A Suitcase of Candy & A Ton of Cheese - Canada's Next Top Model, Episode 7
What's on the Menu for the Ladies This Week?
Ooohh, my stomach! Pass me the lactaid! Tonight's shoot was cheesier than one of Ylenia's lasagnas! And what a clever segue into tonight's episode which begins with the departure of the gentle Ylenia, bringer of balance and serenity to the home. With only four girls left, the house sure is peaceful, but you'd need a knife to cut through the atmosphere. The girls are getting so stressed, even bland little Alanna is beginning to find her inner bitch. Brandi's, on the other hand, is on full display as she goes on and on about how it is she and only she who should be the winner, the judges are fools if they don't see that blah blah blah...
Sisi continues to make empty threats about punching people. I'm sure she could really deliver a hefty blow! Can you imagine a fight between her and Andrea? Talk about feather weights!
As luck would have it, the girls are saved from going completely stir crazy, by a surprise visit by good ol' Tricia who announces to them that they will all be sent off into the wilds of downtown Nowhereville, where, armed only with a handful of cosmetics and hastily put together portfolio, they will learn all about the wonderful world of the go-see. Definition of go-see? Schlepping around for hours in high heels, knocking on the doors of snooty agents and editors, only to be picked apart for their own amusement. Ah, such is the life of a top model!
The girls set off on the mean streets, maps in hand, where they proceed to get totally lost, encounter locked doors and get sidetracked by the lure of shopping (well, I guess you can't blame Brandi. After all this is about the most social interaction she's had in weeks!) Now, if you found yourself beginning to feel sorry for our hapless navigators, cast your minds back to ANTM, where not only did the girls have to find their way around a REAL city, it was also foreign (remember Thailand?). Our little Canucks can't even read an english street sign. And why did no one think of taking a cab?? The mind boggles.
Anyway, somehow they all eventually find their way to the various appointments which include a designer looking for models for her show, the west coast editor of Fashion magazine, who needs bikini models and a Sutherland models agent, who is looking for the next big thing. All seem to have different and somewhat surprising opinions on the girls; most like Sisi's professional attitude (gosh, she remembers the names of all her photogs, smart girl), so-so on Alanna, ditto Brandi, who begins to look more disheveled by the minute. Andrea felt totally intimidated by the magazine editor, complaining that she was too business like. Yes dear, it's called being a professional! It's what folk in the real world do.
After the stress of the frenzied afternoon, everyone meets up at the designated place where Tricia announces the winners of the challenge are... Sisi and Andrea! And, believe it or not the prize isn't half bad this week, much to Brandi's disgust. They get to spend an afternoon of pampered pleasure at the spa, where flesh will be pummeled and hot rocked! Little do our spa girls know that while they are away from the house, those naughty minxes, Alanna and Brandi are having their own fun snooping around in the absentees bedrooms and preparing poisonous foodstuff for their return. Oh those mean, mean girls! After setting off initially to find Andrea's diary, they stumble upon an even sweeter (geddit?) discovery.... her secret stash of candy! Now if this doesn't prove the girl has eating issues....! Unable to believe their eyes they proceed to Sisi's boudoir where they have oodles of fun looking through her clothes and mimicking, very well I have to say, her accent.
Brandi betrays her racist side, despite her own colour, when she declares that Sisi should be disqualified from the contest as she is not even Canadian and, duh, it is called Canada's Next Top Model, right? The two girls make themselves scarce upon the arrival of Andrea and Sisi, all pink and glowing from their day. On seeing the platter of food waiting for them, they dive right in, exclaiming, in what I feel was a totally scripted situation, how sweet the other two were for doing this for them. My, maybe they had been wrong about Brandi all along! That is until they actually taste the doctored food, which, not having a disastrous effect, is certainly not the tasty treat it should be! Unbelievable that this 'occurrence' was not even mentioned the next day!
After some jolly backyard trampolining the girls get down to the more serious task of the day's shoot, this time shot by Chris Wadsworth. In what has to be the cheesiest, most asinine, set up in the history of this show, we are treated to the girls dressing up in lurid spandex (always a pretty sight on a skeleton!), having their hair teased and crimped beyond belief and then asked to pose with an inflatable dinosaur! Okay, whose wacky idea was this? There's a reason why the whole 80's workout fashion look has never enjoyed a revival! The girls gamely grapple with exercise machines, hot dogs and fried eggs (no, I'm not referring to Andreas' chest!) although the real treat of the night was watching the previously 'cool' Brandi, letting herself go with the aid of a jug of milk! Not sure if she swallowed or spat, but it sure gave a whole new meaning to 'Got Milk?'. Our ladies continue to bitch about each other off set with the ever more paranoid Sisi issuing more threats to anyone who 'bat mouses' her. I think she meant 'bad mouth' but who knows anymore?
Elimination day starts off with a bit of bed sheet puking by Brandi and more general nervousness and speculation. The panel, who seem to have less and less involvement each week are joined by the 'Fashion' editor Sarah Bancroft, much to the discomfort of Andrea, remembering the bad vibes she felt from that go-see.
The quickie test of the week was to prepare for a go-see with a designer who was looking for a new, edgy, avant garde look, which it seems was interpreted as looking like a clown circa 1982. Hard to tell if the judges were impressed or not, those frozen smiles being held firmly in place. Maybe they are just dazed by the awfulness of the whole thing! Paul 'botoxed to the hilt' Venoit even has the nerve to tell Alanna that she has no expression in her face! Poor Brandi has not fared as well as she had hoped, being told that although she has a great commercial look, she might not make it in editorial. Sisi is told that at the ripe old age of 23, has been around the block too much. And so the decision comes down to these two. And.... YES, there is a God! Brandi gets the boot! A collective cheer goes around the country as all 50 viewers rub their hands with glee and break into a rousing version of 'Ding, Dong, the witch is dead' (Okay, well,I know I did!)
Despite her promises to let rip and tell the judges what idiots they are, she barely manages to falteringly tell them she thinks they are wrong, before exiting the room, head hung low. We then see shots of Brandi wistfully watching her audition tape, wiping away a few tears and driving away to oblivion.
Well, girls, it's the last episode next week and then my job is done. Any predictions? I have a sneaky feeling that our mousy little Andrea might just do it! As we all know, strange things happen in the wild world of Reality TV! See you then!
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| ramiro53 |
Posted: 2009/11/27 2:41 Updated: 2009/11/27 2:41 |
Just can't stay away   Joined: 2009/11/26 From: Posts: 122 |
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