Starting Over 3, 3/27 - 3/31 – Celebrating Cassieby LauraBelle
Monday
Frank Estrada, a Red Cross volunteer, meets with the women first thing in the morning, to show them how to be prepared for a disaster. He instructs them that they should have a plan, and should always have a bag of essentials ready to run out the door with at any time. Well, if you need this stuff so much, why would you want to leave it packed up in the bag all the time just waiting for disaster? Am I the only one that wondered this? He also instructs them to have one out-of-state contact that everyone can contact in order to coordinate their whereabouts.
When Iyanla meets with the women in group, it's the disaster-readiness she wants to discuss, but first wants to discuss the negative energy in the room. That, of course, is emanating from Kim and Kelly. Iyanla explains to both of them that the way they are handling this issue between them, and the way they are handling each other, is the way they will handle problems with other people once they leave the Starting Over house. Going back to the disaster-readiness, Iyanla instructs Lisa to be in charge of a plan for the whole house. If you think you can see Lisa already wringing her hands over it, you are correct.
Dr. Stan does some work with Kelly and Kim trying to help them resolve their differences. He flat out tells Kelly that sometimes when she disagrees with some she sounds parental and "punitive." I'll admit. I had to look that up for an exact meaning. And you know what? It's just as bad as I thought. No wonder why Kelly recoiled in horror when he said that. Dr. Stan sends Kim and Kelly out for coffee, and they appear to reach an agreement, but we all know there's still a storm there abrewing.
Iyanla runs through the house at night, yelling, "Fire! Fire!" They try to utilize Lisa's disaster plan, but they left Iyanla burning in the house. Lisa says she didn't realize Iyanla was part of the whole plan, because she thought it was all just pretend. Iyanla tells her that's how she goes through her life, like it's not for real, and just pretend. She wants Lisa to jump into her life, and do it for real. Right now. And the perfect vehicle is the pool. Lisa doesn't know how to swim, and is terrified of water. After much coaxing, she does it. It's probably the most empowering moment of the whole week.
Tuesday
The most important thing with this episode is that we finally found out what happened with Lisa1. She was shipped out by Rhonda, and given thirty days to shape up back in Miami or not graduate. It's getting close to day thirty, so Rhonda makes a surprise visit to Lisa1, knowing she's having a dinner party at her home. Before Starting Over, Lisa didn't cook, and was embarrassed about her house.
Rhonda finds the dinner party going well, and Lisa1 very embarrassed shows Rhonda her icky parts of her house, but is so proud of her bedroom. She painted it fuschia all by herself. She is so happy, and it's so ... endearing. She also cooked tonight's meal all by herself. Her friends tell Rhonda they believe she has changed, and that before, they were never even invited over to Lisa's house at all. Best of all, Lisa1 has a job. She works as a fitting room attendant at her favorite store. She admits she would have thought that was beneath her, but no longer.
Kim is still working with Dr. Stan on finding acceptable avenues for her anger, instead of storing it inside and releasing it on the unsuspecting. He gives her a journal that he'd like her to use for that purpose. He also asks her to do something for her roommates to more or less get over some of her angry feelings with them. She ends up making them all bouquets in glasses, which of course, Kelly has to find fault with.
Jodi is sent for a makeover in Beverly Hills. She looks gorgeous. They cut her hair a tad, add some layers, and blow it out. It took me a long time to give up my curly-do as well, until people convinced me I should flat-iron it out. They were right. This is so much more flattering on Jodi. After, she heads to a flirt-a-thon where there is a higher ratio of men than women.
Wait, come back and finish reading this before you head there yourself! Most of the men she meets are okay, but there's one that is just ... odd. He sings in a retirement home, and sits there making fun of all of them. Just ... odd. Jodi would have chewed him up and spit him out before, but now she's working on "like draws like". She should treat men with the qualities she wants to see in them. As she says, "I didn't put down that I was looking for a 'son-of-a-bitch,' so I shouldn't act like one either." Can't argue with that.
Wednesday
Rhonda is still in Miami, and is now meeting with Lisa1 and her parents, asking if they believe she has changed. Her dad has to admit that she hasn't once asked for money, and he did offer it, but she declined. Lisa1 speaks ups that she still feels critiqued by her parents, and they own up to it, and say they will work on changing as well. Rhonda is impressed so far, but to truly show she's changed, she wants Lisa1 to get confirmation from three additional family members or friends saying that she has changed. Great, but what about Mr. Internet?
Lisa2 is still at the Starting Over house, and is meeting with Dr. Stan about her self esteem issues, and Lisa admits she's still trying to figure out exactly who she is. He has her meet with an art therapist to help bring all that out of her, and wants her to fix a special dinner this evening for her housemates and a special guest. I wonder if this is the same one that worked with the show last year. It was either with Rachel or Renee. This therapist has a mannequin with a paper dress on it. She has Lisa decorate the dress with art supplies and words that explain who Lisa is. It was difficult at first, but she finally let go and got into it, just like with everything else. The words she comes up with are all the same ones she struggled to find when talking to Dr. Stan.
