GUG Episode 13 – U GOTTI BE KIDDING ME

GUG Episode 13 – U GOTTi BE KIDDING ME

by Panndyra, aka the Goddess of Chaos

I was originally going to title this episode, “Sluts Over Long Island” but I felt that it wouldn’t be fair to Long Island. The girls on this show acted like sluts but I know, having grown up in the Northeast that NOT all girls act like this. At least I hope they don’t.

The boys are normal teenagers – they love girls. The girls love them – maybe a little too much. Victoria admits that the boys love attention, but she and Robert (and I and almost every other parent in America I would think) wonder why the girls go to such extremes to show their adoration of the Gotti boys. These are “Girls Gone Wild” for the Gotti boys. It’s a bit sad, really.

Why don’t these girls have more self-respect?

Okay – now, I’m just giving too much commentary and not enough of a a review. The show had two plots.

[b]Plot #1[/b] – the boys went to a radio station. They were running a contest from the [url=http://www.hottigotti.com]hottigotti.com[/url] website. Be careful, there’s also an [url=http://www.hottiegotti.com]hottiegottie.com[/url] and an [url=http://www.hottigotti.org]hottigotti.org[/url]. I’m scared, y’all.

There were thousands of girls who applied to spend some time with [b]Da Boyz[/b]. The radio station narrowed it down to 30. John and Carmine were supposed to pick three. Frankie couldn’t go – he was sick.

Well, the boys were enjoying picking so much so that they couldn’t decide. They didn’t want to let any of the girls down. Awww! How sweet! They’re keeping their poontang options open for later.

Carmine showed just how seriously he took the contest when he asked one girl, over the phone, how big her butt was, on a scale from 1 to 10. She said a “10” – like J. Lo. (Why did I have to grow up 10 years too soon – before the butt became popular? Hmmmm? When I was a teenager not that long ago, everyone wanted a Kate Moss butt. UGH!) This prompted Mama Gotti to call in and tell her sons to “remember how you are!” UH-OH!

So, then – John and Carmine interview the girls – who, by the way – are edited as dazzling conversationalists (NOT). They decided not to decide. So, 30 girls end up at Casa di Gotti. Now, Mama is not happy. I don’t blame her.

The girls are excited to be in the hizzouse, but Carmine would rather play Playstation and John had to be dragged out of his room. How charming? The girls told Da Boyz they were bored. Then, they started dancing suggestively. I guess some of the girls thought that it was the “Sluttiest Girl” contest. I AM NOT SURE WHO’D WIN THAT THOUGH. There were so many great candidates.

And how about Miss Congeniality – the ever friendly European girl who told the boys they had no manners? That’s the way to make an impression, but I guess you just wanted some camera time, right? It’s amazing to me that some of these girls would act this way with not only Victoria in the house but some of their own moms there.

My mother’d have killed me. Maybe I’m just jealous. I don’t know. Anyway, the girls left after eating some food and annoying John to no end – when a few of them went into his room after it was forbidden. That was so [b]Beauty & the Beast[/b].

[b]Plot #2[/b] Mama Victoria learns self-defense. Victoria’s sister, Angel, was in the elevator by herself a while ago and she was wondering to herself, what would happen if she were attacked? I always think those things when I’m by myself. I mean – it’s completely normal – right?

Neuroses aside, it’s not a bad idea for two single women – and Robert – to learn some self-defense. They decide to a private class and learn the basics. Victoria jokes that she should’ve worn her boots because she’s not going to wear sneakers to kick butt. Angel really kicks it into high gear after she breaks a nail. Ooooooooooowww.

In the end, after the girls leave and Case di Gotti is back to normal – for Casa di Gotti, that is – the family practices some moves on Luigi. He shows them the “Italian shot” – which is definitely a low-blow.

Next week, I think I’m going to watch paint dry instead of Growing Up Gotti. The show’s starting to bore me. Yes, I do have the attention span of a gnat. Thank you very much.

[b]About the author[/b]: Panndyra is the Goddess of Chaos. When she’s not ruining lives, she’s writing about Reality TV. Email her at panndyra@realityshack.com if you have questions for her. She’ll try to be nice.

“The Thorn in Their Side” – The Bachelor 7, Episode 2 Commentary

“The Thorn in Their Side” – The Bachelor 7, Episode 2 Commentary

By: Cori Linder
clinder@realityshack.com

The hour I spent watching “The Bachelor” was punctuated with random thoughts—thoughts that did not inspire a collective theme. So, for my article this week, I thought I would share these comments in their unabashed randomness:

– As mentioned in last week’s commentary, it would be an understatement that I find Danushka to be somewhat odd—Charlie obviously agreed with me, for he eliminated her and was making fun of Danushka’s picture (enjoying it a bit too much). Good thing she was ejected from the competition.

– In preparation for her alone date, Megan dyes her hair blond in order to attract Charlie. But, he’s looking for a girl that is low maintenance and feels comfortable in her skin (natural, not dyed). As I watched how the other girls praised Megan’s hair in her presence but then criticized it behind her back, my all-time favorite saying came to mind: “Those who gossip to you gossip about you.”

– This season, the rose has no longer become the beautiful and innocent gift bestowed on the lucky maiden….oh, no…. it is now the proverbial meat that causes the animalistic women to drool over and grab with their claws. When, during the group date, 10 bikini-clad women figuratively fought for the rose, I half-expected the two most aggressive to bare their teeth and rip it out of the box. No wonder Charlie was pleased when Sarah W. threw hers away.

– I’m not a betting girl, but I would bet my favorite college sweatshirt that Charlie picks Sarah W. at the final rose ceremony. I mean, the boy video messaged her while he was on a group date with the rest of the girls. And, he blushed in her presence. I’m thinking Sarah would be wise to keep this information to herself since many of the girls, like Krisily, are out for blood. And Sarah…don’t let anybody tell you that you shouldn’t knit! NOTE: In her recap, Carrie makes an interesting point that Sarah W. won’t be in the final two because there’s too much footage of them…so maybe Carrie will be wearing my sweatshirt.

– My “respect” for Charlie went a bit down south when Miss Kimberley decided to use her body to snatch a rose. When Kimberley walked out in a revealing bikini, I thought that Charlie was above this—apparently, he’s not, for he lowered his mouth to hers and had a fun time.

– It has always been my mantra that less is more and that sometimes it’s better to know when to be quiet than when to speak. With that said, Sarah W. had a wonderful thing going for her. It was obvious to everybody that Charlie had a special connection with her and that their date went better than fine. But then, on some weird impulse, she pulled Charlie aside and revealed her emotional side with tears. The last thing that many bachelors want in the first couple weeks of courting is an “emotional” girl. Maybe Carrie was right…maybe Sarah W. won’t last the entire time.

Until next time…

***Cori Linder is a freelance writing consultant and can be reached via clinder@realityshack.com or via her website at http://www.granolaink.com/.

Should She Stay or Should She Go? – The Bachelor 7, Episode 2

Should She Stay or Should She Go? – The Bachelor 7, Episode 2

by Carrie

Before I begin the actual recap, let me complain a bit about Canadian television stations, A Channel/CityTV in particular. I set my PVR (TiVO for the American bunch) to record The Bachelor on this station, and came down about five minutes into the program to watch. For some reason that I’ll never understand, they were playing the second hour of last week’s premiere instead of the new episode. Argh. I eventually found the East coast broadcast on ABC after missing about seven minutes, and fortunately a friend has filled me in on what I missed. So, without further ado, let’s move on, shall we?

First the stuff I missed, as told to me by a fellow Bachelor addict: Krisily and Kerry have an over-dramatized argument over comments that were made during last night’s rose ceremony. Krisily says privately that Kerry must be jealous because Krisily is only 25, while Kerry is “32 and looks it”. My first thought was “ouch!” – but then I remembered that when I first saw Kerry I thought she was older than 32. So fair enough.

Meanwhile, Charlie is sitting in his apartment playing with the photos of all the women. He’s drawn sunglasses on Danushka’s picture and is making her fight with the rest of the girls. Dang, I would have liked to see that! And now on with what I actually got to see.

Chris arrives at the women’s apartment and tells them that there will be two one-on-one dates this week. But there’s a catch! The dates are “sudden death”. Wow, when did The Bachelor turn into the WWE? At the end of each private date, Charlie will decide whether to give the lady a rose or send her home. Oh boy. When chosen for a one-on-one date, the woman who is going must pack her bags and leave them by the door, in case she doesn’t get a rose. I can’t wait until, about ten years from now, therapists start up businesses just to deal with rejects from dating shows. “But Charlie didn’t love me! I guess I was never pretty enough! Boo hoo! I hate myself!” Uh, right, the recap …

What’s not new this time is the way the first two private dates are selected. A panel of experts went over the ladies’ applications and chose the two who were “most compatible” with Charlie. I feel another tangent coming on here, but it’s so obvious I’m sure you can make up your own. The two lucky ladies are Megan and Sarah W.

