A Bitch-Slappin Good Time: I Love NY 2, Finale
OWSOME!!!!
Yet another tie has occurred in the Comment of the Week Contest. First off, Heather wins one more time for her expertise in the dinosaur department where she helped a writer out with the spelling of velociraptor which comes from velocity and raptor and still comes up as spelled wrong on my MS Word. Thanks, Heather.
Then there’s my new best friend Ebs aka Luvmyshelltoes who not only told me I could eat all her cereal if I’m ever in LA, but also called me Hil. Air. Eee. Us. and I’m a sucker for compliments. But also, she sent me an announcement about the I Love Nuts wrap party which is kinda cool. Hopefully, she’ll make it there and will report back pronto.
By the way, I’m aware that there was a clip show during the week. I did not recap it simply because there’s only so much nuts I can take in a week. You should check it out if you get a chance, though. It’s got some interesting footage and some more scenes of parrots not attacking NY.
VH1 busts their budget and sends NY, Buddha, and TailorMade to Jamaica. Mrs. NY is probably there as well because she needs to go everywhere. Is she still married to NY’s dad? He hasn’t been around in forever and a day. Again, too sane for the show probably.
Buddha doesn’t understand how TailorMade made it to final two. TM thinks Buddha is in it for himself. So things are all status quo. They pile into a limo with NY and fly to Jamaica and get in another limo and get to the hotel where they’re greeted by the hotel consierge who gives the boys the royal suite. TM reads the NY note that says she hopes they love their room and she’ll see them in her villa for dinner.
That night, the guys arrive and TM says she looks amazing and he’s wearing a pink shirt and Buddha’s in all white. I hate that Buddha is so good looking. NY wishes that she could mesh them together because TM spends money on her and Buddha is gorgeous. God won’t let her combine them. She asks them if they love her and they say yes. TM gushes and Buddha gives a quick “I do” and then stares at her relentlessly. TM calls it a Jedi mind trick. He’s a jerk.
NY asks Buddha if he’s perfect for her and he says yes because it’s like love, passion, and zest for each other. Zest? Like soap? She asks why TM isn’t perfect for her so Buddha says she’s beautiful and she’s going up and TM is as good as he gets. TM interviews that the best Buddha has is non-speaking acting roles. Buddha says that TM is submissive and she needs dominance.
NY asks TM the same questions and TM sputters and can’t answer. Then he says they complete each other because he’s suddenly Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire. NY leaves and TM catches her to give her something in private. Buddha follows them and hugs NY before they leave because he can’t stand watching a man grovel.
TM gives NY a small golden box. NY fears a proposal and a ring but then sees that the box is empty except for the cotton. He says he didn’t have a chance to get anything but wanted an excuse to get her alone so he grabbed a box. NY interviews that it was daring and risky because she could’ve slapped the shit out of him. They spend more time together and TM interviews that they can have a happy life together.
Meanwhile, Buddha is counting the hours going by while he lays in bed alone. He calls her villa because he wants to ruin TM’s time with NY. He interviews that TM is a snake. TM interviews that he’s happy he pissed off Buddha. This is getting old and boring. I’m so happy this is the end. I mean, it had better be the end. If VH1 is going to pull one of those two-part to-be-continued deals that they have in the past after saying that tonight is the finale, I’ll seriously go ballistic and write a very stern letter to the powers that be. Very. Stern.
I usually don’t interrupt to talk about commercials, but Converse has some seriously fucked up shit going on in their ad campaign that has to do with beauty queens and death. Sneakers shouldn’t be that judgmental.
Guess what. TM doesn’t like the idea of NY spending time with Buddha. Of course, today NY will spend time with Buddha. Maybe a huge hurricane will hit and they’ll all be swept away to a deserted island. Buddha interviews a mocking high pitched Daddy oh Daddy and I grab my I Love Nuts Bucket to puke again. He arrives for the date wearing an umbrella hat that NY doesn’t approve of but tells him it’s interesting. He looks like an idiot.
