American Idol 7, Top 20 Results Show -- Lyrics of Doom
You remember back in school when you came into the classroom and saw that your teacher wasn’t there and there was some random person sitting at the teacher’s desk? You and your friends would shout “SUBSTITUTE!” and you would picture a day or reading magazine articles and goofing off? Well, I’ll be passing out the Newsweek stories later – just let me do my crossword puzzle, take a nap and collect my paycheck (or lack thereof) later. It is substitute time.
Anyway, we have the Top 20 American Idols that will soon be only 16. It is the results show, baby – or as it is known in my house – The Reason DVR was invented. Seriously, we never watch the results show, although I am always quite impressed how they can fill an hour of time with what is really only a show that should last for five minutes. At most.
So, 31 million votes – a number that always makes me sad as it seems we have to bribe people to vote for elected officials these days. Paula seems to be rocking the Ramiele hairstyle this week. I wonder if it will become the new Rachel ‘do? Ryan gives Randy a chance to answer back the message boards about why they have theme weeks during the semifinals. Randy’s answer: songs suck today and were awesome when he played for Journey. Yet, Simon had never heard of Magic Man – so there is that.
Ryan and the crew now take an opportunity to mock Simon for something that I had noticed this week – for some reason Simon had been putting his open palm up next to his head with his thumb touching his forehead in a type of Half-Moose gesture while talking. Seriously, it was somewhat distracting and we are given no real explanation for it here, so folks don’t have to wait until 9 pm on ABC for unanswered mysteries after all.
Group Sing! Always an embarrassment, and yet all kinds of awesome wrapped into one. We have Michael starting things off on a song that I recognize but for the life of me cannot remember. For some reason, he is wearing Ryan’s wardrobe tonight. Dave C. sounds terrible – someone get him his Les Paul! Dave A. is wearing some bizarre stripped sweatshirt that makes him look like a doll come to life. Kristy and Carly join together and make a very strange looking pair singing about their Heartache. Alexandrea has some strange outfit on again – as per her theme. Amanda still has that hair. Jacuzzi, Asia’h and Ramiele seem to have missed their cue to do the Things They Do For Love. Dave H. is also wearing Ryan’s clothes tonight. Brooke embraces her inner Carole King. Jason looks like Vanilla Ice’s little brother. Dave H. and Alaina have a nice harmony working – shame we’ll never see that again.
I wonder if they will ever do a duets week on Idol? I’d love to see Amanda and anyone attempt Islands in the Stream.
Commercials – attention Terminator producers – you lost me at T3.
OK, so the guys get a recap. Chikeze – not sucking this week and looking like Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Robbie – still not rocking. David C. – sort of rocking and regretting his mouthing off to Simon. Michael – not Lindsay Buckingham. Luke – making my ears hurt. Jason – looking like Mitt Romney’s nephew. Jason C. – making me want to take him in and draw up adoption papers. Danny – scaring me again. David H. – my favorite of the night. David A – my other favorite of the night. Paula crying – well, that isn’t too hard to do.
Back row, please stand up! We have Jason Y., Danny, Chikeze, Jason C., and Michael. Kangaroo Jack, you are safe. Chikeze, safe. Jason Castro, despite Ryan messing with his psyche, safe. That leaves Danny and Jason Y. and very little drama. Danny is safe and Jason Y. is gone. No loss as far as I can tell, and strangely enough the other contestants who have cried over everyone else could also seem to care less. Jason thinks he is going because of the criticism. I will stick with my theory that he is going because of the bad singing. Call me crazy.
Can we talk about the family members in the Abe Lincoln balcony watching their loved one do their final sing? This is about as awkward as Seacrest in a strip club.
Yeager is a bit better this time around with his Doobies tune, but still, enjoy a fine career wearing too much flair at Fridays.
Commercials – Parker Posey and Lauren Ambrose in a FOX sitcom? Didn’t see THAT coming!
OK, girls recap. Carly – rocking the Heart. Syesha – better than given credit for. Kristy Lee – better, but still robotic. Ramiele – unable to dance in her 24-inch heels. Brooke – all kinds of awesome. Kady – not rocking the Heart. Amanda – worst thing to happen to Kansas since Dorothy’s twister. Alaina – putting Olivia Newton-John into my head for two days. Thanks for that. Alexandrea – worst thing to happen to Chicago since the fire. Asia’h – not nearly as good as I remembered.
Back row, on your feet! Kristy, Amanda, Alexandrea, Brooke and Asia’h. It is now that Alex must know she is doomed. Kristy, safe. Asia’h, safe. Brooke, safe. And Alex is of course, gone. This made me a bit sadder than I expected. I remember her audition with the grandma hanging out with Ryan. Alexandrea seems pretty cool, she had an amazing name and was good last week, so it is a shame.
I will say this: contestants need to stop picking songs with titles and lyrics that come back to haunt them when voted out. My wife is waiting for Patty Smythe’s Goodbye to You to be sung and eliminated. I think Alex’s booting here was simply just a ploy to prevent Amanda from ever singing Carry On My Wayward Son ever again.
Commercials – Antonio Banderas is a scary bee.
Back with the girls, stand up Front Row! Carly, Alaina, Ramiele, Syesha and Kady. Already, I expected the blonde girls to move center stage. Carly, safe. Ramiele, safe as she clings to Alaina. Syesha, sit down. So both blonde girls are in the bottom three this week and Alaina is gone. That surprised me considering that Kady has been bad two weeks in a row, but there it is.
Alaina is a mess and her family is pissed. I feel really badly for her here – she is just a kid and has to have such raw emotion exposed on national TV on this circus. Ryan is being incredibly cool here and treating her with the kid gloves that she needs. She needs Paula now, and she gets a heaping dose of Paula. Danny has lost it completely, by the way. Again with the unfortunate lyrics for Alaina – hers is not the first heart broken. I say good for her as she labors right through this song and sounds about as good as anyone should sound at this point. Her relative is scaring me with her Kathy Bates in Misery stare.
Who is Cat Deeley, and why is she here? The Top 12 gets the Beatles – that should be cool. I wonder who gets to sing Mean Mr. Mustard? April 9 is Idols Give Back Part II. For some reason the Idol producers seem to think they won an Emmy, but the Amazing Race has never lost that award, so that is odd. We essentially watch the entire first Idols Give Back episode again, complete with the Celine/Elvis duet. You wanted filler, you got filler.
Commercials – Special K chocolate cereal is not good. Important safety tip.
We learn that Brad Pitt, Hannah Montana, Reese Witherspoon, Mariah Carey, Snoop Dogg, Daughtry, and Carrie Underwood will all be there on April 9. Such a long list of celebrities that don’t excite me.
Final elimination: Guys. Luke, Robbie and the three Davids. If your name is David, sit down you are safe. I am already pleased with the elimination and become overjoyed when Robbie and his wig are sent packing. We are thus spared from his Styx song next week.
So that is it – we have 16 singers and four more go next week during 80s week. I would give good money to hear one of them sing Rock Me Amadeus.
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