Megan is up first, and she decides that since Charlie likes blondes, she ought to become one herself. She arranges for a stylist to come to the apartment and do her hair, which turns out pretty nicely. She packs her bags and leaves them by the door and heads out on her date, leaving the other girls behind to make fun of her new look.

Charlie is surprised at Megan’s new ‘do, and tells her she looks terrific. They go out to dinner at a steakhouse, and Megan keeps telling Charlie how much she’s into him and how much she wants to stay. Sitting on a tray right beside her is a rose, and she sneaks looks at it throughout the evening. Charlie is worried that Megan would have been interested in any guy who turned out to be The Bachelor, and that it’s not about him at all. She just wants a rose to stay in the game.

After dinner, Charlie has to decide whether to give Megan a rose or to send her packing. He decides to “hold back”, and Megan is crushed. She tearfully tells the camera that she thinks she can hold her own against the other girls as far as looks go, and she doesn’t understand why Charlie’s not giving her a rose. She feels that she’s misread him.

Back at the apartment, the girls are confident that Megan is coming back. A man comes up the elevator, silently opens the door, and takes Megan’s luggage out. The women see this and think it’s a joke, until they see the man leave with no sign of Megan anywhere. It hits home to them just how real the situation is now.

It’s Sarah W’s turn for her date, and she packs and gets ready while the girls ask her if she’s nervous, and if she’s kissed Charlie. The answers are no and yes, respectively. When he calls, Sarah puts on her “Charlie” voice and accepts his invitation. She says that she’s not worried about anything and just wants to have a good time.

For their date, Charlie and Sarah take a water taxi to a microbrewery, where they take a tour and have dinner. While Charlie is giving Sarah a mock tour, the women back at the apartment have a pajama party, complete with matching PJ’s and sushi. They then decide to do skits of each other with Charlie, including the now-infamous body shot. Krisily says it’s one of the funniest things she’s ever seen.

Sarah and Charlie have some beer and pizza, and then sit on the bar to talk and make out and stuff. Charlie decides to give Sarah the rose, and she throws it over towards their coats. Privately, Charlie says something like “Yeah, you throw that rose!”, admitting that this date wasn’t about roses – it was about having a real date. He’s impressed.

On the way home, Charlie admits the he might have a hard time sleeping that night. He’s excited and happy about the date with Sarah. When Sarah returns to the apartment, none of the other girls are surprised that she got a rose, but some of them seem a touch disappointed.

Now it’s massive-group-date time. The remaining ten women are going to a “pool party” with Charlie, and we get shots of everyone frantically pulling on bikinis. Everyone except Charlie that is, because, well, ew.

The group arrives at an indoor pool, and instantly spots the two roses waiting to be handed out. They all declare ‘game on’, and start to strip down to their swimsuits. Charlie says that “operation flirt” is now in effect.

Sarah B mentions to a couple of the other girls that she thinks Charlie and Krisily have a connection, as they’re always laughing and having fun together. This surprises Kara, and when Krisily joins then and admits that she’s already kissed Charlie, Kara figures out that she needs to step things up.

As this is going on, Sarah W gets a video message from Charlie on her cell phone. She says it’s sweet and shows her that he’s thinking of her. Now, I may be very wrong on this one, but I don’t think Sarah W. is going to be one of the final two women unless ABC has already ruined the ending for us. They’re showing us way too much Charlie/Sarah chemistry. Just sayin’.

Back at the pool party, Kara gets some alone time with Charlie and asks him how he feels about dating a single mom. Again. He says he’s fine with it. Again. Saying that Kara is very brave to be there and admiring her courage, Charlie gives her the first rose of the day. They kiss for a while.

Charlie decides to tag along with the women when they return to their apartment. Sarah is home knitting a scarf or something for Charlie, and the other women whine about how she shouldn’t get to see him again since she already had her date with him.

Kimberley figures that since there’s only one rose left, she’s going to pull out all the stops to get it. She goes and changes from her swimsuit into a, well, another swimsuit. This one is a bright pink bikini, and she puts on a sarong and do-rag to match. She saunters out and the other women can’t believe what they’re seeing.

Charlie and Kimberley go for some “alone time”, and talk about Kim’s Ukrainian heritage. You know, small talk while Charlie gets an eyeful of her generous cleavage. Charlie goes and fetches the last rose and brings it back to Kimberley, and they make out. Is anyone else having flashbacks to Bachelor Bob the kissing machine, or is it just me?

Back in the apartment, the others decide it’s time to pick on Sarah W. They hide her knitting and tell her they want her to be social with them. Or something. I’m not really sure what this was all about, ‘cause frankly a dozen women fighting over the same man don’t always make sense.

When Charlie returns, Sarah W. takes him into her bedroom and tells him that she feels “all glowy” after their date. Actually, the conversation went something like, “I don’t know, like, how to, like, tell you this, like, it’s dumb. Like, after our, like, date, I felt, like, you know, like all glowy.” You get the picture. Somehow Charlie figures out what Sarah is, like, talking about, and she begins to cry. Hmm. Charlie is a little put off by this show of emotion, and feels it’s because Sarah is insecure about what might have happened on the group date.

Sarah W. walks Charlie to the door, holding his hand, while the other girls continue to be catty and make fun of her.

Finally it’s rose ceremony time. The three girls with roses, Sarah W, Kara, and Kimberley, sit comfortably on the couch while the others stand nervously in front of Charlie. Chris Harrison reminds the ladies that they are able to say something to Charlie before the roses are handed out if they want to, and this turns into a free for all with Kerry pointing fingers at Krisily, and Krisily defending herself by throwing Sarah W. into the mix. Sarah gives some lame speech about wanting everyone to be happy, and if she could she’d sprinkle ‘fairy dust’ all over everyone. Alrighty then.

Charlie hands out his roses, in order, to:

Anitra (yay!)
Jenny (yay!)
Sarah B. (meh)
Kindle (meh)
Krisily (boo!)

Kerry, Carrie, and Gina Marie all hug and say their goodbyes, continuing the tradition of women on reality shows with the same name as me not doing very well. Gina Marie is stunned, as apparently she was confident she’d go all the way to the end. Of course we never got to see any indication that would lead her to feel this way, but you gotta like her confidence.

Charlie says that he can’t conceive of a situation where eight girls would be happy to be dating the same man, yet here they all are, looking very happy indeed. They toast to their futures as the three rejected ladies leave.

Next week there’s more drama of course. The clip showed a voiceover of someone saying that they spent the night with Charlie, and Charlie admitting that they “made out”. On a bowling date, Kara will again grill Charlie on how he feels about dating a single mom. Kara, honey, I’m a mom too, but you really have to lay off this pressure thing. He said he’s cool with it; now move on. All he knows about you is that you’re a single mom and that you’re really stressed that he might not be into you because of that. Loosen up.

Don’t forget to check out Cori’s Bachelor commentary, right here.

So what do you think? Are the changes to the Bachelor formula working out? Drop me a line at carrie@realityshack.com.


Judgment Day – Starting Over, 04-04-05


by LauraBelle

I leave for a week and a half and come back to one third of the Starting Over Cast graduated. Thanks to clinder’s recaps, I caught up quickly to find Cassie and Candy have graduated, and have been replaced by Tess and a woman we will meet in today’s show. Based on clinder’s recaps I have formed an opinion that I am going to need time to warm up to Tess. Let’s see if today’s show changes my mind.

A delivery man arrives at the house and asks for Tess. He tells her is is from the Court of Laws of the Heart, and presents Tess with a “summons” for her to appear at “the bench” since she is experienced at judging people. She is given a gavel, robe and rolled wig, and told to come up with ten judgments about each of her housemates.

Tess tells Allison that she finds that she devalues herself and worries about being kind to others, but is never kind to herself. She calls Bethany out on not being a sweet as she appears, and is afraid to have impure thoughts being a preacher’s daughter.

Continuing on, Tess tells Rachael she thinks she’s dishonest about her feelings, and that she acts over the top to get attention. She goes on to say she thinks she is whiny. Tess tells Vanessa she minimizes her accomplishments and is afraid to be alone, if not with Michael.

Vanessa is thinking Tess doesn’t understand the assignment, and is probably right. While her judgments are for the most part right on, I don’t think the assignment was about being right; I think it was about learning what judgments can do to a person. Tess has a loooong way to go.

