Who Wants to Be A Superhero, Episode 5 - Tunnel of Terror
Spiders, Snakes, and Rats, Oh My!
Welcome back, True Believers! As usual, we begin with a recap of last week's episode, which involved the would-be superheroes going "undercover" to retrieve their stolen goods and ended with Basura's ouster. We then segue to hear Our Heroes discussing the various ousters and their increased odds of winning. Hyperstrike notes helpfully, "We started off with a 1-in-10 chance of winning, now it's 1-in-5."
After that newsflash, we see odd sparking effects outside, and the heroes' siren goes off. Stan Lee calls them to tell them the nefarious Dr. Dark is diverting the city's electricity to his own lair, thereby threatening the city with rolling blackouts. Lee has conveniently already found the lair, which turns out to be an abandoned power station. The superheroes then incur the wrath of Al Gore and environmentalists around the world by taking both SUV's to the power station. Seriously, there are only five of them left now; one SUV would have sufficed.
As soon as they arrive, Dr. Dark contacts them through one of those oh-so-convenient video screens. Dr. Dark jeeringly informs them that as he has seen their dossiers, he knows everybody's worst fears and weaknesses, and he plans to play on them. He then tells the heroes what they have to do to stop him. (As supervillains go, he's actually surprisingly helpful.) The heroes have to crawl through an access tunnel, one at a time, and switch off the fusebox inside. If they finish the job in six minutes, the city will be saved. Whip-Snap, true to form, has one of her melt-downs and needs the others to reassure her. But she does rediscover her spine and is the first one in. She finds that Dr. Dark is apparently a fan of Fear Factor, as he has stocked the tunnel with all kinds of creepy-crawlies-- including rats, which she fears. Nonetheless, she presses on, finds the fusebox, and turns off one of the five switches on it. Parthenon is up next, and he tells us that while he doesn't mind the dark, he's scared of snakes, big time. Naturally, he finds the boa constrictors that Dr. Dark had planted, and at one point, he screams. Hygena is third, and she has her work cut out for her, as she is a claustrophobe who fears both snakes and spiders. She freezes at least once, and seems to be the slowest-- but she presses on and flicks off her switch, like the others. Hyperstrike also hates spiders and he freaks out when he finds the place is crawling with tarantulas, but he wisely decides that the quicker he goes, the less he will have to suffer, and he does indeed seem to be the quickest through. Last up is The Defuser, who admits to having claustrophobia, and notes that the tunnel looks awfully small. (As we learned last week, The Defuser is well over six feet tall and weighs 250 pounds, so it's not just his claustrophobia talking when he calls the tunnel "small.") Because of his size, he can't even go on his hands and knees like his smaller teammates; he has to wriggle along on his belly instead, and he does indeed get stuck at one point. But he wiggles loose and reaches the fusebox in time. Fortunately, he doesn't seem to mind spiders, even though there's one crawling around on his back, and he turns off the last switch with seconds to spare. Huzzah! Our Heroes have saved the city from Dr. Dark's villainy!
I do have to give The Defuser props here. Not only did he finish in time, despite the hindrances his size and claustophobia posed, but he was also very kind and supportive to the other heroes, who always came out rather shaken after their time in the Tunnel of Terror. If he were to stay that way, and reign in his "police captain" tendencies, I could like the guy. Lee is also pleased with the heroes, both for saving the city and for facing their own fears, and rewards them by sending them to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. Obviously, this is one of Lee's little set-ups in which he tests Our Heroes' abilities to deal with the public. Whip-Snap and The Defuser especially seem to get a kick out of entertaining some kids, and The Defuser gives one kid something that looks like a jack, but is one of his home-made tools. As nobody had brought along a wallet to pay for their meal, the superheroes end up paying for it in the time-honored manner of deadbeats everywhere: bussing tables and otherwise cleaning up.
Later, at the lair, Lee contacts the heroes with news that he has learned something about Dr. Dark's sinister plans. But before he can divulge what that something is, Dr. Dark cuts in, somehow seizing control of two video screens, while leaving Lee the third. Dr. Dark claims that he has discovered some disturbing truths about the heroes, truths that he believes make their worthiness questionable. In some cases, Dr. Dark holds up little trinkets associated with the various wrong-doings. He also has somehow gotten the heroes' friends or significant others to give him the goods on each hero. (It looks like Dr. Dark might be a fan of What Not to Wear, too.) He starts off with Whip-Snap and holds up a model of a two-story house. It turns out that Whip-Snap had once had a crush on a guy and had stalked him, going so far as to camp out on his roof and to "confiscate" (steal) his car keys to get his attention. Dr. Dark next holds up a feather boa and reveals that Hygena might have a lewd side to her, as she once wanted to study burlesque dancing. Lee treats this one with the amused contempt it deserves, and asks if he should install a stripper pole in the lair. Dr. Dark presses on, however, and tells about how Hyperstrike was once fired from a show for his inability to perform a certain move. Lee expresses concern about Hyperstrike's ability to perform under pressure, and Hyperstrike quickly demonstrates that he has since mastered the move. I'm not sure how relevant that was to Lee's question, but Hyperstrike's acrobatics are fun to watch.
