Fab-U-Lous! – Rob and Amber Get Married by Carrie
Those of us who suffered through four hours of extravagance and unabashed spending during Trista and Ryan’s wedding flipped on the Romber wedding with a bit of trepidation. Are we going to care what designer does Amber’s dress, or how expensive her shoes will be? Do we want to see Rob take a back seat while Amber decides to make everything look like a vat of cotton candy spewed all over everything? Well let me tell you, Rob and Amber are not Trista and Ryan, and their wedding was far more real.
We kick things off with clips from Survivor: All Stars, the proposal at the reunion show, and Romber coming in second in The Amazing Race 7. Now they have only four weeks to plan and execute their wedding. We’re never told why they only have four weeks, but I assume it’s because CBS wanted to have this thing filmed, edited, and ready to go.
First Leg – Meeting the Wedding Planner in The Bahamas
Rob and Amber are headed to the Atlantis Resort in the beautiful Bahamas, where the wedding will take place. They get off the plane and meet Colin Cowie, party planner to the stars, who will be their wedding planner. Amber is thrilled, and Rob comments that he doesn’t think he and Colin would go to the same bars back home, if you know what he means.
Colin tells them that they must come up with a couple of surprises for each other; surprises that will tug at heartstrings. They agree, but Rob isn’t too keen on the idea. They then get some drinks and sit down to discuss all of the details of the wedding.
First and foremost is the guest list. When Rob and Amber disclose that they want 500 people, Colin nearly wets himself. This is apparently unreasonable and unmanageable, and Colin suggests they pare the list down to 200. Amber looks stricken, while Rob just looks angry.
Amber and Colin talk about colours, style, and décor while Rob sits looking bored – that is until the subject of food comes up. He says that he’s been thinking about the food since about an hour after he proposed. He wants lobster and steak, prompting Colin to ask incredulously, “You really want surf and turf for your wedding?” But wait, he also wants pigs on spits, ribs, grilled fish, sausages with onions and peppers, ribs, pizza, and more. Amber tells him that this isn’t a restaurant, and Colin realizes that he will have a bit of an uphill battle here. Rob suggests they get rid of the “extras”, like soup and salads.
The three of them climb into a golf cart and Rob drives them around the resort, picking out spots for the ceremony and reception. They find an ideal place for the reception, but a perfect spot to be married seems to elude them. Rob drives the cart like a maniac, getting stuck on some stairs and having to be helped down by hotel staff.
Finally they find the spot – right on the beach. Amber says that they fell in love on the beach, so it’s fitting that they should be married there. Colin is excited, and tries to explain his visions of where people will sit, where Amber will walk down the aisle, and so on. He says privately that he can sum up this wedding in three words: Fab U Lous.
Second Leg – Beaver, PA
Now it’s off to Amber’s hometown of Beaver, Pennsylvania. Amber ditches Rob in favour of her mom and sister, and the women head off to see about her dress. The gown is being made by here Mom’s best friend, which has Colin Cowie in a bit of a stupor. He’s used to working with the finest designers in the world, and he’s certainly never heard of a designer in Beaver, Pa.
Amber has the image of her dress in her head, and describes it so the dressmaker can do a sketch. Then it’s back to the house for one of the more difficult parts of the planning – cutting down the guest list. Amber wants to not allow single people to bring guests, but Rob says that wouldn’t be right. He’d rather cut people off the list completely than seem rude. We don’t get to see who wins this argument, but when Amber’s mom joins in and agrees with her daughter things aren’t looking good for Boston Rob.
It’s now the day of Amber’s bridal shower. Rob takes off with her brothers for a bit of ATV riding, while Amber gets to have fancy food with her friends and relatives. Rob has promised to make an appearance about an hour into the party, but doesn’t show up. Personally I don’t get why he needed to be there in the first place, but this isn’t my wedding now, is it?
Amber opens the gifts by herself, wondering where Rob is. He shows up very, very late, carrying a bouquet of pink roses, which he says are his “insurance policy” so she won’t be mad at him. Amber knows exactly what he’s up to though, and says she falls for it every time.
