America’s Long, Long Goodbye – American Idol, 4-13-05

America’s Long, Long Goodbye – American Idol, 4-13-05

by Sue Mulcahy

Just when you thought the pain could not get any worse, the marketing geniuses at Fox decide that Idol elimination show should be 30 minutes longer this week. (I know what you are thinking- it is hard to believe that “Life on a Stick” isn’t the huge hit Fox thought it would be). Oh well. That leaves us with Ryan Seacrest for two whole hours this week. Can we please get wardrobe to give that man a suit that fits?

I must say Tuesday night I thought all the contestants were all pretty good. At the end of the show I had a difficult time trying to figure out who would be in the bottom three. But the reality of reality television is that sooner or later really good contestants get eliminated. In the next five weeks, we will say goodbye to some extremely talented people on American Idol.

On Tuesday, Constantine’s performance of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” was one of the best performances I have seen on that show. Vonzell sang Deniece Williams’ “Let’s Hear It For the Boy” she’s done better, but overall I believe she would stay for another week. Other than those two, I thought any of the remaining finalists could be in the bottom three.

Anthony surprised me this week. Just when I was trying to figure out what he was doing in this competition, he turns in a very decent rendition of Paul Young’s “Every Time You Go Away”. Scott also stepped it up this week. He sang Hall & Oates’ “She’s Gone” in front of Hall and Oates. Scott kills me. Tuesday night during his performance I thought maybe I had misjudged him. Maybe he can kind of sing and maybe he is misunderstood. Just when I was feeling guilty about some of things I had written about him, he goes off about how people at home don’t have the guts to do what he is doing. Thanks for slapping me back into reality Scott.

Carrie did not convince me with Pat Benatar’s “Love Is A Battlefield”. I thought it was forced and all over the place. I thought Carrie had a good chance to be in the bottom three this week. Nadia made another poor song choice this week with Mac Davis’ “When I Dream”. She sounded good but the song selection did not play to the crowd.

When Bo came into the competition I thought he would do really well if he did not do one thing, try and sing Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird”. The reason his fans have been loyal to him is because he has not been cliché or predictable. He was on Tuesday.

Bo and Nadia have been unapologetic about their song selections and performances. While I admire them for that I think at times it has come off as arrogance. They also had the misfortune of going first and second this week. What is America doing each week at
the beginning of this show? If you are going to judge the contestants fairly, get to your television set on time or TiVo it.

After listening to the group of Idols singing together and getting a look into what they do all week (yawn), Scott was told he was in the bottom three again this week. In a new twist, all three of the contestants that are facing elimination would have to sing. After Scott sang, he was joined by Bo. A nervous Nadia did not seemed surprised she rounded out the trio.

Much to my surprise (again) Scott was told he would go on. That left Nadia and Bo. Ryan then informed Nadia she was out of the competition. I think Nadia seemed to know her time was up. She gave a really good farewell performance last night. Nadia has a lot of talent and a really good voice, but she just never clicked with viewers or voters.

Nadia really tried to hold it together last night. When she started to cry Ryan took off his tie so she could dry her eyes. I like Ryan for that. I mean even though it didn’t fit him right, it was still a classy move. When I saw Nadia crying I was wondering what she was thinking.

Perhaps Nadia realizes now that you can be true to yourself and give the audience what they want. American Idol viewers want to like the contestants. They just need a reason. Some of the contestants have been more successful at that than others. The audience wants to share this experience with the performers, not steal it from them. And the contestants that embrace that fact will be the ones that I will still be writing about a month from now.

(I appreciate all your comments and emails, you can reach me at

Tyra Loses It – America’s Next Top Model 4, Episode 7

Tyra Loses It – America’s Next Top Model 4, Episode 7

by Carrie

With Lluvy gone, Rebecca is starting to feel a bit lonely, as her room is slowly clearing out. She discusses her lack of confidence with Kahlen, who tells her that she needs to step things up and just go for it in her photos.

The girls decide to go out for dinner at Dolce, a restaurant that s apparently owned by Ashton Kutcher. Tiffany feels out of place once again, as the other girls dig into raw tuna and other alien offerings.

Upon returning to the loft, they find TyraMail: They’ve walked the walk, but can they talk the talk?

It’s time for acting lessons, and the girls meet with Larry Moss who will instruct them. He says that as models, they may be asked to do commercials or other acting gigs, so they need to learn how to be comfortable with these. He gives them a challenge – learn a short script by the following day, where they will then act it out. Oh, and they have to do it with a Cockney accent. Why? Who knows.

All of the girls are struggling, but Tiffany is getting close to giving up. She says that she has enough problems with regular English, never mind Cockney. She calls her grandmother for moral support, but it doesn’t seem to help much.

The following day the girls return to meet with Larry Moss, and learn that they will be delivering their lines with actor Boris Kodjoe. Tiffany flips out, because apparently she has heard of this fellow. The women get into costume, complete with blackened teeth (yes, that’s right, the British stereotype) and one by one they do their scenes.

Most of them forget their lines, screw up the accent, or just look silly – Tiffany included. Boris says that she sounds like a Southern Belle right off the plantation. Naima does a pretty good job of it, as does Michelle, who has had four years’ training in acting. Larry and Boris judge the girls, and Naima pulls off the win. She gets to take two friends to go and pick out $10,000 worth of diamonds as their reward. Wow! She takes Michelle and Tatiana, and they each pick out a piece of jewellery.

Back at the apartment, Rebecca calls her fiancé for some moral support. Another TyraMail arrives, saying, “The feathers will fly”. Rebecca knows that she has to nail this one to stay in the competition.

Meeting up with the ever-adorable Jay Manuel, the girls find out they’ll be doing a shoot for Wonderbra, complete with a hot male model named Rib. Rib, I kid you not. I wonder if he has a little brother called Chicken Wing?

Kahlen is nervous because she’s never had a boyfriend and is now supposed to act like Rib is her other half. Meanwhile Rebecca is feeling guilty and pressured because she’s engaged and feels like she’s cheating on her fiancé or something.

As the shoot progresses the girls have play pillow fights with Rib, as feathers fly around and get caught in their hair, mouths, eyes, etc. Brittany and Michelle seem to be the only ones who are comfortable with the shoot, as the others are either stiff and make no connection with the model, or don’t bother to show off the bra they’re supposed to be advertising.

On judgement day, the girls are told that they have to do a little reading for the judges, and Boris the actor is there as guest judge this week. Each girl has to read a “fashion report” from a teleprompter. Every single one of them stumble over colours like chartreuse and magenta, and completely mess up the names of the designers. When Tiffany comes in for her turn, she reads the first sentence and gives up, saying that she can’t do this.

Tyra tells Tiffany that if she doesn’t want to go home, she’ll read the speech. Tiffany gives it a half-assed effort and walks out, saying that she’s humiliated herself yet again.

The girls are called back in and critiqued on their speeches, as well as their Wonderbra photos. Brittany gets praise for both her enthusiasm with the speech and her photo, while the rest of the girls are told that they had no energy at all even if they couldn’t pronounce the words, and the rest of the photos are just blah. Michelle gets praise for her photo though, and really I think it’s the best one she’s done yet.

As the judges deliberate, they all seem to agree that with the exception of Brittany, all of the girls seem to have lost their edge. They’re not kicking things up or progressing at all. Something must be done!

The girls are called back in and Tyra tells them that only one girl is doing well, and she’s the one to beat. Brittany gets her photo first, and gets more praise from Tyra. The rest of the photos are handed out, leaving Rebecca and Tiffany as the last two standing.

