Celebrity Rehab, Episode 3 – Breakthroughs, Gold Digging, A New CrazyTown Single?
Last week in the writer’s forum there were some challenges issued about writing recaps while on painkillers. For this recap we’ll see what that’s like. I’ve just come from my favorite bar, The Edison, where they serve a potent but tasty aperitif called the Peach Whisper. I had three and I’m feeling no pain, unlike our loveable Rehabbers.
Tonight, we open with another montage of Kinickie’s visit to the Huntington Hospital ER, Daniel Baldwin’s hissy fit, Dr. Drew telling on Kinickie, Brigitte being Mummy by proxy, and more ridiculousness from Kinickie. Dr. Drew once again reminds us of how “raw and intense” this experience is going to be.
Awww, no new opening lecture from Dr. Drew this time. This is Day 4; apparently we are expecting rawness, fragility, and desperation. In Morning Process Group, Daniel Baldwin opens with a replay of his tattle telling on Kinickie about how he was scared and jarred by the fact that Kinickie wasn’t sure whether he wanted to be sober or not. Kinickie is queried by Dr. Drew. Kinickie again repeats he’s not sure of his desire for sobriety. Daniel Baldwin decides to recount the medical trauma Kinickie has experienced during their short 4 day stay and lowers the boom with the drug mule smuggling accusation.
Apparently Kinickie really is sober because he musters up enough strength to actually SIT UP in his wheelchair and shout NO I DIDN’’T. Kinickie demands that Daniel Baldwin take it back and actually stands up. Dr. Drew pleads for amends and placates Kinickie by saying that he didn’t know the drugs were on him and they were hidden in his pants. Kinickie says he kept his drugs out in front that’s why he arrived at rehab with a bottle in his hand. He says it was “beknownst" to him at the time that he had drugs in his pants at rehab. I know I know, my spell check didn’t know that word either.
At lunch we see that Daniel Baldwin is still grumbly (if Kinickie can make up words so can I) about the incident. He is incredulous (SAT Word) about the fact that Kinickie has been allowed to turn the place upside down and disrupt the process. Judging by the message boards, other rehabbers in the world feel the same way… score one for DB!!! Everyone at the table agrees with Daniel to keep him quiet. He observes how quick to his feet Kinickie was in a confrontation but apparently that wore him out because right after he was weak again and needed his rolling chair.
In the office, Dr. Drew is preparing for a visit from OxyContin Vickie. He needs a babysitter for her as she is known to slip Kinickie drugs while in rehab. RT Shelley agrees that this is necessary. When OxyContin Vickie arrives RT Shelley takes her to her office for “a little chat”. RT Shelley looks all business and I’m scared for OxyContin Vickie. RT Shelley warns her that Kinickie is detoxing really hard and OxyContin Vickie says I know that’s why he needs me. Dr. Drew tutors us that OxyContin Vickie is a classic example of a co-dependent partner. RT Shelley tells her that he is feeling pain and they can’t eradicate it, right on cue Kinickie starts yelling like a wild animal and OxyContin Vickie looks worried. RT Shelley tries to calm her saying “he’s ok” but OxyContin Vickie is insistent on seeing him right away… stat!
RT Shelley then goes through her bag; she informs her she always carries pills with her and RT Shelley pats her down. What a sweet reunion - I think she slipped him a pill during their kiss but I’m just speculating. Kinickie makes some mumbling sounds and tells her she looks good and well. She says she feels she sent him to prison and Kinickie says he wants to go home and then starts to mumble. He starts having doubts about staying and she immediately jumps on this. See, me and Dr. Drew were concerned about this. Kinickie says he can do it “one day at a time right now”.
Outside on the patio, RT Shelley announces that another male is coming in. Chyna looks excited and thrilled, and so does Governor Carey. RT Shelley doesn’t know who it is but is facing a dilemma because a woman is in a single room. Governor Carey volunteers to room with the new guy, RT Shelley looks exasperated. She re-explains that the girls are going to be three to a room and they look like they hit the lottery. From now on this show will be called Celebrity Three Way. Brigitte packs her bags as they had till 6 PM. Jaimie, Jessica, and Governor Carey are sharing a room and Brigitte and Chyna are sharing. Governor Carey is delighted that she’s living with other girls and hopes the next guy is tall and cute.
The new guy arrives and yes he’s tall and cute, well maybe not. He’s just tall and a little puffy. He’s Ricco Rodriguez a former UFC Champion. The cut to a lot of body slams by Rico Suave and then he tells his sad tale. When he won his world championship he says he had a hot girlfriend, money, and cocaine. He did an “eight ball” every day. He was popped on a random drug test and was suspended. He blames his girlfriend because they were arrested for domestic violence and they lost their son. He sheds a tear and says he has hit rock bottom and that’s why he’s here. Not because of the court but because HE wants to do what it takes to get his son back.