Third Leg – Boston, MA
Amber and Rob head off to Boston to meet up with Rob’s family. In the kitchen, Amber asks Rob if he can dance. They slow dance together, and Amber wants to know what he’ll do if they have to dance to something a little bit faster. He walks away, saying in that case she can dance with her friends.
Having none of this, Amber drags Rob off for dancing lessons, much to his chagrin. When they get to the dance studio, he wants to leave immediately but is forced to endure the dance instructor telling him not to laugh and to concentrate on the steps. He’s stepping alright – all over Amber’s toes. He readily admits that he has no rhythm, but you have to give the guy credit for trying.
After the lesson, the dance instructor tells them that they should return for one more lesson, to which Rob replies simply, “No.”
Rob heads off alone to a bar to meet with his brother and friends. He’s called them altogether to ask for their help. One of his surprises for Amber is a house that his father built in Pensacola, Florida, but it’s just a house – there is no furniture or anything inside. He wants to decorate and furnish the home for Amber, but with all of the other stuff he has to do he can’t do it alone. He gets some good-natured ribbing from the guys, but they’re in.
For her part, Amber has had a difficult time deciding on Rob’s surprise. She realizes that if it has something to do with the Red Sox, it’ll be a home run with Boston Rob. She goes to see a painter that they both like (and whose name escapes me at the moment), and buys a painting that he’s done of the World Series winning team. This is just the beginning, however.
Amber wants to take the gift a step further and get the team to sign it for Rob. The Sox are currently in Florida for spring training, but will only be there for two more days. She has the very large painting shipped overnight to Florida, and takes her sister along to get the autographs.
Rob takes off to New York to shop for wedding attire with Colin. Apparently there are no men’s clothiers in Boston or something. Rob is now calling Colin “CC”, which is actually kinda cute. Colin chooses a pair of pants in the “colour of sand”, with a silk shirt and white jacket to match. Rob insists that Amber doesn’t want jackets, and decides to call her to make sure. Colin gets on the phone with her and describes the outfit he’s picked out, and she loves how it sounds. Rob feels better, and tells Colin he’d be great on Survivor.
Fourth Leg – Florida (by way of LA)
Amber and her sister head to spring training for signatures. They’re lugging the painting with them and eventually pick a spot in the stands near the dugout. A security dude comes along to tell them they’re taking up too much space, so they head out to find another spot.
Meanwhile, Rob and his brother are driving to LA to shop for furniture. In the car, Rob says this is worse than The Amazing Race was. There’s a place called Z-Gallerie that Amber really loves and that’s where they’re headed. Once inside, Rob is a bit overwhelmed. With the help of a saleswoman, they pick out tables, chairs, lamps, knick-knacks, a canopy bed, three-dozen “AMBR” candles, and lots of other things. Rob ends up spending $50,000 but doesn’t really know what he’s bought.
They head to Pensacola to meet with the other guys who will be painting the house. As soon as they go inside, beer is handed out and they all turn into interior decorators. Lots of suggestions are thrown around for paint colours, including fire engine red for the bedroom. Poor Ambuh.
The guys take off for the hardware store to buy paint. The salesman isn’t doing a lot to make Rob feel better, especially when he chooses a colour called “FireFly” for the bedroom. Rob asks if they can not call it that, and one of his buddies suggests “Kick-Ass Yellow”. That sits better with Rob, and the rest of the colours are chosen.
As Rob plays Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Amber is waiting for autographs. She approaches players by calling out their names and asking for signatures. I’m impressed that she knows them all by first name, but then she’s probably watched her fair share of baseball games having been with Rob for a year and a half. A couple of guys come over and sign the painting, and when they find out who it’s for, they end up coming in droves.
Fifth Leg – Back to the Bahamas
Now Rob and Amber meet up and head off to the Atlantis Resort once again for a food tasting with Colin. Rob says he’s looking forward to seeing what Colin is wearing, and Amber looks at him like she’s wondering what they really did on their NY shopping trip. Amber gets a phone call from a nervous dressmaker, who insists she return home for a final fitting. She can’t possibly sew another stitch until she knows the dress will fit Amber. The pressure is definitely on.
