Scott Baio is 45 and Single, Premiere - Hi, My Name is Scott Baio and I'm an Emotional Cripple
I have been waiting eagerly for the premiere of VH1's newest celebreality show, Scott Baio is 45...and Single (apparently the folks at VH1 feel that pause between 45 and single is VERY important..). Pushing 30 myself, I am of the Charles in Charge generation of Scott Baio worshipers. The stories of Scott Baio and his sexual conquests are the stuff pop culture legends are made of. Trying to keep a straight face while reading the title is a quest in itself. A man whose known for his sexual history, is asking WHY he's single? I have a few ideas, but I'll withhold judgment until after a few more episodes have aired...
So we begin the episode establishing a simple answer to a simple question, what's up with Scott Baio? Well, Scott is living happily in a nice home in LA. He's got a Koi pond, a dog, and of course a gorgeous knock out girlfriend, Renee, who looks like every other girl we've ever seen Scott Baio date (which is not an observation, but a fact - she was actually Pamela Anderson's stunt double on Baywatch, go figure). Apparently the last few years he's been playing golf, working out, and hanging out with his buddies "chasing tail." (The use of the phrase "chasing tail" is one reason I believe Scott is still single, but again, withholding judgment...).
So if things are going so well for Scott, what's the dealio? Why so glum? Well it's time for him to start thinking about the next stage in life. Is he ready to commit to Renee, and get married? Or is a lifetime of bachelorhood all he's ever really going to be able to commit to? The biggest problem is he has no idea how to answer these questions for himself, so he hires himself a "life coach". The life coach pool in LA is not so hot these days, as we see by the candidates that Scott interviews. Including, but not limited to, a life coach who deals with past lives, a clairvoyant (whose process includes changing sunglasses, I wasn't quite clear on how that changes your life), a body feng shui expert, and of course a woman whose coaching includes sleeping with you (defeating the whole purpose of the show if you ask me...).
With these folks as her competition, it wasn't a surprise when Scott offered Doc Ali the job on the spot. With a PHD in Criminal psychology, and a list of former clients that ranges from Olympic athletes to corporate executives, it seemed Doc Ali is the best equipped to find out what's wrong with Scott Baio. In the first session Doc Ali busts out a contract for Scott, that has two main points of interest. Number one, Revisiting the past. Those of you who have seen the movie High Fidelity with John Cusak (LOVE IT) are familiar with this concept. You take the all time top loves, and go back to ask them where you screwed up. Scott's going to have to revisit the ladies in his past to find out how much of a jerk he truly was, and how to be a better man. Number two on the contract, NO SEX. Being that he's Scott Baio, this was a tricky one for Scott to agree to. Especially since it also meant no Renee, AT ALL. For the duration of Doc Ali's program, Scott is going to have to cut off from Renee. That's a long 8 weeks folks...
Now that Scott has established his goal, and hired his life coach, it's time we get to meet "the guys". The guys are Scott's closest buddies. Jason (Wayne from the Wonder Years, who also is an executive producer on the show. Wait a minute, did he get Scott to do the show because he cares or because he just wanted his ass back on TV, hmmm..) who is happily married, and has been for 9 years. Cooch is another friend who has recently become engaged, and of course, every reality show has to have their resident Jackass, enter Scott's oldest friend, Johnny B (another reason I believe Scott is still single...). I am not sure what the B stands for, so I'm going to go with Big Jackass. Scott describes Johnny B as having been his wingman since he was 15. Like Scott Baio needs a wingman. Scott also makes it known that if he settles down and stops chasing the ladies, Johnny B will never get laid again. Which is strange, I don't how being BFF with Scott Baio has gotten this guy laid at all. I don't care if he's Scott's siamese twin, he's a total jackass. If any of you ladies out there have slept with Johnny B, please go straight to jail. DO NOT PASS GO and DO NOT COLLECT your $200. YUK. Anyway, I digress.