They get to a plantation and she says she’s not picking cotton. They see a horse and we flashback to NY falling off the horse in the winery on Tastes Like Crazy and her screaming that she’s falling. Nice. Buddha says she’s being too dramatic and NY interviews that horses kill people but she gets on the horse anyway. Then they make the horse go across the water and she freaks even more because she can’t swim and she’s losing her shoes. Her horse starts growling at her and she says she doesn’t want to do this.
Buddha steps up to be the man she claims she is and tells her to look at the water and that a queen needs to know how to sit on a horse. Yeah, that makes sense. Just look at the Queen Mum on her horse over there in the ocean! NY loves Buddha and they mack it.
Meanwhile, Tailor Made is pouting on the couch. Squirming around all restless and making weird noises into a pillow. He fondles the charm necklace she gave him. That’s a little psycho.
Buddha and NY eat and toast to each other working things out. NY interviews that Buddha makes her melt. They kiss again. Déjà vu. Think I’ve heard all this before. Seen all this before.
TM continues to pout and then whimper. He goes outside and yells for Tiffany. Then he prays to God to intervene and not let NY and Buddha have a good time. Because God cares about what happens on VH1 reality ty.
Then Mrs. NY shows up. What a surprise. Not really. She meets with TM to tell him that he has strength and character and that’s why she picked him. She says his strategy isn’t working and he needs to call upon his German ancestors to give him strength. She grabs his hands and tries to channel power into him. She says she’s giving him a boost. Then she slaps him not once but twice in his face. One regular slap and then an immediate backhand. Awesome. Or should I say, owsome. Now he feels like a warrior.
NY and Buddha slow dance in the water in paradise. He says “her and I” which is grammatically incorrect.
TM buys more jewelry. Getting. Very. Old.
Again, a commercial interlude. Shut up, Converse. Sneakers shouldn’t be that serious.
NY sets up a dinner on the ocean that features fire throwers. Buddha shows up and NY is wearing a pretty yellow dress, which would be even prettier if her boobs weren’t basketballs. She tells him she has concerns because he said that it was impossible for people to fall in love so quickly yet he said he loved her. He says that’s because he isn’t in love with her; he just loves her. He doesn’t love her more than he loves himself and doesn’t have a sacrificial love but he loves her in that he admires her. NY doesn’t trust him because he’s manipulative and if he can’t be in love with her, he can’t love her.
He tells her not to blame him and she says she’s sick of him throwing things back at her. Finally, she says it. However, it doesn’t shut him up.
He continues to rant. He says something about panties and a hat and indicates TM and calls her blind. She’s not blind. Buddha says he can’t win. NY is disappointed in him. He asks if she wants him to leave and she says yes as a test. He leaves, knowing she didn’t expect him to leave. She gives him a hearty fuck you to say good bye.
Then Buddha comes back because he didn’t want to leave in the first place. She grabs his hand. Because everything is better now. He tells her that they won’t last without trust. She’s turned on because he’s a prick. He picks her up and then lie in the grass. She tells him that she loves him and never wants to leave his side. He says he loves her. She calls him daddy twice. My puke bucket is coming in handy tonight.
TM is praying that he will give away 10 % of his salary to charity if he gets NY. Buddha comes home and TM dries his eyes. They get a NY note and TM gets ready for his date, which he sees as his final chance to win her.
They go to Rick’s Café and see these guys cliff diving. They tell TM that he can jump. TM gives NY his watch to hold and says she can keep it if something happens. He wants to show NY a different side of him other than spending money. He blows her a kiss and almost pukes. He can borrow my bucket if need be. He hesitates a while but then takes the plunge with a large bellowing “yah!” He runs back to NY and hugs her.
Mrs. NY arrives at Buddha’s villa and he’s not happy. She asks him about his anger and he’s like, You mean violently? He says that when he was younger, he had an anger problem, but doesn’t have one any more. If he’s using younger as in at the beginning of the season when he threw orange juice at TM, then okay. Technically, that’s younger than he is today.
