Don't "Sing" Into The Ex's "Microphone": Flavor of Love 3, Episode 10
Plus Other Fun Innuendos For Oral Sex
Today, Flav wakes up in a bed with the Twins and kisses them both good morning and they think this is completely normal. I suppose in that world it is.
Phototype tells Black she will have to speak to Flav today about some issues she has—she thinks he drinks too much. Then maybe she shouldn’t be in the house.
Seesinz orders in chicken and waffles for breakfast. Mmmmm, that looks good. I’ve never had it, but I think I’d enjoy. She brings it in to Flav who is now in his own bed. She tells him she’s there for him, not to simply compete in games. To prove that, she decides to not compete in the day’s challenge, meaning she would definitely not win a date.
Big Rick (yeay!) delivers the Flav-O-Gram of the day that explains some special guests will arrive soon to play a game. Big Rick (yeay!) then gathers them together in the Great Hall to prepare. They all have an empty seat next to them. Flav comes in and announces that Seesinz will not be competing.
Now it’s time for The Neverwed Game! The special host: Arsenio Hall, woof woof woof woof woof woof woof. I suppose he’s got some time on his hands. Wow, the man looks good. He hasn’t aged one bit since his days of late night talk. He tells the girls that they have to match answers that their exes give. Their exes must be there somewhere.
Arsenio welcomes Thing 1’s ex Calvin. Next is Phototype’s ex Jamal. He’s very preppy. Viking Flav says he’s out of the Cosby Show. Tree’s ex Mark comes out next. He looks like a larger version of Emmanuel Lewis. So far, those are the only contestants. The guys have already answered some questions and the girls now have to try to match them. It’s like the Newlywed Game, only the winner gets a date with Flav.
The first question is what would the ex say is the biggest body flaw. Thing 1 says her chichis and Calvin says her feet. Phototype says he would say nothing and he says breasts. She won’t show them. Tree says he would say nothing and he says nothing. One point for them!
Question two: What would the ex say was the last time they made whoopie (that means “have sex” for those of you not familiar with the 70s lingo): Tree says 5 or 6 months ago and her ex says 7. Arsenio thinks that perhaps it wasn’t that memorable. Phototype says 4 months and her ex agrees. Thing 1 says 4 months and her ex says 1 month but she’s been in the house, hasn’t she? Thing 1 says she’s been in the house for a month and the ex says he might be off. Thing 1 is pissed at her ex.
Question three: Why did they break up? Phototype says jealousy and the ex says trust issues and it’s a match. Tree says she felt he wasn’t the one God put on the earth for her and her ex says God told her to break up with him and it’s a match. Thing 1 says he would say that she would want to be on tv and he says Flav’s money. Wow, he’s a dick. Whether or not it’s true, he shouldn’t kiss and tell. It’s not like this is a game show where he’s going to get a prize. He’s being a tool to be a tool. Idiot.
Question four: Worst lie? Phototype says she’s never lied and he says she used to get guys’ numbers and call it networking. Tree says she’s honest and her ex says she never lies. That’s the end of round one. I guess we don’t care about Thing 1 anymore.
The second group of contestants comes up. Sinceer’s ex is Limuel. Black’s ex is Brian. Thing 2’s ex, who she dated for six years and is 21 years older than her, is Kenneth.
First question: What one word or phrase should she have tattooed on her? Sinceer says beautiful and her ex says diva. Black says crazy and it’s a match. Thing 2 says lovin and her ex says fun.
Question two: Reason for breaking up? Sinceer says he moved and he matches. Black says crazy and her ex calls her a stalker. Thing 2 says she let someone tell her something and Thing 1 shouts out, I’ll say it—he cheated! Her ex says something that matches.
Question three: Why is she on Flavor of Love? Sinceer says she loves Flav and her ex matches. Black says she wants someone who won’t lie to her and her ex says she wants fame. Thing 2 says love and her ex says exposure.
Arsenio tells Flav that if Flav hadn’t asked him to host, he would’ve come to watch. Proving that Arsenio does indeed have some time to kill. Flav announces that Tree is the winner. That shouldn’t be a surprise since everyone watched her get everything right.
The Things and Sinceer make fun of Tree’s date dress, which shows inner-side boobage. He tells them that Seesinz’s ex will show up when Flav gets back. What? Why? Dumb.
