Screaming Banshees On The Radio: Flavor of Love 3, Episode 11
Big Boyeeeeee
Thing 2 wakes up in tears because she’s been separated from her Siamese twin. Sinceer thinks she can fill the void of the missing twin. She’s probably trying to find a way to fuse herself physically to Thing 2.
Big Rick brings the gals their Flav-O-Gram for the day. They all need to go to the Power 106 FM radio station to visit Big Boy, the DJ. Big Rick takes them there. Flav, who looks good with a ‘do-rag and should wear one all the time, tells them that he has a bunch of fans out there and wants to see how each girl stands out from the fans and what the fans think of each of them. Flav goes to chat with Big Boy first. When Flav leaves, Sinceer picks up where Hotlanta dropped off, and starts drinking.
Flav walks into the studio and yells BIG BOYYYYYYY. Big Boy yells back FLAVOR FLAAAAAAAV! Is this how people in the industry communicate? The DJs ask Flav questions about the show and how his fans interact with him. Flav says he can feel when love is real. Then there’s a lot of fighting outside. The yelling comes through the door. Sinceer is yelling at Seesinz. Thing 2 is yelling at the air. Flav calls all the girls in at once and tells them to do their man right, and he leaves. However, he’s gonna listen to the show.
Big Boy tells them that Flav wants him to choose someone. They start yelling to get rid of the fake one, Seesinz. Big Boy reminds them that he gets fined a pretty penny if they curse. They say they won’t. Then they start throwing each other under the bus. Seesinz says that Thing 2 and Sinceer spoon in the same bed. Thing 2 curses. Twice. Then lots of curses fly from lots of people. Big Boy starts talking about fines. He calls out for Flav to come in and help. Flav stays put for now. Who the heck would listen to this show? It’s all cackling and cawing and no one can understand anything. When you watch, it’s one thing. But if you listen, you can’t tell what the heck is going on. Then Big Boy flips a switch and says, That’s it—we’ve been kicked off the air. For now, I suppose. If this is really a live show, they’re gonna have to pay the station for all the fines they just incurred. It was lots.
Now they’re back on and still screaming and making fun of each other. Big Boy goes through some callers. The first one picks Seesinz for Flav. The second one chooses Seesinz.
Then the DJ’s play “Fill In The Blank.” They say: I love Flav because (blank). Sinceer answers, he’s the schizzel for nizzle and then curses a whole lot. They call her a drunkard. Cause she’s drunk.
Flav comes in when the girls leave. He asks Big Boy if he feels sorry for him. The other DJ says that Flav will have his hands full with Sinceer and that she should change her name to Whiskey. Hahahahhaaaaa. Now that’s comedy. Big Boy liked Tree and Black with Black as the winner but the callers liked Seesinz. Flav calls in all the girls. He tells them that he was listening to the show and WOW. He chooses Black and Seesinz for two separate dates.
Back at the mansion, Black complains to Thing 2 that Tree never watched an episode of Flavor of Love. It comes out that Tree had tried out for America’s Next Top Model but didn’t make it. Good. More ammo.
All the girls put on bathing suits and meet Flav out by the pool. Sinceer asks Tree about trying out for ANTM so that Flav knows she tried out. Tree says that she hasn’t tried out for any other show about that as far as she recalls. She’s been in Jet magazine and in ghetto fashion shows that weren’t much. Flav has a problem with the word ghetto. He says that ghetto is like being racist against the ghetto. Viking Flav says that he’s from the ghetto, G! Tree keeps repeating ghetto over and over. He asks them all not to use ghetto around him because it’s being racist against the ghetto and once again Tree says, no it was a ghetto fashion show.
Two things:
1. Tree lacks a certain neuron that makes her understand that ANY use of “ghetto” whether or not it involves fashion offends Flav.
2. Flav thinks “ghetto” is a race.
I’m not sure which is better.
Time for the date with Black. They go to The Foundry on Melrose. Flav is wearing a pink suit. With matching clock and hat of course. A magician comes over—he’s got a hat on too—and gives Black a flower. He turns a petal into a pearl necklace. No, no, dirty minds. An actual necklace of pearls. Then he pulls a dove out of a napkin. The magician reminds them that magic is love and love is magic. Hey, Flav should be on that Celebra-Cadabra show .
