Dancing with the Stars Season 8: The Lineup
Hola to all our returning DWTS fans and buenvenidos to all our new ones! Time once again to lather up the fake tan, spackle on the sequins and squeeze into your spandex for another season of mayhem, tears, drama and shouting. And that’s just the judges.
This season’s lineup is unique because we’ve got ex-cons, Z listers, dueling couples, both among the pros and stars, and the usual mix of good sports from all walks of life, just looking for some primetime humiliation.
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta: Sports aren’t my specialty, but even I’ve heard of L.T., whose impressive career with the Giants was marred by drug use. Sober for over ten years, this is part of his comeback hopes. I assume that at 50, he’s still got the moves we’re used to seeing from athletes, along with the drive and determination. Will Edyta be able to rise to the challenge of focusing on her partner (rather than showcasing her assets)?
Gilles Marini & Cheryl: At 33, the majority of his acting career has been as “French man in club” but his role in the Sex & The City movie raised his profile considerably, but not necessarily for the better. I’m surprised DWTS went for someone with no resume, but I’m sure he’s thrilled to use his body (again) to sell his career. I’m sure that Cheryl’s delighted with her eye candy and if he can move at all, the ladies will be swooning, dialing and texting.
Lil’ Kim & Derek: Also 33, Lil’ Kim’s rap career was derailed by a stint in jail for perjury. She’s been a judge for the Pussycat Dolls show and in “real life,” she comes off as very different from her over the top look. I think that her musicality and compact size will help Derek turn the lil’ diva into a tiny dancer.
Denise Richards & Maks: Everyone knows two things about Denise, 37: her sexy scenes in Wild Things and her contentious divorce from Charlie Sheen. I caught her reality show on E! and was surprised at how funny she can be and how devoted she is to her girls (who I’m sure will be there to support mom). Maks must be overjoyed with his partner, who’s already showcased her moves on stripper poles and with the Pussycat Dolls, but he’ll have to keep it low key so that fiancée Karina doesn’t get too jealous and throw a spike heel.
Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan: Any 80’s music fan knows Belinda, 50. She fronted The Go-Go’s and then went solo, scoring some huge hits. I still know all the words to Heaven on Earth. The other day I saw her doing a Jenny Craig ad, which made me sad, so I’m glad she’s dancing. Unfortunately, it’s with Jonathan who always gets the “older ladies” and treats them too gently to ever make it far.
Shawn Johnson & Mark: This should be an awesome pairing. Shawn, 17, is obviously at her physical peak and has the Gold Medal to prove it. Will Mark have another Kristi success with her? Only if he can focus on his partner instead of on himself.
Steve-O & Lacey: This is just a trainwreck, and I’m actually disappointed the producers chose drama over content. Steve, 34, is famous for doing stunts on MTV’s Jackass and infamous for arrests and drinking. I’m all for keeping an open mind, but let’s not make the show into a freak show. Poor Lacey is going to be wasted (no pun intended) on this guy.
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower: Ty, 40, is going to be a rhinestone cowboy. Actually, he was a rodeo star and he’s married to fellow contestant Jewel. His partner Chelsie was amazing on last summer’s So You Think You Can Dance, so I hope he’s good enough to keep her around, because she’s a Latin star.
Steve Wozniak & Karina: Poor Karina. Maks gets the hot blonde and she gets the 58 year old rotund founder of Apple. I think he dated Kathy Griffin for awhile, so I expect to see her in the audience. I’ll hope for the best but don’t expect this to be a long run.
Chuck Wicks & Julianne: The couple that dances together, stays together? Julianne said she was taking a break but obviously left out the caveat that if the show let her boyfriend dance, she’d come back as his partner. He’s 30 and an unknown, so this is going to be great for his profile. But will it be great for the relationship?
Nancy O’Dell & Tony: I love Nancy’s red carpet cool. She’s the ultimate pro when dealing with celebrities. At 42, she gets Tony, another “older lady”-designated dancer, but I have a feeling that she’ll be better than Leeza Gibbons was. Hey, even Steve Wozniak could be.
David Alan Grier & Kym: My whole family would watch In Living Color on Sunday nights. Since then, David’s been second fiddle on sitcoms, Lovelines with Dr. Drew, and now he’s got his own show on Comedy Central called Chocolate News. I’m thrilled that he’ll be dancing with Kym, because it’ll be a war of wits on the dance floor.
Jewel & Dmitry Chaplin: Ty may have gotten Chelsie, but Jewel, 34, isn’t going to have too hard of a time dancing with Dmitry, a hottie from So You Think You Can Dance (who finds shirts confining). You may remember Jewel from her 90’s hits. Since then she’s been in movies and hosting reality competitions. But just because you can sing, doesn’t mean you can dance.
So we’re guaranteed the drama of Maks vs. Karina, along with Julianne and her boyfriend and Jewel and her husband. I expect lots of tears and maybe even some door slamming. Mixing the home front with the dance floor might be a bit too much, but should make for some entertaining TV. I think this is the first time we’ve got jailbirds and rehabbers, so unless we’re becoming a stop on Celebrity Rehab, it should still be all about the dancing. Hopefully, in looking to add excitement, the producers haven’t sacrificed the essence of the show. Ready, Freddy? Here come’s Ginger!
Mali can be reached at mali@realityshack.com. She’s feeling caught in a love triangle between Maks and Dmitry that may take the whole season to drool work through.
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