Karen, fifty-one, and from Encino, California will be the newest roommate. She enters the house bringing the other women baked goods and Rachael’s first impressions are that she seems “artsy” and unorganized.

Rhonda and Iyanla open Group togetjer to learn about Karen. As a picture is shown of Karen and her husband in their wedding, she explains she was an instructor in a health club, and he was a student. She normally went for the bad boy type, but this time she went the safe nice route. Intellectually they got along great, but they had no chemistry, resulting in a sexless marriage.

Eventually it comes out that Karen was molested when she was six or seven years old. Iyanla explains it’s very typical of women that had been molested as girls to be with “bad boys”, then feel guilty and switch to someone safe.

The next picture is a family shot of Karen, her husband and their two girls. Anna, the youngest at sixteen, has a difficult relationship at best with Karen, as Anna had discovered Karen was having an affair by discovering pictures of her and her lover, who happens to be her doctor, underneath her bed. Anna took the pictures to her father who kicked Karen out.

The affair had begun by Karen’s doctor forcing himself on her. Eventually she gave in, and it continued off and on for a year and a half. Part of her was glad just to have someone desire her again.

Karen believes she has a good relationship with her mother, yet she has never told her about Anna finding the pictures, and never told her about when she was molested when she was young. Iyanla points out that Karen has a pattern of not being truthful in her relationship with her mom.

The last picture is of a beautiful painting of a mother holding a little girl. Karen painted this herself, and says she’s a painter, but has never made any money with it.

The artisticness continues in Karen’s self-portrait. She is pictured holding a whip and wearing a Scarlet Letter A. Rachael calls it vivid and grotesque, and Vanessa sees the ugliness of it, adding how horrible it must have been to have been stuck in that loveless marriage. Adultress Karen seems much more sympathetic than adultress Tess. I am not sure why.

In a one-one-one, Tess tells Rhonda she originally felt anxiety, then relief over her judgments of her housemates. Rhonda tells her the second part of the assignment will be to let them judge her.

Karen has her first one-one-one with Iyanla who will be her life coach. Before them is pile of mud and slips of paper in it naming all the messes Karen has made in her life. Her children, her marriage, her self-image, her mother, sexuality, etc.

Told to step into the mud, Karen feels dirty and alone, and says she has her whole life. Now sitting in the mud, she realizes this is how she has lived her whole life, making a mess by the circumstances she chose. She didn’t choose them when she was young and molested, but she chose to continue them later in life. She was being ignored and wanted attention.

Lying in the mud now, Karen feels a graphic depiction of cold, dirty and alone. As Iyanla shovels mud on top of her, she says she doesn’t want to live. She feels like a bad person and doesn’t know what it feels like to be loved. Iyanla says she’ll continue with the mud until Karen makes it stop and suddenly Karen shouts out, “Stop it! I can’t treat myself like this anymore. I want to live!”

Vanessa and Rhonda meet to discuss how Vanessa gives love, which is conditionally, specifically with her brother and boyfriend, Michael. In return for her brother’s love, Vanessa paid for his college and gave him a car. To ensure Michael will love her, she paid off his debts.

Rhonda writes down all Vanessa’s conditional loving on cards and places them around the kitchen. Vanessa must take a string and connect the cards. Eventually she is stuck and feeling strangled, and still feeling alone. She is worried the people she wants love from will get made at her when Rhonda instructs her to call them and apologize.

Vanessa and Rachael are then talking to Tess about some of their judgments on her. Vanessa believes she is afraid of losing her husband and does everything not to lose him. Rachael feels Tess is a drama queen, and Tess believes Rachael is the drama queen. It’s interesting both Vanessa and Rachael judge Tess the way they themselves are being judged.

Calling Michael and her brother, Vanessa apologizes to both for loving conditionally. Both assure her that they don’t need conditions placed on them; they will love her anyway.

Karen is feeling very overwhelmed by the process her first day in the house. Bethany assures her she is doing great, especially since she’s already had her first breakthrough.

Rhonda is the judge on the bench for Tess. Asked how they felt to be judged by Tess earlier, Vanessa says she was surprised she was being judged on things she thought she was hiding. Rachael agreed with about eighty percent of the judgments placed on her. Rhonda tries to show the difference between constructive feedback and judgment, but no one quite seems to get it.

When asked by Rhonda how many judgments she places on her husband, Tess feels she doesn’t judge him as she loves him so much. Rhonda notes that Vanessa is sitting there wide-eyed at Tess’s thoughts. Rachael asks if assuming is judging and Rhonda believes that to be a good question. If there is no faith or trust, you are judging. Vanessa believes judgments would hurt a marriage. Tess says she needs to stop assuming and work on herself. Rhonda, like Iyanla a few days earlier, believes Tess is saying all the right things, but doesn’t know if she really gets it.

After today’s show, I now know I left the recaps in the capable hands of clinder, as I feel the same way about Tess after watching the show as I did reading her recaps. There hasn’t been many Starting Over women I haven’t warmed up to, other than the second Christine from the first season, and I believe we will find more information about Tess to endear her to us more. It’s just very hard at the moment. Like Iyanla and Rhonda said, she is saying all the right things about healing, but it just doesn’t seem like she fully understands it. It’s like after you punish your kids. You really aren’t sure if they get it, and think they are swearing they will never do it again just to get out of punishment. I get the same feelings about Tess.

I welcome all questions and comments at LauraBelle@realityshack.com

The Best Little Frat House in Texas: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Episode 3.10

–Christina M. Rau/GatsbyGirl

The Fab Five hit the ground running all the way to the land where everything is oversized! Big hats. Big belt buckles. Big, well, you get the picture. We’re in Texas! Because sometimes even the big boys in the south need some help. Especially boys in frats. (Or should I say fraternities? You know the old saying, “You shouldn’t call your fraternity a frat because you wouldn’t call your country a c*nt” although that doesn’t quite work because you’d really be calling your country a count, as in the purple guy with the cape from Sesame Street.)

The SUV is sporting some pretty large bull horns on its hood and the Fab Five are wearing pink cowboy boots. Scary.

So Cameron is a fraternity frat boy. THE frat boy—he’s chair of the rush committee. And apparently the frat house and the boys in it need some serious making over. The Sigma Chis are having a rush party and need to be presentable. Thom suggests that the frat boys might be the big losers on campus. So mean. They’ve also ruined a brand new fraternity house. The FF are shocked and appalled. Apparently the FF have never met fraternity boys before. They can make a garbage dump messy.

With Rush Week only a few days away, they all need to throw a great party. Kyan says that they’ll fix the house and invite the ladies and then the ladies will attract the good pledges. It’s all very scientific. Ted asks if it’s wrong to “use the ladies as bait.” Heehee. Story of my life. (a story that I won’t get into here…) The mission: Make this the best little frat house in Texas.

Credits. A burning map of Texas! Because when you take a trip somewhere, you should burn a map of the place.

The FF run up to the fraternity house and karate chop it for no apparent reason. One of them carries a beer mug. The living room is HUGE. High, high ceilings. Yet, tragically sparse. The floor is brown, the walls are white, and there are maybe two beat-up couches in the middle. Kyan asks, “What’s that smell?” The frat boys answer, “Frat!” Heehee. The smell of frat is like no other known to man. Carson thinks the smell is testosterone.

The frat boys keep yelling and cheering as theFF find Cameron. How do we describe Cameron? He’s a frat boy. Seriously, he’s what everyone’s ideal version of a frat boy would be. Tall, dark short hair, slight build, in a t-shirt. How do we describe everyone else? In the same way.

Kyan grabs some guy’s head and says, “Check this out! Who talked you into doing that, bro?”

One: the guy’s head is attached to his body and should not be grabbed and twisted in that way.

Two: the guy’s hair is a bit stiff but that’s the style for young men these days (and yes, I sound like a grandmother here and I’m ashamed and surprised at myself. Moving on.).

Three: what’s with the “Bro?” You’re not in the fraternity, Kyan.

Then Carson goes into sneaky mode and tries to see some skin: “God, it’s warm in here. We should all take our shirts off!” Ha! No one does it. YET (ominous!).

Ted meanders into the kitchen. It’s icky. Plastic bags all over, garbage all over, and a steak on the floor that Ted tries to play shuffle board with. Heehee. He’s so athletic.

Thom and Kyan then high-five some dude who apparently manscapes (that’s Queer Eye speak for trims his body hair). They make the guy lift his shirt. See, Carson? That’s how to do it. Then Kyan is highly disappointed. He says, “That’s not manscaping. That’s shaving it all off.”

Carson accosts a brother they call “giggles.” Why? So he can poke him in the sides and hear giggles galore!

