| Lee The Feel Good Wonder Dad: Queer Eye Episode 201 |
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| Posted on Tue 19 Jul 2005 (1179 reads) |
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-- Christina M. Rau/GatsbyGirl Usually I love recapping so much because I get to poke fun at the loserly and laugh at the Queer Eye clan. However, they’ve thrown me a curve ball here and I’m quite miserable. In the midst of naked men who shouldn’t be naked and ex-fat men who think they’re Italian, I’m sitting through an hour that pulls at your heartstrings and, dammit, evokes tears. I am so against sentimentality but I’ll do my best. Here we have Lee who is a foster father of ten children and loves them dearly. He, Elaine his wife, and nine of the ten children live in the Bronx and they’re one big happy. To return Lee’s generosity, they plan to surprise him with a Father’s Day extravaganza. Basically, the make-over is more for all the free perks rather than the need for one. It’s one of those feel-good things. So it doesn’t really offer itself to sarcasm. YET! Who am I kidding? I’m not going to be making fun of anyone here. FYI: Ted is sporting facial hair. Wow. Now I want to be a gay man all over again. Step aside, Kyan, there’s a new unavailable man in town. The Fab Five arrive at the house and the whole family is on the staircase clapping. So the FF enter the house and start clapping. So now everyone is clapping. Hooray. I feel good already. Lee seems like the type of guy who never stops smiling. He’s wearing a maroon sweater a la Bill Cosby, is bald, has nice facial hair, and wears glasses. And his teeth are so white I DARE them to tell him to use Crest White Strips. He introduces all the kids to the guys and everyone smiles. Feeling gooder. The living room has bright red walls and wood floors. It’s nice. Ted jokes, “I see you’re scared of color.” So there’s some sarcasm here after all. The kids’ room is purple and white. Thom approves of the paint experimentation. Lee and Elaine’s room is orangey and reddish. Carson calls it “the condiment room—mustard and ketchup.” Heehee. It’s probably the worst room of them all because it’s not put together very well. FYI: Carson has the beginnings of a mullet. No joke. Kyan checks out and approves of the girls’ bathroom. It’s white with red frills. He is overjoyed when he finds out that all the kids have carrying kits to carry their toiletries to and from the bathroom. The kitchen is the second worse room because the cabinets have those retro-70s fruit stencils on them. And the metal thingies on the stove (I’m so domestic) are rusted over with burnt crumbs. And grapes are strung around the ceiling—they light up like Christmas lights. Oh, dear. Kyan finds the boys’ bedroom and immediately climbs into the top bunk because he loves him some bunk beds. But he finds dust all over. Boys are messy, Kyan. Then Carson takes one of the girl’s pony tails and drapes it over himself to see himself as a brunette. Okay, Mullet Man. Kyan finds the game room which used to be an unfinished basement. It is now McDonald’s color with a checkerboard red and yellow floor. Elaine has color coded the entire house included plates and cups so that everyone cleans everything themselves. Lee has redone the house all by himself. He used to be a foster child himself and lived with 30 people. That’s a fire hazard. Lee and Elaine met at a skating rink. In two days they were living together. They were engaged within a week. Crap, that’s love. Thom then has the children tear down the décor in the living room. Jai asks them what Lee needs and they say clothes and tools. He finds out that Lee is good on skates too. Well he did meet Elaine at the roller rink. Carson and Kyan suggest that Lee go on a romantic date with Elaine. Ooh, it’s a scheme to get him to the daddy day surprise. Lee is dyslexic. That’s completely irrelevant. Now Jai wants him to tackle the dyslexia but Lee thinks he would be dangerous. This is what make-overs have come to—learning disabilities. Thom talks to the eldest daughter about sports and college. She’s very athletic. Are the FF going to give her a scholarship or something? Kyan then points out all the skin blemishes on everyone. Nice. He admits that he, too, sometimes has pimples. He’s such a liar. I think he would go into a self-induced coma if he got a pimple. Thom and Kyan meet the kids in the game room and tell them about the surprise plan. They’re going to plan a roller skating party. All the kids can skate. Whoo-hoo. Feelin’ good. They all meet in the living room and chant, “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!” Then they pile into the SUV and a big red van because EVERYONE is going shopping. The Social Worker interviews that Lee is a superdad. The FF and company drive on over to Target and some Jai-voice-over magic occurs to plug the store. They ride around in shopping carts for a bit and then Carson plans a fashion show with the gals. He tries on a pink mini skirt and then tells them all not to shoplift. Jai takes the boys in search of clothes and wears a pair of fair wings. The boys want to buy big clothes so that they last longer and grow into the shirts. Jai hopes that they will never be an extra-extra-large. Heehee. Ted takes Elaine to buy cookware. Just a couple sets. Then they look at measuring cups and salad spinners. Thom takes some of the gals and Lee to buy towels. He color codes them as Elaine would. Then he puts the littlest girl in a basket. And then they all buy tools. Carson then explains that Target offers high fashion at reasonable prices. Kinda true. Mizrahi and Oldham do lines for Target. A bunch of the kids walk the runway. One of them hates what he’s wearing. Carson says, “The model looks exasperated!” He explains that clothes should fit and not be baggy. Another boy comes out in a “surfer” outfit and Lee and Elaine crack up. Ted says that laughing uncontrollably isn’t really a good reaction. Jai suggests they “Bronx it up” when they go home. Kyan then talks about acne once more to make the kids feel bad about themselves. He takes them over to the Neutragena aisle and shows them all the products they need to clean out their pores. Then he gives his shaving-after-the-shower lecture and makes them shave in the middle of the