Tyra says that, although Rebecca has the best body of the bunch for high fashion, she doesn’t seem to have the desire to win and hasn’t progressed since the start. As for Tiffany, Tyra thinks that her defeatist attitude is dragging her down, and that she needs to learn to love herself and think herself worthy before anyone else will believe she really is.

With that, Tyra pulls out a blank photo – neither of the girls will be staying. Rebecca cries and hugs the other girls to say good-bye, while Tiffany makes jokes. Tyra is getting upset, and calls both girls back to stand ‘before her’.

She tells Rebecca that she’s impressed with her reaction – it showed Tyra that Rebecca actually wanted this and is disappointed. She tells Tiffany that her reaction shows that she has no respect for the competition and isn’t taking anything seriously. As Tiffany tries to defend herself and make excuses, Tyra loses it. She screams at Tiffany that they were all rooting for her, that her grandmother was rooting for her, and that she never once took this seriously and really gave it her all. She says that Tiffany needs to learn something from this and make something of herself, rather than wallow in her own self-pity. Yeah Tyra, you go girl!

Tiffany is angry as she packs her things to leave, and Rebecca says that she’s disappointed, but has something to look forward to as she’s going home to get married.

Comments are welcome! You can drop me a line any time at

Runaway Bride – 04-13-05

by LauraBelle

Another woman joins starting Over, and wouldn’t you know it, she has a name my spell check won’t recognize, Layne.

As Layne walks to the door, Alison says, “She’s blonde and beautiful. And my roommate. Damnit.” Alison seems to still be feeling a little inferior today. Vanessa thinks she looks like an all-American girl.

In Group with Rhonda and Iyanla we learn Layne is a small-town girl from Fort Madison, Iowa. She grew up with two brothers and two sisters, all of them half siblings, sharing the same mother. Layne’s mother’s first marriage ended in divorce after producing two children. Her second marriage was to Layne’s father, and he died in a car accident when she was only five weeks old. Her mom married a third time and had another two children.

Layne’s mother never talked about her second husband, and Layne never even saw a picture of him until she was eighteen. Her relationship is pretty non-existent with her stepfather. Interestingly enough, her older half siblings don’t have contact with their father either.

In school, Layne was a cheerleader, a member of Student Council and in the National Honor Society. She also played the flute. She graduated from law school and had an under graduate degree in journalism.

The story gets more interesting as Layne explains her romantic life. She is just like Julia Roberts’ character in Runaway Bride. Just before graduating high school she became engaged for the first time to her high school sweetheart. She thinks they were too young and says she ended it thinking there were other fish in the sea, even though he was a great guy.

Layne’s second engagement was to a man she met just before law school. She thought he was the ideal guy until she realized he was lying to her. He said he had been applying to law schools but hadn’t been. He lied about having jobs. Once she was onto him, he tried to commit suicide. She doesn’t know why he thought he had to lie to her to be with her.

Then ending of Layne’s third engagement was the worst of all. She had just turned thirty years old and was really wanting to get married and have a family. They had lots of fun together, but she had been pretending to be something she was not, as he wanted an athletic girl.

When her self-portrait is shown, Layne explains it’s a picture of her going around the world smiling. She had a lot of fun, and made the best of it, but at thirty-nine she’s now alone.

As the housemates critique the picture, Vanessa notes there’s not personal items, only the emptiness of Layne’s world, and other tiny little people in groups. Alison notes that Layne has one foot on the ground, and one foot up, making her off-balance. Rachael notices the emptiness as well and says she knows it well.

Iyanla says her heart weeps for Layne, as she knows her world is falling apart. Her goal will be to become Ms. Right.

Rhonda and Tess continue to work on learning the laws of love. Number five is “Love is Understanding.” Rhonda talks to Tess about the other day when she was upset with Rachael. She had met her birth father that day, and Tess didn’t stop to understand her and realize why she might be a little more emotional. For her assignment of the day, Rhonda wants Tess to talk to all her housemates and find what was the turning point in their lives and what led up to their feelings. Rhonda believes Tess does everything intellectually and never stops to feel anything.

Rachael tells Tess her turning point was after finishing high school in the institution and moving to California, she was trying to rationalize where she was in her life. Alison tells Tess she felt so stuck after cancer. Alison notices that as Tess is interviewing them there is no emotion, and she never asked how it felt to be stuck or to find out she had cancer or to gain thirty pounds from chemo.

Layne and Rhonda meet to discuss her steps to her goal of Becoming Ms. Right. The first is to evaluate relationships with men. Surely that needs to be done first and foremost. The second is to examine her family and stop family patterns. It cannot be coincidence that Layne’s mother had 3 marriages and doesn’t discuss her first two husbands anymore, and now Layne has had three broken engagements.

Rhonda asks Layne how she would feel if God said here is your soulmate, and the man wore really bad shoes and had a bad haircut. As Layne admits it would be hard, Rhonda adds her third step to embrace commitment. Her last step will be to give up her marriage fantasy. Layne admits that would be a relief.

Iyanla notes that Dr. Stan encouraged her to speak to Karen to be clear there isn’t signs of something more serious. Dr. Stan doesn’t believe she is suicidal and believes she just likes to create drama.

Karen tells Iyanla her six relationships with the greatest amount of commitment are with her mom, her ex, her two girls and her brother and sister. Iyanla wants to see how these people feel about Karen creating drama and practicing deception. Karen is scared once again, and Iyanla tells her not to be as it is about healing.

Calling her mother and stepfather, Virginia and Max, Karen asks about her desire to create drama, and Max says she goes from one extreme to another, positive to negative. Virginia says she is tired of Karen always wanting her to fix everything. As a prime example, Virginia mentions the previous night when Karen’s driver was being rude to her. Karen had called up her mother and had asked her to come give her a ride from the Starting Over house. Iyanla laugh at Karen expecting her seventy-eight-year-old mother to save her from a cabdriver. When Karen says she feels like an idiot, Iyanla explains she was just being the twelve-year-old still trying to get attention from her parents.

Next Karen places a call to her ex, Phil, and he says he is busy making dinner, but that their daughter, Rachael is available. Asked how her mother creates drama, she thinks she doubts herself and does things to justify her guilt. Rachael isn’t sure what she is allowed to say and Karen encourages her she can say anything. Rachael continues on and mentions Karen’s painkiller and alcohol addiction, making Karen appear to be shocked at the memory and Iyanla reels back at the knew knowledge.

Karen calls Phil again who is still making dinner and unavailable to talk. As she hangs up, she explains that’s how their marriage was. Iyanla encourages her not to be mad at him as it was a situation she created. She felt inconvenient when she was growing up and needed that attention, she found a husband where she would still feel inconvenienced and would act out to get attention.

Layne and Rhonda meet in a jewelry store. Layne is shown six different rings ranging in price from $3000,000 to $22,000. She picks out the 13 ct $300,000 ring as her favorite.

A man wearing mask comes out posing as fiance number one and Layne says she had liked his blue eyes and his family, but wanted to change the way he dressed. Another masked man poses as fiance number two and she says she had liked his fashion sense but didn’t like his family. Of he third masked supposed fiance, Layne says she had liked that he was fun and adventurous and wishes he would have accepted her as she was. She realizes throughout these fiances she never knew what she wanted.