Over in the kitchen, Cameron is now wearing one of the sombreros used in “The Three Amigos.” Ted asks him if he’s ready for rush. In that hat, he’s ready for anything! No, not really.

Carson wants some guy to teach him how to stroke. That sounds dirty. At the pool table. Still dirty. Carson grabs the guy’s arms and makes him reach around his waist. So, so very dirty. The rest of the brothers crack up.

Back in the kitchen, they reveal that the fridge is completely empty. Of food, that is. It’s got all kinds of crud in it. Then Kyan starts looking for the porn in some bin in some closet. Then Thom looks back in the fridge and finds Ted sitting in it. Fun with kitchen appliances!

Cut to the bathroom with a brown floor, blue stall doors, and towels strewn about. Carson calls it “a real hell hole.” Then Jai holds up a rubber glove and ponders, “Now what do you use this for?” Someone suggests cleaning. Then Carson comes out with a huge orange plunger thingie and says, “And what do you use THIS for?” Jai cracks up. Heehee.

Out in the hallway, Ted inspects some walls. With holes in them. One of the brothers calls it “mystery holes.” Typical of frat houses.

Back in the living room, Carson still tries to catch them all off guard: “Oh, I want to see everyone’s underwear. Just drop your pants really quickly.” No one does it. YET! (there’s that ominousity again.) Then he harasses Tyler, the boy who manscapes. Apparently, he owns a flat iron. How metrosexual of him. Tyler gets embarrassed so Carson makes it worse by telling the brothers to sing-song, “Tyler’s got a flat iron!” Ha.

Over in closet, Kyan has found a tub of green goo. He explains to Ted and some boys, “Someone in this house puts this on their testicles to take off the hair.” Oh, my. I have nothing to say to that. Then in walks Tyler. Kyan says, “I should have known.” Tyler denies that the green goo is his.

In the bedrooms, Carson inspects all the mini-fridges. “Omigod, there are bugs in here.” Close-up of several hundred dead black things. Eeeeewwwwwww.

Over to the library. Another sparse room with some rolling chairs. Jai asks, “Where are the books?” Heehee. Then he notes that the rolling chairs have mystery stains all over them.

Back to the mini-fridges where Carson finds rancid meat. Seriously.

The walls are white because who has time to paint when they’re in college? Some walls have holes in them because who has time to spackle when they’re in college? The rooms are messy because who has time to clean when they’re in college? The kitchen is sticky with crap all over the counters, and the refrigerator is empty because who has time to go food shopping when they’re in college? And who has the money for food anyway?

Cameron explains that his fraternity is the best because it’s a diverse mixture of all kinds of boys with all different backgrounds. Hooray for melting pots.

In the hallway, Thom and Carson wield some pink goo at Tyler who tries to ward Thom off. So instead, Carson dumps the pink goo on Thom’s hair. The brothers cheer. Carson and Thom chase each other, flinging pink goo all over. So this is how gay men fight. They fling pink goo at each other. Heeeheee.

Kyan goes frantically into the kitchen. “Come on guys. Help me out. I need a squirtable top.” Everyone opens all different bottles of different goo. Then the Fab Five squirt each other, but mostly Thom, with all their bottles of goo. This is so gross. I have an issue with anything that resembles food fighting. It skeeves me beyond all imaginable skeevability. This goes on for some time.

They go outside and yell, “get the hose!” so they can hose off the goo. But not before they dump a gallon of what seems to be milk all over Cameron. Nice.

Carson takes Cameron into the house and tells him that his clothes are dull and boring.

Thom corrals the rest of the brothers back inside. “Come take a shower with us.” Heehee.

Ted asks Cameron if there’s anything he cooks for when girls come over. Cameron and Tyler show Ted a mini-pizza. Then Cameron jazzes it up by dumping sauce next to and on top of the pizza. Ted asks if he’s been trained by a master chef. Then Tyler adds on a sprig of green leaf.

Meanwhile, Carson is in the bathroom chasing everyone with a paper towel that he wiped on the urinal. So gross.

Cameron tells Jai that he represents the entire fraternity and needs to be presentable. Then he explains that he just got out of a year long relationship. Seriously, I think Cameron may cry. Jai asks if he’s ready to date. Cameron says yes to dating but he’s not ready to have a girlfriend. Jai’s like, “no, no, no, no, no, how about a boyfriend.” No, just kidding. Jai suggests just dating.

They all gather back into the living room. Carson says, “If I was a pledge and saw this place, I’d think it was a women’s correctional facility.” Ha! Thom wants to give them a nice room but is weary that the guys won’t take care of it. One of the brothers explains that they are all very nice and courteous and the house is the one thing that doesn’t represent them. Aww, they hold doors open and give up their chairs for girls. I’m moving to Texas!

Then a very fraternity-like chanting screaming shouting session occurs. Wow. Something about Sigma Chi. They’re cool. And let the make-over begin.

Some sorority girls and Cameron’s mother interview that his flip-flops and sombreros will never make him a ladies’ man.

In the SUV, Thom, Carson, and Cameron all discuss how they all smell like condiments. Cameron has never had great confidence. Well, dumping food on him will really help the cause. To make him feel better, Carson calls him hot. But Carson calls everyone hot so I don’t think that’s much of a booster either. Thom tells Cameron to build confidence but avoid being cocky. Thom says, “Be like, ‘I’m good enough…’” and starts laughing at the start of his SNL impression. But Cameron catches on, “I’m smart enough,” and then the three yell, “And gosh darnnit, people like me!” Heeheeeee.

Cut to Ted leading the other brothers in a cleaning parade of brooms and garbage bags at the house.

Over to Elliott’s Hardware. Some of the brothers show up. Thom takes them around to buy lumber so they can build tables that will be compatible to come together as one table or work as two or four tables. And they’ll be sturdy enough to dance on! Then they find some cowboy hardhats. I want one. They dress up one of the brothers in the hat, goggles, and rainbow suspenders. Heehee. More tools. More paint.

Now to Premium 93 clothing store. As Carson and Cameron run down the block, Cameron pushes Carson out of the way. Carson loves the aggressiveness. But Cameron? Overshoots the store’s entrance because he has no idea where he’s going. Ha! Ha! Now that’s comedy!

Some more of the brothers show up with Jai. They look at button down shirts with vertical stripes. The woven shirt as a “signature piece.” Some wacky patterns that Cameron gets sketchy about. Carson holds up a shirt and asks Cameron to read the label to him. Cameron says, “That’s Arabic for Do Not Wear.” Ha! Ha! Ha! More comedy! I’m loving it!

Carson tells the brothers to get undressed. They want to go into the dressing room. He makes them drop trow in the store. Finally, he’s gotten them down to their skivvies. Carson tells one of them that he needs to buy new underwear that actually fits. He puts Cameron in a t-shirt with a shirt over. He zhushes. Jai puts another guy in a similar outfit. The boy with the big underwear winds up in the shirt Cameron said looked like the dress his mother wore.

Then Carson makes them walk with attitude, similar to the walk in the Queer Eye opening credits.

Back at the house, Thom is sawing.

Ted brings Cameron to a five star five diamond restaurant called The Mansion on Turtle Creek, where several more brothers are waiting. They do that obligatory shake hands even though you saw the person five minutes ago that all college guys do. Ted says, “You know those frozen pizzas you make for the girls when they come over?” Cameron says, “Oh, they serve them here?” Heehee. Cameron is funny! A really good catch. He really should be more confident.

They head into the kitchen to meet the head chef who will teach them to make five star five diamond nachos. First is guacamole—avacado, tomatoes, onions. Cameron says something about Emeril and a brother says, “It’s a new show, Cooking with Cam.” Cameron chops an onion and says, “Let’s see him do that!”

Lime juice and salt and chili. Tortillas made from corn, black bean, and red chili. Fry, fry, fry until there are no bubbles left. I should write a cookbook! These recipes are easy to follow, huh?

Black beans, guacamole, smoked chicken, and cheese on top. MMMMMMMMMMM. Nachos. MMMMM. The chef guarantees that the girls will love it. I love it and I’m not even tasting it.

Over to Texas Stadium, home of the Dallas Cowboys. Out on the football field, Kyan, in army fatigues which are down-right sexy, tells Cameron that he’s good looking but fat. Actually, he says, “you’ve got a little bit of gut here” and pats Cameron’s belly. What is it with Kyan telling people they’re fat? He did that to Kord, too. And then the guys simply agree! I would so be like, “get your hand off of me and don’t ever speak to me again.”

