Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant, Episode 5- Look Out Charles, Baby Nurse Helen's In Charge Now
Bailey Baio was born 4 days ago, and Scott is a bundle of energy. Renee & Bailey are getting some much needed rest, but Scott simply can't sit still. While mommy & baby are sleeping peacefully Scott steals a moment to himself to reflect and have a stogie (in the house? Shame shame Scott!). While enjoying his moment of quiet tobacco ridden reflection, he's disturbed by the doorbell. Enter Helen, the baby nurse hired by Renee to help out for a week. Scott reflects on how this nurse is costing much more than he would like to spend, and because she's British he's probably paying even more.
We see right away baby nurse Helen is no Mary Poppins, as her first order of business is forbidding Scott from smoking in the house. Scott tries to make up the faux pas by offering baby nurse Helen a beer. That's right, offering the baby nurse a beer. She turns him down, and begins her next order of business. Talking breastfeeding. She explains to Scott that Renee's breasts will need to be massaged once the milk comes in, which Scott is relieved to hear. Finally, something he knows how to do.
Baby nurse Helen then decides it's time to examine the fridge to make sure it's stocked with all the healthy essentials a new breastfeeding mom needs. Unfortunately, all she finds is beer. Time to make a shopping list baby nurse Helen decides. Scott claims he can make the list in his head, and doesn't need to write it down. Of course, because all he's used to usually buying is beer. Pretty easy to remember. Baby nurse Helen begins running off a myriad of new baby essentials that leaves Scott in disarray. Scott asks her how long she'll be staying, and she explains that it depends on how quick he can learn to take care of the baby and get the house prepared. Suddenly all we see is a Scott size hole in the door as he heads for Costco...
The guys join Scott at Costco for the most extensive baby supply shopping trip in history. Scott and the guys cluelessly roam around the baby section at Costco throwing dozens of boxes of everything into the cart. At this rate, Bailey will be potty trained long before they get through all the boxes of diapers Scott has piled into the cart. Scott's plan: to out-nurse the nurse so that she can leave. In theory this makes sense, but buying out Costco still isn't enough to impress baby nurse Helen.
When baby nurse Helen sees the guys unloading the Costco supplies, she questions Scott as to where exactly he's going to keep all that stuff. Scott thanks the guys for their help at Costco by offering them some of the lasagna that someone left for him & Renee (Johnny had already taken some, EWW). While digging into the lasagna, the guys dish on baby nurse Helen. They all agree that she's overstepping her bounds. Johnny offers some advice on dealing with the situation, but all I heard was "blah, blah, blah, I'm an idiot". Jason tells Scott that she is there to assist him, not tell him what to do, and that he should tell her that. Scott explains that with Renee still recovering from her C-section, she would kill him if he got rid of baby nurse Helen. So he keeps quiet.
In an attempt to ditch baby nurse Helen's ever watchful eye, Scott starts putting together the furniture for the nursery. Baby nurse Helen can't stay away, as she begins dictating orders in regards to the baby furniture placement. While they're debating this matter, who shows up? Johnny. In Scott's stupidest move to date, he has invited Johnny to stay with them while his apartment is being fumigated. Since the biggest cockroach in that apartment would be Johnny himself, I'm not sure what the point of fumigation is, but I'm no exterminator so I don't how it all works. Scott remembers that he has yet to mention to Renee about their house-guest, so he has baby nurse Helen escort Johnny to the room FARTHEST away. Yea Scott, I'm sure Renee will never even know Johnny's there.
To escape the wrath of baby nurse Helen, Scott spends the evening outside practicing his golf swing, smoking cigars, & talking to himself. He reaches his breaking point when he sees baby nurse Helen in the house, eating even more of their food. Trying to be discreet, (or maybe not, I wasn't sure) Scott yells up to the balcony of him & Renee's room where she and the baby are sleeping. Renee comes out, with the look that every new mother has when someone risks waking her sleeping newborn, also known as the "you're about to die, so you better have some pretty damn important last words" look. Scott begins tattling on baby nurse Helen's eating habits. Renee can't understand why Scott would risk waking the baby for THAT, and they begin to argue. The baby that ends up getting woken up isn't Bailey, but Johnny. Johnny, the secret houseguest.
Johnny steps out onto the balcony of his room, where he asks Renee & Scott to please keep it down. Somehow Renee manages to not kill Scott or Johnny, but begins yelling that Scott shouldn't be worried about baby nurse Helen's extra mouth to feed, but he should be worried about Johnny's. Scott rushes into the house to explain to Renee about Johnny's temporary stay. Renee quickly tells Scott to choose between her, Bailey, and their new family, or choose Johnny and his old life. It only takes a moment for Scott to get Johnny and his stuff out into the street. That's a good man, right there. Seriously.
Determined to find someone who will listen to his complaints about baby nurse Helen, Scott calls Doc Ali. She rushes right over, but to Scott's surprise brings along Bill from the daddies-to-be class. Scott unloads to Bill & Ali that though he really wants to get on the ride, no one is letting him. He feels like a bystander. Baby nurse Helen interrupts the chat to tell Scott he forgot baby shampoo, and that he needs to go to the store and get some. Ali & Bill tell Scott he's not communicating, and that he needs to talk to baby nurse Helen, and tell her how he feels and express his needs. Bill tells Scott that returning to the daddies-to-be class might be of some help. Scott agrees, and decides to take baby nurse Helen out to lunch and clear the air.
Being that he's so cheap, Scott takes baby nurse Helen for some take out fried chicken. As they eat it in the cab of the truck, they discuss their differences. She tells Scott that she doesn't think he's mean, just neurotic. Hmm, observant baby nurse Helen, very observant. In the end they agree that they are both working in the best interests of Bailey. That's what it's all about after all. Helen agrees she won't look at Scott like he's an idiot anymore, and Scott agrees he won't look at her like he wants to kill her.
Soon things are getting back to normal at casa Baio. Doing his best Steve Guttenberg in Three Men & A Baby, Scott even performs his first diaper change. Though it's not perfect, at least it's a diaper change. Scott decides since he's got 75 boxes of diapers, he can afford to waste a few on practice tries.
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Posted: 2010/8/30 21:32 Updated: 2010/8/30 21:32 |
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