though it’s pretty thin (air).”
Victoria and her friends wonder what the guy will wear. She hopes it’s a suit. Robert says in Aspen he’ll probably wear jeans and you can tell a lot about a man by his shoes and watch. Thanks for the tip, Robert.
John butts in and says to Tracy – aren’t you a little young for Louie? She’s like – shut up! I mean all the girl wants is some dinner. Hello! Luigi tells her to taste some of his sausage. John and Carmine joke:
“Is that your pick-up line, Lou. I’ll give you some Italian sausage!”
I hope not, but I’ve heard worse. How about –
My pants are like Windex. I can see you in them?
Those are just two I can remember. Luigi tells John he needs to learn how to cook. A single man needs to have some culinary skills. John’s like I’m Italian. I can cook. All Italian men have the ability to cook. It’s in their heart or something. (Or somewhere else!) If all else fails, their mammas will cook for them.
At the same time, Victoria’s prepping for her date. She’s bringing both Robert and Susan along. Ralph did bring a date for Susan, but not for Robert. I got the distinct impression he wasn’t thrilled with the group date, but — too bad. They talk about how looks are important. Victoria disagrees. I think this guy’s a goner. Uh-oh. She wishes that, for a man his age, he’d be more mature.
Speaking of immature men, Victoria hopes Luigi acts his age with Tracy and not his height. Tracy is drinking a whole lotta wine. She says she has to cut herself off. Luigi asks her what she does for fun. She says she hangs out with friends, looking for guys, but there’s nothing good out there.
In Aspen, Robert decides to call it a night. Ralph wanted to go out for a drink with the ladies, but Robert said he was leaving and taking the ladies with him. Ralph tried to argue with him, but Robert held firm. I think Victoria was relieved (or put him up to it). She ordered some chocolate soufflés back at the hotel and announced that the more she dates, the more she realizes she doesn’t really want nor need a man. Chocolate is hotter, tastes better and is more reliable.
I hear ya, sister.
At the end of Luigi’s “date”, he and Tracy have a smoke. She’s like, I’m going to stop when I get married before I have a baby. Luigi asks her what she’s looking for in a guy. She said someone nice. Do you know anyone? Want to hook me up? Luigi looked hurt – like he honestly thought he had a chance. In the end, he asks her if she’d like to have dinner again. She says, with you?
Oh well! Victoria goes back home tomorrow. What a ho-hum end to her Aspen vacation.
Is it just me or is this show starting to fizzle out? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have an opinion!