The Real World Key 'Wet' - Real World Key West, Premiere by Clicker
"Sit right back and you'll hear a tale... a tale of a fateful trip…"
The seven castaways… I mean castoffs… I mean castmates of the Real World Key West find out their first challenge won't be picking a room. It'll be just getting to the house. Hurricane Katrina is raging through the South and each of the roommates is stranded in a separate hotel (with camera crew, of course) to weather the storm.
And when the big wind dies down and everyone else is picking up debris and the pieces of their lives off the street, The Real Worlders are moving into a swanky waterside pad that doesn't seem to have been touched by the storm. Even Mother Nature won't touch one of the MTV Real World houses.
The seven strangers
Zach, a nice Jewish boy from Seattle, with curly brown hair that the girls can't help but comment on. Jose, who was raised in Brooklyn but goes to school in Florida. Already a businessman with several properties, he comes off a bit more mature than the rest. Tyler from Minneapolis is the gay man with a penchant for gossip. He starts showing his catty side early, making him the front-runner to start mischief this season. John, a recent U of Penn grad is a fun-loving frat boy type (he brought an inflatable doll). He'd be my vote for most likely to smash a beer can on his head or put his foot in his mouth.
The three girls are Janelle, who is the most non-descript right now. What we do know is that she is bi-racial and from California. A soon to be law major, the hints are being dropped that she is a force to be reckoned with. Let's not write her off yet.
Svetlana from Pennsylvania is a Russian Mafia Princess… or at least that's how Tyler describes her. The guys are all taken with her big ... personality. And her killer bod. She also has a boyfriend at home.
Then there's Paula. She's a cute blonde chick with a secret. She reminds me so much of Tanya from the Chicago season it's painful. Except Paula is battling with anorexia/bulemia and thinks her roommates won't notice how painfully thin she is.
Cutting to the chase
It's the 17th season of Real World and even the slightest fan should know the "first episode" drill by now. So I'm going to abbreviate a bit.
After weathering the storm it's time for the castmates to meet.
MTV pairs up Tyler and Svetlana to arrive at the house together. Janelle and John are paired up to pick up Zach. And the final pair is Paula and Jose.
Bunch of first impressions. She's hot. He's cute. I'm gay. Blah blah blah.
Svetlana and Tyler are the first to arrive at the house. Then John and Janelle and Zach.
More first impressions. Janelle is snotty. John is a party guy. Zach is a hottie.
Paula and Jose show up.
More first impressions. Skinny blonde bitch. Glad to have another person of color.
The rooms are divvyed up. Zach and John decide to room together. Jose and Tyler will room together. And the three girls are in a room.
Then predictably it's everybody into the pool for drinks and conversation followed by a night out at the bar and some girl on girl dancing – an MTV Real World staple now.
During some conversation at the bar John asks Jose -- in front of Paula – if she wouldn't look a bit better with another 10 or 15 pounds on her. "It would just fill you out a little bit more," he says.
This sends Paula outside to cry and start unloading ALL her emotional baggage on Zach, who is caught like a deer in headlights.
A brand new day
Cut to the next day, and Tyler is on the phone with a friend from home describing his roommates. When he gets to Paula he says: "I hate to say this but she needs like a protein shake, she needs like a power bar."
Later he asks Paula why she was so upset the night before. She says in her confessional that, that's just how she gets when she drinks.
Cut to John putting regular dish soap in the dishwasher causing it to spew water and bubbles all over the floor – like a Lucy episode.
That night Zach, John and Jose decide to go fishing off the pier and Svetlana is buzzing around them like a 2 year old, asking if they want to play charades.
Then it's a game of pool and Svetlana drapes her self on Zach to watch the other guys play. For some reason Tyler decides to blurt out that he's going to call her "Slutlana," which she doesn't appreciate. She talks to her boyfriend later on the phone and tells him she thinks Zach likes her. She didn't mention that she was the one draped on him.
Tyler tells Janelle that he thinks Zach has something for the "Russian beauties." And that Svetlana was smattered over Zach like "butter on a pancake."
Open mouth. Insert foot.
The next day, it's John and Paula in the kitchen. She's getting a little snack and once again he comments on her eating habits. Is he really that oblivious to the fact she has a problem? "Have you ever sat down and ate like a meal," he asks her. She tells him she's jealous that she can't just eat a slice of pizza without getting depressed.
Svetlana and Paula have a chat about how they look. Svetlana says she hates the way she looks and thinks her stomach is a little too pudgy. And it's the anorexic Paula who says "I think you have a skewed body perception of yourself." (Was this the same girl who was crying her eyes out the night before?)
Zach admits to Janelle and Tyler that he is attracted to Svetlana even though "she's so obnoxious."
"Half the time I want to get out of the situation then half the time I kinda want to see her naked," Zach says.
Later over a game of pool John starts hitting on Svetlana a little bit and he and Jose try to persuade her that this is her time to party and not think about her boyfriend all the time. Paula, who is also there, is pretty much being ignored. And you can see in her face that she's hurt – again.
Suddenly, it's no longer Zach and Sveltana. Now it's John and Svetlana getting close on the couches.
Another night on the town
A little more girl on girl dancing. Girl on guy dancing. Svetlana's shirt strap breaks and John helps her fix it. The group starts doing Jello shots and it's obvious that John's pretty drunk. Paula's jealousy starts seeping through. She starts ragging on John and telling him that he's useless. And she keeps approaching him and telling him that she doesn't like him. It's like a 6th grade crush or something.
When it's time to go home, they are standing outside waiting to get into the van and Paula just starts crying and no one can figure out why. In the van, a drunken John starts complimenting Svetlana and Paula gets more upset. And finally she says "I am pained to listen to you run your mouth."
This starts a very juvenile fight that quickly deteriorates into him commenting on her bleach blonde hair. Her commenting on his penis size. And him retorting with a comment on her "mosquito bite" breasts.
This sends her into a crying jag and she starts hyper-ventilating. They have to stop the car to let her out. The girls are hugging her and she's freaking out. The boys are just trying to understand what the hell just happened.
I like the way Tyler summed it up:
"When you are giving a girl that hungry beer, it's going to end in tears."
For questions, comments e-mail clicker2@realityshack.com.
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