Rice, Rice, Gravy – Hit Me Baby One More Time, Episode 2 by Carrie
This week we’re about to be entertained by The Knack, Haddaway, Tommy Tutone, The Motels, and Vanilla Ice. I’m a little scared – after the spectacle that was Mike Reno and the disappointment of a Flock of Seagulls, would “My Sharona” be forever tarnished? Is it worth the risk? Maybe I should just turn off the TV now and walk away …
Too late. Vernon Kay is introducing clips of The Knack in their heyday – 26 years ago, when “My Sharona” rocketed up the charts. I’ve read a lot of complaints that people have a hard time understanding what Vernon is saying, but other than the cheesy Crest-commercial white teeth, I think he’s a pretty decent host given the subject matter of the show. Anyway, the clips end with a shot of George Dubya, who apparently has “My Sharona” on his iPod. Who the heck dug up that little nugget?
Here they come; The Knack is brought up through the floor like magic, and … they look good! Damn good! And guess what? They sound even better. They rock the house with “Sharona” and I’m so relieved I’m almost in tears. Very impressive! They’re coming back later on to perform Jet’s “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?” Sounds promising!
Next up is Haddaway; you know, the guy that sings that song that Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan bop their heads to on SNL and in “A Night at the Roxbury”. His intro touts him as a one-hit wonder that has had trouble following up his hit “What is Love?” They also show the SNL clip – hehe.
He comes out to perform “What is Love”, and shows that he has a great voice and a smooth, showman-like style. And he’s not all that hard on the eyes, either. The backup dancers are a bit distracting, especially at the end when one of their dresses is hiked up a bit high, prompting Vernon to call this a “cheeky performance”. Haddaway will be back to perform Britney Spears’ “Toxic”. No, seriously.
Tommy Tutone is our third performer for the evening. They had a huge hit with “867-5309/Jenny” back in 1981, but disbanded three years later. Tommy Heath, the lead singer, has since released at least one more album under the name “Tommy Tutone”.
These guys look like they’ve aged, unlike The Knack. Not that that’s a bad thing in and of itself – I’m sure I look a bit different than I did when I was 11 when this song came out. Tommy sounds quite a lot like Neil Young now, and the song isn’t half bad. You know, I give these guys from the 70’s and 80’s a lot of credit for coming back and attempting to do their hits. “Jenny” is enjoyable and fun, and we learn that Tommy’s coming back to sing “All the Small Things” by Blink 182. This is either going to blow the viewers away, or; well, not.
Now it’s time for The Motels, who had a few hits in the 80’s like “Suddenly Last Summer” and “Only the Lonely”. Martha Davis, the lead singer, became an instant sex symbol thanks to the MTV era. I remember one of my crushes in high school had a huge poster of Martha in his locker. I had The Beatles, The Clash, and an Elvis Costello post card. Heh.
Anyway, out come The Motels, and Martha has clearly not lost a thing as far as her voice is concerned. The song is lovely – mellow and warm, just like we all remember it. And I give Martha props for having the confidence to stick to her signature style, even if it’s been toned down to reflect her age. No sequins or glamour-girl flash here, just an attractive woman dressed in stylish yet comfy-looking gear. They’ll be covering “Don’t Know Why”, originally performed by Norah Jones.
Finally, Vanilla Ice is up. I keep remembering what a colossal jerk this guy was on “The Surreal Life”, and I can’t help but wonder how much he’s being paid to perform his signature song after swearing that he never even wanted to hear the name again. But here he is, ready to lay out “Ice, Ice, Baby” for us. Lucky us.
Ice hits the stage and starts right into “Ice, Ice, Baby” (which my little brother and his friends used to sing as “Rice, Rice, Gravy” for some reason – hey, they thought it was hilarious). Oh dear. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but … okay, here goes … he’s good. There, I said it. He put on a good show and the audience loved it – one person even held up a sign saying “Word to Your Mutha”. Ice will return to sing Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor”. That ought to be interesting.
Round Two
Catching up with Doug, the lead singer for The Knack, we find that he’s found inner peace and still writes songs. Good stuff – let’s get to the music already. They launch in to “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?” and it’s not bad. This is enjoyable, tap-your-feet kind of music that is light and fun – maybe not how the song was originally intended, but I was impressed.
Haddaway doesn’t get recognized anywhere and has discovered the mental challenge that the game of golf provides. So in other words, he’s living off of SNL royalties and doesn’t have a day job. He’s out to sing “Toxic”, and this is just embarrassing. He’s actually down on the floor on his stomach, inch-worming along and grabbing at the air. Ew. Next!
Tommy Heath (Tutone) says that his father always told him that musicians needed a day job, so he’s into computers. He does some design/IT work with his guitar sitting next to him. He’s asked if he ever called the number, and he says no, he’s never even been tempted. Liar! The band comes back onstage to play “All The Small Things”, and while it’s not horrifying, it completely misses the angst and edge of the original.
Martha Davis has been doing some theatre/cabaret work, which she describes as similar to “Cirque de Soleil”. There’s also a new Motels’ album on the horizon – very good news, that. The Motels are all set to sing “Don’t Know Why”, and it’s … well, it’s different, but not necessarily in a good way. It’s like an 80’s rock version of the song, if you can imagine that.
Ice says that he loves recording in the studio, and that he’s thankful that he’s lasted this long. Erm, lasted how, exactly? It’s not like he’s still on the charts or anything, and when’s the last time you heard about a Vanilla Ice tour? That’s what I thought. Anyway, he’s out to do “Survivor”, except that it’s not “Survivor” at all. There’s no melody, no chorus, nothing familiar whatsoever. It’s Vanilla Ice rapping, maybe in the same key as the song “Survivor”, but that’s about it. Hmm, is this stretching the rules a little bit, do you think? At the end of the song, Ice dances for about 30 seconds, and it’s clear that he should stick to rapping even though the crowd gives him a big cheer.
Without further ado, Vernon asks the audience to vote. The winner, by a landslide, is Vanilla Ice. How did this happen? Does the age of the audience have anything to do with it? Really, if all you know of “My Sharona” is that is was that song from “Reality Bites” with Ethan Hawke in it, then you might be missing the boat here. If you were never tempted to dial 867-5309 and ask for Jenny … well, I think I made my point.
Anyway, Ice says that the Make a Wish Foundation is his charity of choice, so all’s well that ends well. They’ll be getting $20,000 thanks to AmeriQuest.
Next week’s lineup is a good one: Wang Chung, Sophie B. Hawkins, Cameo, Howard Jones, and Irene Cara. Howard Jones!!! Yeah, baby! Lookin’ forward to that!
Comments are always welcome - hit me baby at carrie@realityshack.com.
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