Jessica is happy because there’s a sexy guy. He volunteers to empty his pockets and RT Shelley is like DUH we’re going to go through everything. His strip search is uneventful. He says he’s been sober since July 1st. They’ve never told us what day or month it is so I’m not sure if that’s a long time or not. RT Shelley asks if he’s had any cravings and he’s like, uh yeah, I’m a crack head. He says he’s not used to people going through his things and Shelley is like suck it up fool welcome to treatment. She says not to trust anyone in treatment and tells him he has to earn trust. He doesn’t like RT Shelley’s attitude or how he’s treated.
Kinickie starts to cry Shelley and he sounds like the professor in the wheel chair from “Nightmare before Christmas” when he screams “Sally”… tee hee. Apparently Jeff is nauseous because he starts to puke all over the place. RT Shelley runs to get drugs, but not opoids because that would be bad. RT Shelley tries to recruit people to help clean up puke. Um I don’t think that cleaning up another addict’s puke is part of treatment but apparently it is under the Dr. Drew plan.
Crazytown Seth says that he’s there for Jeff but not in this way and the girls would be much better at that. Sexist Pig! But he’s still hot hot hot. Rico Suave is introduced to Kinickie as he has his head in a toilet and RT Shelley takes him on a resort tour while the other addicts attend to Kinickie! Rico Suave is questioning whether he should be there and I don’t blame him. Cocaine addiction isn’t looking too bad at this point. He decides it's fate that he’s here so he’ll stay.
RT BenGay wakes everyone up with the promise of hot coffee. No one looks like they’ve showered and Rico Suave is upset that he had a wake up call at 7 AM. See? I’m not the only lazy bum in this town. Dr. Drew checks on Crazytown Seth because he’s back in bed but he says he has a headache and he’ll make it to group. Daniel Baldwin apparently has a prior engagement and will be out on a day pass. Kinickie is having severe withdrawals AGAIN and will not be at group.
Dr. Drew is getting debriefed on Rico Suave from RT Shelley. She says he’s a periodic cocaine user. Dr. Drew says he got a midnight call requesting something for sleep because he takes 20 mg of valium every night. Now they’re all caught up. They go to morning meditation.
At group, RT Shelley explains why they can’t drink. She asks if anyone was in a wreck while drinking. Rico Suave pipes in and says yes with his girlfriend. He had the wreck but because he had a DUI, some warrants, and a suspended body he dragged his girlfriend’s limp body to the driver’s seat and told the cops she was driving. He’s a keeper! Governor Carey says that’s horrible and she doesn’t want a boyfriend like that. He says it wasn’t as bad as it sounds and that the cops knew she wasn’t driving but the cops took care of it. RT Shelley says that’s hideous and Rico Suave calls her a DA and he wants someone to sit between them. She says it’s her job. Dr. Drew says RT Shelley knows addict bullsh** because she’s an addict. Rico Suave says she’s mean and rude. Shelley says his behavior is hideous and that he needs to learn stuff like that is unacceptable. The girls have a convening and they think Rico Suave is rude. Rico Suave tells Crazytown Seth he could grab that girl and put her in a headlock. CT Seth is like when it comes to addiction she knows her shit, calm down. Rico Suave hopes so because he’s trusting her.
It’s Day 5 and we’re again at Morning Process Group. Dr. Drew opens the session by asking who has kids and whether they feel the disease has affected the kids. Brigitte responds yes, so does Seth, and Daniel Baldwin. Rude Rico Suave says no. Dr. Drew is like, really? RRS says I don’t do them around the kids. I thought he only had one… hmmm.
American Idol Jessica is in shock because when her Mom got arrested for drugs and prostitution she was severely affected. RRS says I wasn’t a prostitute and he says his kids don’t see this part of his life. Dr. Drew tries to calm down the ruckus. RRS says he feels a weird aura and American Idol Jessica says yes because I don’t like you. She feels he’s arrogant and so do I. I think it’s an addict form of hitting the guy you like on the playground when we were in kindergarten. But that’s just me. Dr. Drew reminds them both that they’re addicts and then asks Jaimie what it feels like to have a parent who is an addict. Did you need a reminder of who Jaimie was? I know I did. She’s the little girl from Family Matters. She says that her Father’s addiction to alcohol and Mary Jane made him dysfunctional and abusive to her Mom. Her self esteem was low and she smoked to place her anger somewhere.
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