ANTM, Cycle 9, Episode 1 Recaptary: A Shipload of Trouble

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	Published: 09-21-2007
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ANTM, Cycle 9, Episode 1 Recaptary: A Shipload of Trouble

Recaptory: n. -- Part recap, part commentary.

You go about your day to day life, dealing with family, work and all usual stuff but something special is missing. Where is the drama, the excitement, the…fierceness? It’s on ANTM, girlfriend, and it’s back! This time, Tyra sets sail with 30 finalists and the cruise ship can barely handle all their excess baggage. Trouble on the high seas – ahoy, baby!

This season’s crew (I’m keeping it nautical for ya) is quite the mixed bag. It’s tough to really focus on them until the final house count and subsequent makeover but as always, there are standouts:

Ebony – who’s the new Jade. But it turns out that under her tough shell, she’s covering up a hurt little girl who lashes out in anger and fear. Touching, yes but that doesn’t make her any less of a mean girl.
Victoria – “the smart one” because she goes to Yale. Honey, your fancy vocabulary won’t help if you can’t p-o-s-e.
Janet – a bikini waxer from Georgia who demonstrates her technique on Tyra, which definitely went beyond my comfort zone.
Lisa – continuing with the bikini theme, Lisa is apparently at the forefront of the exotic dancing industry as she is a non-stripping stripper. She repeatedly stresses that she dances in a bikini and then proceeds to demonstrate her technique too. Comfort zone breached yet again.
Chantal – who looked like she was both Adrienne and Caridee’s long lost sister. She already working my nerves with her whole “I was born for this” vibe.
Heather – has Asperger’s syndrome, which is a mild form of autism and is supposed to account for her awkwardness. Mr. Jay thought her gangly body would work in photos.
Sarah – a “real size” model. Not big enough to be plus, not small enough to be Kate Moss. You know, real.
Saleisha – who reminded me of Eva and is my first favorite.

Ms. Jay made them runway walk with lifejackets on and Jaslene made an appearance but the show was really all about defining who would be bringing the high drama more than the high fashion. The girls haven’t moved into the house yet but are already picking fights and talking trash. And if there wasn’t enough water around the boat, they were working up their own oceans of tears. They really put the drama in Dramamine.
Season 9 is off to a swimming start (last nautical reference, I promise).

Mali can be reached at mali@realityshack.com. She isn’t sure what made her more seasick – the motion of the ocean or Tyra’s singing.

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