Anyway, Kyan keeps patting Cameron—belly, shoulder, chest. And to make him feel better, he tells Cameron that he’s not the only fat one and that he’s not going to make him work out with the drill sergeant all alone. Kyan continues copping a feel, and then yells into his bullhorn for the Sigma Chis to come on down. Lots of frat boys run down the stadium stairs.

They all line up and Kyan gets all “I’m in charge because I have the bullhorn” and makes them do push-ups. He so cannot intimidate but they play along. The actual drill sergeant is even worse than Kyan. He sort of whispers, “Get it. Get it. Push. Push.” He’d make a good birthing coach.

Then Kyan says if they can’t do another push-up, they need to hold the position. Seriously, they can’t even do that. They all do maybe five push-ups and collapse. Meanwhile, an entire cheerleading squad is secretly running up behind them.

Kyan calls the frat boys out of shape losers in his almost-shouting voice. He tells them he’s got some help for them, though. He tells them to turn around and the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders start screaming and the frat boys clap. And who’s right smack dab in the middle of the squad? Ted. And Carson. And Thom, who’s wearing a headband 80s style. I suppose Jai is in there somewhere too. Heehee. Men with pom poms.

Then Kyan introduces the whispering sergeant. He’s in charge of training the DC Cheerleaders. During the intro, Kyan feels the sergeant’s shoulder. He’s so touchy feely these days.

Everyone starts running in circles to work out. Oh, there’s Jai. Ted grabs hold of Cameron and makes him wave around some pom poms while yelling, “Simmer down!” I love the ultimate control Ted has over the straight guys. Ha.

Next, it’s abs and balls. Heehee. Dirty. One of the frat boys looks like he may keel over. He’s bright red and panting.

Kyan does one-on-one weight training with Cameron. “Up and down, Cameron.” Whatever. Personal trainers have a “holier than thou because thou is fat” attitude and Kyan now thinks with this mentality.

More push ups and jogging with the cheerleaders. Carson knees, counts, and waves his poms. Heehee. They shout at the very red frat boy, “You need to hydrate buddy!” Yeah, he may die. Then they try to shove the bullhorn up someone’s nose. Huh?

Thom does summersaults down the field. A cheerleader drags Ted in the opposite direction on a scooter. Oh, the joys of a cheerleader work out.

After the workout, Kyan lectures to the frat about fitness. He’s using the bullhorn still. How obnoxious. He says something about teamwork.

The sorority girls interview that they wouldn’t sit down in the frat house because it’s nasty.

In the SUV heading back, Kyan and Ted list all the fun things they’ve done. Food fight. Cheerleaders. Stylin. Kyan’s friend Todd Allen cut Cameron’s hair which wasn’t horrendous to begin with, which is probably why we don’t see it.

They arrive at the house and Cameron almost faints. Hell, Kyan almost faints. And there’s less echo because there’s more stuff. The walls are yellow. The doors are brown. The curtains are light green. There’s blue couches and some plants too. The entertainment center is backed by brown paint too, with their Sigma Chi thingie hung above the television. Thom has included headshots of the Fab Five on the wall with the pictures of the founding fathers. Heehee.

Thom installed some video games and a new soda machine. He set up the four tables that the boys made as well as set up some orange and gold ottomans for more seating.

The bathroom is now white with a beige rug. And it’s clean, which is key. The toiletry closet is now stocked. Thom got them brown towels with Sigma Chi kind of engraved into them. I know, you can’t engrave terry cloth but that’s the only way to describe it.

Oh, and Thom included a pin up with Jai’s head. Heehee!

The rest of the brothers file in, holding their hands over each other’s eyes. Someone yells out that it smells good. Heehee. They all look and start shouting and clapping and smiling and shaking each other’s hands. They love that it doesn’t echo and then scream a bit to make sure it doesn’t echo. Carson finds Giggles and makes him giggle some more. Then they all gather round the living room and Thom welcomes them to their new home. He lectures that they need to take care of the house and continues to refer to the house as “Her.” Okay then. Ooh, the furniture is Todd Oldham. Love his line. Thom continues to explain the versatility of the tables.

Thom then assigns the brothers to build more tables before the party starts.

Kyan assembles a group in the bathroom. He gives them kits of grooming tools. He tells them all to wear flip-flops in the shower so they don’t infect each other with athlete’s foot. “Like a condom for your feet.” Heehee. Then he goes on to the importance of manscaping. The boys take their shirts off. Kyan inspects their body hair. He shows them new clippers and accessories. What fun.

He then pulls Cameron over and points out that he has a monobrow. I call it a unibrow as does the rest of the world, but Kyan needs to be different and mean. He shows Cameron how to pluck with tweezers. Heehee. Now he knows the pain felt by women. Before they go off to the kitchen, Kyan says, “We have to clean up our messes” because they’re all four and need to put their toys away.

In the kitchen, Ted gives out some aprons and talks about dipping sauces and puff pastries and sausage and triangles. Sophistocated pigs in a blanket. Cameron confesses that they used to use dirty t-shirts to get hot stuff out of the oven because they never had oven mits.

Carson calls everyone into the living room for the best part of fraternity life: fashion shows! In the bathroom, Cameron and another brother talk about how black is slimming. Heehee. I don’t think they realize that they’re on camera at the moment. Funny!

The brothers chant “Cameron! Cameron! Cameron!” Instead, a guy with curly hair comes out. Then the other guy in black comes out. Finally, Cameron comes out dressed in a suit with a mauve striped shirt and sunglasses. Next, jeans, t-shirt, button down, and the same jacket. Carson asks, “Wouldn’t it be fun if we all got in new outfits?” and then rolls out racks of clothing for the brothers to choose from for the party. Everyone shouts and cheers because they wouldn’t be a fraternity if they didn’t.

Carson has also bought them all underwear. Because they need it.

Thom lets Cameron in on a “cool surprise.” He asks Cameron if he’s seen “Animal House” and if he knows who Otis Day is. No way! Tell me Otis Day is gonna be there!

Cut to Carson telling yet another brother to take his shirt off. When Carson tries to help, the brother says, “I know how to do it!” Heeheeeee.

Yup, Otis Day is coming to the party. Whoo-hoo!

Cameron thanks the Fab Five on behalf of himself and the brothers. Then he says, “I knew no gay people and all the stereotypes that I hear people say and the ones that I used to think are just shattered. You guys are the most chill, helpful, courteous people that I’ve met in a long time.” Carson interrupts, “Don’t forget masculine” and everyone laughs. Cameron continues, “I didn’t have the grace and confidence but just hearing you guys tell me, ‘no, that’s gonna look good on you’. People that know what they’re doing. It’s just a blessing. And the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders were nice, too.” And that’s what make-overs are all about. Cameron promises to kick ass at rush and then they do their chanting ritual again.

The FF leave and Carson tries to take Giggles with them. Heeeee.

Hip Tip: Kyan says to use a whisking brush to put on shaving cream to lift the whiskers on you face. Seeing as how I know nothing about that, I’ll take his word for it.

The sorority girls interview that the Sigma Chis are great guys and they have so much love for their fraternity and its rituals. Such as the whole shouting thing.

Over at the Critic Couch, Thom, Kyan, and Jai line dance in. They watch as Cameron climbs over the furniture. Carson says, “They’ve had that couch for ten minutes and they’re already standing on it.”

Cameron gives the brothers a pep talk and a list of things that need to get done for the party. He delegates. Brothers dress each other. Thom asks, “Omigod, did we turn them into sorority sisters?” Heehee. Cameron pulls them away from the clothes to build the tables. Some more guys cook. Cameron tells the table builders, “Don’t go for perfection.” Thom says, “There’s my quality control inspector.” Ha! Cameron’s obviously feeling the time crunch.

Ted points out that Tyler is still looking at all the clothes. Metrosexual! So many others are still shopping too. In the kitchen, boys are singing about Sigma Chi. Over in the bathroom, brothers brush their teeth. Wash their faces. Get undressed to reveal tighty whities. Jai keels over and Kyan fans him on the couch. Vacuuming. Tweezing. Kyan is impressed and calls Tyler the Kyan in training. Carson loves how they’re grooming.

In the living room, some brothers throw ottomans all over, prompting Thom to reprimand, “Go easy on the new furniture.” More moving. More grooming. Cut to the bathroom with Tyler there again. Thom says, “Tyler’s just waiting in the closet to be like ‘hi! Need help grooming?’” Heehee. So true. Then they FF jump with joy because the brothers are zhushing each other.

Cameron is a speed shaver! Kyan and Jai are disappointed. Cameron says he’s cut himself. Kyan sneers, “No shit you cut yourself. You were shaving like a maniac.” No sympathy at all!

A knock at the door and it’s the sorority girls! They cheer and whooooo at the brand new boys.

