The Two Coreys, Episode 4 - Trouble in Whistler
Haim is thinkin about getting engaged, Feldman is thinkin about gettin laid, and I need a vacation...
Poor Feldman. Every time he wants to get down & dirty with Susie, Haim is hanging around. Even if Haim isn't right there in the room, poor Susie is too tired cleaning up after Haim to give Feldman a little sumthin sumthin. Even with Haim's little British tart Jo around to keep him busy Susie & Feldman still can't seem to get "it" together. So what's a young married couple to do when their houseguest, and HIS houseguest have worn out their welcome? Run. Run fast, and run far. At least when the houseguest is Corey Haim.
Feldman & Susie decide they need a break. Yes, being rich & snooty while getting paid to pretend you're cleaning up after your friend who's also getting paid to pretend like he's a sloppy loser, can be exhausting, I'm sure. So they head up for a little ski weekend, up at Whistler. (Never been, hear it's awesome. You lucky Canadians with your fresh air and your pristine mountain beauty.)
So after leaving a detailed list of things like how to dial 911, how to perform CPR on the dog, and a diagram of how and when to shut lights on AND off, Susie feels prepared to leave the house in the very capable hands of Haim and Jo. I think maybe she would have been more confident leaving little Zen in charge, but apparently he's on his own ski weekend somewhere. Probably not Whistler, he seems a little young for that. Maybe Vancouver. There I go again with the fresh air and gorgeous scenery talk. Why can't A&E set me up in a house in Canada to do a reality show? I have annoying friends. REALLY annoying ones. Then again I'm not comfortable sending my kids into reality show relocation program.
Anyhow, Haim and Jo get some good quality bath time in, while the Feldmans hit the slopes and then the sheets.. finally. Good, because if I had to hear one more little commentary from Feldman about not getting laid, I was going to hire someone myself to go up there and do the job.
Back at Casa Feldman, Haim is getting a little worked up. After the alone time with Jo, he can't decide how he truly feels. Part of him wants to run off to Vegas with Jo and get married, yet the other part of him can't figure out what he's even doing with this girl. You're no Scott Baio Mr. Haim, no sir you are not indeed. But I do know a great life coach if you're interested... NO of course not! Why would you waste money you don't have on a life coach when you can simply pack up Jo and head on up to Whistler and interrupt Feldman's vacation by talking it out with him? My gosh, even Haim gets a vacation. What does he do? Lay around and play video games at Casa Feldman all day? I never see him so much as walk the dog. Not cool man, not cool. Of course Haim & Jo's abrupt arrival causes Susie to blow a much deserved gasket. Feldman talks her into doing some shopping with Jo while he finds out what going on with the Haimster.
Haim gives Feldman the I want to marry her then I don't, then I do, then I don't speech (excuse me while I yawn). Feldman reminds Haim that he has been engaged 20 times before. Haim corrects him, and says he's only been engaged twice. Then proceeds to display one of the most embarrassing reality show moments when he names four girls. After naming all four he looks at Feldman, and says count them, that's only two. Feldman tells Haim to take it slow, if they're meant to be together, then they will be. Haim still doesn't know what he's going to do. All this back & forth is giving me a headache. And the hot chocolate the two couples are now sharing outside the lodge looks nice. Calming. Soothing. Relaxing. I need a vacation.
After Haim & Jo leave, Feldman gives Susie the run down on the conversation with Haim. He sums up by saying there's no telling what Haim is going to do. We see Haim and Jo on a snugly carriage ride where it looks like Haim may or may not pop the question. I guess we'll have to find out for sure next week if he does. I know I will at least. I won't be on a snugly carriage ride, I won't be hitting the slopes, shopping for ski clothes, or sipping hot chocolate by a fire in Whistler. I wish I was though, I wish I was.
By the way, I am still in search of little Zen Feldman. If anyone has any information onto his whereabouts, please contact me. I'm sure eventually The Feldmans will realize he's missing and want answers. Maybe he's been placed in celebreality foster care...
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