For dinner, NY is wearing the green dress he had bought her a few days ago. He says he’s never told anyone he loves her as quickly as he did with her. It’s not the competition—it’s her. He can’t get her out of his mind and he’s the happiest he’s ever been. He gives her a box, which he promises is not empty. It’s a ring and he asks her to marry him.
That quickly. He proposes. Out of nowhere. Flash back to Tango wearing that stupid hat and then Tango walking out on her at the reunion. NY stutters. TM hyperventilates. Then she remembers the loophole—he’s still married. She interviews that TM may be addicted to love more than trying to make love work. She leaves because she needs to figure things out and TM hyperventilates some more and then sucks down what’s left of his girly drink. Then what’s left of NY’s non girly drink. Then he mumbles to himself in a high pitched voice. He’s literally losing it quick.
The next day, TM thinks he may have scared NY off by moving too fast. They get a note that says one of them will stay in Jamaica and one will go home. She gives them watches that she obviously didn’t pay for. Buddha and TM toast to NY.
Meanwhile, NY takes a walk along the shore with drink in hand. She mulls over each guy and how she can see herself with either one of them.
Elimination Ceremony Time!
NY wears a white dress with silver sequins along the hemlines and I love it. She lets Mrs. NY talk to the boys. Mrs. NY says that one of them deserves to be there and hopes the best man wins. She hugs NY and leaves.
NY says that they are both very very very special to her and she sees two completely different personalities that each bring out a side of Tiffany Pollard. Just like Tango and Chance. But now she knows who fits her best. She says she could give a drawn out speech about how it’s a hard decision but she says that tonight it’s clear.
She tells TM that he’s a wonderful man and spoils her rotten and is concerned that he might not have a mind of her own.
She tells Buddha he’s cocky and pisses her off, but is drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
She takes the ring that TM gave her last night and shows it to Buddha who doesn’t know where she got it from. She asks if he’s in love with her.
Buddha says he wants to say no but says he is. She turns to TM and says that he gave her the ring and she didn’t answer. Then Buddha’s pissed and shocked and feels gullible. NY tells TM that the ring shows her he’s wiling to make a commitment. She asks him if he still wants to marry her. He says more than ever.
She says she loves him but can’t accept his proposal. She’s sorry.
She tells Buddha that she believes he’s there for her and not to be an actor. She tells him, to steal a line from him, she loves him but is not in love with him. She’s in love with Tailor Made.
She interviews that she’s always at odds with Buddha and it would never work. Buddha tells TM congrats and hugs NY. He shakes TM’s hand. NY adjusts her boobs.
Buddha/Ezra post interviews that he can’t be spineless and mindless. I beg to differ about the latter.
NY tells TM that she can’t accept his proposal but if he loves her and honors her, he’ll stick around for 24 months when she will marry him. She gives him a chain. They hug and he awkwardly kisses her and they stand awkwardly and he picks her up and runs away with her and it’s all so very awkward. Very. Awkward. It’s not the picture of two people in love. It is the picture of two people making a very heinous mistake.
Which is what reality television is all about.
The reunion is on January 6th. That gives us plenty of time to recoop and get the scoop about the is she, isn’t she pregnant and who the baby daddy. Yes, my friends, she may be pregnant. And she may be having an I Love NY Season 3. Which is completely contradictory.
Which is also what reality television is all about.
I’m now washing out and keeping my I Love Nuts Bucket in a safe place. I’ll bring it out for the reunion. I have a feeling I’ll need it.
Email me. Chat in the forums! Get your own I Love Nuts Puke Pail ready for the reunion. Until then, happy holidays. 
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| luvmyshelltoes |
Posted: 2007/12/18 15:49 Updated: 2007/12/18 15:49 |
Writer   Joined: 2007/12/12 From: Palos Verdes, CA Posts: 92 |
 Sigh.... Thanks for the shout out! I'm a little ashamed of TM's German Ancestors for helping him out, they were supposed to be manly I would have thought they would stay in hiding from the shame of having one of their own putting on facial masks on National TV! But that's just me.
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