Hugs and kisses and amazement. Kyan says they’re all cute and Carson says they’re gorgeous. Cameron takes over and directs people to food and drinks. The girls are impressed and call Cameron hot. Carson wishes he would take off his sunglasses because he’s indoors. Um, Jai was wearing sunglasses in the bathroom at the beginning of the episode so he set the bad example there.

A band sets up. Cameron tells some girls that they’re gorgeous. Carson calls him the ladies’ man now. Thom comments, “Tyler’s like, ‘Hi, I love your shoes.’” Heehee. Then a brother walks by with a t-shirt over a button down with a tie over it all. Jai points it out to Carson who says, “He’s a little over-styled. Ben looks like an extra from “Out” magazine.” Ha.

Cameron then finds himself between a gaggle of girls on the couch. The band starts playing and the girls dance. Carson loves the guitar player. Ted loves Cameron’s dancing. Cameron then announces Otis Day! Out comes Otis. The crowd goes wild. Jai and Carson get their groove on, too. Thom and Ted and Kyan join in at the little bit softer now part. Carson says, “If I get lower, I’ll have to go downstairs.” Heehee.

Everyone jumps and sings Hey hey hey. Cameron crowd surfs. It’s madness! It’s fun! It’s fraternity heaven! They all bow in that “we’re not worthy” way. Cameron thanks the Fab Five again. Everyone cheers. The FF shine on the Critic Couch. Cameron wants to be the best fraternity on campus forever. Hooray.

Kyan loves Cameron’s leadership. Ted calls it brothers grooming brothers. They cheer to Sigma Chi in that chanting fraternity way.

A sloppy frat boy to a fraternity king—what a rush.

No tips this week as the Fab Five are recovering from food fights and jet lag.

Email me: Christina@realityshack.com How far is too far when it comes to manscaping?

Fight #6 – The Contender, Episode 6

Fight 6 Contender Episode 6

by carpesomediem

Last episode, we saw Miguel Espino ousted by Peter Manfredo, Jr., the new comeback kid and affectionately known as “the real Rocky” by Sylvester Stallone. Finally, East Coast won a fight in the ring after many failed attempts before them.

For their first reward, the East Coast team went to watch a live taping of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno They get all dressed up, while West Coast whines about losing their first challenge. “You’re going to go have some fun Gallagher style,” Tommy tells them. They travel to NBC Studios, unbeknownst that they are going to get to hang out with Jay Leno after the taping of his show. “It’s all you brother,” Tommy tells Peter, who won his match to give them the chance to go to the taping.

They sit in the audience, to watch the show, with Reese Witherspoon and Tim McGraw. Brent says Tim McGraw is his favorite artists. After the show, they all get to meet Jay. “He’s a great individual,” Jesse beams. They pose for photos together, Jay joking, “Don’t hit me in the chin.” He wishes them all luck. “It’s the best time I’ve ever had,” Peter grins.

For this week’s challenge, both teams will be required to carry medicine balls to a bag, place them in the bag, and then hoist them up in the air to the top of a bridge where one of their teammates will fill a Toyota Tundra. The first team to get all their medicine balls in the Tundra wins. After getting an early lead, West Coast stumbles when their bag gets caught at the top of the bridge and aqueduct, Jesse has to try and climb up the wall – which he ends up doing repeatedly, because it’s steep – until he gets it, which costs the West valuable time. East Coast gets considerably ahead, but eventually, begins to lose medicine balls as they begin coming down the aqueduct back at them. “Those balls are going to come back to haunt you!” Sugar Ray shouts at them. West Coast manages to not only get their bag, but catch up and eventually overtake East’s lead. West Coast wins the challenge.

Before the fight, Sugar Ray takes the ring to talk directly to the crowd. He’s announced as a champion and Olympic gold medalist by announcer Jeff Connor. He comes into the ring to applause, applauding himself, before speaking. “Thank-you all for coming,” he says. “I really wish you had a chance to be at the previous fights here. These young warriors display so much heart and soul to be the winner of The Contender. This fight here should not be any different.”

He explains how the competition works, and how the teams made a deal to fight the best fighter of each team. Anthony chose to disregard that, and Sugar Ray details this, and how Anthony decided to fight Brent. “He threw a wrench,” he says. “This is what Anthony feels in his heart. He made that decision. All the guys were upset. Then again, this single father of two beautiful kids are fighting for his kids. Naturally, he’s doing what’s best for his family.”

Sugar Ray then introduces the East Coast team led by Peter; next comes the West Coast led by Sergio. Vin Diesel is in the audience that night as the boxers get ready to take the ring in their respective lockerooms but shadowboxing. East Coast’s Brent comes out, praising the Lord, and praying for strength. West Coast’s Anthony comes out reflecting on his thirty-three years, “This opportunity is my one shot at making my family secure,” he says.

Round 1: Anthony comes out swinging; Brent is very defensive, reaching for shots as opposed to coming in. Anthony locks in on his head, gets a good shot in, ducks under Brent’s punches to throw in a few abdominal shots. They both step back, going for specific hits as Anthony lands a punch to Brent’s chin and they lock-up once more. Anthony keeps swinging as Brent ducks and defends his head. Anthony shakes his head at the East’s boxer. Anthony gets him to the ropes and lays into him repeatedly, there’s nothing Brent can do. He lands another sharp punch to the face that hurts Brent. Round goes to Anthony.
Round 2: Once again, Anthony comes out swinging, and Brent tries to make up for the horrible first round. However, Anthony is much faster and knocks into him, causing him to stumble. He lands two more punches to Brent’s face and gets him into the corner, continuing to lay into him. Anthony circles the ring, puts his hands down and then goes in to land another punch to the face. Brent is tired, it’s showing, and he can’t keep up with Anthony’s punches. He goes on the defensive again, running away and defending his face. Round goes to Anthony.
Round 3: Anthony hits Brent in the face, again and again. Brent ducks one punch and gets thrown into the ropes. Brent’s finished as Anthony tears into him. Ishe starts yelling that the fight should be stopped. They referee pulls them apart, within thirty-eight seconds, calling the fight as a knockout for the West Coast team. Round goes to Anthony by default.

Referee calls the match: Anthony Bonsante wins by knock-out.

“Hopefully, the West Coast team will see what I’ve done,” Anthony says, “I had the chance to take somebody out, and I did. With my two kids by my side, I am unstoppable. If you dare stand in my way, I’m taking you down.”

Brent heads back to the lockeroom. “I’m sorry,” he tells Sly, crying and Stallone hugs him. “It just happens,” Sly says, “It’ a rough sport, but I’m sure you can handle it.”

“I felt weak,” Brent says on his way to the lockeroom, where he sits, crying. “I’m sorry I let everybody down. It just wasn’t the Lord’s will for me to win,” he says, with a visible black right eye. He’s in the shower now, crying, as his wife comes in to comfort him. “I couldn’t do nothing,” he sobs. “I couldn’t do anything.” She tells him it’s ok. “It’s ‘God’s plan,'” he cries more as she tells him she loves him. She leaves him to his thoughts. “You’ve got to learn to lose before you’ve got to learn to win,” he says his mom advised him when he was a kid. ”

Cooper, the sixth contender to be defeated, saying as he leaves the lockeroom, “This is where the cowboy rides away.” He hangs up his gloves and takes his leave of The Contender gym.

Carpesomediem is an aspiring freelance writer from Lancaster, Pa. who enjoys music, movies and writing about the way the world works; you can contact her at carpesomediem@realityshack.com to talk about this week’s episode or anything at all.


Contender Commentary – Episode 6, Bonsante Shocks the Shanty

Contender Commentary – Bonsante Shocks the Shanty, Episode 6

by Panndyra, Goddess of Chaos

Last week, Peter Manfredo Jr. returned to the ring and won. He faced his demons and is a much stronger fighter as a result. He gave the East their first, real taste of victory and it was sweet. The West wasn’t liking their time in the loser’s corner; however, they felt they’d rise again quickly enough (and they did. For more on that, check out this week’s [url=http://www.realityshack.com/modules/articles/article.php?id=672]recap[/url]!)

What was really a huge issue this week was the fact that Anthony Bonsante went against his team (the West) and chose a fighter he wasn’t supposed to. Apparently, the teams have entered into a sort of gentlemen’s agreement and picked the last three fights, based on best skill sets, etc. Anthony was slated to fight Jimmy Lange. He knew it, the East knew it – everyone knew it. What they didn’t know was that Anthony didn’t want to fight Lange.

