|by Panndyra, aka the Goddess of Chaos
I was originally going to title this episode, “Sluts Over Long Island” but I felt that it wouldn’t be fair to Long Island. The girls on this show acted like sluts but I know, having grown up in the Northeast that NOT all girls act like this. At least I hope they don’t.
The boys are normal teenagers – they love girls. The girls love them – maybe a little too much. Victoria admits that the boys love attention, but she and Robert (and I and almost every other parent in America I would think) wonder why the girls go to such extremes to show their adoration of the Gotti boys. These are “Girls Gone Wild” for the Gotti boys. It’s a bit sad, really.
Why don’t these girls have more self-respect?
Okay – now, I’m just giving too much commentary and not enough of a a review. The show had two plots.
[b]Plot #1[/b] – the boys went to a radio station. They were running a contest from the [url=http://www.hottigotti.com]hottigotti.com[/url] website. Be careful, there’s also an [url=http://www.hottiegotti.com]hottiegottie.com[/url] and an [url=http://www.hottigotti.org]hottigotti.org[/url]. I’m scared, y’all.
There were thousands of girls who applied to spend some time with [b]Da Boyz[/b]. The radio station narrowed it down to 30. John and Carmine were supposed to pick three. Frankie couldn’t go – he was sick.
Well, the boys were enjoying picking so much so that they couldn’t decide. They didn’t want to let any of the girls down. Awww! How sweet! They’re keeping their poontang options open for later.
Carmine showed just how seriously he took the contest when he asked one girl, over the phone, how big her butt was, on a scale from 1 to 10. She said a “10” – like J. Lo. (Why did I have to grow up 10 years too soon – before the butt became popular? Hmmmm? When I was a teenager not that long ago, everyone wanted a Kate Moss butt. UGH!) This prompted Mama Gotti to call in and tell her sons to “remember how you are!” UH-OH!
So, then – John and Carmine interview the girls – who, by the way – are edited as dazzling conversationalists (NOT). They decided not to decide. So, 30 girls end up at Casa di Gotti. Now, Mama is not happy. I don’t blame her.
The girls are excited to be in the hizzouse, but Carmine would rather play Playstation and John had to be dragged out of his room. How charming? The girls told Da Boyz they were bored. Then, they started dancing suggestively. I guess some of the girls thought that it was the “Sluttiest Girl” contest. I AM NOT SURE WHO’D WIN THAT THOUGH. There were so many great candidates.
And how about Miss Congeniality – the ever friendly European girl who told the boys they had no manners? That’s the way to make an impression, but I guess you just wanted some camera time, right? It’s amazing to me that some of these girls would act this way with not only Victoria in the house but some of their own moms there.
My mother’d have killed me. Maybe I’m just jealous. I don’t know. Anyway, the girls left after eating some food and annoying John to no end – when a few of them went into his room after it was forbidden. That was so [b]Beauty & the Beast[/b].
[b]Plot #2[/b] Mama Victoria learns self-defense. Victoria’s sister, Angel, was in the elevator by herself a while ago and she was wondering to herself, what would happen if she were attacked? I always think those things when I’m by myself. I mean – it’s completely normal – right?
Neuroses aside, it’s not a bad idea for two single women – and Robert – to learn some self-defense. They decide to a private class and learn the basics. Victoria jokes that she should’ve worn her boots because she’s not going to wear sneakers to kick butt. Angel really kicks it into high gear after she breaks a nail. Ooooooooooowww.
In the end, after the girls leave and Case di Gotti is back to normal – for Casa di Gotti, that is – the family practices some moves on Luigi. He shows them the “Italian shot” – which is definitely a low-blow.
Next week, I think I’m going to watch paint dry instead of Growing Up Gotti. The show’s starting to bore me. Yes, I do have the attention span of a gnat. Thank you very much.