After meeting the head chef, Amber and Rob are bombarded with canapés, salads, soups, main dishes, side dishes, wines, champagnes, and desserts. They decide on seafood – no steak – and Rob gives in, letting Amber decide on the menu. Colin informs them that there are still many things to do, and it’s now only 10 days before the wedding. They need to write their vows, decide who will perform the ceremony, and lots of other things. They take off once again, overwhelmed with the amount of work that still needs to be done.
Sixth Leg – New York New York
Another flight and another cab, this time in New York City. Amber is upset because, as she says, most girls in her situation would be enjoying their final weeks and days with their families, waking up in their own beds and doing their own things. She misses her family and wonders if this is all worth the hustle. She cries in the cab while Rob goes into a hotel to check on their reservations.
At the door, Rob starts to get frustrated. “She’s crying in the caah,” he says, and he’s getting pissed off. He misses his family too and would rather be in Boston, spending his last days as a bachelor with his friends and family.
The next day, they decide to take it easy and write their wedding vows at the hotel. Amber says, “Amber, you are the most wonderful woman on earth …”, and Rob laughs, suggesting they each write the others’ vows. They go online to find some tips, and then head up to the roof to get some fresh air. They write their vows separately, and Rob asks how he should start it. “Dear Ambuh?” he asks.
We get a quick view of the house in Pensacola now, and Rob’s friends are unpacking furniture and setting it up in the house. There are candleholders, vases, lamps – and these guys can’t quite figure out what goes with what.
Now it’s time to go see a mixologist to create a personalized drink for the wedding reception. When Amber and Rob arrive at the bar, Rob wants to know what a mixologist is, exactly. He’s told that the mixologist pours drinks, and replies, “We call those bartenders back in Bahston”. He says privately that the ‘mixologist’ wouldn’t last long back home.
They decide on a pinkish coloured drink with rose petals floating in it, and name it “Rose Island”. Amber want to personalize the cocktail even further by spelling it “Rozisland”, but Rob says that he’s never been asked how to spell a drink when ordering at a bar. Watch out Rob – Amber’s going to want to put extraneous letters on your kids’ names, like Alexz and Cyndie.
Road Block – Amber Heads Back to Beaver
As we know, a Road Block is a task that only one person can perform. In this case, Amber returns back home for her final dress fitting, while Rob stays in New York to pick up the rings.
The rings were picked out beforehand, so all Rob needs to do is get them. He does, and decides to buy a pair of diamond earrings for Amber as well. He says that she’s frugal, and has been wearing fake diamond earrings for as long as he’s known her. Rob knows that Amber would never spend the money herself for the diamonds, so he’s going to do it for her. The ones he picks match the engagement ring that he had designed for her himself. Very romantic.
The following day, Rob goes back to Pensacola to check on the house. The guys have done a fabulous job, and Rob is very impressed. They’re all wearing the same “I love Rob” t-shirts that Amber wore on the All Stars Reunion show.
Back in Beaver, Amber arrives home and hugs her parents. She’s missed her mom terribly. They all head off for the dress fitting, including her sister, sister-in-law, and assorted nieces. Amber’s dress is gorgeous – somewhat plain, but well fitted with ruffles on the shoulders and a long flowing train. Her mom confesses that it’s hard to realize that Amber is really leaving them, and Amber’s sister cries while watching her try on the dress.
Seventh Leg – A Return to Boston
With five days to go before the big day, Rob and Amber meet up again in Bahston. They have a second dance lesson, which doesn’t seem to go so well. Rob insists that he has no rhythm – it’s something you’re born with, and he’s simply unable to learn it.
Back at the Mariano household, Mom has prepared a gigantic meal. Everyone digs in, and then they sit together and reminisce about old times. Rob says that he was proud to bring Amber home, and that she fits right in with his family.
Final Leg – A Wedding in the Bahamas
Now there are only three days to go, so Rob and Amber make their final journey to The Bahamas. They meet with the man who will perform the ceremony, and get the marriage license signed and sealed. Then they look through a giant book of destinations to choose where they will go on their honeymoon. Rob wants to go to the Maldives, but Amber would rather be somewhere closer and not waste a whole day traveling. They decide on Mexico.
The wedding guests arrive, and they all have a big dinner and party at the resort. Rob gets to have his steak, sausages with onions and peppers, and other assorted grilled animals now, and he seems very happy. After dinner, everyone goes to the casino to play craps.
