The title of the episode is spoken by Amie Pollard, the latest in a long line of Amie quotes which can fill the new anthology – “Redneck Stereotypes From A to Z.” Compiled by Amie, with a forward written by Jeff Foxworthy, “If you wear the pelt of a dead animal as headgear, you know you’re a redneck.”
Although, we still have the sequel to write – “Noo Yawk Eye-talian Stereotypes.” This one is a full DiSal…sorry, Amy, DiSalvatore…family project. The forward is written by Joe Pesci, “Hey, what’re you looking at?”
Finally, the scope of this commentary is on the Coote Family. No anthology here. Why? Because that would be the most boring book ever created by man. Or by trained monkeys at typewriters. When I hear the Cootes speak on this show, I am struck by how two people can say English language words and not actually say anything. It’s like they are simply narrating the show. Badly. It reminds me of the Al Gore doll from an old Simpsons episode, you pull the string and it says, “You are listening to me talk.” Or the dad in that cell phone commercial who is Tweeting from the porch, “I am sitting on the porch.”
Although, I kid the Cootes, they still have one of the craziest kids you’ll ever see. Again, my moratorium on paying attention to the kid crying out for you to pay attention to him will hold. However, the Cootes showed something this week which has been alluded several times in this show’s run, but truly only seen for the first time by us.
That would be the arrogance and the rudeness. I will call your attention to Keith Coote and his trash talking. Dude, this is GART! It is not even a real reality show! I know you’re wearing a little fake football jersey, but you are not Mike Friggin’ Ditka! First he started dropping some F-bombs. Then he talked down the Pollard kids after the challenge – uncalled for. Then while doing that insincere applause for the defeated foes that bad winners tend to do, he says loudly enough for the others to hear, “DiSals are next.”
He’s talking trash! On a show that’s not even a race! Amy DiSal gets mad at the abbreviation of their name – sorry, Amy, but it’s too long to repeatedly type – but Sil instantly understood that this was a true diss of his family. Even Jen Coote asked her husband why he would say anything at all, and his response, “Because they’re next.” Why do I think Keith Coote is the kind of guy who gets into fights at Little League games? When Sil goes over to him to shake hands he says to Sil, “This is what you wanted, right?” To me, I took that as “you wanted our family, now you got us.” Throw in his earlier mock-Bronx talk and he had a stellar week.
You know what Keith did? He instantly made us feel badly for the crazy DiSal family. After weeks of rooting for them to go away, I am now rooting for them to win. At least I remember Keith’s name now.
My end of episode notes say it all – “Ugh … these people …” I miss the lovely Rico family. Heck, I miss the Amazing Race Family Edition families. Where’s Mama Paolo when you need her?
King of the Road Challenge – Take a zip line down Bootleg Canyon in Boulder City, NV and drop paint-filled balloons on pictures of other competitors. The team with the most bullseyes wins the challenge, goes to the final leg and gets to eat in what seems to be an abandoned diner, in a ghost town like the one from The Muppet Movie (minus a giant Animal), and with an interior decorator who must have recently been employed by Richie Rich, Montgomery Burns and Scrooge McDuck. DiSals shockingly win this one.
End of the Road Challenge – A Radio Shack-sponsored challenge where Mom and Dad move cars around a puzzle pen, while the kids direct them in which direction to move so they can eventually get the center car out of the pen. Cootes not-shockingly win this one.
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