Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Episode 3 - Mr. Next Best Thing
I have to say, when I saw what the topic of this week's session was, I had to fight from snoozing. The topic, Scott's perfect match.
Considering I have followed Scott's dating exploits for years in the tabloids, (as so many of us have) I was able to answer that one myself. Blond, big breasted, perfect ass, and a playmate. Scott tries to deny it, but eventually admits to forever searching for the perfect woman. When every woman Scott dates turns out NOT to be the perfect woman, he moves on to the next best thing. During the session Scott confesses his fear of marriage is connected with a fear of death. Maybe if he never gets married, he'll never die. At this point I began trying to google Scott's girlfriend, Renee. I was trying to find a way to contact her, so I could simply say, RUN RENEE! Run like the wind! Then, I decided to finish out the episode before I search the Playboy playmate yellow pages for Renee's number. Doc Ali decides we need to see if Scott can make a connection with someone, not based on sex. So she sends him to Meet A Mate, a dating service run by a mother and daughter from Russia.
Johnny tags along, as usual. When he starts to whine about not being able to come in for the interview, the older Russian lady tells him to sit down and shut up. I have been waiting for someone to say that to him for the last 3 weeks! Scott & the Meet A Mate ladies discuss what Scott looks for in a woman, other than the psychical. I wonder what these ladies will put in his profile? I can't imagine being a chronic cheater who can't commit to the woman he is currently in a serious relationship with, would translate well onto paper... but I've never used a dating service before, so I don't know the protocol.
Scott decides to get some advice from the one hot blond in LA he's never slept with, former Charles in Charge costar (and Baywatch babe), Nicole Eggert. Nicole confirms that yes, all Scott's girlfriends have looked the same. She also mentions a girl that Scott doesn't even remember. Nicole then reminds Scott how he used to flip through Playboy, like it was a sears catalog. In a nutshell, Nicole tells Scott there is no such thing as the perfect girl, so stop looking. The most refreshing thing about this scene, Nicole & Scott's obvious friendship. He took what she said seriously, and even more refreshing than that, seemed pretty damn annoyed with himself over his past. Could this semi-reality show actually be pulling off a serious reality check for Scott Baio, or is he just that good of an actor?
Scott takes his weekly night off from being beat down by the women of his past, by having the guys over for poker. As usual they discuss marriage, sex, and the ever looming bet over Scott's celibacy. In a drastic move to win the bet, Johnny B hires a stripper. Posed as a pizza girl (puuuuulease) the stripper's mission: sex up Scott Baio. The most astounding thing it that, within moments of the stripper taking off her clothes, Scott whisks her out of the room and away from the cameras. To do what you ask? To pay her $200 to grab her clothes and go. Scott throws in a "make your mother proud and just go" comment. He's in such a hurry to get her out, he makes her get dressed OUTSIDE. This show is getting better by the minute. Maybe Scott should head over to Bret Michael's pad and clean house.
After bumping my opinion of him up about 10 notches, Scott loses points by showing up at the Meet A Mate blind date to meet his "perfect match". Scott's perfect match? A cute children's book illustrator named Julie. In his mind, Scott starts to pick her apart right from jump street. He stops himself from finding all Julie's flaws, and decides to just let it go. But, by the end of the date he figures out there is one HUGE flaw he can't let go. The fact that she's NOT Renee. This absolutely sweet and romantic realization causes Scott to abruptly end the date and go home.
Never mind about warning Renee. In fact, Renee, if you're reading this sweetie, go claim your man! If you don't, I will. I think I'm falling in love with Scott myself. What started out as a childhood crush, then after watching this show, complete disgust, has suddenly bloomed into real love (or celebreality obsessed love anyway). There is nothing sexier then seeing a man kick out a stripper. They say men can't change, but it looks to me like Scott is going from being a total heel to the real deal. Scott may just be ready for next week, which is to face his toughest female critic to date, Renee's seventeen year old daughter. If he can make it through that, this show may just end with a ring on Renee's finger.
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