store. Because being a teenager isn’t awkward enough, he has to embarrass them. Next is a flossing and toothbrushing lecture while they’re all wearing shaving cream on their upper lips. He acts out how to floss using two of the children as teeth models. This is just plain weird. Buy the Queer Eye DVDs. Buy them. Buy them. Buy them. Allure Magazine Expert Alert: Use leave-in conditioner and a pony tail in the summer. Ummm, wasn’t that last week’s alert? Starting to recycle these the same way they had recycled the Hip Tips. Interesting. Buy the Queer Eye DVDs. Buy them. Buy them. Buy them. How many times are they gonna show this? Elaine interviews that she and Lee never go out alone. The family arrives home to check out the new digs. The highlights: The living room has vertically striped walls. It looks like a vaudeville parlor but everyone seems to love it so who am I to judge. (See? See how I can go with the flow in the feel good episode and not judge?). Thom installed a window seat for Lee so he now has a place of his own. In the kitchen, cereal canisters are on the counter for faster self-service. The dining room has a long elegant table with elegant seating. And of course all the furniture is new. And of course they have a flat screen. Elaine? Is in tears. Lee? Is on the verge of tears. Carson blots their happy tears with a dish rag. The kids have given Lee and Elaine black and white pictures of themselves to hang on the walls. Elaine says she can’t think of any words. Carson says, “I can. Sensational!” Heehee. More crying. More crying. Thom gushes over his window seat some more and shows them how he made the fake fireplace look kind of real. Carson takes Lee upstairs to change. Ted takes the kids into the dining room to decorate the cake for the party. He shows them that the bottom two layers are Styrofoam used to make the cake higher. I’ve never seen that before in my life but Ted says it’s normal. And then an obligatory icing fight ensues. They stencil I Love You Dad in cocoa powder on the top. They all write their names in frosting and then squirt it at each other. Then Ted hides the cake. Lee emerges from upstairs all spiffed up. Carson makes everyone do the wave. Lee is wearing a button down silver/gray shirt, dress pants, a tie, a zip up jacket, and nice shoes. Next Lee wears cuffed jeans, brown suede shoes, an ecru jacket, and a button down shirt. Everyone cheers for Lee to wear the second outfit but Lee wants to wear the first one. That’s because everyone knows that Lee will be rollerskating except for Lee himself. Heehee. Down in the game room, Kyan has the kids create a banner that says We Love You Dad for the party. In the living room, Jai talks about how all the kids are smart and really into education. He bought Lee software to learn how to combat his dyslexia. Ted serves up some sparkling apple cider. They all gush about the day. Lee thanks the FF for making his dreams real. They toast to the best dad in the world and everyone hugs. Which takes quite a while. Hip Tip: Thom says, “Hang it before you bang it.” And that’s all I’m gonna say about that. The friend interviews that foster parenting is Lee’s true calling. The Fab Five gather around the critic couch and try to remember all the children’s names. Carson counts off Greg and Marsha as Ted includes John Boy. Heeheeheee. Elaine tries to convince Lee to wear the dress down outfit as Lee insists on wearing the dress up outfit. Elaine begs. He says no. He’s gonna look damn good on skates in a suit. At the roller rink, the kids are decorating. Kyan points out, “That’s the banner we made. Remember, Thom?” Thanks MOTO. Next Lee shaves his head. Thom asks, “Is that a bathing cap?” Heehee. At the rink, lots of kids in yellow shirts falling all over the place. The FF? Laugh. Meanwhile, Lee is still putting on the dressy outfit. Carson is impressed with the dressing up but knows that it’s too dressy for the roller rink. Elaine dresses up in a turquoise shirt, dressy jeans, and a lilac knee length coat. Lee loves the look. They compliment each other. Ted thinks they should be making out. Then Lee checks out Elaine’s ass. Kyan then says, “Think about it. They never get any time alone. And tonight is no different.” MOTO for life. These commercials for eHarmony crack me up. Did you know that eHarmony doesn’t count bodies of water or mountain ranges when it calculates distance? So if you put down a five mile radius, and the Atlantic Ocean is within two miles of you, it so doesn’t count! So you could be dating someone in a different country if you live on the East Coast of the US!! Those pesky oceans don’t get in the way of true harmony. Elaine and Lee pull up to the Roxy, which is where the party is. Elaine covers Lee’s eyes and everyone yells surprise and he can’t stop smiling. A woman in a yellow shirt explains that they are all there to thank him. She and all the yellow shirt people are from social services. Lee cries and I start to tear up a bit and the FF all go awwww that’s so sweet and all the kids say I love you daddy. Carson says that he called him daddy in the first couple of hours. Then the oldest son with his own son comes to thank Lee and tells him to cherish the day. And he cries. And Lee cries. And I cry. All the kids give him cards and read the cards to him and they all love him. The FF say that the kids are so well adjusted. Elaine then scolds Lee for wearing the wrong outfit. Ted says that the moral of the story is to always listen to your wife. Carson made spray painted shirts for everyone that label them as a skating team. Then Lee skate dances in 70s style. He’s AWESOME. Everyone skates. Elaine skates. Everyone claps. Then they cut the cake. The kids and Elaine gush about Lee. Lee says to love the children. He thanks everyone. The Fab Five congratulate themselves and then call Lee a role model. They toast to him and his amazing family for being an inspiration. Carson says to buy a size up for kids. Thom says to check electrical wiring and outlets. Jai says to tell your kids to keep journals. Like blogs. You can visit mine at christinamrau.blogspot.com! Ted says to use wooden and plastic utensils. Kyan says to become a mentor. Feeling good? Email me: Christina@realityshack.com |
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