Tess calls her husband and asks if he thinks she is understanding. He says she is now, but wasn’t always. He tells her she never understood how much she loved him. She was only out to seek vengeance on him for his infidelity. She feels she was justified in punishing him, and he believes it all to be a chain reaction. Talking to Rhonda after she hangs up, Rhonda asks why she has to be defensive about that, and the answer is because then she would have to forgive him if she admitted the depths of his love for her.

Spellcheck issues aside, I think Layne will provide an interesting flavor of the house. Every time someone leaves, a flavor is missing, yet then a whole new one is added. Layne says at the end the jury is still out about the whole process, yet it could be any of the new housemates, Layne, Karen, Tess or Alison, saying this. Tess and Alison are struggling to fully commit, and Karen and Layne are still holding a lot back.

I welcome all questions and comments at

What’s Wrong With Being A Girl? – Nashville Star 3, Episode 7

by Lisa

Tonight we are greeted with the unfortunate news that LeAnn Rimes is still having voice problems and, on the advice of her doctors, will not be on the show this evening. The press release on the Nashville Star websight reveals that she “has broken a blood vessel in one of her vocal cords”. Yikes! My throat hurts just thinking about it. Filling LeAnn’s stilettos tonight is one of this season’s guest performers, Sara Evans.

Unfortunately, LeAnn’s illness also means that Cletus T. Judd has been given a (hopefully temporary?) promotion to co-host. He has apparently celebrated this news by borrowing a pair of glasses from his friend Elton John. Peering through the hot-pink frames, he introduces us to tonight’s special guest, Jamie O’Neal, who sings “Trying to Find Atlantis.”

Then it’s finally time to start the game of musical chairs. The first performer that Sara calls to safety this week is Jason Meadows. He performs a wonderfully fired-up version of Montgomery Gentry’s “My Town”. Bret says “this IS your town!”. Anastasia says he nailed it (causing both Bret and Phil to practically fall off their chairs exclaiming “She said something nice!”), and Phil says “I can tell you want it.”

Next to receive good news is Jayron Weaver, who takes the stage and sings Vince Gill’s “Liza Jane”. While he has a great voice, Jayron seems to be losing some steam as the competition progresses. Or maybe it is just tough to follow in the wake of Jason’s hyperactivity. Anastasia has told Jayron in prior episodes that she thinks he is more of a Christian singer than a country singer and makes this perfectly clear again tonight saying “I just can’t see you dodging beer bottles and women’s underwear” and adding “I just don’t see you wanting it as bad as the others”. Phil tells him there is nothing wrong with gospel music and tells him we just want to see more passion, and Bret says “Next week, bring a song like ‘I Swear,’ and just let your vocals do the talking”.

The Nashville Star producers must think we are becoming bored with their format, because tonight they conjure up something new. The entire gang of five takes the stage for the season’s first group performance. They start off with Jamie O’Neal’s song “When I Think About Angels” where of course they are given a little assistance by Jamie herself in the second half of the song. The group then segways directly into a song called “In A Real Love”, one of judge Phil Vassar’s hits, and he joins the group on stage as well. I’m not generally a big fan of group performances, but as we are getting down to some tough voting choices, it is actually interesting to hear their voices side by side.

During the course of this episode there has been much rehashing of the fact that the female contestants are dropping like flies. For those of you keeping score at home, the last four contestants eliminated have been women. And of course on nearly every episode we are reminded that a woman has NEVER won Nashville Star. You would think there have been twenty male winners, not just two. But even with the overload of gender chatter, I must admit it is nice to hear Erika Jo’s name called as the next performer. She purrs her way through “Black Velvet,” which was Bret’s suggestion last week. So naturally he is incredibly enthusiastic, and says “That totally turned me on! You’d figure after 20 years I’d finally get something right and you definitely got it right”. Phil says she has a great voice and sex appeal too, and Anastasia says “This is the year for a girl to win, and not because you’re a female, but because you’re the best singer!”.

So that leaves poor Jody Evans in the final two yet AGAIN. He and Justin David are brought to the stage, and after Sara carries on for a bit about the awesome responsibility she has on her shoulders, she finally cracks open the card, and the performer sent home tonight is…Justin David.

Jody Evans (who at this point should be getting used to batting clean-up) must be drinking from the same coffee cup as Jason Meadows tonight as he sings an incredibly high-energy “Juke Joint Jumpin’,”. He caps his performance by kissing his guitar and then tossing it across the stage. Anastasia says “Oh my Lord, that’s the real you!”, Bret says “I dig what you do” and tells Jody he makes him want to party (what doesn’t??), and Phil says it was a great song for him and he’s glad Jody is here.

So at this point we are left with four very distinct performers, who have basically been stereotyped by the judges as the Christian, the Cowboy, the Rockabilly, and the Teen Queen. I still believe that Erika and Jason are safely making it to the final show. I actually think energy level may trump pure vocal talent this week though, and so I would not be surprised to see Jayron leave us next week.

Coming up on Tuesday is another performance by judge Bret Michaels (have they run out of non-judge guest stars??), who plans to revisit his Poison days by singing “Nothin’ But A Good Time,” and then his new country single, “Open Road.” Do you think there will finally be an opportunity for that duet with LeAnn? One can only hope…

You can contact Lisa with questions, comments, or general gabbery at

captainD's Boot Prediction – Survivor Palau, Episode 9

captainD’s Boot Prediction – Survivor Palau, Episode 9

by captainD

Welcome back to week nine of Survivor: Palau. With the departure of Bobby Jon last week, we are down to the final 9. That means everyone left will have some say as to who wins this season. It will be interesting to see if the alliance between Stephenie, Tom, and Ian has held up after such a long period of time with little contact. Regardless, I don’t believe Stephenie is the boot this week. Who is? Your trusty Prognosticator is about to tell you!

Since there is only 1 member of Ulong remaining, after spending the night alone (excluding 50 cameramen) Stephenie will finally be allowed to join Koror. Adding to the celebration, a huge feast will be waiting for them back at camp. The immunity challenge is all about endurance. Each contestant stands on a log in the middle of the ocean with the last person standing winning immunity. In a mild surprise, Tom wins this challenge. At tribal council, the alliance WILL survive. However, someone will not. That someone is . . . COBY.

Questions? Comments? E-mail me at

Swan Song – Starting Over, 04-12-05

by LauraBelle

Apparently I am not the technical wiz I once thought I was. I had to tape Starting Over yesterday due to going out to lunch with my mom, which was interrupted by a phone call saying my son was puking at school, making my day fall out of whack in schedule. I knew I had my tape, though, that I could watch whenever to write my recap from. Waking up this morning, I popped in the tape to find I had taped six minutes instead of an hour and six minutes. Oops. Of all episodes to have this happen to, Bethany’s graduation. I missed Candy’s and Cassie’s as well, because I was on vacation. You can bet your life I will not miss Rachael’s. I will tie myself down to the sofa with my notebook, box of Kleenex and the remote, and to resolve to get that TIVO I’ve been waiting for. Today’s recap is based on my other valuable sources.

Dr. Stan isn’t the only one to guess that Karen’s difficulties with her daughter, Anna, didn’t begin with her affair with her doctor. Iyanla is questioning this as well. Karen admits to her that she entertained thoughts of an affair before her doctor even touched her. She and her family had gotten their first computer and Karen became obsessed with visiting chat rooms, to the point that her daughters became worried about her. Well, it’s not the first time a bored wife has done this, and it won’t be the last. Nonetheless, it did nothing to help what would happen later between Karen and Anna when Anna found the nude photos of Karen and her doctor.

