Scott Baio Is 46 and Pregnant, Episode 7 - Wedding Plans and Fast Cars (Well, Sort Of Fast...)
Now that baby nurse Helen is gone, things are taking a little more time than they were before. The two minute diaper changes are now taking Scott 20 minutes to do, and getting a onesie on little Bailey is taking the entire morning. Well, you live you learn.
Life with Bailey is going fine, so Scott & Renee get back into planning their wedding. First up, the bridal registry. Of course they aren't heading to Target, like the rest of us, we're talking Beverly Hills baby. They meet up with their super fab wedding planner and begin picking out dishes. Of course Scott can't understand why they have to go register at a fancy place in Beverly Hills. "I like Target," Scott shrugs. Renee & Super Fab Wedding Planner pick out some nice yellow glasses, that Scott complains look like urine. They ask what he likes, and when he shows Renee & Super Fab Wedding Planner, they laugh and look at the price. The tag says $30.00, they check the glasses that they want, $400. Super Fab Wedding Planner tells Scott if he wants those $30 glasses he can go to Target. Scott nods that he knows, that's the point. Scott quickly becomes annoyed with the constant picking on he gets from Renee & Super Fab Wedding Planner. Speaking of Target, Scott decides a nice red bulls eye on Super Fab Wedding Planner's back might make him feel better.
After last week's meeting with Doc Ali & Billy, Scott has decided to give the Daddies-to-Be class another try. This week they're meeting at Bill's house. Bill asks Scott if he's happy. Scott explains that he feels like he's living that movie Groundhog Day. The same day over and over again. Diapers, sleep, food, diaper, sleep, food, someone yells at him, diapers etc. - you get the point. This of course being the same day we all live over and over the first few weeks of parenthood. Scott wonders why he's just not reaching that "nirvana" point yet. Bill tells him he needs to lighten up. The baby will respond to his mood, and will be happier if Scott just lightens up. Scott adds it to the to-do list.
Scott decides that maybe Bill has a point, so he decides to meet the guys at California Speedway to race some cars. A first for all four guys. When Scott arrives at the speedway, Cooch and Jason are ragging on Johnny who has taken the speedway up on one of the free used tires that they have available. Neither Cooch nor Jason, wants Johnny's tire in their car.
After attending the class, they get dressed for race time. They decide that whoever has the lowest speed has to take Johnny & his tire home. They all get strapped in. Scott's face shows that the fear he's voicing is quite sincere. He worries that if something should happen to him on the speedway all Bailey will ever know of him will be from Happy Days reruns and this show. He begins to panic. The driving instructor tells Scott he has to take his foot off the brake. Scott refuses and cruises the speedway like Grandma. Afterwards, they compare speeds. Cooch cruises in at a nice 170 MPH, Jason takes second with 143MPH, while Johnny reaches a respectable 130MPH. Scott never went over 115MPH. Scott tells the guys he can't take Johnny, because he's got "stuff' he's gotta do. Yea, like bail out of there without Johnny. Can't blame him though. Neither can Cooch as it turns out, who leaves Johnny and his tire behind.
While Scott's trying to lighten up with the guys at the Speedway, Renee has gone gown shopping with Bailey & Kalyn. They try a number of dresses. One in which Kalyn says Renee in her doo rag looks like Bret Michaels in a wedding dress. They discuss a bachelor and bachelorette party for Scott & Renee. Renee doesn't care, even if there's a stripper at Scott's. She's secure, she knows his slippers are parked under her bed at night. They finally find the dress, priced at $799. In case you've never been married, THAT"S A STEAL. Scott would be pleased.
The following morning Renee sends Scott out to pick up some wedding decorations. While driving through Hollywood, Scott notices Johnny's car parked outside a strip club. He pulls over to investigate. Sure enough, there's Johnny's dirty tire in the passenger seat. Scott heads inside to see what Johnny's doing at 11AM in a strip club.
I didn't think there could be anything sadder than the sight of Johnny alone in his disgusting apartment a couple of weeks ago. I was wrong. The sight of Johnny eating breakfast alone in an empty strip club, while enjoying a lap dance, is beyond pathetic. Especially, as Scott points out, since the classy strippers never start their shifts until midnight. Scott confronts Johnny, who confesses that he's just feeling left out. Scott points out that Johnny's going to be 50. He's that guy who's "too old" to be at the club. Scott realizes that it could've been him that was sitting alone in a strip club at 11AM, but it's not. He begins to break down as he tries to explain to Johnny that he truly enjoys going home to his little girl. In fact, just thinking about her makes him cry. Scott realizes just how lucky he is.
The next morning we see Scott getting ready to change Bailey's diaper and starts singing Firewall's, You Are The Woman. "You are the woman that I've always dreamed of, I knew it from the start. I saw your face and that's the last I've seen of my heart." I'm not sure if I was choking back tears because Scott was singing such a sweet song to his little girl, or if it was because he finally changed a diaper in under two minutes. Either way, good for him.
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