He felt that the lanky, 6 ft 1 in Lange, would give him too much trouble. Bonsante (who’s name means “Good Health” in French – originally I said it was “good saint” and well I should’ve checked with [url=http://world.altavista.com]babelfish[/url] first, okay!) is a great dad. He’s a single dad to his two pre-teen children. At 33, he’s older than most of the other guys and sees this show as his ‘last shot’ to make a good financial future for his children.

He didn’t tell his team what he was doing ahead of time. He had them believing that he was going to fight Jimmy as agreed and he even asked the team to help him by winning the challenge so he could have the psychological benefit of calling out his guy.

His team complied and when Anthony called out Brett Cooper, a Christ-loving Tennesse-based boxer, they were angry at him. Both teams were pissed off at Anthony. He made no friends with this decision. Nor did he want to.

The night before the fight, all the guys went out except for Anthony – he said he prefers to stay in and think about the fight. However, I don’t think the rest of the house wanted him there any way. Anthony is persona non grata now. Even during the pre-fight interview, Ishe called him out as a traitor to the team.

During the fight, the West largely rooted for the fighter from the East, Brett. Anthony had his kids there – they showed up to surprise him. He fought like an animal. He really tore into Brett. 38 seconds into the 3rd round, the ref had to call off the fight. It was a knockout, not a knock-down.

Now, in my opinion, I can see both sides of the issue. For Anthony, he has a right to choose his own destiny and pick the fight he wants to fight. Ishe had called out Ahmed and that’s why he was ‘forced’ into the fight – and he didn’t like that either. I understand that it looks like he chose the easier fight and maybe he did.

Now, he has a target on his back. Ishe wants to fight him because he and Brett were friends. Fine. Reality TV shows aren’t a place to make ‘lifelong friends’ – at least not as a primary goal. This is a competition. Anthony is a grown man. He should be able to make his own decisions. The team should realize that and learn to respect that.

Having said that – Anthony should have just said to the team – “hey, I don’t want to fight Lange”. Instead, he had Lange train harder and he talked up like he was going to fight him until after the challenge was won. That was not exactly the best way to handle the situation.

These are my opinions, folks. You have every right to disagree with me. Regardless, Anthony now has a big ole target on his back – and well, he’s the one they’re all gunning for. The drama’s heating up in the house.

If you haven’t been tuning into the Contender yet – why not? If you don’t catch it on Sundays, it’s on CNBC Monday Evenings at 8pm EST!

If you want to share your thoughts on this commentary or your opinions on Bonsante’s decision, email me at panndyra@realityshack.com. I’ll read ‘em even if I don’t agree with ‘em.

”Cinderella Goes to the Ball” – Starting Over, 04-01-05

Cinderella Goes to the Ball – Starting Over, 04-01-05

By: Cori Linder
clinder@realityshack.com

A fairy tale has come true. It’s graduation day for Candy, and it’s bittersweet because she will miss the girls so much. It’s bittersweet for me, too—I will miss watching Candy!

The tummy doctor calls Bethany to tell her she has low iron in her blood and that he must do an invasive test to determine if she has an ulcer. Bethany tells Rhonda she’s really excited to find out if there’s a problem; however, she fears that the drug she has to take before the operation will cause slight amnesia. She doesn’t want to freak out if she wakes up and cannot recognize anybody. Rhonda comforts Bethany and then congratulates her on her changed mindset and how she’s beginning to love herself.

Allison is having a harder time loving herself because her squatters get in the way. “Why haven’t you given yourself permission to heal?” asks Rhonda. “Why, if you’re so worthless, didn’t you just give up? Why did you try so hard to live?” Allison answers that she didn’t want her family to experience her death. But then, after talking with Iyanla, Allison realizes she loves herself and wanted to live in order to endure the chemo and other treatments. She needs to kill the squatters in her mind. Until she recognizes her value as a person, she cannot live her life.

Allison will meet with good ‘ole Marcus to talk about physical fitness, and she will have to take her squatters (painted statues faces) with her. How fun…

Bethany is prepping for surgery. “Just be there for me when I wake up,” she tells Rhonda.

Meanwhile, it’s group time, and Candy gets to sit in the chair and reflect upon the steps she achieved. Candy is so proud of herself and is absolutely glowing. BUT, she’s just put her beautiful new hairdo into an old-fashioned bun! The hair wants to breathe, Candy!

Candy’s new self-portrait shows that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, which represents her happiness. To celebrate, Candy gets to enjoy herself at the spa. Also, Tess and Vanessa get to pick out Candy’s graduation dress while Allison and Rachel pick out Candy’s makeup. It reminds me of Cinderella getting ready for the ball while the mice help her. Iyanla would make an interesting fairy godmother. But, I digress…

The doctor shows us the inside of Bethany’s stomach, and I’m thinking that I didn’t want to know Bethany this well. She wakes up and is very happy and relieved to see Rhonda’s face. She learns that she has some irritation and small blood clots in her stomach. She will learn more details about the biopsy in a few days.

Allison meets with Marcus, and he introduces her to the treadmill. They’re both optimistic that Allison will lose the weight. She later meets with Dr. Stan and reveals that she’s felt fat and ugly her whole life—even before the cancer and during her childhood. Her father was an alcoholic and was verbally violent to everybody. She doesn’t know if her father loved her, which has shaped how she feels about herself. Dr. Stan tells her she has to discover the parts of herself that she loves.

Tess and Allison shop for dresses with Candy, and she looks foxy! Take out the bun, Candy! She tears up because she feels so beautiful. After watching her get her massage, I decide I need one too.

The girls enjoy pampering Candy and turning her into the belle of the ball. When the graduation begins, Candy immediately grabs the Kleenex. What an emotional moment for her! Iyanla’s hope for Candy is that she will be a WILD woman. Rhonda is inspired by her and her willingness to change. Vanessa remembers how Candy let her cry on her shoulder and thanks her for being her unconditional friend. Rachel tells her she’s been like a mother to her.

Candy will receive a Warm Spirit gift certificate towards products and a 1-800-Salon gift certificate to maintaining her new hairdo. Best of all, Lowes will give her $3,000 towards renovating her house.

Candy thanks everybody and says, “You saved my life.” As she leaves, she tells the girls, “You’ve got a wedding to come to.”

Stay tuned…

***Note to reader: It’s been a great pleasure to write this week’s “Starting Over” recaps for you all while LauraBelle has been enjoying her vacation. She’ll be back in full writing force on Monday. Happy watching!
:whoohoo:


Shark Beats Fish – Survivor: Palau, Episode 7

Shark Beats Fish – Survivor: Palau, Episode 7

[i]by atarus[/i]

The show starts with the pitiful three on Ulong. Stephenie says that the odds aren’t in their favor at this point. She says that she thought she had the game all figured out, and at this point she’s shocked, confused, and embarrassed. I would be too. Ibrehem says when it gets down to three it feels like a group of friends, not a tribe. Steph wants a merge, and Ibe hopes that maybe this will pan out for them in a good way. Steph says that she feels like she can trust Bobby Jon more than Ibrehem.

At Koror, Ian brings in a huge clam for feasting. The Koror group gets to eat a bunch of clam meat. However, when they put the clam out to wash out on the shore, some of the blood/meat/whatever attracts a few sharks. Gregg and Ian grab the spears and step out into the water to try and get some shark. However, Ian cuts his foot and it incapacitates him. Gregg then narrates what happens next: “And then out of nowhere, Tom grabs a machete, walks down the beach, and catches a shark.” I really can’t believe there was no cameraman on Tom while he was stabbing the shark. I would have wanted to see that. Anyway, Gregg says it’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen out of a city boy from New York. (I would not call Tom a boy, but whatever.) Ian says that “you try to be a provider, and then someone has to come and one-up you.” However he stays in good spirits about it and says that “now I just have to catch a humpback whale or something.”

It’s time for the SOS reward challenge! This is the bone that the producers throw to the tribes that are having trouble. Ulong decides to break down their old shelter and their bathroom to make a big burning sign. Bobby Jon says that they’ve been working as hard as they can, and hopefully work can overcome smartness.

At Koror, Gregg, Caryn and Katie are chosen to compete in the SOS task. Tom says that “you want to be a part of this thing, you just want to help, but it’s frustrating being an observer.” Katie decides to try soaking a rope in kerosene, and on the sidelines Coby hopes that they don’t take too long starting the fire. When the plane comes by, Coby’s worries come to fruition as Gregg has trouble starting the fire, but Koror still ends up getting the reward as Ulong built their signal too close to the treeline and wasn’t as visible. Koror enjoys their MREs.