Allison had a rough time the night before at Board of Review, although she did have a major breakthrough. To help her along a little, Iyanla is sending her to see a matchmaker who already has a few dates lined up for her. Alison says she is looking forward to it, but I can’t help but think maybe they should work on her body image first, feeling she is disfigured after her mastectomy. How much fun will she have if she is thinking he probably won’t like her because of that?

Knowing she will lose yet another housemate when Bethany graduates that night, Rachael realizes she is pulling away from the other women more and more. Iyanla suggests this has to do with her sense of family, and the feelings of abandonment she has dealt with since her mother and stepfather died. Iyanla wants her to see that a family isn’t necessarily just the traditional nuclear family, and all the fine women she has met in the Starting Over house could be considered her family. Rachael is asked to plan a family reunion and is excited about this assignment.

Bethany talks to Dr. Stan about her plans for the future. She will be heading to college and moving out on her own. She has discovered a whole new person inside herself – beautiful, outspoken, and intelligent – and is looking forward to going on more dates back at home. Dr. Stan hopes she will sing before she leaves the house, and I am hoping for that as well. She has to. If that’s one of the things I missed, though, from messing up my tape, I will never forgive myself.

Rhonda tells Bethany at the graduation ceremony that not only did she reach her goal of getting to know herself, she surpassed it by also learning to love herself in the process. As graduation gifts, Bethany is receiving a trip to New York City where she will enjoy a shopping spree with Andy Paige, and $1000 towards buying herself a personal computer. Rhonda interrupts the glee to tell Bethany she has one more assignment. She is go with her housemates and life coaches to a karaoke bar where she will sing a farewell. Sigh. She sings Valentine by Martina McBride. Sigh.

If anyone else saw this episode and can enlighten me to the things I missed, feel free to email me at I want to know what her housemates said during the ceremony, especially Rachael. I want to know what Dr. Stan said to her after spending all those hypnotizing sessions with her. I want to know if any special guests showed up. I want to know what she said to her housemates about her graduation. Sigh. TIVO. There is not substitute.

Baby Love – American Idol, 04-12-05

Baby Love – American Idol 4-12-05

by LauraBelle

Baby pictures are always cute, no matter who they are.

Ryan has his weekly meeting with the remaining contestants to introduce the next week’s theme, and pulls out a stack of baby pictures. The first is Constantine, followed by Vonzell and Carrie. Ryan asks if they have any clues to what the theme would be, and Anwar guesses nursery rhymes. Apparently he is dying to show us his version of Mary Had A Little Lamb. Wrong, Anwar, it’s songs from the year you were born.

Up first is Nadia Turner, choosing a Crystal Gayle tune, When I Dream, from 1977. As we see pictures of her growing up, Nadia says she had funky hair even back then. She sounds better than she has in quite a while. Randy wonders why with a whole year’s worth of songs she picked that one. Paula agrees, although she thinks Nadia is outrageously stunning in appearance. Simon uses a repeat analogy and says she sounds like musical wallpaper.

As Randy introduces Bo Bice, Paula is sticking her finger in one of Ryan’s ears, and Simon is pulling on his other. I’m just not sure what to think of that. Bo chooses 1975’s Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd. He tells us his real first name is Bogart, but he shortened it in second grade because Bogart wasn’t too cool. I find the arrangement to this song dragging, but Bo picks it up in the end. Randy say he loves the song and is one of Bo’s biggest fans. Paula gushes she will see him at the Finals, but Simon disagrees, saying Bo won’t get many votes tackling such a sacred song.

Anwar Robinson chooses Dionne Warwick’s I’ll Never Love This Way Again from 1979. He explains he was always shy and quiet until he started singing. He sounds great on this song, but there is just still no connection to him. Randy gives him props, calling him technically the best singer there, Paula tells him he is consistently pleasant to the ear, and Simon admits that was one of Anwar’s better performances in awhile.

While on commercial break, the Burger King king peers through a window and offers a man a sandwich. I have to say he is the creepiest mascot, and I would accept nothing from him.

I know it will be a good night for Anthony Federov, the youngest of the contestants, as soon as I hear he is doing 1985’s Every Time You Go Away by Paul Young. He talks about the fun of growing up alongside his big brother. It’s shaky at times, although it does fit him like a glove. Randy was worried too in the beginning, but says Anthony pulled it through in the end. Paula and Simon agreed it was much better than last week, although it would be hard to do worse than Simon’s mark of hideous from last week.

Vonzell Solomon brings us back to 1984 with Denise Williams’ song, Let’s Hear It For The Boy. She talks about following her siblings into martial arts when she was younger. I hear it as being just okay, but she has great showmanship with it. Randy calls it another great performance. Paula calls her a bright light, leaving us to ask so what. Simon says three weeks ago he figured Vonzell would be voted out before Nadia; now he thinks the reverse.

When I heard Scott Savol would be singing She’s Gone by Hall & Oates from 1975, I was ecstatic. It’s my favorite Hall and Oates song, and I was thinking it would be perfect for Scott. He didn’t disappoint me, and didn’t appear to disappoint Hall and Oates either, who are in the audience. Oddly enough, he calls himself the real rocker in his bit before the song. Whatever. The chorus of this song is awesome. Randy addresses him as one of the true Dawg Pound members, and said it started off a little shaky but the chorus, but can’t finish as Paula interrupts him saying you try doing that in front of Hall and Oates. She goes on to call it awesome. Simon disagrees with all and says he is a nice guy, but there are more bum notes than good.

Carrie Underwood sings 1983’s Love Is A Battlefield by Pat Benatar, and says her sister used to get mad at her for always singing Benatar songs and others with the wrong words. She says she will get it right tonight. She has a nice look, better than with the curls from the past few weeks. Being I just watched a movie with Mary Stuart Masterson, I find she looks a little like her. She does well, but tries to scream a little, and she just doesn’t sound right doing that. Randy says it was awight, but notes she messed up the lyrics again. Paula tells her she rocked it, and Simon says she probably needed it after last week, but she was a bit like a kitten who wants to be a tiger.

Coming back from commercial break, I still have She’s Gone going through my mind. Constantine Maroulis chooses Queen’s classic from 1975, Bohemian Rhapsody. He says he was always the dramatic type growing up and wanted to be the Little Drummer Boy. He sounds good on this, and I can’t help but think this guy has proven he can do it all. Randy gives him a ten for showmanship and seven for singing. Paula calls it awesome, and pronounces him the one to beat. Since she said earlier she would see Bo in the Finals, I wonder if this means she sees them as Final Two. Simon calls it astonishing. I think it’s astonishing Simon liked a rock song and earlier called Freebird sacred.

I think for the most part everyone did well tonight, and am having trouble figuring who will be on the chopping block tomorrow night. I thought Nadia did well, but the judges didn’t, so perhaps she will be. I think Vonzell didn’t do as well as she could have, but the judges did. I think then it will be one of either Nadia and Vonzell, and two of three guys – Anwar, Anthony and Scott – despite the fact they all had strong performances. It’s just coming down to a time when strong contestants will have to give way, as the remaining eight are all stronger performers. If Anwar stays another week, maybe he’ll get his wish and it will be nursery rhymes week.

I welcome all questions and comments at

Oh Rob! – The Amazing Race 7, Episode 7

Oh Rob! – The Amazing Race 7, Episode 7

by LauraBelle

We start off the evening of The Amazing Race with the teams of Rob and Amber and Ron and Kelly being the ones to beat. They arrived within one minute of each other the week before, and the other three teams of Uchenna and Joyce, Lynn and Alex, and Meredith and Gretchen all had major obstacles to overcome last week, coming in nearly one-and-a-half to three hours later than the first two.