Dr. Dark then turns his attention to Parthenon-- and he really has to reach to find something on this clean-living college professor. It seems that Parthenon likes to decorate his rooms according to certain "themes"-- and his bedroom has a pirate theme. Dr. Dark claims that this points to an obsession with the "dark side". Okay, this is just lame. Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar, and bad taste is just bad taste. It is amusing when Dr. Dark holds up a replica of a pirate ship, though. Finally, Dr. Dark turns his attention to The Defuser and holds up a replica of a diploma. It turns out that The Defuser had not graduated from high school with the rest of his class, as he'd spent too much time goofing off. The Defuser says he regrets his youthful follies-- but also points out that it was awhile ago. (He's 38, so high school would have been over 20 years ago.) Dr. Dark then holds up some drink-mixing paraphenalia and brings up an incident that had happened during his police training. In intoxilizer training, police are taught to adminster DUI tests. The Defuser had been the the guinea pig the other cops practiced on, and they gave him a lot of vodka. As per his best friend, The Defuser went to the bathroom. When he didn't return, the other cops found that he'd drunkenly destroyed the bathroom stall in your basic bull-in-a-china-shop scenario. He'd stumbled against the sink, broke it, and the resultant spray of water had caused him to stumble against the partition, which broke off, and so forth. Lee expresses surprise that he hadn't come clean earlier. I don't know what Lee's smoking, but I wouldn't tell people about all the dumb things I'd done while under alcoholic influence, either. They're embarrassing, okay?
Mercifully, Stan Lee sends Dr. Dark away, saying that he has a "lot to think about." I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that neither Parthenon nor Hygena have anything to worry about, as their quirks definitely fall into the "harmless" category. Whip-Snap's stalking is probably the most worrisome. Last I checked, stalking was illegal. Then Lee asks for the "mission reports" and tells the heroes to be thorough. While writing his report, The Defuser notes that he has tried to back down as per Lee's instructions-- but that he hasn't seen anybody else really step up as a leader. After everybody turns in their reports, Lee is soon back with the following results:
"The Defuser and Parthenon are believed to be the strongest."
"Whip-Snap tends to overreact."
"Hygena underperforms on missions."
"Whip-Snap is the least heroic."
Hyperstrike then takes Whip-Snap aside and tells her that he'd written the "least heroic" comment. He thinks it's "lame" to write something like that about somebody, but not tell them to their face. He may mean well, but I'd guess the only thing he accomplished was to make her mad or hurt her feelings or both.
Lee summons the heroes to the rooftop as it's time for an elimination. Lee begins by talking about the tunnel mission, in which everybody confronted their fears. He chides Parthenon for shrieking upon accidentally grabbing a snake, and Parthenon lamely tells him that it was actually a battlecry. Lee tells Parthenon that he's performed well physically, but that he wants to see more of what's going on in Parthenon's heart and that he wants him to be more of a leader. Um, huh? Why is leadership necessary? Whoever wins is going to be a solo superhero, like Spider-man or Daredevil often are. It's not like Parthenon might one day lead a team of superheroes.
Hygena did a creditable job of facing her fears of spiders and enclosed spaces, but she tends to take the longest on missions. Lee notes that facing fears is not the same thing as conquering them.
Lee gives Hyperstrike props for telling Whip-Snap what he thought of her, as it took courage to do so.
Lee praises Whip-Snap for her gracious behavior in the restaurant, but notes that she seems to be buckling under the pressure more than the others and that the others have described her as the "least heroic".
Lee moves onto The Defuser, whom he now knows can't hold his vodka. Lee then scolds him for giving away parts of his costume, saying a superhero's costume is "sacrosanct." The Defuser defends himself, saying he was just giveing away memorabilia.
Hygena, The Defuser, and Whip-Snap are called to the Red Cubes of Shame. I think Lee is reaching in The Defuser's case. Last week or the week before would have been the time to send him home, as he was bossy and obnoxious in both those episodes. This week, he was actually tolerable, but, then Hyperstrike and Parthenon didn't do anything really wrong, either. At this point of the game, Lee might want to consider having just two candidates for elimination, rather than insist on htree. Lee asks them to defend themselves and explain why they should be allowed to stay in the lair. They give the usual lame answers about how they screwed up, but will do better next time, and how they've "grown" under his tutelage. Somehow, that last sounds rather pathetic coming from people over 25-- and all three of this week's candidates are 30+. In the end, Whip-Snap is sent home, for too much self-doubt and too many emotional melt-downs. I liked her, but if I needed saving by a superhero, I'd want one who could keep their cool. Whip-Snap couldn't and so she had to go. Lee and the others obviously liked and respected her, so they treat her accordingly. The other heroes exchange tearful goodbyes with her, and Lee gives her a bit of a pep talk, finally telling her, "Please turn in your costume."
Hygena DR's that Whip-Snap is a strong woman and she wishes some of that strength would rub off one her. Lee notes that they are down to the Final Four: The Defuser, Hygena, Hyperstrike, and Parthenon. Meanwhile, Dr. Dark has cloned a black-eyed version of Stan Lee. The previews for next week show the heroes performing various good deeds, including directing traffic.
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