Frenching Flav Style: Flavor of Love 3, Episode 13
How many licks does it take to get to the center of Flavor Flav?
Mon dieu! Oui oui! Se la vie! Viva la France! Mon amie! My cheri amor! I could keep going, listing all the French I know, but I’m running out and I’m sure I’ll need some filler some time soon. Flav and the Nutjobs go way international. VH1 has pulled out all the stops and forked over the cash to fly the cast and crew to the land of the Eiffel Tower and EuroDisney. Paris, France! Let’s see how many French cliches arise this episode. I’m guessing there will be some berets and baguettes, one or two croissants, and maybe a sneak peek at the real Moulin Rouge in the red light district down by Pigalle. I went to Paris once. I saw the Mona Lisa. I know what’s up.
Sinceer and Seesinz are fighting. Ain’t that a surprise? Ooh, I’ve got a new fighting technique—open wide and breathe stank breath in your opponent’s face. Nice.
The next day, Big Rick announces that they will all be going to Paris, France. Black and Seesinz snag the seats on either side of Flav so that Sinceer can’t sit next to him. Big Rick drops them at the airport. Aw, shucks. Big Rick isn’t going international. Phooey.
They arrive in Cannes. What? I thought they were going to Paris. All right, that screws up all my France references. Anyway, they watch dancers on stilts and speak to Flav in French and OMIGOD we LOVE those EDITORS! They’re subtitling the French with “Yeay BOYEEEEE” and “What up, playa?” HIL. AIR. EEE. US!!!!!!!!!! They go up to their room. It overlooks the Riviera.
The next day, they have breakfast on the beach. The girls talk about their first kiss with Flav. Seesinz didn’t see sparks but the other girls did. That means the other girls like him better and will use that against her. They’re catty with each other. There’s a lot of interviews with them talking about each other behind their backs because there’s not enough footage of boring breakfast to bore us with.
French cyclists. French flags. Yup, that’s very French-like.
The foursome grab some champagne and climb aboard a yacht. Black gropes Flav—she’s feeling up his chest as if he has a chest when really he’s built like a 15 year old boy, but a very cute one at that. Very charming. Then they want to go swimming but Sinceer has no bathing suite bottoms. The other three dive into the water why she stays in a dinghy. How can you not wear the bottom of your bathing suit?
They dry off and eat something while Flav asks them if he made the right decision by getting rid of Thing 2. Oh, no, if they even dare to bring her back and extend this season yet again....arg!!!! Everyone thinks he made the right decision because each of them wants to win.
The girls go change into dresses to go to a soiree. Flav dresses up like Flav Bond—double oh Flav. They board a cigarette boat and go ashore. They go to a rich ball at a casino. Where everyone is about a hundred years old and doing the waltz. The guy on stage introduces MC Hammer. HIL. AIR. EEE. US!
Flave dances with Sinceer. Then Seesinz goes up behind them. Then Black comes up and Seesinz dances with some old guy. Now it’s time to eat. This is the most boring thing I’ve ever watched ever. Black says she feels Flav more than them. Sinceer calls Black out about her ex boyfriend calling her psycho. Flav asks Black if she can handle all the women that throw themselves at him on the road that he doesn’t take anyway but still. Now he has a Bret Michaels complex. Black says sure.
Seesinz asks Flav for a night cap because they haven’t had any one-on-one time together ever. The other girls are jealous. Yawn. Flav and Seesinz talk about how they’re attracted to each other and then they mack it. Then there’s a knock at the door. Oh, I wonder who that could be. Didn’t this happen at the beginning of the season? The writers need to check themselves. They can’t rehash the same storyline in the same season. Oh, wait, this is reality tv. No writers. Nevermind. Yeah right.
Sinceer appears and Flav sends Seesinz to her room and says he’ll see her in a minute. I don’t know if that’s a real minute like 60 seconds or the slang minute meaning in a little bit. Either way, Flav stays with Sinceer in his room “conversating.” Meaning mackin it. Then the lights go out.
Seesinz and Black complain about Sinceer. Black tells her to go back down to Flav’s room. She goes and rings the doorbell and knocks and rings and knocks. Ouch, in Seesinz’s defense, that is a horrible feeling when you’re expecting a guy to show up and he never does. That hurts.
The next day, Sinceer does the walk of shame in the clothes she wore last night so Black asks about her clothes and Sinceer thinks she’s a crazy psycho bitch. Black thinks Sinceer is conniving and jealous. And a bitch.
The girls receive a Flav-O-Gram at breakfast that says that he has three dates planned: an hour long date, a half hour long date, and a 15 minute date. They need to decide who gets which one. Black wants the 30. She’s smart. She won’t go for the longest time and she’ll get what she needs. Seesinz gets the long one and Sinceer gets the short one.