Scott and the boys trot around LA like they are the new Rat Pack, (I tend to disagree) hanging out at the races, on the golf course, and generally walking around looking cool. Well Scott is looking cool, the rest just look like they're walking around with Scott Baio.
After breaking the news to Renee at what she thinks is an anniversary dinner, (Reason 3 Scott is not married) that he can't see her for the next 8 weeks, she gives Scott THE ultimatum. She will support him during these 8 weeks, but if he's unable to commit after that, she's gone. What a twist! Didn't see that one coming...
So the next morning Scott, obviously annoyed with Doc Ali, is given his first assignment. Revisiting the first girl he ever felt something for, a girl name Sue. Sue lives in the Valley and is married with children. Although she seems sweet enough, once Scott explains his reason for the visit and asks what he did wrong it changes. We can see in her eyes the bitterness every woman would feel if ever given the chance to tell their first heartbreak a thing or two. Scott talks about the wall he hits every time he's in a relationship, where he just can't go anymore. She reminds him of how he would dump her for a weekend to be with playboy playmates, and never was able to stick around. She tells Scott, he was always looking for the next best thing, when in reality there was just the next thing. When Scott says he has to leave, Sue simply says "that's not an unfamiliar thing." Obviously, Sue didn't get everything off her chest... oh well, it was only an hour show.
Scott's next visit is with the first girl he ever slept with, Erin Moran. America's beloved Joanie. Maybe I'm the last to know this, but they really were each other's first. Too bad the story was tainted by Scott, who offered an embarrassing detail about screwing the couch instead of her and not realizing it at first, during their first encounter. (Note to Scott, this is reality TV, it doesn't mean you have to tell us EVERYTHING.)
Before Scott's date with Erin, he makes a trip to see his agent, Harry Gold. For whatever reason, Scott brings Johnny B who creates an awkward moment when they run into character actor & Ron Howard's brother Clint Howard. Again, why is Scott friends with Johnny B? Johnny B creates more awkwardness in Harry's office when he tries to hoard in on a part Harry is telling Scott about (can we all say JACKASS?). So Harry excuses Johnny, and then because of the cameras asks if he and Scott can talk privately in another office. Which was odd, because we could still see and hear them after they went into the other office...
Harry warns Scott he may be in over his head with this reality show thing, and that he's not sure it was a good idea. I wasn't sure if this was an agent honestly warning his client against a possible big mistake, or just drama created for the sake if reality TV. Harry was surprised that Scott was going to be meeting with Erin.
So the next day Scott goes to meet Erin. The history between the two is obvious, and the tension between them is obviously a whole other reality show in itself. I will say, of everyone we have met so far on the show, Erin is the only one who obviously has no bones about telling Scott how it is. They discuss Scott hating being called Chachi, Scott hating people, Scott's "wall" (that Erin remembers as well) and his small penis. This being a HUGE (no pun intended) issue between them, I guess. Erin suggests Scott faces his hatred of people, and join her at an autograph signing the next day. Following his meeting with Erin, an emotional Scott calls none other than the Fonze himself, Henry Winkler. Who is also surprised that Scott was with Erin. Henry tells Scott among other things, to stop using fame as an excuse, and to call him when he sets a wedding date.
Scott goes to the races with the guys, and debates whether going to the autograph signing is a good idea or not. The guys are all also surprised about the meeting with Erin. What happened between them that has everyone SO surprised they were together? I have a feeling we aren't going to find out. Scott is pleasantly surprised when the signing with Erin goes well.
For some reason this show works. Scott Baio still carries the same infectious charm he always did. That charm makes it very easy to root for him in spite of the fact that the whole premise of the show is that he's a total cad. I was quite surprised at how relatable Scott was, so much so that I got the feeling I had actually dated this commitment phobe before. In fact it got me thinking, if some of MY exes came knocking at my door asking where they went wrong, what would I say? Who would have ever thought, VH1 would have a reality show that actually made me think? Maybe my brain is just in shock from a full hour of Baio. I guess we'll have to wait and see next week.
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