Leaving the Khwai River Lodge in Botswana, Rob and Amber leave first and find they need to fly to Lucknow, India. First they will board a charter out of Khwai, then are all booked on the same flight to Mumbai, India. Once in Mumbai they need to arrange their own flights into Lucknow where they need to find a religious palace known as Bara Imambara, and then need to find the area called Bouli. Rob realizes the importance of staying focused at this point in the race.

Leaving just after Rob and Amber, Ron and Kelly acknowledge that once again they need to work on their communication when stressed. Uchenna and Joyce leave, and note they have found a groove racing together, and hope this will provide them some harmony later in life. Leaving nearly an hour later, Lynn and Alex think the race is bringing them closer. Last to leave, Meredith and Gretchen never dreamed they would still be in it this many legs into the race. As they are leaving the lodge, Meredith is being careful not to break a hip.

Boarding the charter, Rob says “Adios” to Africa, and Gretchen feels like Indiana Jones and says they never flew on a small Cessna before. The charter lands in Francestown, Botswana, and Amber laughs at the sign on the tiny airport, as it simply says, “Francestown Airport.”

The teams check in with Air Botswana and are told to wait. Rob and Amber and Ron and Kelly hang around, while the other three teams go outside. Alex calls a travel agent on a borrowed cell phone and obtains tickets for himself and Alex, Uchenna and Joyce and Meredith and Gretchen to fly from Mumbai to Lucknow.

Inside, it’s not quite clear exactly how he gets it done, but Rob gets them to check flights for him from Mumbai to Lucknow. They find a flight that arrives five minutes before the flight obtained by Alex. He tells the agent not to tell the other teams about the better flight. He obtains tickets for himself and Amber and Ron and Kelly. While they wait for their flight to Mumbai, Ron says they need to stop talking to Rob and Amber as they are manipulative. Rob and Amber are left thinking it’s a mutual agreement between them and Ron and Kelly.

Once the flight lands in Lucknow, the teams go their separate ways for the two separate flights. The teams on the later flight wonder where the frontrunners are and hope they will be behind them. Gretchen is still backpack-less after having it taken away on a non-elimination leg and tries to buy one at the airport. She finds them all expensive and asks if there is a Senior Citizen’s discount. She finally finds a place to accept a discounted price.

Landing in Mumbai first, Rob and Amber and Ron and Kelly have to fight with locals to arrange pre-paid taxis. Riding through traffic, Ron says the driver needs to mow it down like grass and compares it to coming out of Baghdad after it was bombed.

The other three teams arrive and try to arrange the pre-paid taxis as well. There is a language barrier as well as being mobbed and mass chaos at the window. Eventually I come to see Alex and Gretchen have been separated at birth as they both simultaneously proclaim, “Oh my God!” and slap their heads.

Arriving at the Bara Imambara Palace first, Rob and Amber don provided scarves and head to the Bouli area. Once there they get a clue telling them to go to the Steel Emporium with a warning that there is a Yield ahead. They need to ride on horse-drawn tongas to the Steel Emporium. Ron and Kelly, pretty close to Rob and Amber still, figure if Rob and Amber get to the Yield first, that they’ll Yield Lynn and Alex. Rob and Amber figure if Ron and Kelly arrive first they will yield them.

First to arrive, with Rob and Amber standing directly behind them, Ron and Kelly choose to Yield no one, leaving Rob and Amber scratching their heads and Rob then saying Ron isn’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. Once past the Yield they find a Roadblock. One member of each of the teams will need to search through stacks and stacks of steel boxes to find the next clue.

Amber has the normal luck she and Rob have and finds it right away. The clue sends them to a gas station in Aishbagh via cycle rickshaw. Watching from outside, Ron tells Kelly, “C’mon, Baby, move fast.” She finds it shortly afterwards.

Uchenna and Joyce arrive at the Yield and choose not to exercise this right, and Uchenna enters the Steel Emporium to look for the clue. Lynn and Alex arrive and choose not to Yield the only remaining team, Meredith and Gretchen. Alex goes in to search for the clue and finds it quickly.

Riding to the Steel Emporium, Gretchen wishes she had money to give to all these poor people. Once at the Roadblock, she will be the one to search through the boxes. Uchenna finds his and is on his way. Gretchen gets very flustered, and instead of continuing to look, walks around believing she has looking through them all and not knowing where else to look. She does her best Laura Petrie impersonation as she proclaims, “Oh no,” and it sounds very much like, “Oh Rob!” She eventually finds it after everyone else is long gone.

At the gas station, Rob and Amber find a Detour – Solid or Liquid. In Solid the teams are required to go to the Coal Depot and smash coal, load 175 pounds into two burlap sacks and transfer it via flatbed tricycles. In Liquid the teams are required to enter the local tea store, obtain a tea cart and push it to a nearby office building. They need to find five of the people off a list of a possible ten, give them a cup of tea and get a business card in return from them. Rob and Amber, as do all the other teams, choose Liquid.

Rob and Amber struggle to find the Accounts Department for the person on their list of office workers. Eventually they walk office to office calling out the names on the list. They need to deliver one cup at a time. After Rob and Amber deliver their first cup, Ron and Kelly arrive and Rob and Amber get tired of being followed so closely, despite the fact that Ron and Kelly have a completely different list of ten office people.

With Uchenna and Joyce and Lynn and Alex doing the task now as well, Lynn says running up and down the stairs making deliveries that he feels it’s the total Jane Fonda workout. Two people in one office claim to be the person Rob is looking for. He obtains the business card from the correct one, and tells the other not to try and pull a fast one like that again. They finish the task, get their clue and Amber notes it’s written different than the others. It just says to go to the Charbaugh Multi-Flats Building, find Phil on the mats on the rooftop and “Hurry! Hurry! Hurry”.

Ron and Kelly, Uchenna and Joyce and Lynn and Alex all finish in short order and all are on the way to the Charbaugh. Meredith and Gretchen make their way slowly to the office building. One local asks Meredith for his autograph, and soon a large crowd is cheering them on and crowding around them. As they now deliver tea as well, another two office employees both claim to be Raj, like what had happened to Rob and Amber. Gretchen reprimands the wrong one, saying, “Shame on you.”

Ron and Kelly are still looking for the Charbaugh, and as Kelly asks how much further, the driver of the rickshaw points in front of him as she notes he’s been pointing for last twenty minutes. Rob and Amber arrive on the rooftop and Phil says he doesn’t want to hold them up, here’s the next clue. This is not the pit stop.

Dramatic music ends the show while splashed across the screen are the words, “To Be Continued …”

I welcome all questions and comments at

Scott the I'm Not Wearing Rhinestones Cowboy: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Texas Episode 3.12

— Christina M. Rau/GatsbyGirl

Break out your spurs and lassoes for one final round of Queer Eye for the Texan Guy. Actually, I think it would be fun to break out the spurs and lassoes for every episode from here on in. In any case, we’re still in Texas (why they’re showing the Fab Five running from the airport again, I don’t know—it’s not as if they keep flying back into Texas) to help out Scott the Ranchero. Or Ranchman. Or cowboy. Or something.

Ted yells, “we’ve got a cowboy!” and they all yee-haw. He’s 130 pounds and they think he’s very boyish. Carson thinks he needs boy clothes. Apparently he was injured. Scott, not Carson.

