Mission: Man Band, Episode 2--Booze II Men
Last time, the guys all moved into Chris’s house. We learned they’ve had depression, leukemia, alcoholism, and are basically a big mess. They met their tough lady manager and already started to be difficult with her.
This week starts out with the manager Katie saying that Bryan wants to lose some weight so she hires a personal trainer for him, who just happens to be a hot woman named Kristia (not the same Kristia from Rock of Love). She wakes him up super early to do pushups and other exercises. Bryan says he wants to be taken seriously, and to do that in the business, you have to have the whole package. Kristia says she wants to see if he’s up for this big challenge and tells him that he won’t see her mean side for a couple of days yet. Bryan seems to be proud of himself for doing that and being 300 pounds.
Bryan comes back to meet the guys in Chris’s studio and tells them the trainer kicked his ass. Chris was amazed that Bryan was out of bed at 8:30 exercising and then goes on to tell the poor recovering alcoholic that he had a smooth shot of Jack last night. Nice one, Chris. That will surely keep him on the wagon. Chris admits that he knows that Bryan is an alcoholic, but he won’t let anyone bully him into it, so Chris feels comfortable seemingly torturing him with tales of liquor. Bryan let’s the guys know it’s cool that they drink and there will always be that temptation, but he’s gone for so long that he will stay sober.
Katie joins them later and tells them it’s time to meet their Grammy and other award winning producer. His name is Brian Michael Cox (I will call him Producer so we don’t mix him up with Bryan Abrams) and he works with people like Mariah Carey and Mary J. Blige. This excites Rich because everyone knows Brian Michael Cox and he’s a great writer and producer. He has an assignment for each of them to write lyrics to a song. Bryan says he needs a Dictaphone, and Chris mistakes this for some sort of kinky sex toy that helps him write. I think that shot of Jack ate his brain cells. Rich helpfully tells us that way back in the ancient 90s they were called Dictaphones, but now they are small tape recorders, or hand held tape recorders. Actually, in 2007, it’s more likely a digital audio recorder, but that’s neither here nor there.
They each head back to their individual rooms with the track they were given and start working on individual lyrics. Chris isn’t sure if he’s ready for it. Jeff decides to do dishes as he writes and complains about multiplying cups in the sink. Those sneaky cups just keep showing up when he thinks he’s washed them all. Rich tells him he’d better get writing and Jeff said there’s plenty of time to write before 4:30 rolls around.
Later, the producer shows up and greets the guys. Chris is intimidated by him and hopes they don’t disappoint him. Jeff asks if there are good vocalists lined up to sing the parts for them and Producer laughs. He admits he took on this gig because if he could score a hit record with a bunch of guys everyone counted out, then that will validate him in the music world. Because apparently Grammys and R&B Producer of the year isn’t good enough. They all head to the studio and Producer asks to hear what they’ve come up with for the song. Much awkward laughter and then silence ensues when he asks who will go first.
Finally, Rich says he wants to get it over with and go first. He sings about girls from Orange County. He felt good about his offering and was happy he’s back writing. Chris goes next saying that he was ready for the test. There’s a lot of head bobbing as he sings. Producer doesn’t think Chris is taking things seriously because he only wrote half a verse. He points out that he will never top NSync and he needs to remember that. Jeff gets up again and Katie scowls as he says his voice is still hoarse. He admits he’s nervous. Producer also isn’t impressed with his excuses either and says his song wasn’t very good anyway. This guy is brutal (at least to the camera). Bryan starts up and gets really nervous and asks to start again. Rich says he needs more confidence and if he knew how much respect the other guys had for him, he’d feel ten feet tall. Bryan says he was doing fine in his room, but he’s clamming up in front of everyone. Producer says that what Rich and Bryan did was good, but that’s not good enough for the business. He gives them a collective B- and Rich is happy with that. Chris says he doesn’t deserve that grade, but he’ll take it. Producer says a B isn’t good enough.
Chris decides to throw a party to get the guys comfortable with everything. Some random girl tells Jeff he’s lucky she’s not naked right now and he just shakes his head. Rich is in heaven with the huge boobs and schmoozing the chicks. A girl gives Bryan hell for drinking water. He confesses to Rich he feels weird at the party without a drink. Rich gets concerned he’ll start drinking again and Bryan heads up to his room alone. When he comes back down, he’s drunk. Chris says he tried to help as much as he could, but Bryan’s way of fitting in was to drink. Bryan gets worried about his wife getting mad at him, but continues to party all night anyway. The cameras shut down at 3 am and the screen tells us Bryan started pounding drinks after that happened.
The next day, Kristia shows up at the house and sees a party had happened and gets worried he’ll break his promise to her. She wakes him up and he says he doesn’t want to go because he had a rough night. Kristia asks about the party and he says it wasn’t the drinking it was staying up late. Kristia says talk is cheap and a goal can’t be reached by making excuses.
Katie comes in to lay the smack down. The guys play dumb when she asks how late they were up, but Chris tells the camera he went to bed at like 7 and the others stayed up until about 8. She rips into Bryan for not being dedicated to his workouts and tells him it was a total copout to make excuses. Chris said he even had excuses for his excuses. He then realizes Bryan still may be drunk with his glassy eyes as he’s arguing with Katie. Bryan eventually backed down and told Katie she was right.
It’s time to pick out the band names. Katie starts writing the names on the whiteboard. Rich likes Unstable, there was one called Plan B, Bryan throws out Planet X and Chris vetoes that one right away. Katie takes off and Chris takes Bryan out to the patio to confront him about his drinking. He tells Bryan he needs to stop making excuses. Bryan almost starts crying as he says he messed up. He thanks Chris for confronting him but was upset he did it on camera. Chris tells him that he is just doing what Bryan asked him to do when he first moved into the house. He involved the cameras because now he’ll have to stop doing it because everyone knows about it. Bryan finally accepts it.
Later that night Katie and Producer tell the guys they now have their first gig at an Orlando Magic Game in three days. Chris wigs out because they don’t even have a song and he sinks down in the couch. Rich doesn’t think it’s a good idea for 4 boy band guys to go out at a basketball game because they could get booed, heckled, and things thrown at them. Katie tells them they have to be dedicated and focused. Producer rallies the troops to get started. Rich tells them he’s going to crap his pants because his body’s reaction to nerves is poop.
In the kitchen, the guys are eating sweet potatoes. Rich, Chris, and Jeff whisper about Bryan and how he’s drunk again. Chris is mad because he got drunk right after he talked to him about it. They are all afraid he will hurt their chances as a group if it keeps up.
Next time, they head to the studio and Bryan is drunk again. They have problems remembering their song for the gig and decide they want to cancel their show so they aren’t booed off the court.
For more Man Band goodness, you can read Heather’s blog over at WatchingVH1.com. Her interviews with Jeff Timmons, Chris Kirkpatrick, and Rich Cronin will be posted this week (technical difficulties). Also, she’s raising money for the Rich Cronin Hope Foundation, so please donate if you can!
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