Young Hollywood, My Nizzle: KG's My Life On The D List, S5, Ep4
Paris chooses herself over the city
Instead of attempting to win a Grammy to get a larger fan-base, Kathy Griffin decides to hang out with young Hollywood. She gets some tips from her friend Rachel True, who was young Hollywood material circa 1996 (according to the label on the screen). They chat at Toast, which is a place where KG thinks The Hills has been. She tells KG to dress age inappropriate, get on Facebook, date Chance Crawford (meaning Chase Crawford—Chance is Kathy’s dog’s name) and get on a CW show like Gossip Girl (which stars Chance Crawford!). I like this plan already.
Unfortunately, Gossip Girl tells KG that there are scheduling issues and they can’t have her. I don’t think she would fit into GG, anyway. Plus, it’s very East Coast, and KG is totally West Coast. That’s why Privileged fits her better. She gets a small role as a wedding planner for a gay wedding through her friend who is a casting director.
KG, MamaMaggie, and Tiffany show up on set and KG runs her lines with MM. She reads it like a fucking HBO-Sopranos episode. Then she reads it as her mom. Tiff is laughing hysterically behind her.
Then KG goes to meet the cast of Privileged. First up is a very gorgeous actor named Ignacio something or other. I don’t know who he is but he makes me want to be young Hollywood, too. He has written KATHY across his stomach, which is a little paunchy which makes him that much more sexy. He and KG have a vibe going and then she tries to kiss him and push him away at the same time. Then he stalkingly calls after her that if they were in water, he’d motorboat her. Lovely. That’s one great pick up line.
Michael McDonald pops up in the lot and exchanges several insults with KG. Somehow during this exchange, he winds up having a vagina and she winds up having a penis. I don’t know how this is insulting to each other. Then Tom’s there out of nowhere.
They go to rehearsal for the scene where KG steps on one of the actors’ lines. It’s been a while since she’s been on a scripted show and she feels rusty. They do maybe five takes. The crew is stone-faced. This seems really awkward and I’m all cringing. KG is funny, but no one is laughing. She asks the casting director and MM how she’s doing. MM says fine and the casting guy says he’s going to call Margaret Cho if she doesn’t do better. Then she talks to another of the actors who says she totally made enemies by not using the make-up people from the show. It’s turning disastrous.
KG interviews that she wants to use her own make up people and not be shown in HD ever. She harkens back to Moonlighting, a show during which the audience could barely discern Cybil Shepherd because the cameraman shot her in an ultra-soft glow.
Finally, after a later take, the crew cracks up and KG feels better.
Afterwards, KG has MamaMaggie show Tom and Tiffany short hand. The short hand takes longer to write than, as KG puts it, having a dancing troupe act out a sentence. KG and Tiffany then teach MamaMaggie how to make a Facebook page. KG wants her to post stuff about fisting. MM is mortified.
This season seems to be showcasing celebrities as KG tries to learn how to be A-List. This show used to not have cameos like this. First Bette Midler. Then Lily Tomlin. Then Paula Deen. Now it’s Paris Hilton. Yes, that’s right, Paris Hilton.
KG had Tiffany call over to get some of Paris’s clothes so KG could try them on. She chooses this pink fluffy outfit that’s age inappropriate even for Paris. KG has a big pink bow in her hair and she’s ready to meet up with Paris.
On the street in the midst of paparazzi, KG tells Paris that she bought some new underwear. With that, she lifts up her skirt to show her. The paparazzi goes nuts and ask her to do it again. She gladly does. They go shopping. Jill from The Real Housewives of NY shows up and cockblocks KG’s time with Paris. Each Paris and KG spend over ten grand, KG spending more and, as Paris says, therefore winning. The cashier says: Paris you owe such and such and Katie you owe such and such.
Paris starts cracking up. This moment right here shows her as the most human I’ve ever seen. She totally knows that the cashier got her name wrong. Housewife Jill heard it, too, and KG has that look on her face of, Yet again. The cashier is blankly staring and KG goes, My name is Kathy, which I thought maybe you would know since you have my credit card in front of you.
When Paris and KG emerge from the store, the paparazzi goes crazy once more. They separate into their own cars. KG pleads with the paps to stay away. Of course, they’ve all followed Paris to her car anyway, and the two paps who follow her stop snapping away.
They reconvene at an A-List pool where KG is wearing a teenie-weenie bikini that’s so small that she’s got lower boob cleavage popping out. It’s a look.
Paris takes her to a cabana where they play an either-or game. When KG asks, Kanye or Kenya, Paris gets a little confused, but then choose Kanye. I’d have gone for Kenya. Paris gets a guy to come over and take their picture and I’m now practically drooling over this hunk of manly man. So is KG who tells him that she’s a sure thing if he takes her out. He obviously has no idea who she is and laughs uncomfortably.
Now it’s time for another episode of Will You Take My Call? This week’s contestant is Kathy Griffin. Our celebrity guest is Paris Hilton. The task: Can we get Snoop Dog to pick up the phone?
The answer is....YES! Not only does Snoop pick up, he calls Paris “Sweet Pea” and agrees to bang KG after eating his four course meal that includes mac n cheese and Kool Aid.
KG is mesmerized by the fact that Snoop has, what she calls, hold music. I think it’s a ring back tone. T-Mobile has them as do, I’m sure, many other cell phone services. Maybe it’s not his cell phone, though, and he really does have music while you wait. Anyway, KG plans to get some funky music for her phone.
After Paris lists the places they’ll be hitting later in the evening, KG says she won’t be able to make it. They give each other a big hug.
Kathy first returns to the store they were shopping in to return all the clothes she bought. Heh heh. Then she goes back home to confront MM about the inane Facebook updates she’s been giving.
Apparently, MM left a drunken video of herself saying hello hello on the page and was rejecting people as friends while KG’s goal is to have over a million friends. Tiffany and KG ask why she updated it by telling everyone there was a sale on Two Buck Chuck (a Trader Joe’s specialty!!). So KG does what she has to do. She fires her mom.
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