Scott is a horse trainer who has a baby with a lady from Arizona and he’s moving back to Texas. His parents’ names are Tinker and Buckey or something.

The mission: Help the cowboy rope in his cowgirl. And then Carson says something like “aha” only Texas style.

Credits. Brand me, baby.

The FF pull up yee-hawing to Scott’s house and they knock silently on the door as to not wake the baby. However, they are very concerned with the hole in the ceiling. Scott is a wiry white guy with brown hair that’s kind of surfer-dude-ish.

The living room has white walls, a gray carpet, bulky blue furniture, and a lone wooden coffee table. But mostly, it’s just empty space that looks abandoned. And there’s a purple couch with a television set on it.

They find Jessica, the wife, feeding the baby. The FF love a pina colada in the morning. Heehee. I just got back from the Bahamas, and I totally agree.

Over in the kitchen, Ted says there’s a lot of smells. Scott says it’s a work in progress. How does that account for the smell?

Carson finds a picture of Scott and a horse. Scott says it’s his stud. Carson says that he has a stud too: “Mine’s named Matthew and he has an amazing rump.”

The bedroom has the same run-down furniture. Thom says it looks as if “big women with Adams apples” decorated it. Ha!

In the living room, the FF ride Ted and he bucks and bucks and they all laugh.

Kyan then lassoes a gay man. He swings a lasso around recklessly. Ted and Carson yell, “Watch out for ceiling fan” as they get whipped with the rope.

Scott explains that the house was his grandfather’s place. That’s where everything is from. It was a weekend home. He passed away in there. One of those factoids was highly unnecessary. Can you tell which one it is? Hint: It’s the dreary one about death.

In the living room, Jai hits on the horse picture on the wall. Really. He asks if the horse is single. What? And Thom finds it amusing. Since when do gay men hit on animals?

Ted inspects some sofa cushions. He says they are sticky and smelly. He tells Scott, “Furniture shouldn’t have a smell.” Scott defends, “It’s lived in.” Heehee.

Carson then yells, “There’s a penicillin farm in freezer.” They keep the baby away. The kitchen is a bevy of grossness. The refrigerator is all molded out. Ted says that there’s so much crap because someone else left it. Scott says a dear friend left stuff for them to use. Such as deep fat fryer with grease still in it.

The baby’s nursery is white with gray carpet and some distressing chairs that have been draped in pink. The baby falls asleep in Thom’s arms.

In the living room, Carson ropes Jai and hog ties him. He says it’s “So gay rodeo.” Heehee.

Back to the hole over the front door. Ew. Things are falling into Carson’s hair. He claims they’re worms. He’s lying but still, ew.

Jessica explains that she packed up dog and horses and baby and came to Texas for Scott. The FF say her story is like a Reba song. Heehee.

Meanwhile, Kyan does a solo hoedown in the bathroom.

Jessica tells Ted that the horse business is hard work. A lot like equestrian figure skating. Ted says, “Thanks for putting that in terms I understand.” Ha.

How did Scott get injured? A horse flipped over on Scott and his femur and hip broke.

Over to the closet. Scott’s clothes are boring. Too much blouse action. Looks normal with right size.

Carson wants “big solid horse flesh.” Carson suggests they go riding. Outside is a huge truck trailer thing and a man with a cap who welcomes them to Texas. It’s Scott’s dad. Carson introduces himself as “you’re Buckey and I’m lucky” and Dad goes “you’re right!” Love an old Texan.

Thom, wrapped in a Mexican wrappy thing with another Mexican-flavored thingie wrapped around his head, says bye to the baby and climbs into the cab with Dad. The boys Whoooo! as Dad Buckey honks the air horn while driving off.

Ted asks Scott why he’s returned to Texas after so many years in Arizona. Dad Buckey says he needed help. Scott says no, that his brother needed him. Something about more than enough riding and showing and expanding and I’m guessing this is all about horses. Ted asks Carson if it’s like the same kind of system that takes care of his horses. Carson says yes and I can’t even tell if they’re joking or not. When two dry-humorists get together, sarcasm is no longer detectable. And then, what’s the point? Sigh.

After some more obligatory whooing, they arrive at the horse place and we know this from the horses attached to the metal clothes hanger thingie that makes them walk around in circles and stuff their noses up each other’s asses. The horses, not the cowboys. Are you confused? Me too. Moving on.

They meet brother Jeff. Kyan puts on some riding gear and asks how he looks. God forbid, anyone say something negative. But why would they do that anyway? He looks hot. As usual. He explains, “The gays wear chaps too but it’s really kind of a different thing.” Heehee. Punctuate that with a yee-hah.

Ted finds himself on top of a horse and he asks Dad Buckey, “Do you think he can tell that I have no idea of what I’m doing?” Dad answers, “Absolutely.” Ha!

Over to Thom atop a horse. He looks none too comfortable. Carson asks if he’s on a stud and Thom’s like “yeah” in a very distracted way because he’s concentrating on staying on the horse instead of coming up with witty, sarcastic comments.

Kyan is now on a horse too. And what is he doing? Combing his fingers through the horse’s mane. I kid you not. He asks what they do to make the manes shiny. Seriously. He asks that. No one answers him but I’m sure the horse is thinking, “If he breaks out the scissors, I’m so bucking him into last summer.”

Carson and Jai have made their way onto some horses as well. Jai is oh-godding and his horse is walking backwards. Carson gets all horse-teachery and tells Jai not to pull back on the reins. Presumably because pulling back will make the horse go back more.

Some woman’s voice is telling Jai that horses move away from pressure. Cut over to Carson who is making his horse do 360s. More galloping. More whooing. More Jai getting the hang of it.

Carson suggests to Scott they throw an open barn barbeque for Jessica and the baby. Scott thinks it’s a great idea. He better because otherwise, no make-over.

The mother interviews that Scott lives in work clothes and has lots of room for improvement.

In the SUV, Scott says Jessica is the love of his life. HE doesn’t do well in large crowds. Jessica is impossible not to like and is so sweet. Carson says he knows all about that. It’s a blonde thing. Ha.

They go to Arrangement that has handcrafted regional mix-n-match American-Western furniture. That’s a mouthful. Tinker is there! I so love that name. Obligatory sofa sitting. Thom likes mahogany. He shows how a deep sofa is great. It’s brown suede. Pretty.

Thom shows them a dining table made from a wagon wheel. It’s good for congregating according to Tinker. Thom then shows them the oldest living wood that is sandblasted. It becomes a coffee table with a glass top. Scott keeps referring to the furniture as art. Thom loves that.

Over to the mall, Carson is stealing coins from the fountain. Carson loves Scott’s style of denim and buckles and cowboy. He wants to add the cool. Brother Jeff shows up. He puts Scott in a smaller shirt that is surprisingly not restraining. He gives him a denim jacket and a sport jacket for a layered look. Next is an orange cashmere sweater, jacket, and jeans. Jeff calls Scott a “rhinestone cowboy.” Heehee.

Jai and Scott go to the art museum where Jessica is. They focus on western art. He tells them to take in the whole piece. They analyze a picture with a cow in it. Scott calls it “Dali-esque.” More pictures of horses. What is the point of this? Anyone?

Over to the market where Ted is all about the steak. Rudolph’s Meat Factory or something. And Buckey’s there! Hooray! Ted loves a custom-cut steak. They talk to the butcher about aging beef. Isn’t that a bad thing? Doesn’t that lead to botulism? The butcher is in a family business and loves serving the meet to the neighborhood.