Flav and Tree go to Stevie’s Creole. The host and Flav embrace and jump around, excited to see each other. They go to a private room to eat. Flav asks her height and she says she’s 6 foot 3. He says that’s how tall Bridgitte Neilson is. Flav then tells Tree that her ex still loves her. She says that he’s the only one she’s ever called it off with. Flav says that her ex probably still hurts from that. Then they leave the restaurant. That was definitely the most boring date ever. His last date, he almost caused a plane crash.
They get back to the house for a mixer. Seesinz’s ex Reese comes out poolside and then the rest of the exes file in at Big Rick’s announcement. Everyone starts drinking. Thing 2’s ex can’t get Flav’s name right—he calls Flav Flamer. That keeps in tune with the rest of the season.
Flav drinks lots and Phototype takes note. Her dad was an alcoholic so she doesn’t like drinking. She pulls him away from the party to tell him she doesn’t like smoking or drinking. Way to be a buzz kill. Perhaps she should’ve thought of all this before coming on the show. It’s no surprise that Flav drinks.
Outside, Seesinz finds Calvin, Thing 1’s ex, to get more dirt on Thing 1. Thing 1 and Sinceer confronts him. He says that he was being honest during the game. Thing 1 screams at Calvin for spreading shit and at Seesinz for trying to dig up dirt. Thing 2 starts yelling, too. Everyone’s standing around in a big yelly bunch with Flav on the perimeter.
Seesinz hugs Flav, apologizes, and promises to calm down. He takes her inside and asks what happened. She says she asked Calvin about the blowjob and he said it was true. She tells Flav she was digging dirt for him. Flav thanks her. Then Flav brings Seesinz outside and Thing 1 (and Thing 2) inside. He asks her if she’s over her ex since she “did that” with him right before she came out. She says Flav shouldn’t believe a dumb guy and he should believe the twins.
Outside, Tree talks to her ex about their breakup. He’s all distraught still. She wants to make sure he’s going to be okay.
Meanwhile, Things and Calvin talk to Flav about the blowjob. Cal insists that Thing blew him the week before she came out. Thing 1 says she wouldn’t lie. Cal says there’s a first time for everything. In the middle of this, Flav sees Tree talking to her ex and thinks she may still have feelings for him. Then there’s more yelling and everyone is up in everyone else’s face.
Big Rick steps between everyone and Flav and shouts, SHUT UP NOW! I’M TIRED OF THIS! YOU’RE ALL DISRESPECTING MY MAN’S CRIB! I love love LOVE Big Rick. They all shut up immediately. So awesome. Flav asks the guys to go home and the girls to go upstairs.
The Twins scream and yell all the way upstairs at Seesinz. Sinceer rolls Seesinz’s suitcase out of the room. They don’t want her in the room anymore. Dang, where’s Big Rick to make them shut up again?
Elimination Ceremony Time!
Seesinz asks Flav if she can say something before Flav starts. She apologizes to Things 1 and 2 for the way she acted. They don’t accept her apology. They think it’s fake. Flav believes she’s sincere.
Therefore, the first clock goes to Seesinz. The next to get a clock is Black followed by Sinceer, and Tree because they had a good date even though her ex loves her like crazy.
Flav tells Phototype that he’s not ready to change the way he lives. Her time is up. Photo/Maria says that she knew they wouldn’t mesh well. Why the heck was she there in the first place?
The Twins are the last two. Flav starts crying. Let me say that again. FLAV starts CRYING. Tear right down his cheek. What the? This is not supposed to be that serious! Plus, the twins did this to themselves—they presented themselves as one and now they’re two and it’s all kinds of confusing.
Flav calls both twins up to him. He says it’s hard to make this decision. Now Sinceer is crying too. He says that in the end he would have to split them up anyway. They say that they’ve both been fighting to be there. He feels that Thing 1’s guy wasn’t lying. Tonight, Flav is going to split them up for real. He gives Thing 2 a clock. She and her sister hug.
Then Flav tells Thing 1 her time is up. he says he can’t take it. Thing 2 and Sinceer wave at her wistfully.
Thing 1/Trisha thinks that she was let go because her ex lied. She feels betrayed that Flav got rid of her.
Flav tells Big Rick to take his cape. Then Flav pours out some champagne for Phototype and Thing 1. A whole bottle for Thing 1. I hope it’s the $5 kind of champagne. Then they all gather round and from quiet solemnity to crazy in two seconds flat—they all scream Flavor Flav. That was a quick recovery.
Email me or chat in the forums about how much longer we must endure this chaos. It’s like I don’t want to watch anymore but I have to. Anyone feel the same way? Anyone? Anyone?
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