The two of them move onto a couch and asks Black how close she is to her family. She says that she talks to her grandma about four times a day but hasn’t spoken to her since she’s been out there. Flav says that he sees everyone on the phone in the house so she should call her from there. Black says there’s stuff she can’t get into right now. Then they head home for a night cap after mackin it.
At the mansion, Thing 2 makes vanilla pudding from a family recipe. She greets Black and Flav at the door. She gives him a red rose. He kisses Black good night and goes with Thing 2. No night cap with Black, I guess.
Flav and Thing 2 go to the hot tub gazebo. She says being one on one with him is like losing her virginity. What the? So it’s awkward and slightly painful and somewhat messy and a little bit drunken and then over way too quickly? They mack it.
The next day, Big Rick gives the girls the Flav O Gram and tells Seesinz that she impressed Flav yesterday. Seesinz needs to bring her appetite with her. Flav signs the note, King Of My Jungle.
Oh, my. Today, Flav is wearing an all-leopard cape and hat fringed with red, and a red suit. They go into the backyard to meet Stevie, the animal trainer. So are they going to kill and eat the animals? Why did she need an appetite? They sit with a monkey, an African lion cub who swipes Flav, and a very large tiger who eats one of the PAs. Okay, he doesn’t eat anyone and the whole thing is very fake, much like how Flav pressed a button and made the plane go out of control on his date with Sinceer. Dumb. The tiger is awesome though. Ooof. I said awesome. I’ve watched way too much Bret Michaels on Rocks for Brains. Thank God that’s all over with.
The tiger isn’t fully grown. He’s 300 pounds. He’ll gain at least another 100. The trainer helps Flav feed the tiger some meat. The girls watch from inside the house and talk about how they hate Seesinz. Not surprising. This is getting old.
Once the animals are gone, Seesinz tells Flav that Sinceer got drunk at the radio station. Therefore, Sinceer is an alcoholic and it’s embarrassing for Flav. He tells Seesinz that she’s a tiger. Then guess what they do. If you know anything about this show by now, then you know that they mack it. Ick. Ew. I did not have to hear about how long her tongue is. Ew ew ew ew ew.
When the date is over, Flav calls all the girls around and tells them that family is important to him. He wants them all to call their parents because he wants to meet them before elimination.
All the girls call home and invite their parents to the mansion. Everyone is all happy and laughing. Then Black calls home to talk to her very religious mother. The phone call does not go so well. No one from her family is willing to come out to the show.
Tree finds leaf shaped papers and writes a bunch of true things about herself on them. She pins them all to her body and calls herself the Tree of Truth. There are about ten leaves. Flav finds her and she shows him her truths. She says she’s here for him and not for any other reason. One truth says she was in a low-budget hip-hop video. She did extras work in the movie, Shooter. We mustn’t forget the ghetto fashion show! But she doesn’t have a leaf that says that.
Elimination Ceremony Time!
No, you haven’t passed out and missed something. So far, no parents have shown up. I have no idea why they had to call their parents. That whole meet the parents thing usually happens later on with the last three anyway.
Flav is wearing a bright royal blue suit with matching hat. He’s all about monochrome suits this episode.
He gives the first clock to Black. The second clock goes to Thing 2 who now has a clock of her own. Seesinz gets the next clock. The last clock goes to Sinceer.
Tree’s time is up. He tells her to stay real and stay beautiful and she is America’s Next Top Model. He thanks her for letting him pick the leaves off her. Big Rick laughs. Tree/Rashida interviews that she hopes she finds someone with the same qualities as Flav and hopes that Flav finds love. Tree? Not a pretty crier.
Flav announces that he will meet their parents the next day and have another elimination. After that, three of them are going to Paris. France, he clarifies. Not Paris, Tennessee, but Paris, France. WHAT?!?!?!?!??!?!!! Now I’m kinda bummed I didn’t try out for this show.
How do you say nutloaf in French? Email me. Chat in the forums. How many more episodes until Flav finds his soulmate? Hopefully, he finds one soon.
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