Then they discuss brisquet (which I am spelling so completely wrong that the correct spelling isn’t even coming up on spellcheck and I’m too damn lazy to check the very heavy dictionary three rooms away).It’s intense. Ted asks for chicken and pig as well. It’s a whole meat fest.

Kyan is sore as he hobbles into the College of Oriental Medicine. He wants Scott to try acupuncture to heal his injury from when the horse fell on him. Okay, I just giggled at writing that. It’s really not funny but still. A horse fell on him. Heeheehee. I am so going to hell. Anyway, Scott recounts the tale of his injury. The acupuncturist tells him that he has a stagnated chi and starts to shove needles into his leg. Cool.

The father interviews that no woman would be happy with the house.

Back in the SUV, Scott says that Jessica will be ecstatic about the new house. Ted says he can’t take credit for that. He suggests that Scott be proactive in the introductions.

They arrive at the house, count to three, and “yeay!”, and Carson says, “We cleaned up your dirty hole!” Ha! Now that’s comedy! There’s no more hole in the ceiling. Scott seems happy about that.

Then he “good Lords” as he sees no trash or bad linoleum is on the floor. Thom says that the original laminate wood floor is back! There are curtains and rods and green walls and brown couches and leather chairs and a coffee table with the oldest wood in the world. Also Thom painted the stove red.

There’s a new stainless steel fridge and the new dining table is there as well. Scott is happy that the woman and child he brought into his life will not have to live the way he does.

The nursery is striped blue and yellow. There’s a new crib and a soft carpet. Also, the walls are decorated with horseshoes. Scott says it’s the most important room. Thom calls him a good dad.

Jai sits Scott down and talks about how he brought Jessica flowers when she had their daughter. Jai gives Scott Texas flowers to give to her. Then tells him that he needs to make a speech at the party. He then gives Scott a digital camera and printer because he’s the Electronic Fairy.

Out in the yard, Kyan shows Scott how pregnant horses can also benefit from acupuncture. Seriously.

Back inside, Ted has brought in reinforcements. Ray, a chef. They make a dry rub with sugar, chili powder, and mustard. I might be missing a few ingredients there. Ray rubs with brisquet “like a democrat, liberally.”

Ted sprinkles more stuff on more meat. He then makes bleu cheese cole slaw to serve sixty people. It’s got garlic, cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli, bleu cheese, and pickle juice. And no, I don’t think I’m missing ingredients from that. But I could be wrong. There’s a food processor involved.

Carson is disturbed that Ted always “tries to get people to rub his meat.” Ha. Carson dresses Scott in a blue fitted shirt and brown blazer with brown jeans and a belt. It’s sophisticated cowboy. Carson gives him chaps and a Stetson and Jai thinks it’s sexy.

Then Scott changes into a suede shirt jacket and cool belt.

Next is a suede fringed jacket a la Jon Bon Jovi 1982.

Carson then gives Scott a heart charm to give to Jessica and gets choked up. Scott thanks them all. He calls them true gentlemen and he’s proud and glad to know them. That’s so Texas. They wish him luck and leave. Scott says, “And the silence falls across the land.”

Hip Tip: Ted says to try portion control to lose weight instead of giving up the foods you love. I’m so with you on that one, Ted!

The father interviews that Scott can backtalk every now and then.

Over to the Cowboy Critic Couch, Ted says something about steers and queers. Thom comments that the jeans Carson put him in look very very good. Scott showers and puts on white tube socks. Thom calls him nonchalant. Scott puts on some jeans and a button-down shirt that he tucks in real tight. None of it is Carson-approved. Carson complains, “He’s totally dissing me right now!” It’s hard to believe Carson is upset when he’s wearing such a sparkly shirt. Ted explains that since he’s a cowboy, he’s not going to take direction from Carson.

Scott moseys on into the living room to braid some flower stuff. He puts it in his mouth and the FF yell for him not to eat it. He puts together some flowers.

In the kitchen, he makes the slaw. Kyan says life is too short for one color of cabbage. Words to live by.

Jessica returns with the baby and omigoshes and omigods. Scott stands there and says, “I can’t tell a whole lot of difference, personally.” Ha! She never thought the change was possible. She loves the baby’s room. Thom watches and nods but not in the arrogant way you’d expect.

Scott gives her the flowers. Thom says she deserves flowers every day for moving there. Scott changes into different jeans that aren’t sanctioned but wears the suede jacket. He gives Jessica one of the belts.

They go to the open barn that has a smoking, anatomically correct armadillo. Tinker and Buckey greet them and gush at Scott’s transformation. Except for the fact that he looks the same because he’s wearing all the same clothes, save the jacket. They bring out the brisquet and pig. Jai freaks out, “It’s Piglet.” Kyan asks, “You condone this?” Ted says yes.

Jessica starts introducing herself to people as Scott gives the camera to someone else to take pictures. Carson calls Scott a stubborn jackass. Scott rings the triangle, thanks the Fab Five for straightening out his life, and then has everyone line up. The FF asks why he hasn’t mentioned Jessica. Good question.

Scott then introduces her to small groups of people. He did say that neither of them like crowds so maybe that’s a good call on his part.

Then Jessica and Tinker make fun of Carson’s fashion sense. Jessica says, “They wanted him to wear this,” and points to the belt. Tinker says, “I don’t think so!” with a half-laugh. Carson is flabbergasted.

Scott pulls Jessica out of the family crowd and introduces her. He gives her the charm and says that the house is more hers than his. Jai is on his knees complaining that Scott is not romantic at all. Thom suggests that maybe she doesn’t like PDA either. That’s what I just said! Ted says that since she’s lived with horse people all her life, she’s used to people like Scott.

Then there’s lots of riding. Carson says it’s called sliding, like ballet and horseback. Buckey wants acupuncture after being on a horse because he rarely rides. Jessica rides. Tinker rides and brings the baby along. They all line up and have their picture taken. Then Scott and Jessica get one by themselves.

Kyan says that the most important thing that happened was bringing Jessica into the family ride. They cheers to family tradition and Jessica.

No tips this week. The boys are flying back.

And so go the homos on the range off into the sunset with Scott the unmade-man and Jessica the belt-wearing bandit in tow.

Email me: Ever been hog tied?

Hoochfest 2005 – The Bachelor 7, Episode 3

Hoochfest 2005 – The Bachelor 7, Episode 3

by Carrie

Two more individual dates and another group date before the next rose ceremony. Eight women left and only six roses – things are getting interesting now!

This week individual dates go to the women who got roses on the group date last week – Kimberly of the bikini, and Kara. Kimberly is first, and she wants to wear something unforgettable. To Kim, this means revealing. She tries on something that was apparently made just for her; a tight, black, extremely low cut bustier that rides high up her sides, paired with a low-slung black miniskirt. The other girls are aghast, and Sarah B. says privately that she would never wear something like that even in the privacy of her own home.

Charlie calls and tells Kimberly that they will be heading to an art gallery for their date. The only person who could conceivably be worse on Charlie’s arm for this one is Krisily, but I’m sure this was set up on purpose. I can just hear the producers, “Oh yes, let’s put the girl with the slutty outfits on a date to a refined place. Let’s see, the opera? No, too dark. I’ve got it! The art gallery!”

Anitra and Jenny immediately wonder if Kimberly’s outfit will be appropriate, and figure that a real friend would warn her. While I was sure that they’d keep this info to themselves, apparently they think they’re “real friends”, and take Kimberly aside to discuss her wardrobe choice for the evening.

