Herpes In The Hizzouse: Flavor of Love 3, Episode 4
Plus Pigs Feet Breath
I’m jumping right in with the winner of the Tastes Like Crazy Comment Of The Week Contest because the comment of the week is just that Hil. Air. Eee. Us. This week’s winner is Jamie who wisely pointed out after I picked Grayvee as a shoe-in for the win: Can it really be called winning if the prize is Flav and you have to go through your 15 minutes of fame being called Grayvee? Jamie is the smartest woman alive.
This week, the girls must form teams and roast each other. Not literally, unfortunately. Flav, Big Rick, and two white guys meet the women in the grand hall to explain the rules. Bee-Exx, Grayvee, Seesinz, Hotlanta, and Bunz are on the blonde white dude’s team. Prancer, Windy City Shy, Sinceer, Thing 1, Thing 2, and Myammee are on the brown haired white dude’s team. The girls are all excited about being able to bad mouth each other. They do it already, but now they can win a date by doing it.
Sinceer’s team is happy that they’re all together because they hate all the other girls beause the other girls are fake. They talk badly about Hotlanta. They make a list of her flaws—legs, hands, stomach, stripperdom. Shy points out her cold sore pregnant bump.
Seesinz’s team is confident that they’ll win. They choose My Pet Monster Shy. Bee-Exx says she’s got bad feet, hands, clothes, attitude, and a hot mouth. Hotlanta points out that she has periodontal disease because she has stank breath. Grayvee wants to get crazy.
Let the Flavorette Roast begin. They go to an improv club to perform with S’More, a queen of comedy, as the host. She says that Flav is running a day care because the girls are so young and she says they’re the same girls as last season with new weaves.
The first team calls Hotlanta up to the stage to roast and neither Hotlanta nor S’More understands why. They begin to accuse Hotlanta of having an STD. Because spreading disease? That’s comedy. They also make fun of her walk and her babies’ daddies and how she’s getting evicted. Then Windy City Shy goes nutso and busts on everyone. That’s something I’ve never understood about roasts. Why do people make fun of everyone in the room instead of just the roastee? Anyway, Shy goes ballistic and for once it works for her.
I don’t know where all these problems are coming from about the cold sore. Whosiewhatsie from Season 2 had a cold sore and Flav macked it with her and then macked it with everyone else. Then the girls started feeling ill and woozy, had stomach pains, and blamed the whole thing on Whosiewhatsie even though oral herpes doesn’t cause any of that trouble. It causes more cold sores. Which isn’t a great thing; that’s not my point. My point is that when you agree to go on a show during which you will kiss someone who has kissed fifteen other people, you agree to put yourself at risk for acquiring germs, bacteria, and good old-fashioned venereal and other diseases.
The other team goes up and Bee-Exx busts on Shy’s extra teeth and craziness and halitosis. The audience rolls with laughter. Then the other girls go up and....crickets....chirp...chirp.... AWWWWWKKKKKKKWWWWWAAARRRRRDDDDDD.
Obviously, the first team wins. Flav chooses Windy City Shy for the one on one date while the rest of them will go on a group date.
Flav and Shy go to the aquarium to eat. Not the fish, though. As part of the date, they have to clean the shark tank by donning wet suits and jumpin in. Flav insists that he’s not going but then Shy makes him. The shark dude guides Shy into the water and she gives the sharks stuff with tongs. Then Flav gets in because he doesn’t want to be embarrassed. The shark dude tells him that the sharks can detect his beating heart. This is pointless—they’re just standing in a tank of sharks. It’s not like swimming with dolphins or anything. It’s dumb.
Then they eat in an aquarium tunnel. If you’ve been to an aquarium, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, then go because I don’t know how else to describe it. Flav then realizes that Shy has a horrid case of halitosis and then they come home.
Upstairs, Hotlanta is booty shakin and booty droppin in the mirror. She dresses up in lingerie and goes to Flav’s room to hang out. They cuddle and talk. Then she says she doesn’t want to be known as the stripper with herpes. Flav stares at the bump on her lip. Oh, we love the editors. They keep zoning in on the bump and make it glow red. She says that she wouldn’t be there if she had something. He says he is concerned about it because he doesn’t want the bumps.
The next day, Flav takes the rest of the girls from the winning team on a date. He also invites Bee-Exx because she was the funniest person on the losing team and she hadn’t been on a date with him yet and because she’s from the Bronx. They all go to the water park. Most of the girls having bathing caps on as they slide down water slides and ride on rafts.
Back at the house, Dr. Rubenstein appears. He examines Hotlanta’s lip. He’s got a bag of goodies—meaning a bag of needles. I used to get needles in my face for acne; they didn’t hurt. They hurt her, though. He puts a big ass band aid on her lip. She’s so annoyed.
Flav goes off to chill out for a while and the girls grill Bee-Exx about who she knows in the entertainment world. She knows a lot of people. The Twins think they’ve seen her on television. She says she wishes she was a supermodel.
After the date, Thing 1 and Thing 2 go tattle on Bee-Exx to Flav in his room. They have to tell him while they bathe with him. Ugh.
Bee-Exx knocks on the door to try to head off the twins who are already in his room. She wants to come in to talk to him about the girls he’s in the bathtub with. She says she was on Fear Factor for one day. She leaves them to their bathing.
Flav starts mackin it with one of the Things when Grayvee tries to bring him some good cookin. He yells for whoever is at the door to stop banging. So if it comes down to Thing 1 and Thing 2 at the end, do they both win? Since they’ve been a package deal so far, is that what will happen in the end? This is so dumb.
Flav gets out of the bath and sees what she brought. It’s pig feet. He gets so skeeved and makes her get rid of it right away.
Elimination Ceremony Time!!
Prancer is the first girl to get her clock and she rolls over to him on roller skates. He loves it. The girls hate it. Second to get a clock is for Shy. Then Myammee, Things 1&2, Sinceer, Bunz, and Seesinz.
Now we get down to the Cold Sore Conundrum. Flav asks Big Rick for the envelope with the medical test results and right before we go to commercial, the editors zoom in on Hotlanta’s lips. Hil. Air. Eee. Us. If the results show she’s got a pimple, she’s safe. If the results show she’s got a case of herpes simplex b, she’s gone. All hail the Abreva gods—Hotlanta ain’t got an oral STD. She had a mild outbreak of acne. The bump is a pimple. Hotlanta gets a clock. She doesn’t get any apologies though.
The final clock goes to Bee-Exx even though everyone thinks she’s there for the camera time.
Alas, Grayvee/Yvonne becomes yet another victim of my Pick of Death. Every time I predict a winner or root for a contestant, that contestant never wins. Sorry, Yvonne, but in a few years, you’ll look back and thank me. She doesn’t cry. She’s actually a class act. In her post-interview, she basically says it sucks but life goes on and she wishes him well. Flav axed her because she tried to make him eat pigs feet and that’s too Southern and then he wouldn’t kiss her because she could have smelled like pigs feet. See what I mean, Yvonne? Better. Off.
Next week, Flav wears Viking horns, the girls yell at each other, and lots of people mack it. Oh wait, that’s what happens every week. Email me. Chat in the forums. Get nutty.
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