[b]About the author[/b]: Panndyra is the Goddess of Chaos. When she’s not ruining lives, she’s writing about Reality TV. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have questions for her. She’ll try to be nice.
“The Thorn in Their Side” – The Bachelor 7, Episode 2 Commentary
By: Cori Linder
The hour I spent watching “The Bachelor” was punctuated with random thoughts—thoughts that did not inspire a collective theme. So, for my article this week, I thought I would share these comments in their unabashed randomness:
– As mentioned in last week’s commentary, it would be an understatement that I find Danushka to be somewhat odd—Charlie obviously agreed with me, for he eliminated her and was making fun of Danushka’s picture (enjoying it a bit too much). Good thing she was ejected from the competition.
– In preparation for her alone date, Megan dyes her hair blond in order to attract Charlie. But, he’s looking for a girl that is low maintenance and feels comfortable in her skin (natural, not dyed). As I watched how the other girls praised Megan’s hair in her presence but then criticized it behind her back, my all-time favorite saying came to mind: “Those who gossip to you gossip about you.”
– This season, the rose has no longer become the beautiful and innocent gift bestowed on the lucky maiden….oh, no…. it is now the proverbial meat that causes the animalistic women to drool over and grab with their claws. When, during the group date, 10 bikini-clad women figuratively fought for the rose, I half-expected the two most aggressive to bare their teeth and rip it out of the box. No wonder Charlie was pleased when Sarah W. threw hers away.
– I’m not a betting girl, but I would bet my favorite college sweatshirt that Charlie picks Sarah W. at the final rose ceremony. I mean, the boy video messaged her while he was on a group date with the rest of the girls. And, he blushed in her presence. I’m thinking Sarah would be wise to keep this information to herself since many of the girls, like Krisily, are out for blood. And Sarah…don’t let anybody tell you that you shouldn’t knit! NOTE: In her recap, Carrie makes an interesting point that Sarah W. won’t be in the final two because there’s too much footage of them…so maybe Carrie will be wearing my sweatshirt.
– My “respect” for Charlie went a bit down south when Miss Kimberley decided to use her body to snatch a rose. When Kimberley walked out in a revealing bikini, I thought that Charlie was above this—apparently, he’s not, for he lowered his mouth to hers and had a fun time.
– It has always been my mantra that less is more and that sometimes it’s better to know when to be quiet than when to speak. With that said, Sarah W. had a wonderful thing going for her. It was obvious to everybody that Charlie had a special connection with her and that their date went better than fine. But then, on some weird impulse, she pulled Charlie aside and revealed her emotional side with tears. The last thing that many bachelors want in the first couple weeks of courting is an “emotional” girl. Maybe Carrie was right…maybe Sarah W. won’t last the entire time.
Until next time…
***Cori Linder is a freelance writing consultant and can be reached via email@example.com or via her website at http://www.granolaink.com/.
Before I begin the actual recap, let me complain a bit about Canadian television stations, A Channel/CityTV in particular. I set my PVR (TiVO for the American bunch) to record The Bachelor on this station, and came down about five minutes into the program to watch. For some reason that I’ll never understand, they were playing the second hour of last week’s premiere instead of the new episode. Argh. I eventually found the East coast broadcast on ABC after missing about seven minutes, and fortunately a friend has filled me in on what I missed. So, without further ado, let’s move on, shall we?
First the stuff I missed, as told to me by a fellow Bachelor addict: Krisily and Kerry have an over-dramatized argument over comments that were made during last night’s rose ceremony. Krisily says privately that Kerry must be jealous because Krisily is only 25, while Kerry is “32 and looks it”. My first thought was “ouch!” – but then I remembered that when I first saw Kerry I thought she was older than 32. So fair enough.
Meanwhile, Charlie is sitting in his apartment playing with the photos of all the women. He’s drawn sunglasses on Danushka’s picture and is making her fight with the rest of the girls. Dang, I would have liked to see that! And now on with what I actually got to see.