Decked out in a low-necked high cut slinky black dress with matching jacket, Kimberly is all set for the art gallery. The other girls think it’s tacky, but agree that this outfit is a step up from the lingerie Kim was sporting earlier.

Charlie arrives to pick up his date, and is wowed by her outfit. He tells us that he’s very involved in the art world, as his parents were both art teachers and artists themselves. They walk through the gallery and Kim makes insightful comments like “This makes me want to go to the beach”, and “This yellow painting reminds me of my uncle’s buffalo farm. It’s the largest in the world … or in Canada anyway”. When Kimberly points out a particular painting that she says she likes, Charlie asks her why. “Because it has the word ‘sex’ on it!” she replies.

After this bit of intellectual stimulation, Kimberly and Charlie sit down to enjoy a drink. Charlie believes that he hasn’t spent enough alone time with Kimberly, and invites her back to his apartment.

Back at the bachelorette pad, the women have decided to dress up like Kimberly and have a party. Don’t ask me why – I’m just the recapper. They’ve all donned their sluttiest outfits and are dancing strangely in the living room. Sarah B. dubs it “Hoochfest 2005”. Jenny, Kindle, and Anitra gather in the bathroom to fix their lipstick (being a woman, it surprises me that this actually still happens when there are no men around), and figure that wherever Charlie and Kimberly are now, Kim’s likely tossed off her jacket.

Indeed, the pair is sitting on Charlie’s couch, talking about family or something, as Kimberly runs her foot up and down Charlie’s leg and plays with the bottom of his t-shirt. No jacket in sight. Charlie, blinded by cleavage, hands Kimberly the rose. They go for a tour of the rest of the house (yes, you know where this is headed, right?) and end up in the bedroom. Cue furious make-out session.

As the clock reads 2am, the rest of the women wonder where Kimberly could be. A few of them are sure they’re back at Charlie’s place, but a few others don’t think that could possibly happen. Anitra ends up calling Charlie and telling him that they’re all worried about Kimberly, and does he know where she is? He does, and says that she’s just on her way back home. Cut to Charlie’s apartment, where he and Kim are saying goodbye. Charlie’s hair looks like he just woke up.

The following morning, Kimberly comes into the kitchen and tells the other women that she wishes they had been up when she got home. That’s right, they have a group date today with the Bachelor, but they should wait up all hours to hear about how great the individual date went when they already know that Kim got a rose.

Kim admits that she and Charlie “made out” at his apartment. Sarah B. says that she’s glad Kimberly didn’t spend the night with Charlie, and that she herself would never do that because she has morals and believes in God.

Group date time, and the six lucky ladies get to go bowling with Charlie. Sarah W. tries (somewhat successfully) to steal the limelight and Charlie’s attention by getting bowling lessons and generally just hanging on to the man like a bad rash. The other girls are disgusted and feel like they’re on a date with Sarah W, her boyfriend, and some of their girlfriends. I’ve been on dates like that, and they’re not a lot of fun.

As Charlie and Sarah W head off for some kissy time, Krisily considers what the “W” in Sarah’s name might stand for. Witch? Wicked? Weasel? She’s positive it’s one of those.

After bowling, everyone heads off to the “party room”. While Charlie is off spending some alone time with Krisily, Sarah W. practically jumps on Sarah B. and says it’s time for some gossip. Sarah W. says that Charlie has told her who the final four will be, and implies that Sarah B. isn’t one of them. She names Krisily, Kimberly and herself. Sarah B. looks incredulous, and is insulted further when Sarah W. adds, “at least Charlie has some taste”. Wait a minute, since when did Sarah W. think that anything about Krisily or Kimberly was in “good taste”?

In an interesting (if somewhat mundane) scene, Kara and Kimberly are sitting on the counter in the kitchen at home, talking about what Kara should wear on her date with Charlie. It looks uncomfortable and quite obviously choreographed, as Kimberly suggests that Kara wear something sexy, perhaps off the shoulder.

Back in the party room, Charlie spends some one-on-one time with Sarah B. She says that she wants to have a family someday, and that she wants to stay at home with her kids and do stuff like take them to church every Sunday. She says that it would be “good for their souls”. Charlie says that he knows all of his hymns, and asks her if she goes to church every Sunday. Sarah admits that she doesn’t.

Charlie is exhausted from all of the exercise he got with Kimberly the night before, and stands in front of the group of women, pondering who should get the single rose he has to give out. He hands it to Sarah B., while Sarah W. looks uncomfortable.

Back at home, Charlie says that he’s exhausted and doesn’t feel like he’s in any shape to go on his individual date with Kara. He wants to give her the attention she deserves and doesn’t think he can in this state. He calls Kara and explains, and she takes it very well. Flowers are delivered soon after the phone call for Kara, along with a note apologizing.

The next morning, Charlie calls and invites Kara to go skating in Central Park with him. She is giddy with excitement. While skating, two young boys come along and challenge Charlie to a race. Kara is impressed with how Charlie interacts with the kids.

After skating, they sit down to have a chat. Charlie tells Kara that he feels she’s quite young for him (she’s 26, he’s 29 I believe), even though she’s much more mature than he is. Quite honestly I have no idea what that means. Kara asks him straight out if he can see himself in a relationship with a single mom, and Charlie says that he’s been thinking about this a lot. Apparently he doesn’t feel he’s ready for that kind of commitment, as he says that children change everything. He decides not to press the relationship further by not giving Kara a rose, but tells her that he really does like her. Note to Kara: don’t feel too badly. My husband offered to leave me to go out and find you, but when I told him he’d have to take the kids with him he changed his mind real quick. 😉

The women back at the house are all surprised when the guy who took Megan’s bags comes back for Kara’s. They again say that this just shows them how real the situation is. Right, ‘cause in the real world you’d all be living in the same apartment and dating the same man.

Fast forward to the rose ceremony, where Sarah B. and Kimberly sit comfortably with their roses to watch the action. Chris (the host – remember him?) tells the women that they are free to speak their minds now before the roses are handed out. Anitra asks Charlie why he gave roses to the women on the couch, since they’re both very different. He says that he likes them all for very different reasons, and is trying to figure out exactly what he’s looking for.

Jenny says that she feels she’s been overlooked. She’s pretty and smart, and Charlie hasn’t taken the time to get to know her. She says that she doesn’t look like Kim or act like Sarah W., but she feels that she deserves a chance. When Chris stirs the pot by asking what she means about not acting like Sarah, Jenny says that being aggressive isn’t part of her personality. Sarah W. is somehow insulted by this and starts a little cutesy speech about how she’s never been aggressive, as the rest of the women roll their eyes.

Time to hand out the roses! There are four roses and five women without one. The offerings go to:

Anitra (Sarah W is looking like her underwear is on fire about now)
Sarah W. (darnit)

Looks like Jenny is, after all, being overlooked. She stands there just staring at Charlie for a minute, and then tells him it’s no big deal. She hugs the other women and Charlie before walking out. Privately she says that she’s frustrated that she didn’t even get a chance to get to know Charlie, and starts to cry. Saying that she doesn’t “want to do this”, she leaves.

When the women get back to the apartment, Sarah W. is insulted that she was called “aggressive”. When the rest of the women, led by Krisily, press her, Sarah backs down and says she doesn’t want to discuss it anymore because she feels she’s being attacked.

Next week there are more dates of course, and it looks like Sarah W. might be called out on her lie regarding the final four. Interesting!

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