Not R. Kelly's Hip-Hopera: Flavor Of Love 3, Episode 8

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	Published: 03-31-2008
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Not R. Kelly's Hip-Hopera: Flavor Of Love 3, Episode 8

New dumb nicknames

Aaaaaannnndddd, exhale! You know you’ve been holding your breath in suspense since last week's cliffhanger. We continue by meeting the new girls in the house. There are only four of them while when they paraded in, there looked like thirteen of them.

Candice is first and wants to be called blue because of her blue eyes. Flav calls her black because she’s wearing a black dress. The old girls think she’s too tan.

Next is some girl who mumbles her name. I think she says Margaret. She calls herself the total package and the prototype for all women. Flav calls her Prototype. There’s a definitive lesson in “Be careful what you wish for!”

The next girl is a white chick who calls herself Luscious D. Okay.

Finally is a very Amazonian-like woman who Flav calls Naomi Campbell. The girls think she looks like a man. Then Flav calls her the black Bridget Nielson. The woman wants to be called Legs. Flav has a nephew nicknamed legs so instead he calls her Tree so he can climb her. The girls think she looks like a girl dude.

The clock ceremony finally finishes with them drinking champagne and toasting to Flav. He reassures all the old girls that he still likes them. The old girls immediately come together as one against the new girls. They all move into the better bedroom that has the balcony. In case they have to throw someone off of it.

The new girls go to the other bedroom. They think it’s nasty. Fake eyelashes and shave stubble are all over the place. I’ve always wondered what girls do on this show concerning shaving. Do they have time to? When? How? Do they go get waxed beforehand?

Then the fighting starts. Sinceer and Black yell at each other about tanning, boobs, and education, and how they wouldn’t want to be each other. Then the other girls scream at each other all at once. Flav comes out to see what going on and says nothing.

The next morning, the new girls inspect the kitchen. Food, dishes, bugs all over. The garbage outside? Maggots. Where are the P. A.s on this show? The girls write down on the “what do you need board” Real Competition.

The old girls walk around the house in their clocks to prove that they earned their places there. Flav meets up with them all to tell them they will be participating in the first annual Flavor Flav hip-hopera. He has scripts about his past and he wants them to write the act about the future. He likens it to R. Kelly only it’s shorter and doesn’t involved pedophilia.

Seesinz decides to be the director. Luscious D is pissed. Each of them chooses a part. The new girls don’t like the way Seesinz is giving out roles because she’s giving the old girls the larger roles.

They pile into the limo and head out to the theater. They drink some champagne. Hotlanta finds some Hennessey. They get to the theater and see the marquee that says The Flavorettes. They’ve got Viking horns as props. Lots of costumes. They bump into the scenery. Seesinz helps direct people. The old girls like her direction and the new girls hate it. I could write this recap without even watching the show. Prototype stuffs her underwear with sheets to be Delishis.

Big Rick (yeay! Big Rick!) and Flav sit in the audience for the performance. Things 1&2 rap the narration at the beginning. Prancer is Flav and is pretty good at rapping. Black (I think) is Bridget Nielsen.

Things 1&2 rap and whisper the next narration for the second act. Sinceer plays Flav and does his dances. Someone is playing Big Rick and Big Rick gets a big kick out of it. Tree is playing New York and has a very deep voice when she sings. Hotlanta plays Pumkin. One of the new girls is Hoopz. Hotlanta then later on plays Toasteeee and she’s really drunk so that works. Then Prototype comes out with her big fake ass and both Big Rick and Flav enjoy it.

Act 3 begins and Flav awaits the new script that they wrote about their own season. Basically, the girls come out and rap that each one of them will win. Prancer is actually very good. Sinceer thinks that Prancer just rapped about her and Flav sleeping together. So what?

This whole hip-hopera could have been a huge disaster. It wasn’t. It was really good and I’m not being sarcastic. Flav gives out awards. Prototype gets Best Performance even with her measly three lines. The Second Winner of the Best Performance is Sinceer who gets to go along on the date with Prototype. Seesinz is pissed that Protoype won because Seesinz told Prototype what to do.

All the old girls get to Flav as soon as they get back to the house to tell him that Hotlanta is drunk. He asks her what’s wrong and she says she’s upset that the new girls are trying to take her man. He says that they’ll talk about it soon. He’s actually really nice to her and is genuinely concerned about her being drunk.