Rhonda awards Kim with her first two steps, and they start working on her third one, Learn to Forgive. Kim has to drive through an obstacle course with a pretend husband and son in the backseat, with her own obstacles written on the windshield, and with Kim's wishes for the future on the cones on the course. Kim sees she can't get what she wants for her family because of her own obstacles. Rhonda tells her it's her choice whether she wants to let it all go, or keep living in the horrors of her past. She makes the choice to let it go, and says she feels like a new person. Totally pushing everything to the next level, she even finds Kelly and apologizes to her. The both make up, and it seems much more "real" than with their meeting at the coffeehouse.
The special dinner guest turns out to be none other than Dr. Stan. Lisa fretted all day about her dinner, but eventually made a traditional Mexican dinner, because that's what she used to make at home all the time. Dr. Stan thinks it's great that she's able to connect with who she is in some manner. Lisa has realized during all this that as a Hispanic woman, all this was expected of her – to do all the cooking, cleaning, etc. And she became quite resentful, and just stopped doing it.
Thursday
Rhonda has Christie put on an exercise bra and bike shorts, and then draws a chalk outline of Christie's body around her onto paper. Christie hates it, and frankly I do think there are many of us that enjoy it. Rhonda then has her take a marker, and mark her body with all the things she'd like to change. Christie then takes her marked body and chalk outline, and meets up with a "body" expert, and discusses how badly she feels. This woman tells Christie that her scars shouldn't be looked at as flaws, but that they should be looked at is something positive. She received them by trying to better herself, and that's a good thing. It's like a badge of courage almost.
Meeting up with Rhonda again, Christie is told she's not done yet, and that she can take another housemate on a special assignment. She brings Lisa with her, and they end up at a sensual pole dancing studio. They're a little worried, but the woman in charge actually has them do some sensual yoga instead. She has Christie and Lisa close their eyes and run their hands over their bodies, not as a man would, but in a way to honor what they have. Again, this woman too, tells Christie her scars are to be honored. Christie and Lisa both feel very sexy and alive by the end of this. I'll say this ... I have a huge scar running down the front of my body, but I don't mind it, and don't cover it up. I do look at it as a badge of something horrible I went through. However, I don't see it as sexy.
In Group, Iyanla talks to everyone about the three different ways of listening – agreeing, disagreeing, and just being in the moment of the information. I'm still trying to figure this one out, then again, I'm known for my arguing skills, so apparently I'm always listen to disagree. Perhaps this is a lesson I need. Iyanla informs the women they'll get a chance to "be in the moment" to night at a Board of Review.
Lisa meets with Iyanla and tells her that her daughter is upset with her because she feels like Lisa doesn't want to talk to her anymore. The truth of it, though, is that Lisa is working very hard on their relationship, and doesn't want to have the codependent relationship anymore. She's listening, but doesn't want to solve her daughter's problems, and doesn't want her daughter to solve hers. She wants to have a better parent/child relationship. Iyanla tells her to explain that to her daughter.
Realizing that Kelly is a huge taskmaster, Rhonda talks to her about only handling the tasks in her life, and not creating memories. She gives Kelly an hour to complete a bunch of tasks – some are strictly tasks, and others are more meaningful at creating memories – scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush vs. doing something to satisfy Kim. Of course, Kelly handles the physical tasks first, while Kim is in the shower. When she's out, Kim says it would help her out of Kelly made a pan of rice krispy treats. Kelly absolutely turns manic for an hour trying to get it all done, and knows the lesson wasn't done necessarily the right way, as she did the tasks, but not all of the memories. In reality, she was more worried about completing all and finishing, than she was with the quality of the lesson.
Iyanla sends Jodi to get a plaster cast made of her face, and then meets with both Jodi and her face. Asked what Jodi sees on the mold of her face, she says nothing. She doesn't see joy, and she doesn't see the sorrows she's experience. Iyanla tells her that's how she's been running her life all these years, wearing a mask that doesn't show what she is experiencing. Jodi isn't sure what she wants to do with the mask, and Iyanla says they'll just save it in the box for now. You can bet we'll be seeing it again soon. I'm picturing Jodi smashing it against a wall to prove she's done wearing masks.
Friday
It's the dreaded Board of Review. Everyone is nervous, and there is always speculation about who it will be that goes up there. The first housemate called up is Kelly. Talking about her goal, she says she is learning that everything she has been looking for all these years, she already has. She's been letting people love her lately, which is very good, and realizes she still needs to work on compassion for herself and others. She believes she deserves a B, because she still wants to run away, and wants to work on that. Rhonda gives her that B, and Kelly is so happy for herself.