It’s time for the Gregg and Jenn rommance hour! (The two Ms were on purpose, mind you.) Coby says “I guess they think they’re dating.” Gregg complains that he can never have a conversation with Jenn because people will think they’re talking strategy. At the waterhole, Gregg and Jenn talk, and Jenn tells Gregg that he seems very standoffish. Gregg says that he’s easily distracted by women, so he’s making a conscious effort to stay cool, and that the context of the game is the priority. Jenn says that there are days that Gregg is very off to her, she doesn’t know if there’s a romantic connection or if they’re just going to be “that alliance.” Tom is worried that Gregg and Jenn have a “volatile emotion” that could throw a monkey wrench into their plans.

At Ulong, Bobby Jon gets this little fish that gets Ibrehem and Stephenie excited. Bobby Jon says “getting that fish made me feel like I scored.” Steph says that hopefully the food will make them be stronger and better in the challenge. They get a treemail with a puzzle that says “the only way you can lose is be lazy.”

It’s immunity challenge time! Jeff just decides to add insult to injury for Ulong. First he asks Bobby Jon how fishing was going, and Bobby Jon was so excited about his fish that he caught. However, the first blow of the humiliation you know that is coming is when he says “I’m afraid of the sharks though.” And I literally just lowered my eyes because I knew what was coming next. Jeff goes over to Koror, and Katie and Tom are jolly and start boasting about the shark that Tom caught. Bobby Jon looks a bit unnerved and I just feel so sorry for Ulong.

I won’t even go into details about the immunity challenge itself. Coby, Janu, and Jenn manage to beat Bobby Jon, Stephenie, and Ibrehem in the life-size puzzle challenge. It’s just sad and pathetic to watch.

At Ulong, before voting, Bobby Jon says that he’s the swing vote between Ibrehem and Stephenie. (Uh-oh, that’s usually the kiss of death.) He knows that Ibrehem will take it like a man if he’s voted out, but Steph will be mad. Stephenie says that “she should have never gotten herself into this situation.” She talks to Bobby Jon, but he is very wishy-washy in how he talks to her. Stephenie says that “she wants to stay in this game” so she goes to Ibrehem about voting for BJ, who continues to play the loyal dumb lackey role and says “I’ll shoot it to your straight. I don’t know.” You can just about see Stephenie grinding her teeth in frustration.

At Tribal Council, Jeff drills Ulong with questions. Blah blah. It’s just sad to watch only three people at tribal council before the Jury portion of the game.

The votes are read, and the votes are Ibrehem-Stephenie……Ib. Ibrehem is voted out, and Stephenie says “Thank you” to Bobby Jon.

Ibrehem’s Final Words: “I totally didn’t expect to be voted off. I guess I was wrong. I played the game the best I could without compromising my character.”

Next time: Rats move in at Koror, Coby wants to “push all three of those girls into the fire.” (Jenn, Katie, Janu?) And Bobby Jon starts going primate.

Sigh. These episodes are just depressing to watch. That’s really all I can say. E-mail me at atarus33@yahoo.com. Yeah.


“Can You Smell What The Donald is Cooking?” – The Apprentice 3, Episode 10

Can You Smell What The Donald is Cooking? The Apprentice 3 Episode 10

By: Cori Linder
clinder@realityshack.com

[SNIFF]…You smell that? The Apprentice teams are making pizza, although it’s not the smell of food that is affecting the people: It’s the smell of fear that a contestant is a volcano ready to explode.

“Honey, we’re home,” says Angie, walking into the boardroom, much to Stephanie’s dismay.

Soon, Bren, Alex, and Kendra become an “alliance” of some sort and secretly strategize to have Bren be the project manager so that they have a better chance of staying in the game. It’s feeling more like an episode of “Survivor” here.

The challenge:

Standing in the atrium of Trump Tower, Mr. Trump tells Net Worth to choose somebody from Magna. They happily choose Alex—so much for the alliance.

The teams will need to create an original style of pizza for Dominos. They will design the pizza in a training center in Brooklyn and then will have to sell it on a mobile unit. The team that sells the most pizzas wins. Craig has exemption this week.

Net Worth project manager: Stephanie
Magna project manager: Bren

Strategies:

On the Net Worth team, Alex will be in charge of marketing. They meet with the Dominos trainer and decide to create a pizza with meatballs (a smart move since Mr. Trump had stated earlier that he was especially found of meatballs). They name it, “Meatball Masterpiece.” Alex and Chris then approach a nearby construction site and sell them some pizzas (before they’re cooked).

The meatball idea seems contagious because Magna also designs a new pizza concept around meatballs. Tana handpicks the ingredients while emphasizing the importance of the sauce. “Saucy, saucy, saucy,” she says. The end result: “Manga [pronounced Man-ja] Meatball Pie.”

Words of wisdom from Donald Trump:

As we have come to expect from “The Apprentice,” Mr. Trump occasionally bestows on us words of wisdom, which are manifested in a sound bite: Sometimes people have an idea and fall in love with it, but if it turns out to be bad, they need to give up on it. This reminds me of what a former boss once told me: “Every now and then, we have to murder our little darlings.”

The task:

Net Worth targets NYU dormitories and hires promotional models. In Chris’s opinion, Alex is overly concerned with these girls and is distracted from the task at hand. Chris continues to criticize and speak harshly to Alex until Alex finally “gets in his face” and tells Chris never to speak to him again like that. Furious (and seemingly about to explode right on the pizzas), Chris says the F-word and meanly says, “Don’t ever talk to me like that again.” He says this while making pizza. I decide I wouldn’t want him making mine.

Now, readers, this is the climax of Chris’s “tirade,” and I am left a bit disappointed. The previews had built up the whole anger issue so much more than what was actually released.

Where is project manager Stephanie during all of this? She and a model are braving the New York subway to eventually deliver pizzas to the construction crew. “We made a personal commitment to them,” she explains. But really, do you think some workers over an hour away are going to fret long if they don’t get a specific pizza? This long side trip will prove costly for Stephanie.

Alex later confides to Stephanie that he felt physically threatened by Chris.

Meanwhile, Magna is happily plugging along, for they have been negotiating larger orders with corporations and small businesses. No real drama to report.

Results:

Magna won because Net Worth sold only to people on the streets. Bren will be exempt next week. Probably hoping to stir up some anger, Mr. Trump asks Stephanie WHO was the problem on the team. “Chris,” she answers.

Magna’s reward is to have breakfast with Mr. Trump in his apartment. “This is your best chance to get to know me and convince me you’ll win,” he says.

Back at the suite:

Angie thinks Stephanie is lying about Chris threatening Alex. She says this in front of Chris who then confronts Alex with a furious face, squinted eyes, and his mantra: “I speak the facts!” It’s clear by now that not even Alex really believed he was in harm’s way, but he doesn’t want to back down from what he said. Chris says he doesn’t trust Alex now.

Scheming Stephanie tries to convince Alex to vote for Chris. She becomes suspicious, however, when Alex confides that he will not go solely after Chris.

In the boardroom…

Stephanie tells Mr. Trump that Chris threatened Alex. Mr. Trump asks the group, “Do you think Stephanie is tough enough to handle this group?” “No,” replies Angie.

Angie returns to the suite while Stephanie is left to face Alex and Chris. “You better fight for yourself a little bit harder,” Mr. Trump tells her.

When the reenter the boardroom, Alex and Chris go back and forth about the threat issue; however, Mr. Trump seems more concerned about whether Stephanie can handle somebody like Chris. “I’m not used to working in a volatile environment,” she says. With thousands of employees, I’m sure the Trump organization has had its fair share of volatile encounters.

Mr. Trump is still worried about Chris’s chewing habit. Chris tells him he kicked the habit two days ago and that he’s working on some issues right now. “Do you have a psychological problem?” asks Mr. Trump. No, says Chris. “You better get on the ball,” says Mr. Trump. Even if the poor guy did have some mental issues, would he announce them on national TV?

Back to Stephanie…The boys are ganging up on her. Alex would rather work with a volatile person than with Stephanie. The bottom line is that she left her team when they needed her, showing signs of poor leadership. “Stephanie, you’re fired.”

In the Cab of Shame…

In the taxi, Stephanie praises the college graduates for having the attributes (loyalty, respect, etc.) that one could expect in a corporate environment while basically insulting the high school graduates as being disrespectful, argumentative, not loyal, etc.

Until next time…

Quotes of the week:

“He’s a nutcase.” – Stephanie (referring to Chris)

“I’m chewing sunflower seeds.” – Chris (telling Angie how he cannot chew tobacco)

“Mr. Trump must have been a rapper in a former life because I’ve never seen such gold trim.” – Kendra (about Mr. Trump’s “pad”)

Cori is a freelance writing consultant. Feel free to contact her via clinder@realityshack.com or via her website at http://www.granolaink.com/.


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