I Love New York 2, Episode 7--The EX Factor
Ew. Just Ew.
I know I’m not as amusing as Christina. I would never pretend to have a ghetto card like she does. However, I’ll do my best filling her Manolo Blahniks that Tailor Made tried to buy her love with. Oh, wait. That was New York. Christina would never date that creepy dude. She’d take his presents, but I don’t think she’d date him. At least not for very long.
Anyway, on with the show. Last time, New York brought back Buddha for an intense spit swapping session and made the guys sign what must have been a waiver that says if they get pummeled they won’t sue VH1. Buddha then turned it all on and even stole New York away from Punk as he told her he loved her. Tailor Made whipped out his credit card and bought New York’s love, while Wolf was sent packing before he had the chance to whip it out.
This week, New York says she likes the final six for different reasons and needs to get to know them better to figure out whom to eliminate. She freaks them out by telling them their exes are there. Punk’s ex-girlfriend Crystal comes out and he’s shocked. Buddha is worried his ex-girlfriend whom he has the restraining order on will be there, but it’s just his other girlfriend—his sister—there instead. Entertainer’s ex girlfriend Megan doesn’t pass New York’s sight test because she’s a curvy gal. And I’m not talking bought boobs curvy. Mr. Wise is fine with his ex being there because they are friends and Pretty’s sister is there, which New York doesn’t like and makes her think the gay rumors are true. Finally, Tailor Made’s wife comes in and New York is surprised she doesn’t look like Beyonce. Um, New York? Have you looked at Tailor Made recently? I don’t think anyone who looked like Beyonce would stand for a man who took more time getting facials than she did.
New York lets the guys take their exes outside and talk with them. Mr. Wise’s ex is jealous asks him if New York has seen his package. He had to clarify that she meant penis and assures her it has been kept in his pants. Tailor Made and his wife get called in first. His wife heads upstairs with New York and Tailor Made is taken to an interrogation room and in walks Chance and Real.
They immediately start in on Tailor Made and how he’s asking New York to commit adultery. He starts shaking and says his divorce is almost final. Meanwhile, New York finds out from his wife that he heats up quick and then fizzles out, which worries her. The guys ask Tailor Made lots of other questions from him snitching on the other guys, to how he got the scar on his lip, to why he’s going bald. He’s sure the guys hate him. What else is new? So does everyone else, Tailor Made.
The Entertainer and his ex are next. Chance starts badgering him about why he’s called Entertainer if he doesn’t perform or strip in any way. New York is not thrilled to learn Entertainer lives in his parents’ basement and that he has a temper. Is this really a surprise coming from a guy who made a video to put up on the internet and go on a reality show? I think the majority of reality show contestants come from their parents’ basements nowadays. Entertainer thinks Real is a good guy, but Chance just won’t shut up. They end the session with a yelling match about who “LOOOOVES New YORK!”
Punk and Crystal go next and Punk says he was never in love with her. New York hears the same thing from his ex and that she never loved Punk, but New York can tell she’s holding back and ready to burst. Punk then calls out Chance about how Sister Patterson hated him. Chance keeps riding him and eventually makes Punk turn the table over. Uh, Chance? You’re about the size of this guy’s right leg. I’d watch it, Thuglife. Is it wrong of me to want to see Punk snap Chance like a twig? Unfortunately Big Ant interferes before Punk can kick anyone’s ass. Real tries to play good cop and finish the interrogation.
Mr. Wise and his ex head in and their stories aren’t matching. New York gets angry that Mr. Wise apparently still loves his ex and he called her just a couple of weeks before moving into the house. Now, if she had been paying attention like I have, she would have heard that it had been a couple months since the ex had heard from Mr. Wise, yet he called her only 2 weeks before the show? Her own story doesn’t match, so how the heck could Mr. Wise’s story?
Buddha and his sister head inside and his sister talks about Buddha’s crazy ex. Buddha tells Chance and Real he’s never hit a woman and his sister does confirm that he is violent and that he’s hurt men before. Sister Patterson thinks the women have the restraining order on him. She says it’s a huge red flag that even his own flesh and blood was warning them about how violent he is. Didn’t we already see he was violent and overlook it because of New York’s blinding lust?
New York calls in Pretty’s sister and she assures New York that Pretty has never been with a man. Pretty stumbles over a question about losing his virginity. He can’t remember how old he was and his sister has no idea either. Pretty says his family has met all of his exes, but his sister tells New York she’s never met any of them. This makes New York think he’s hiding something.
Later, Punk and Buddha are talking about their interrogations and Buddha laughs as Punk tells him about throwing the table on Chance and Real. They agree they were over the top characters. Who isn’t on this show? You’re all a bunch of loonies.
New York gathers the guys and tells them that she’s going to dinner with Chance and Real and then she’ll come back and everyone, including the exes, will have a party that night. Punk is jealous, but Tailor Made thinks he’s a steak and Chance is a hamburger. Just because you have a lot of money does not make you Filet. I would liken you more to Spam than any choice cut.
