And The Weiner Is - Surreal Life: Fame Games, Episode 5
Since this is my first recap of Fame Games, I’d like to bring y’all up to speed. It shouldn’t take long. We met the fame gamers – 10 celebs (and we’re using the term loosely) on the first episode. They are: Joanie “Chyna Doll” Laurer, Brigitte “Red Sonja” Nielsen, porn star Ron Jeremy, Rob “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle, former Baywatch babe Traci Bingham, Poison’s guitarist CC DeVille, Sandy “Pepa” Denton, Verne “Mini Me” Troyer, former Webster star Emmanuel “Manny” Lewis, and Playboy web girl Andrea Lowell.
Jordan Knight, formerly of the New Kids on the Block, left the competition ‘cuz his grandma died. He was replaced by Verne. (Quick question - How many times have I typed former or formerly in this recap so far?)
So far, the celebs have been split up into two teams the A-List and the B-List. The A-Listers get all the privileges and goodies while the B-Listers reside in a ghetto portion of the mansion. They get no love.
Brigitte Nielsen, who initially threw a challenge to move to the B-List to be with Chyna Doll, was the first famegamer out of the competition. She wanted to leave because she missed her family. She selflessly ‘sacrificed’ herself to keep Verne in the competition.
Now that we’re up to speed so to speak, let’s get going on last night’s episode.
At the beginning of the episode, the A-Listers get to relax at Canyon Ranch Spa in The Venetian. They are treated to sweet massages. The B-Listers get a visit from a ‘tonal massage therapist’. The lady uses Tibetan singing bowls to reduce stress. If you’ve ever listened to an idiot hit a Tibetan singing bowl for a long period of time, you’d know that it’s not always so peaceful.
Traci Bingham again began complaining about being a B-Lister. She wanted a real massage. I think I’d rather go back to listening to the idiot with the Tibetan singing bowls. I’m sick of this song. For a gal who’s claim to fame is big breasts and being the only ‘African American girl on Baywatch’, you’d think she’d be a bit more grateful for any publicity.
The famegamers get to share dinner with two other reality TV has-beens, Adrianne Curry and Chris Knight. They show up and everyone eats sushi off of naked people. Yes! Sushi off of naked people. Apparently, it’s a decadent delicacy. I’d rather eat my sushi off a hibachi, but that’s just me.
Later on, to soothe her aching heart, Traci begins drinking a lot. Apparently she couldn’t unwind after the excitement of a visit from Adrianne and Chris. She and Chyna Doll get the brilliant idea to do rubber chicken shots. What are rubber chicken shots you ask? You take a bunch of alcohol and fill up a rubber chicken with it. It’s very sanitary and a heck of a lot of good, clean fun. You just drink what’s in the rubber chicken and you’re good to go for six, seven or eight hours.
Chyna Doll and Traci stayed up all night doing this. Verne and Manny were pissed. They want to win the next challenge. Traci apologizes because she hates it when anyone’s mad at her. Hey, Traci, why don’t you apologize to me for making me watch your sorry @$$. That’d be good.
The next day Robin Leach announces that the famegamers are going to the V Theater in the Aladdin. They meet with David Saxe, a producer, who tells them that they must put together a 7-minute variety show in just four hours. Rob takes the helm for the A-List while the B-List has a more democratic approach – except for Chyna Doll who seems to be unable to handle any pressure at all.
Good thing she’s in a competitive atmosphere, huh?
The A-List’s show is a mess. It’s called “Cold Beer & Dirty Girls” because Vanilla Ice feels that this is what people want. I’m glad to know he has a handle on the pulse of America. Pepa is pissed at the Ice-man but keeps it inside like a true passive-aggressive would. My mother-in-law would be so proud of her.
Pepa and Andrea Lowell are the emcees for the show. They introduce Ron Jeremy who does his ‘comedy act.’ Ron should stick to porn. He’s much funnier in a porn film that he is as a comedian. His jokes are rude, crude and redundant. Just ask Andrea. She wants to hurt him.
Then there’s CC Deville. CC dances with some puppets in a ‘chorus line’. CC falls during the dance and well, I must say, I couldn’t tell which puppet was CC most of the time. Finally, we have Vanilla Ice doing a rap. The crowd seemed to enjoy it, but they could’ve been drunk. This show sucked.
The B-List did a magic show with the help of Nathan Burton. They were sexy and funny. They also had a fake-orgasm competition which was definitely a crow-pleaser. They won the competition and Vanilla Ice complained that the B-List cheated because they enlisted help.
This upset Verne and Manny especially, but they decided to just head back to the mansion and took comfort in the fact that one of them wouldn’t be going home this time. Robin Leach shows up. It’s time for the “Back to Reality” Game Show.
Pepa, Ron Jeremy and CC are playing celebrity ‘go fish’. I turn to my husband and say, “What has happened to my life? I’m watching pseudo-celebs play GO FISH!” In the end, CC makes a boner move and is sent packing. The rest of the famegamers are upset that CC’s leaving but more pissed that Ron is still there.
Next week, I hope we all get a lobotomy.
Do you ‘love’ Surreal Life: Fame Games? Can’t get enough of celebrity news? Check out Panndyra’s blog or drop her a line anytime at panndyra@yahoo.com. She’d love to hear from you.
Panndyra’s blog: www.teamrt.com.
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