The bachelor and bachelorette parties are the next day, and while Amber and friends go on a “Dolphin Encounter”, the boys go fishing. We get lots of shots of Amber and the ladies playing with dolphins, while Rob divides the guys up into friends and family and puts them on boats to go fish. The friends moon the family on the way out. Boys will be boys!
The night before the wedding means it’s time for the rehearsal dinner. Rob and Amber finally get to give each other one of their surprises. Amber rolls video of herself buying the painting, having it shipped, and hanging around waiting for the BoSox to sign it. Rob is jealous that she got to go to spring training, but her gift moves him to tears. Amber says that he tries to be a tough guy all the time, so the fact that he cried in front of all of those people means that her gift meant a lot to him.
As if on cue, Amber tells Rob that now they need a really big house to display the really big painting in. Rob has his own video for Amber. He says that they’ve been on the road for most of the time they’ve been together, but now, thanks to his parents, they have a place to call home. Amber is stunned. The video takes Rob on a walk through of the house, and he points out the dining room table where he can serve her dinner, and the canopy bed that he knew she loved when they had one in Botswana. Amber is crying, and so are most of the women behind her. She loves the house and can’t believe he did this.
The Big Day Finally Arrives
The morning of the wedding day, Colin is hard at work with dozens of helping hands. He’s shown standing on a pile of sand that is being brought in. Brought in … to the beach. Right.
Rob and Amber get to give each other their final surprises before getting ready for the ceremony. Amber has gathered sand from Panama where they met and sand from the Bahamas, and put them together in a little vial that she’s made into a necklace. She’s also included a poem that her mother gave to her father on their wedding day. Rob reads the poem out loud and giggles at the word “breast”. Heehee.
Amber gets her diamond earrings and breaks into a grin that shines almost as much as the little rocks in the little box. It’s now time for the women to begin getting their hair and makeup done, and as Amber comments that the men have it easy, we see them sitting in their room playing dice.
Rob gives his groomsmen watches, and Amber gives her bridesmaids expensive sandals. Colin comes in to finally see the dress, and is impressed and relieved to find it looks lovely on the bride-to-be. The bridesmaids are wearing dark teal dresses that aren’t too hideous, but I don’t know where they’d ever be able to wear them again.
It’s time for the wedding, and Rob looks great standing at the altar waiting for his bride. Amber is gorgeous as always, and when she starts her walk to the altar, her veil gets caught on the seashells that decorate the archway. She frees herself and walks with her father to Rob. The ceremony itself is short and sweet, and their wedding vows are very touching.
Rob says that Amber makes him feel special and important and smart, and that even though she drives him crazy sometimes, she always makes him feel better. He loves that she has always given him the window seat. He promises to always be true to her, respect her, be her friend, and put her above all else in his life. For ever and ever and ever.
Amber thanks Rob for giving her this fairy tale wedding – and by this she means that her dream is having him by her side. She promises to be with him to laugh or cry, and to learn and grow old.
After placing rings on one another’s hands, they are pronounced husband and wife; Mr. and Mrs. Mariano. Singer BeBe Winans is there with a choir to sing “Happy Day” as they walk out. Incidentally, the only Survivor alumnus that I saw in the audience was Peter Harkey, and the only team from The Amazing Race was Ray and Deana.
It’s off to the reception now, and Rob and Amber are introduced and have their first dance together. They start off awkwardly, and then, as Rob says, the “dancing lessons went out the window”. They hold each other and share their first special moments as husband and wife.
Everyone raves about the food, and the Rozisland drinks are also a hit. The wedding cake is huge and beautiful but not overly ornate, and Amber says that it was also delicious. As they cut into the cake, fireworks go off in the distance. Later, a junkanoo band arrives to get everyone in the party mood. Both Rob and Amber feel that this was the most special night of their lives.
Most of us didn’t know what to expect from the CBS-sponsored nuptials of Rob and Amber, but were afraid of the excess and overdone drama that plagued the wedding of Trista and Ryan. There is no comparison – Rob and Amber are two people who are very clearly in love, and their wedding seemed to be an intimate family affair that celebrated their individuality as a couple, and their love and romance. Whew!
Comments are welcome! Drop me a line at carrie@realityshack.com.
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