Model Behaviour - America's Next Top Model, Cycle 7, Premiere
Thirty-three girls and the usual cast of fashion experts (Twiggy, Nigel Barker, Miss J, Jay Alexander, and of course, Tyra) are now on the new CW network to kick off the seventh (!!!) cycle of America’s Next Top Model.
It’s a bunch of leggy beauties – natch – who arrive at LAX to be greeted by my favorite, Miss J, who is decked out as a flight attendant, heels and all. No one girl is a standout, it’s just a sea of hair and nice skin, except for maybe Evita, the 20-year old who has left her two young children at home to pursue her dream.
Miss J is taking them immediately to their first photo shoot. The shoot is being held on the windy top of a parking structure, and they will have the usual 10-frame ration to get a great shot. Some of the standout girls:
- A.J. – emo-haircut “edgy” girl who has never done any modeling
- Jaeda – oh my! She’s our Mr. Jade for this season, at least in name and dragalicious appearance. We’ll have to see if she has the attitude to match.
- Melrose – she feels at 23 she has the confidence to give her the edge over the other girls. Good for her, turning a major liability (advanced age – in model years – at start of career) into an asset. Possibly delusional self-confidence took Mr. Jade to the final three last cycle, so I say go for it.
- Caridee – she’s a spirited fun blonde from North Dakota, seems like she is possibly the Joanie of this season (and yes, I will persist in comparing as many girls as possible to last season until I get to know them).
- Anchal – she is of Indian descent and damn does she have some serious bone structure.
Then, off to the hotel! There we meet Amanda and Michelle, 18-year old twins. They seem fun and smart, but everyone is a little confused about their mutual participation since only one can win. They are tall and not typically pretty, but seem to reflect the edgier look a lot of the younger models are bringing to current fashion.
The girls all come together for brunch on the balcony, and – be still my heart! – the Aswirl Twins, Ron and Richard Harris, come out and twirl and swirl! I think: at LAST, I am finally going to get to spend a little more time with these bizarre creatures, but it is not to be, they are just there to introduce Tyra. I mean, yeah, sure, she’s great and everything, but I can see her every weekday on her talk show whereas the Aswirl Twins always leave me wanting more. How? Why? What on earth kind of story do these twins have? WHY ISN’T THERE A WEBSITE??
Tyra talks to the girls, they cry, she’s wearing some oddball teeny gloves. She tells them to be real, she twirls her way offstage.
The judging begins, with Tyra, Miss J and Jay Manuel grilling the girls. Some highlights:
- Christian – gorgeous girl with Nefertiti profile, she is determined to be the next Tyra and quite skillfully apes some of Tyra’s signature poses.
- Anchal – she discusses with Tyra that she wears blue contacts because she feels lighter eyes and skin are more valued in her culture, but she wants to fight against this. First girl to cry in judging.
- Megg – she is the “rocker chick.” I have a feeling she is going to bludgeon us over the head with this persona.
- Jaeda – oh yeah! She comes in to the judging, calls herself “the hot girl” and says she’s popular with the boys at her school. Mr. Jade is dead, long live Mr. Jaeda! Name? Check! Photographs like a dude? Check! And now, attitude with no clue of how off-putting a lack of humility can be? Check!!
- Monique – second girl to cry. She has been teased for being “too dark.” She’s very very thin and her skin is in need of a little care, so I will say so far she is the Furonda of this season, although as yet, not so charming as our Grasshopper.
- Eugena – she will be a troublemaker. She has a lot of bad stuff to say about other people… then says she’s likable. She’s too girly-looking to be a true Mr. Jade, but she’s a runner-up.
- Megan – her family died in a plane crash when she was nine years old. Her mother died of hypothermia but it was her body in the crash that kept Megan warm enough to stay alive. Oh. My. God. That is the most tragic thing I have heard in a long time.
- Evita – she’s the one who left her kids at home. Her husband is in Iraq. Eugena, the troublemaker, says in interview she thinks it’s messed up that she left her kids at home.
Commercial break: it’s Danielle! Our winner from last year in her Cover Girl ad. She is still cute as a button, but her hair and name have gotten a trim (now she’s in a bob and it’s just Dani). As for the speech lessons Tyra insisted she get… well, I’m happy to report that if she had them, her usual plummy drone is still in effect.
Back to the auditions:
- A.J. – emo-haircut. She had cervical cancer and survived. Miss J and Tyra like her look.
- Cyndel – she works at a club called “Jezebel’s.” She’s an “entertainer” not a stripper, and it’s just “another part of modeling.” Tyra is offended. Aaaaannnndd, I’m feeling it’s so long to Cyndel.
- Jaslen – she is also dragalicious. She’s very exuberant, is wearing some sort of ruffled pageant-sash top, manically poses and generally exhausts me. Also: does she have a speech impediment? No fault to her if so, I’m just surprised that Tyra, with her usual “Tell me every single hardship you’ve had so that we can pretend there is something noble in this competition” schtick wouldn’t ask her to talk/cry about it.
- Melrose – the old one. That’s right, Reader, I said it. Her name is actually Melissa Rose, but she doesn’t need the “issa” as it makes her sound like a country singer. She also really knows her fashion and makes her own clothes, and that impresses both J Alexander and me.
- LeAngela – she was abandoned by her mom as a kid. She is really beautiful and seems sweet.
- Ginger – she’s been involved with conservative politics, so – as Tyra had to do last season with another conservative – she spells out for her how different the fashion industry might be from what she is used to.
The judging ends and the outré cruelty begins. The girls will have to tear through a beauty salon, look for some fashion magazines for their photos. Twenty-one girls will continue, but twelve will not.
Pretty much everybody mentioned above was selected, except, of course, Cyndel the stripper, who tearfully assess she “ain’t no sore loser.” The other losers, sore or no, are dismissed, and the screaming remaining girls are given fifteen minutes to do their hair and make-up for a spontaneous shoot…
…in the nude. They are shooting on the hotel rooftop in the buff. Ginger, the conservative, is immediately upset and feels she can’t do it. Most of the other girls are varying degrees of apprehensive and excited.
All I can think is that I hope the instructions for coming to the semi-final included “Get a bikini wax.”
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