Sinceer and Flav have a wine and cheese lesson on the beach. Steve the cheese man plates some cheese for them. Flav doesn’t like any of the cheese. It smells real bad. He takes big bites from a chunk of what looks like brie. Sinceer uses the time on her date to talk about Black instead of talking about herself and Flav. Flav isn’t happy that Black asked Sinceer where Sinceer slept.
The half hour date is by the rooftop pool with Black. Flav says they’re supposed to taste local cocktails and they drink a big blue drink from a bowl. Black asks him if he had a good night last night. Flashbacks to New York screaming at him about who he slept with. Flav tells Black he doesn’t want a girl who checks his phone and emails, and asks Black if she asks Sinceer where Sinceer slept. Black says she’d been joking (which she definitely was—she was doing some fun girl talk with the wrong person) and Flav takes it as jealousy. Flav gets up and leaves without much of a happy goodbye.
Black goes back to the room and yells at Sinceer. Yelly yelly. Screamy screamy. Bashy bashy. Bitchy bitchy. Who’s jealous? Who looks good? Who wishes she were black? Black tries to take another half hour so she’s going to highjack Seesinz’s one hour date. Seesinz won’t give it up. This is going to be interesting. Hopefully.
Flav waits for Seezsinz with a French teacher so they can learn French. All three girls show up and Flav is taken aback. They state their cases about why each one deserves the hour. Then there’s some yelling and shouting. Flav nips it in the bud (he actually says that! so cute!). He tells them that Seesinz gets the hour date. Estelle the French teacher recovers from witnessing the fighting and tells them how to say the vowels. She wants to teach them love words. Estelle says something and Flav says I’m gonna hold her twat. In his defense, it’s very close in sound but not in meaning. Flav and Seesinz kiss during the lesson which is inappropriate—poor French teacher.
Up in the room, Black and Sinceer fight. Ho hum. Oh! Ha! I made a funny! Get it? “Ho” hum. Heeeeee. And I’m not even trying. Meanwhile, to end the lesson, Seesinz and Flav French kiss. Bleck.
When Seezinz leaves, Black comes back to see Flav. She explains that Seesinz thinks she has no connection with Flav, she’s still there because of the drama she has with Sinceer (meaning the producers made Flav keep her) and that Seesinz knows she’s going home. Black goes back to the room to get Seesinz so Flav can talk to her. He asks Seesinz about what Black said and blah dee blah dee bloop. Talky talky talky. Flav accuses Seesinz of her thinking he’s using her for the drama. French bread. French fries. Ummm, French dressing. Franco-American. Black accuses Seesinz of saying she was happy to be going to France. Frenchy from Grease. French Kiss was a very bad movie. French Riviera. French Alps. Wait, is that a place? Oh, the boring discussion is over. Let’s go back to the show.
Flav doesn’t know what to do for elimination but he has something up his sleeve that they can’t even guess about. Oh, no. If he brings Thing 2 back, I’m gonna chuck my laptop at the television.
Elimination Ceremony Time!!!!
Flav tells them that they’re all bangin and he’s made certain connections with all of them. He tells Black that she seems a little jealous. He tells Sinceer that since they came abroad, they’ve gotten closer. He tells Seesinz that she hurt his feelings if she’s here for the drama. He wouldn’t have brought her out to France if he had known and he was feeling her dangit. He thinks he made a mistake by bringing Seesinz to France.
Seesinz’s time is up.
Flav tells the two left that he’s a magician. See? He SHOULD be on Celebracadabra. He knows magic. Crap. I totally know where this is going. He takes out his magic cane. No, really, it’s a cane and thankfully not a euphemism. He does some alakazaming and then?
Okay, now I’m writing this on a borrowed desktop computer and watching the remaining five minutes of the episode in the basement of my parents’ place having thrown my laptop, as promised, at my television. Thing 2 has gone international. She’s back. How she can even give him the time of day (no pun intended) after he dumped her and chose the other three crazies over her, I don’t know. She just accepts it? Just like that? Now that Thing 2 is back (and I see her with him more than the other two with him even if she should give him hell for dumping her), he needs to eliminate someone else tomorrow morning.
So then there won’t be another episode? If he went through the trouble of bringing Thing2 back, why doesn’t he just choose her and be done with it?
Next week is a filler show which means that the week after that must be the finale which means that the season only seems longer and isn’t actually longer.
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| karl178 |
Posted: 2009/11/9 19:21 Updated: 2009/11/9 19:21 |
Just popping in   Joined: 2009/11/9 From: Posts: 5 |
 No title Hi. Enter my website with best content: cool miniclips, orkut online |
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