Prancer finds the new girls in the kitchen. From the cookie cutter on the counter, she deduces that they’ve cooked him breakfast in bed. Way to be, Detective MOTO. They bring it to him and he’s all happy about it. They read him some rhymes about how they cleaned the kitchen and how nasty the old girls are. They say they love him. He’s so happy. Since when is it morning? Did a whole night pass? Was the hip-hopera before breakfast? Is this a new day? I’m so confused.

Sinceer and Prototype find the biggest hats in the house and get ready for their dates. Flav gets all spiffy in an off-white suit with a hat of his own. I like his hat, though. It’s classy. He tells all the girls that he wants the new girls to give out an immunity clock at the ceremony later on. They have to think about it while he’s on his date.

The date today is a day at the races! That’s fun. That also explains the big hats. Kinda. Flav bets on 7, calls the girls fly horses, and then 7 wins. I’d love to go to the races someday. It’s too bad I feel bad for the horses. Flav wins quite a bit of money.

Back at home, the new girls interview the old girls to decide about the immunity clock. Hotlanta tells them that girls talk about her. Seesinz says that the girls don’t like her. Prancer says she doesn’t want to stand out. They think she lies. They interview the twins separately. Thing 1 or 2 tells them that they’re okay sharing Flav. The girls think she’s crazy. They ask the other twin about sharing and she says she doesn’t like the idea of two of them sharing one man. They ask if she would give her sister the immunity clock and she says no. She gets teary eyed and says she’s never had to fight for a man who treats her so nicely and is so genuine. Treats you nicely? He calls you Thing and sees you as a part of your sister.

Prototype tells Flav on the way back home that she’s a model. Sinceer asks pointed questions about her modeling and acting to see why Prototype is there. Flav changes Prototype’s name to Phototype. As if that’s better.

When they get home, Flav finds the new girls to see who gets the immunity clock. They say Thing 2 is there for him, even more than Thing 1. They say that Thing 2 is bothered by having to share him. They want to give her the clock, but not the other twin. Flav gives all of them their clocks right then because he hasn’t known them long enough to eliminate any of the new ones and one of the old ones definitely has to go.

Flav finds Thing 2 to have a one on one with her finally without her sister. He explains that the new girls split them up and want to give her the immunity clock. He tells her he wants to decide which twin is which and what they’re like as individuals. He takes the twins’ clock and draws a line between them. They interview about it and cry because he wrote on her sister. No, he drew a line between them. Flav can’t tell them apart in the picture. I don’t blame him—until now, he hasn’t had to know the difference. Flav gives Thing 2 the clock from around his neck—he doesn’t take his clock off for nobody so this is big!—and he plans to give the Thing 1&2 clock to the other twin later on if he doesn’t eliminate him.

Thing 2 has to then go inside and explain to Thing 1 what happened. That sucks. The twins are still crying in the interview. See what happens when you play the twin card? People get hurt. You can’t present yourself as a package and then be surprised when it comes back to bite you in the clock.

Elimination Ceremony Time!

First clock: Sinceer. Second clock: Seesinz. Third clock: Thing 1.

Flav tells Hotlanta that since the new girls showed up, she’s been shutting down and crying. He wants a strong woman. He shows her that the clock isn’t hers, but she can stay if she convinces him why she should stay. She tells him that she’s laid back, but she doesn’t snitch and doesn’t kiss and tell. She doesn’t want to explain the kiss and tell, but Sinceer jumps in and refers to Prancer’s rap from yesterday. Oh, thank you producers—“you know what I know you know what I know you know what I know” slowed down and repeated. Flav realizes that the message Prancer had been sending wasn’t the right one.

Flav tells Prancer her time is up. Prancer says she hopes he finds what he’s looking for. Prancer/Mercedes post-interviews that Hotlanta should feel dumb wearing the wrong clock.

So Hotlanta theoretically gets a clock but doesn’t physically have one. She’s happy that she’s back in the game.

Flav pours out some booze for Prancer and they all gather round and shout Flavor Flav! No cliffhanger this week. But next week? All hell breaks loose. There’s death and marriage and Flav gets pissed.

Get a little crazy. Email me by clickin on my envelope above. You can also chat in the forums. Or not. Who cares at this point?

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