We then get some clips of season one and all of the things Chance does for New York. Meanwhile, the rest of the guys are fretting around in the kitchen about what is going on in that limo. They really don’t want to know. Really. It’s gross. New York decides she’s going to make out with Chance and Real tries to play matchmaker and get Chance back into the competition. Oh dear Lord no. There are more than enough crazies in the house this season and we finally got rid of the creepy It, so let’s not start that cycle over again.
When they get to the restaurant, Real tells her to use her head and heart to pick out the guy. They start comparing notes and Chance tells her to get rid of Punk, but Real likes him and thinks he’s there for New York. Real goes ballistic when New York says she likes Tailor Made and he tells her to get rid of him because he’s married. Real is trying to help, but Chance starts licking her neck. Ew. Just stop it—that is such an It move. I suppose he’ll show up with flowers from Larry Fishburne next. They get back on track and talk about the Entertainer and it’s a big no from Real because he lives in his parents’ basement. Even a creep like Chance thinks that’s a huge no. New York tells Real about how Buddha’s sister admitted he was violent, but Real told her Buddha would never hit a woman. They then figure out that Mr. Wise and his ex’s stories didn’t match up. Pretty is also found out to be a liar and New York emphatically draws a big X through his sheet.
Meanwhile, Pretty calls his sister and finds out how personal the questions were that they asked her. He thinks it’s unfair to ask a sibling those types of questions. The guys agree to have his back if he wants to say it’s unfair, and Punk admits it’s strange and thinks he could be hiding something.
Later, the guys and Sister Patterson, along with the exes, are all out on the patio having a party and New York shows up with Chance all over her. Sister Patterson drags her aside and tells her to knock it off with Chance and doesn’t want him anywhere near him. Buddha overhears and tells Punk how Chance was groping New York. Sister Patterson tells the guys not to start a fight, but sure enough Buddha heads over to confront Chance. Dude, is that the best idea? You’ve already been kicked off once for fighting.
Punk goes with Buddha to ask Chance if he was groping New York. Chance immediately gets defensive when they try to ask him, and he tries to get in their faces and tell them he was making out with New York. Tailor Made slinks into the corner to protect his over moisturized face while Punk doesn’t back down, but doesn’t touch him either. New York finally realizes she can’t be with Chance because he’s so out of control and asks them to leave.
New York tries to fix the mixer after they are gone and tells Tailor Made he and his wife did well and their stories matched. However, Mr. Wise is told his stories didn’t match his ex’s and Sister Patterson thinks he should get back with his ex. When New York confronts Pretty about hiding something, he throws his glass on the ground and walks off yelling about New York’s crazy weave and fake boobs. That is NOT the way to win a dating competition, Pretty. Of course, she follows him into the house, but needs to go back for her purse first. Pretty doesn’t want anything else to do with her and wants to get out of the house. Punk thinks Pretty had already decided he wanted to go and now wants to go out with a bang. I have a bad feeling about this. If more than the expected number of guys leave this week, that means there will be an extra chain and someone can be brought back—like that slimy Chance. Ew. I don’t know if I can watch him for another season. I still feel like I need a shower from season one to wash away his creepiness. Anyway, New York pulls out her claws and wants Pretty gone immediately before elimination. He does and Tailor Made is thrilled there is only 5 of them left.
Punk is confused as to what went down and he has no idea who will be left after the ceremony. The Entertainer is afraid she still has feeling for Chance and Buddha wants to know why they are even there for a season 2 if she still has feelings for someone from season 1. Good question, Buddha. She asks Punk if he’s got any concerns and he wants to know if she still loves Chance. He wants her to bring Chance back if she does so he knows that he’s truly won her heart and there was no one left she was thinking about. After a long pause, she tells them that she doesn’t want Chance and she’s sorry if she hurt them in any way. Hallelujah! Ding, dong, the Thuglife’s dead! They seem to accept that and she asks each one individually and gets the standard responses of them being there for her.
When she gets to Buddha, he turns it back on her and asks her what she wants to say to him. She seems surprised and tries to apologize again. He asks her what she was thinking with Chance that night. She begins to cry and tells them it was just a moment, but she hasn’t lost focus on them and she doesn’t want Chance. Buddha doesn’t let it go, which prompts Sister Patterson to step in and say anyone who doesn’t believe her sincerity should just leave right now. Mama bear shows her teeth and bares her claws. It’s about time she did something besides stir the pot! I’m just a bit mesmerized by her extremely long fake nails. It’s like those curly nails on the guy in the Guiness Book of World Records. Creepy. Buddha says he doesn’t believe New York at all right now.
New York gives a heartwarming soliloquy about how she’s here for them and they are there for her, but Pretty wasn’t, so he had to go. She tells them she knows they have love for New York and they don’t need chains this week because everyone gets to stay. She calls for a drink because she needs one. Me, too. Me, too.
Next time, the guys take ink blot tests to find out who is compatible with New York by their answers. There is talk of Tailor Made needing a penis implant, Buddha keeping his hands off of her, and The Entertainer threatening to leave. Crazies. Every last one of them.
Thank goodness Christina will be back next week. Meanwhile, check out all kinds of VH1 reality show goodness at Heather's WatchingVH1.com blog
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