The Great American Road Trip, July 13 – NBC Has Found Yakov Smirnoff
… What A Country!
Well, it really didn’t get much better in Episode 2.
The show did something that I wish the Amazing Race would do one season – it had a very early non-elimination. I think on the Race it would be both a surprise and a chance to get to know the teams a little bit better. However, on this show, it is just another example of the laid back, slightly dull pace of the show. By design, the show has no sense of urgency, which leads to great stretches of time where it is just a bunch of people yelling at each other in RVs.
The best part of this one? It had to be the insanely awful, K-Mart level of American Idol judging panel ever assembled. Looking at that, I wonder if that will be American Idol’s legacy. Not giving us Kelly Clarkston, Chris Daughtry, Carrie Underwood and all the others. No, I think it may be the now-ubiquitous three-person quasi-celebrity judging panel, which is now on every show.
In this case, the road trip rumbled into Branson. MO. And … I started to laugh. Why? Because I cannot think of Branson without thinking of one of my favorite Simpsons episodes. Bart gets himself a fake ID and rents a car. He tells Marge and Homer that he is going to a grammar rodeo in Canada, but instead he, Nelson, Milhouse and Martin take a road trip (!) to the Knoxville, TN World Fair, not knowing that they were looking at an old tourist book. Thanks to the Simpsons’ vague geography, they make their way through Branson.
Branson, MO – It’s like Vegas, if it was run by Ned Flanders.
The best part of the episode? Bully Nelson sitting enraptured by the smooth melodies of Andy Williams. Well, Nelson would love this episode as Andy took the Randy Jackson chair on the panel of judges ruling over the awful four-minute skits written by the teams.
The other spot? Yakov Smirnoff. Seriously. The Russian gimmick comic from the early 1980s – all of his humor was derived from the differences between America and Soviet Russia. He was the Jeff Foxworthy of Russian comics who built a career on an all-purpose catchphrase, “What a Country!” Example – At the grocery store you have powdered milk, powdered eggs, baby powder…What a Country!
And yes, I had a Yakov Smirnoff Joke Book when I was a kid. What of it?
I did not know that Yakov has been the Dean Martin of Branson for 15 years. That in itself should say all we need to know about Branson. Yakov is on the panel.
I bet you are wondering…why the heck am I reading a commentary about the Great American Road Trip that isn’t even talking about the Great American Road Trip? Well, I feel your pain. We both had to endure Silvio DiSalvatore rapping. We both had to watch the surreal train wreck that was the Montgomery family skit. And yes, we had to watch the Pollard Family win the challenge with a rip-roaring rendition of Old McDonald. That’s right. Old McDonald. Because the Alabama redneck stereotype family had to play their parts. I’m surprised they didn’t break out a banjo…oh wait. I’m surprised they didn’t break into a hoe down…oh wait. Dang it. E-I-E-I-O.
So, episode in a nutshell – Driving to get custard. Drive to caverns. Waking up early. Driving to Branson. Perform badly for Yakov and Andy. Not get eliminated. Award the winner a stay in a Best Western. Let the top three compete at a drive-in theater to win a trip to Hollywood to see the premiere of a crappy kids movie. The end.
Destination – Branson, MO
King of the Road Challenge – Families create a four-minute sketch to perform live in Branson.
Pollards – Old McDonald hoe down, complete with Young Master Pollard’s backflip – WINNERS
Cootes – Terrible rap combined with cheerleading.
Ricos – Ricardo dressed as a woman, the little boy dressed as Fonzie. Hilarity ensued.
DiSalvatores – Hideous mugging by Silvio and god-awful rap, mangled by Amy. Mason is dressed as a clown for some reason.
Montgomerys – some strange Old McDonald/Yankee Doodle Dandy mess complete with the kids on clarinet and violin.
Favereys – I think it was supposed to be a heavy metal song called “We are the Faverys” Sing the line once. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Not the End of the Road Challenge – the TOP teams compete for a Hollywood Premiere trip. Dads must walk through a drive-in parking lot to get concession snacks. Again, with snacks! But they are blindfolded and the kids have to direct them using some lame technology. Ricardo Rico gets wildly lost. Cootes beat the Pollards in a photo finish.
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