Chris arrives at the women’s apartment and tells them that there will be two one-on-one dates this week. But there’s a catch! The dates are “sudden death”. Wow, when did The Bachelor turn into the WWE? At the end of each private date, Charlie will decide whether to give the lady a rose or send her home. Oh boy. When chosen for a one-on-one date, the woman who is going must pack her bags and leave them by the door, in case she doesn’t get a rose. I can’t wait until, about ten years from now, therapists start up businesses just to deal with rejects from dating shows. “But Charlie didn’t love me! I guess I was never pretty enough! Boo hoo! I hate myself!” Uh, right, the recap …
What’s not new this time is the way the first two private dates are selected. A panel of experts went over the ladies’ applications and chose the two who were “most compatible” with Charlie. I feel another tangent coming on here, but it’s so obvious I’m sure you can make up your own. The two lucky ladies are Megan and Sarah W.
Megan is up first, and she decides that since Charlie likes blondes, she ought to become one herself. She arranges for a stylist to come to the apartment and do her hair, which turns out pretty nicely. She packs her bags and leaves them by the door and heads out on her date, leaving the other girls behind to make fun of her new look.
Charlie is surprised at Megan’s new ‘do, and tells her she looks terrific. They go out to dinner at a steakhouse, and Megan keeps telling Charlie how much she’s into him and how much she wants to stay. Sitting on a tray right beside her is a rose, and she sneaks looks at it throughout the evening. Charlie is worried that Megan would have been interested in any guy who turned out to be The Bachelor, and that it’s not about him at all. She just wants a rose to stay in the game.
After dinner, Charlie has to decide whether to give Megan a rose or to send her packing. He decides to “hold back”, and Megan is crushed. She tearfully tells the camera that she thinks she can hold her own against the other girls as far as looks go, and she doesn’t understand why Charlie’s not giving her a rose. She feels that she’s misread him.
Back at the apartment, the girls are confident that Megan is coming back. A man comes up the elevator, silently opens the door, and takes Megan’s luggage out. The women see this and think it’s a joke, until they see the man leave with no sign of Megan anywhere. It hits home to them just how real the situation is now.
It’s Sarah W’s turn for her date, and she packs and gets ready while the girls ask her if she’s nervous, and if she’s kissed Charlie. The answers are no and yes, respectively. When he calls, Sarah puts on her “Charlie” voice and accepts his invitation. She says that she’s not worried about anything and just wants to have a good time.
For their date, Charlie and Sarah take a water taxi to a microbrewery, where they take a tour and have dinner. While Charlie is giving Sarah a mock tour, the women back at the apartment have a pajama party, complete with matching PJ’s and sushi. They then decide to do skits of each other with Charlie, including the now-infamous body shot. Krisily says it’s one of the funniest things she’s ever seen.
Sarah and Charlie have some beer and pizza, and then sit on the bar to talk and make out and stuff. Charlie decides to give Sarah the rose, and she throws it over towards their coats. Privately, Charlie says something like “Yeah, you throw that rose!”, admitting that this date wasn’t about roses – it was about having a real date. He’s impressed.
On the way home, Charlie admits the he might have a hard time sleeping that night. He’s excited and happy about the date with Sarah. When Sarah returns to the apartment, none of the other girls are surprised that she got a rose, but some of them seem a touch disappointed.
Now it’s massive-group-date time. The remaining ten women are going to a “pool party” with Charlie, and we get shots of everyone frantically pulling on bikinis. Everyone except Charlie that is, because, well, ew.
The group arrives at an indoor pool, and instantly spots the two roses waiting to be handed out. They all declare ‘game on’, and start to strip down to their swimsuits. Charlie says that “operation flirt” is now in effect.
Sarah B mentions to a couple of the other girls that she thinks Charlie and Krisily have a connection, as they’re always laughing and having fun together. This surprises Kara, and when Krisily joins then and admits that she’s already kissed Charlie, Kara figures out that she needs to step things up.
