What's It All About, Man? - Blow Out 3, Episode 2 by Heather
Since this was my first time watching Blow Out, I wondered what it would be about. Well, luckily Jonathan told me several times what it's all about, man. Here's a recap of his words of wisdom and adventures in big hair.
Previously on Blow Out -- Jonathan does his hair. Then he does some other people's hair on a morning show in New York. Then Jonathan fixes his hair and catches a plane back to LA.
This episode starts out with Jonathan making his way back to his salon as he discusses how his hair is channeling Johnny Cash that day. Funny, I was thinking Patrick Swayze, but I can see how he would get confused. After all, he was wearing black. He finally notices the other people already at work and is pleased to see they are there so early. “It’s all about the early risers.” Aha! So this show is about getting to work early. I see now.
Okay, so it isn’t all about the early risers because we don’t really see them again for the rest of the show. Back in the office, Jonathan complains about all the new things in his life - new product, new vendors, new baby - and all he wants to do is golf. His whining is thankfully interrupted by a phone call from some guy named Jimmy who wants him to go to the Sundance Film Festival and give away 1000 of his new hair products. After some cajoling from his agent Rob Lee, Jonathan decides, “It’s all about the film festival, man,” and decides to go. He asks his assistant Clarissa to go with him, who gladly jumps at the opportunity to be his slave for a weekend so she can get some time in practicing to become a stylist. Right now, she can only blow dry and is studying to take her test.
We then finally get to see Jonathan in action with a client. He stops to fix his hair before he starts cutting. Rosie, his Director of Operations talks to him while he is cutting and convinces him to go to New York and do models’ hair for fashion week. He doesn’t want to do it because he’s tired and wants a break to spend time with his new son. After cutting for about 5 minutes, he leaves his client to Clarissa to style. The before and after picture of the client look the same, but the after hair is bigger. He goes to call Rob Lee and is told some big designer named Charles Nolan has requested him and so he loses his mind, tapes his eyelids open, sprays product all over his desk, and finally agrees. I’m starting to think this show is all about being insane.
The next morning he says goodbye to his “baby and baby’s momma” and it’s a heart-wrenching moment for him. Every hair product in the world doesn’t mean as much to him as being able to come home to his son and fiancée. When he gets to Park City, Utah for the Sundance Film Festival he finds it to be really snowy and cold. I know this because he repeats it several times and Clarissa does, too. They immediately go to work setting up their booth with all of the product and Jimmy, the coordinator, starts to freak out because the show is already open and they aren’t ready. Jonathan pretty much ignores him and admires this huge double sided poster of himself that he hangs behind the booth. He finally says something with which I agree completely, “There is nothing more nauseating than seeing me behind me.” All of this product set up has given him these two alfalfa sprout pieces of hair on top of his head, so he does a quick hair check and declares them to be open for business. Marlee Matlin asks Jonathan to do her hair tomorrow before her big speech and he jumps at the chance.
At a nearby booth, Jonathan notices that they have a little recording room and some children’s books. Being the sensitive dad that he is, he leaves Clarissa alone at the display and checks it out. They are recording people reading children’s stories for a CD. Jonathan risks his hair to put on some head phones and jumps in the booth. His rendition of Hickory Dickory Dock is more of a question than a reading, “Hickory Dickory Dock? The mouse ran up the clock?...” He declares, “wow man that’s heavy,” and then tries his hand at the Eansy Weensy Spider and messes up the words.
Day 2 at the festival, Jonathan and Clarissa go to Marlee Matlin’s condo to do her hair. Jonathan uses lots of big hand motions to communicate with her and speaks really loudly because that is what you should always do when someone is deaf. They discuss their kids (Marlee has 4) and he decides she’s so much different from the actresses he normally works with. Then, I get another glimpse into what this show is about. “It’s all about perfect hair, man.” This is quite ironic as his hair is sticking up and quite fluffy at the moment, but I’ll go with it.
Back at the product booth, Jonathan gets offended when a couple of women have never heard of him and decides to go hit the “fresh pow-pow,” which is Jonathan-speak for snowboarding on new snow. He’s gotta go shred because he’s an athlete and it’s been 4 years since he’s boarded. He leaves Clarissa alone and freaking out with hundreds of customers. His words of wisdom? “This is the give time, don’t f*ck it up.” He and Rob Lee meet at the mountain and Clarissa gets rid of all the product. All is good at Sundance and Jonathan declares the trip a “total success”.
After flying home to LA, Jonathan starts to cut another client whose before picture is wet hair and the end product is again big hair a Dallas Cowboy’s Cheerleader from the 80s would be proud to wear. In the middle of the cut, Jonathan gets a call from his sister Robin who wants him to come and judge Pussycat Dolls tryouts in Las Vegas for her. He agrees and tells his assistants to cancel all of his appointments for the next day. Driving in his car, he tells the camera he doesn’t have to help his sister - he GETS to help his sister. “It’s all about family, man.” Right, Jonathan. That’s why you’ve jetted off to Vegas to spend time with scantily clad women gyrating on the floor instead of spending time with your kid. I see.
The Pussycat Dolls tryouts was a big montage of T&A and the song “Dontcha” over and over and over again. Ugh. Like I don’t get enough of that on top 40 radio. They show a lot of “Worst of American Idol” worthy clips and I’m starting to wish William Hung was at the tryouts. Jonathan first channels Randy Jackson and says “dawg”. He then morphs into Simon Cowell with a “WTF was that?”. Luckily, Mikey the choreographer is there to be Paula Abdul and calls the girls “interesting”. One particularly bad girl sings an original song that is about shopping and is called “Sugar Daddy”. Jonathan declares that this girl is one sandwich shy of a lunch. Unfortunately, Jonathan must get home to his neglected family and will not be around for the final cut the next day. He says goodbye and busts a sort of moonwalking/breakdancing move as he leaves the studio.
Back in LA in his salon’s office, he calls his sister to find out who got the part. She says it’s a surprise, but she’s flying the girl to LA that day and needs him to do her hair. The girl is performing at that very night in her first show and needs to catch a plane back to Vegas within a few hours. Jonathan agrees and then plays that damn “Dontcha” song again to his sister from his cell phone. JUST STOP IT ALREADY! When the new Pussycat Doll arrives, Jonathan is glad to see it’s the one he really liked. They decide to add some temporary hair extensions to her hair and the whole salon team gets to work on her so she can make her flight in time. Our great philosopher Jonathan says, “There’s a Pussycat Doll in everybody.” The girl says there is one in him and he makes it explicitly clear there is a Pussycat Doll in everyone. After the process is complete, again the after picture just looks just like the before, but bigger and a bit longer. 3 hours for that? Jonathan whips out his cell phone to play that damn “Dontcha” song again as he and the girl dance their way down the hall. Then my worst nightmare happens and he can’t shut the song off. AGGGGHHHHH!! Mercifully the show ends.
So what is this show all about? “It’s all about narcissism, man.”
Next week: It’s New York fashion week and Jonathan tries to get rid of all the cameras getting in the way of his work. How ironic.
Drop Heather a line with questions or comments at Heather@realityshack.com.
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