The next up for review is Lisa. She talks about the importance of the other night when she jumped in the pool. It was a big moment for her, as she took a risk. She knows she still has lots of work to do, but she is feeling very good about herself and all the work she has done here so far. She knows she still has to work on her fears, as they hold her back from her accomplishments. Girlfriend, you're preaching to the choir. I could have been the one standing up there at that very moment, and never realized it until she said that. Lisa feels so good, she wants an A, and Iyanla gives it to her. I don't never if I've ever seen a happier person.
Before everyone is dismissed, they are asked if the house is united or divided. It's certainly been up in the air lately because of everything they've been through lately with Kim and Kelly. That all comes back to haunt them the next morning when Iyanla arrives with a special group activity. There's a huge square opening with papers stuck all over it with words that are representative of the things that hold the women back from being united. Iyanla refers to it as an electric fence.
The women are given 45 minutes to get all the way through the opening, working together, without letting any part of them touch the "electric" part of the fence. And during the exercise, they aren't allowed to talk to each other. If anyone touches part of the fence, they have to all go back other other side and start again. They aren't able to do it in the timeframe, and Iyanla sits down with them to discuss what went wrong. Lisa knew that Kelly and Jodi were controlling the whole thing, yet didn't do anything to stop them. Jodi backs that one up, saying everyone was in agreement. Iyanla says that's not true. Jodi was controlling them, and they were letting her. She gives them ten minutes this time to try it again, and they get it, with Iyanla's help. She explains she never told them she wouldn't help them. They are all seeing themselves much differently as far as being leaders and followers, and know they need to improve this.
Lisa jumping in the pool was the first magical moment this week, but it's Kelly that provides the second. Rhonda asks in Group what everyone wants to do, but they haven't done. Christie wants to model, Kim wants to get a more satisfying job, and Jodi wants to start a family. It's Kelly, though, that for the first time in her life perhaps, sees that she can have her dream. It can happen for her. She suggests maybe instead of always being a waitress, she could open her own restaurant. The realization almost jumps out of her, and shocks her more than anyone else. Kelly's whole changed just that quickly. I have chills just remembering it. It was ... magic.
Rhonda also informs everyone that this is Cassie's last day here, and there will be a party tonight in her honor. Andy Paige comes to get her ready for the party, but knows from past experience, she is not going to try and change the hair. She is just going to get her a nice party dress, and help her with her makeup. Cassie also meets with a woman that already runs a business like the one that Cassie wants to start, doing errands for people. She shows Cassie that it's very doable, and that she's on the right track.
Kim gets a pair of running shoes delivered to her by Rhonda, as Rhonda wants to know what it is Kelly is running to, and wants to see if she can find her pot of gold. In her shoes, Kelly goes on quite the scavenger hunt around the yard outside, with the help of Cassie. At the end, she finds Rhonda waiting at the front door. She has Kelly take off the running shoes, and put on "ruby slippers." But let me tell ya, Dorothy's sparkly ones were much prettier than these. Kelly realizes the connection is that Dorothy was always searching for something she had inside her all the time, just like herself. Rhonda agrees, and tells her to make a list of what makes her run away. She is also not allowed to take off these ugly shoes all day.
At night, Rhonda and the housemates wait outside for Cassie to arrive for her party. I couldn't tell whether Kelly was still wearing the ugly shoes or not. Once she arrives, looking more beautiful than ever, Rhonda explains Cassie has experienced so much disappointment in her life, but still, throughout it all, she still earned her GED, and is embarking on a new business venture. She hasn't written her poetry book yet, but to show her it's not too far behind, there are two special guests, Maggie and Meredith, both singer/songwriters, to help inspire her.
The one woman, looks so familiar, and Rhonda laughs and explains who it is. It's "Janice" from Friends. "Oh ... My ... Gawd!" Maggie tells everyone when she's not acting (her real voice is not anything like that of Janice), she runs vocal workshops, like what she's going to do with the housemates tonight. She passes out instruments, and has everyone sing along. Cassie even gets up and cuts quite the rug. It's reminiscent of the good morning dance she was doing for the women every morning.
Leaving, Cassie says she's still sad to have not met her son yet, but she knows it will happen sooner rather than later.
And, again I'm getting chills as I remember it, before they show next week's previews they show, "coming this spring," and they show Cassie back at the house talking to the housemates saying she received a phone call, and it was a young man, saying someone has been looking for her. I saw that, and my mouth dropped open for several minutes, and I swear I cried hysterically in excitement for Cassie.
I think Cassie has more spirit than perhaps anyone I've ever known. She doesn't give up. She got down on herself repeatedly, and felt bad about herself, as if she wasn't a good enough person to meet her son. But still, she never lost hope. Ever. And now it looks like it may be happening for her.
You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
Read an interview with graduate Jill Tracey hereJill's Interview
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