As this is going on, Sarah W gets a video message from Charlie on her cell phone. She says it’s sweet and shows her that he’s thinking of her. Now, I may be very wrong on this one, but I don’t think Sarah W. is going to be one of the final two women unless ABC has already ruined the ending for us. They’re showing us way too much Charlie/Sarah chemistry. Just sayin’.
Back at the pool party, Kara gets some alone time with Charlie and asks him how he feels about dating a single mom. Again. He says he’s fine with it. Again. Saying that Kara is very brave to be there and admiring her courage, Charlie gives her the first rose of the day. They kiss for a while.
Charlie decides to tag along with the women when they return to their apartment. Sarah is home knitting a scarf or something for Charlie, and the other women whine about how she shouldn’t get to see him again since she already had her date with him.
Kimberley figures that since there’s only one rose left, she’s going to pull out all the stops to get it. She goes and changes from her swimsuit into a, well, another swimsuit. This one is a bright pink bikini, and she puts on a sarong and do-rag to match. She saunters out and the other women can’t believe what they’re seeing.
Charlie and Kimberley go for some “alone time”, and talk about Kim’s Ukrainian heritage. You know, small talk while Charlie gets an eyeful of her generous cleavage. Charlie goes and fetches the last rose and brings it back to Kimberley, and they make out. Is anyone else having flashbacks to Bachelor Bob the kissing machine, or is it just me?
Back in the apartment, the others decide it’s time to pick on Sarah W. They hide her knitting and tell her they want her to be social with them. Or something. I’m not really sure what this was all about, ‘cause frankly a dozen women fighting over the same man don’t always make sense.
When Charlie returns, Sarah W. takes him into her bedroom and tells him that she feels “all glowy” after their date. Actually, the conversation went something like, “I don’t know, like, how to, like, tell you this, like, it’s dumb. Like, after our, like, date, I felt, like, you know, like all glowy.” You get the picture. Somehow Charlie figures out what Sarah is, like, talking about, and she begins to cry. Hmm. Charlie is a little put off by this show of emotion, and feels it’s because Sarah is insecure about what might have happened on the group date.
Sarah W. walks Charlie to the door, holding his hand, while the other girls continue to be catty and make fun of her.
Finally it’s rose ceremony time. The three girls with roses, Sarah W, Kara, and Kimberley, sit comfortably on the couch while the others stand nervously in front of Charlie. Chris Harrison reminds the ladies that they are able to say something to Charlie before the roses are handed out if they want to, and this turns into a free for all with Kerry pointing fingers at Krisily, and Krisily defending herself by throwing Sarah W. into the mix. Sarah gives some lame speech about wanting everyone to be happy, and if she could she’d sprinkle ‘fairy dust’ all over everyone. Alrighty then.
Charlie hands out his roses, in order, to:
Kerry, Carrie, and Gina Marie all hug and say their goodbyes, continuing the tradition of women on reality shows with the same name as me not doing very well. Gina Marie is stunned, as apparently she was confident she’d go all the way to the end. Of course we never got to see any indication that would lead her to feel this way, but you gotta like her confidence.
Charlie says that he can’t conceive of a situation where eight girls would be happy to be dating the same man, yet here they all are, looking very happy indeed. They toast to their futures as the three rejected ladies leave.
Next week there’s more drama of course. The clip showed a voiceover of someone saying that they spent the night with Charlie, and Charlie admitting that they “made out”. On a bowling date, Kara will again grill Charlie on how he feels about dating a single mom. Kara, honey, I’m a mom too, but you really have to lay off this pressure thing. He said he’s cool with it; now move on. All he knows about you is that you’re a single mom and that you’re really stressed that he might not be into you because of that. Loosen up.
Don’t forget to check out Cori’s Bachelor commentary, right here.
So what do you think? Are the changes to the Bachelor formula working out? Drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.