Up Close and (Way Too) Personal! - Canada's Next Top Model, Episode 6
Striking a Pose in a Frame - Huh?
A deep depression descends on the household (I know that feeling!) as the girls return from the latest elim'. After having been ousted for, apparently, too much ambition, Tenika has left the building. Yes, it seems she was punished for striving to be 'more' than a mere model, silly girl. As Sisi tries hard to conceal her glee, Andrea on the other hand is totally devastated. The tears flow as she bemoans the exit of 'the only one who understood me'. She even goes as far as moving into Tenika's abandoned bed, so she can roll around in the lingering aroma of her departed buddy. (Yuck!)
Meanwhile, Ylenia calls her Italian mama, " Mama, theya saya I eata too mucha de pasta!" She's beginning to feel completely down about the whole competition, as, it seems, most of the girls do. Alanna, having been told that she's got a 'gym' body (oh, I see, being fit is bad for you now, is it, Tricia?) vows to start shaping up pronto, (unless what they were actually referring to was 'Jim' as in Belushi, in which case she's got no chance!) In fact, the only one who still seems happy is Brandi, though that could have to do with the fact that she's constantly sloshed. And Sisi, as ever, looks as though she's sucking on a lemon.
But, life goes on and the next day Tricia shows up at the house, which actually elicits some amount of squealing (god, I've missed those squeals!). Being the kindly Canadian supermodel that she is, she has decided to give the girls something fun to do this week (acting lessons!) which involves having them make complete fools of themselves in order to drive out any last traces of self respect. Ah, ain't she sweet?
To achieve the required facial expression of anger and irritation Andrea thinks about how darn tootin' unfair it was that Tenika had to leave, and gosh darn it, she's gonna go out and win this thing for her. What a pal. Sisi just continues to think her usual toxic thoughts about everyone else, while Ylenia tries to imagine life without linguine.
The next task is a real toughie. Tricia tells them to crawl around on the floor like cats (no claws please!) and then rub up against the leg of this week's photog, the ravishing Rob Daly. Oh, be still my beating heart, this guy is hot! And judging by the size of his zoom lens, he cleary enjoyed the whole experience! After taking his cold shower, Rob returns to do close up shots of each girl, directed by Tricias' BF Kim, another Canadian model we've never heard of. Much to Andreas' disgust, Brandi again wins the challenge and is presented with a portable DVD player! But that's not the prize, oh no! The prize is an actual pre recorded 'personal' message from Jay M., who somehow must have just known that Brandi was going to win the challenge (notice how no names were actually addressed in his message? Hmm?)
Later on the girls decide to settle in for a movie night, eat copious amounts of popcorn and just chill, all except Andrea that is, who would obviously prefer to be alone, in order to do a bit of Teneka sheet sniffing no doubt. (Yuck again!)
The following day is glaringly bought to us by the makers of Pantene and the shoot is all about glamour, darling! Dashing Daly is the photographer again, and the shoot calls for the girls to muster up all those acting skills learned the day before. For this, my friends, is the all important 'Beauty shot'. Don't forget, these are future Cover Girls! Tempers seem mighty frayed as the shoot progresses (or is that 'regresses'?) Rob's own level of irritation rises with each shot until he gets to Ylenia, who obviously has quite an effect on his aforementioned lens, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately the resulting shot has her looking like Cruella DeVille.
Poor Andrea, (my fingers have been conditioned to automatically type the word 'poor' every time I go to mention Andrea! Weird!) looking like a string bean with an unfortunate wonky 'Flock of Seagulls' hairdo, gets to go home early, having finished first. Arriving at the house she is confronted by the shocking sight of RuPaul raiding the fridge! But wait! It's not Ru! It's our friend Stacy, who seems to think she can have the run of the kitchen, stuffing herself with Brie and crackers and anything else she can lay her hands on! Hey, I've had roommates like that!
Stacy and Andrea have a wonderful giggly girly time bonding over chickpeas, which is spoiled when one by one the others return. Plying them with alcohol, our naughty temptress Stacy digs for dirt on the still absent girls. Speaking of which... back at the shoot Brandi is driving Mr. Daly crazy and not in a good way. The girl just can't keep her face still! Not to mention the fact that she's aged about 10 years during the competition. As if we don't already know she's an alchie, we are treated to shots of Brandi, no pun intended, puking into the kitchen sink (Yes Andrea; not all vomiting involves ones' fingers!), and other general drunken and disorderly behavior. Back at the ranch, the girls are gettin' tipsy, but this doesn't stop Madam McKenzie from giving them a lesson in struttin'. Just what you need when you're two sheets to the wind, as my nanna used to say! (Roughly translated as 'Man, you're pissed!)
Yet another elimination day rolls around, sounding the bell of doom for one of our girls (well, I'm just trying to keep with the depressive theme here!). That crazy kook Andrea decides to take Stacy's advice and hack her wardrobe to pieces. You know how it is when something seemed such a good idea when you were drunk.....?
The panel are assembled, the usual motley crew, this week including dishy Daly, and the girls are given what has to be the lamest challenge in the history of reality shows. They are told to hold a frame up and pose in it. Huh? I can't believe that no one on the panel had to stifle a laugh, though Paul Venoit seems to have lost all muscle use in his face anyway. And I swear to God, if that man's eyebrows move any further north, they'll be in the Yukon. The judges were all pretty much silent this week, no doubt fretting about Andrea's rapidly reducing figure. Geez, about time! She is told in no uncertain terms to put some meat on her bones, even after she has just informed us that everyone in her family used to weigh this much. Yeah, maybe when they were five years old! Did I hear someone say 'denial'?
Anyway, the girls are all assessed on this week's challenge and shoot and the main concensus is that they need more control over their features, in particular the mouth area. Some more than others I would add. The final decision comes down to Brandi and Robs' obvious favorite, Ylenia, who he declares to be a girl any man would desire. Strong words indeed, but just not quite enough for our Italian beauty. With lips a-quiver, Tricia solemnly declares the loser to be Ylenia. No surprise there. She was just too damn nice. And judging by the vivacious clip we see of her original audition, the poor girl has had every last shred of spirit sucked out of her. Another one happy to go!
Not even a tear stained note left in her wake!
For next week's episode we are teased with shots of the girls going 'Olivia Newton John' on us, getting all physical and gussied up in spandex! And what could it be that is mysteriously 'discovered' in someone's room? Sisi's voodoo dolls? Do we know? Do we care? Stay tuned, y'all!
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