Starting Over 3, 02-21-06 – "I Wanna Be Me!"by LauraBelle
I just don't know what the heck is going on with Starting Over these days. It's been preempted in some stations because of the Olympics, but not in others, so when I tuned in last Monday and found a repeat, I assumed NBC had decided to just kill the first run episodes for everyone until the Olympics were over. As I sat down to watch today's episode, I realized I was too far ahead. Backing up through my TIVO, I found that while last Monday was a repeat, Tuesday wasn't. I haven't even bothered to find out if the rest of the week was new or repeats, as I was just too frustrated. I've heard from another viewer that her local station told her that they would be starting this week with the shows they missed. So everyone is getting different shows today? I have no clue, but I can tell you this is the episode that was on in Chicago on 02/21/06.
Jodi starts her day saying that the emotions she is going through in the Starting Over house are very different for her. Iyanla meets with her to continue the work they have been doing on accepting what Jodi sees in the mirror. She has expressed interest in losing forty to forty-five pounds, as she wants to feel comfortable in her skin.
Admitting that she put the weight on with emotional eating, Jodi says she had a bout with bulimia in high school. She and her friend would do it together – totally pig out, then purge. It continued when she had an abortion. Jodi felt guilty, and now thinks it was due to both having the abortion, and not knowing who the father was among the three different men she had been sleeping with that month, including a fling she had in Paris (maybe it was "The Bachelor"!)
Iyanla has a unique assignment for Jodi. First she has to put a huge refrigerator magnet on the fridge where she will need to write down her emotions as she grabs for something to eat.) Next, Iyanla wants Jodi to write a goodbye letter to the baby she terminated. Hopefully Jodi can put all that guilt to rest for good. Writing the difficult letter, Jodi says she knows she wanted her body to be the "perfect package" back then, but now she would give up anything to have that baby with her today. As she finishes saying this, she collapses in a heap.
Christie reaches for one of her addictions first thing, and calls her ex, Justin, because she's needing a little sum-in' sum-in'. She then talks to Rhonda and says she's been feeling good lately, and believes she will not be attracted to people anymore that aren't good for her. Rhonda knows what's coming next, as she has been there done that. Christie says she felt so good, she almost thought she could have a drink and be okay with it.
Rhonda tells Christie that every person that faces hard times, at some point just needs to choose herself. Today Christie is going to go to an addiction support group called Passages. Arriving at the beautiful mansion in what looks o be a tony area of California, where the group is being held, Christie is feeling like she is in Preppyville.
Walking into the addiction group, Christie feels no less out of place, immediately assuming these people are affluent and well-educated. One of the members tells Christie he feels a tremendous backing in this group. There was some devastating things that happened to him when he was young, and it left him feeling very empty. He filled the empty hole with drugs and alcohol. Yet now he's feeling so much more acceptance with what happened years ago; he doesn't feel the need to drink or use drugs.
The facilitator of Passages tells Christie that the reasons people become addicted can be broken down four ways – something physical that creates that yearning, not being able to cope with something from the past, not being able to cope with something from the present, and having beliefs that are based on what is not true. The belief of those in this group are that if you heal that part of you, it will solve your addiction.
Back at the house Christie tells Rhonda about her experience with Passages. It didn't match up with her belief system. She also cops to walking in with an attitude and feeling judgmental from the get go. Rhonda gets Christie to admit she was feeling like these "perfect people", the beautiful girl and the guys she's sure are driving Porsches, couldn't possibly feel lonely or feel the type of pain she does. Rhonda explains that she feels like Christie will only stay clean and safe if the people she encounters are the way she wants them to be. Christie isn't willing to tell the truth unless she feels safe, and Rhonda fears that if she doesn't learn how to do this, she will be drinking again in six months.
Lisa talks to Iyanla about the letters she wrote to those in her family tree, the letters that speak the truth and not the same old fairy tale. She claimed in those letters she was a villain, and Iyanla tells Lisa she needs to speak that truth with conviction. Lisa is forced to go around and speak her truth to her housemates. She goes up to Jill and tells her she has been living a lie and has been in denial. Jill thanks her for sharing, and Iyanla says it's not about how the other person feels, it's about Lisa standing in it.
Iyanla has Lisa meet with two poets, Poetri and Juren, a husband and wife team. They will show Lisa how to stand in her own truth and speak with conviction. While Poetri speaking with conviction, Lisa reads her journal aloud, and she is to find a way to be heard over Poetri. She finds she doesn't do so well.
Poetri then asks her to finish writing a story about living in "do what you want" town. Lisa reads that aloud, then throws down the clipboard, adlibbing in a rant against her husband, saying things like, "Damn you, Tony! It pisses me off!" She realizes here she has been trying to make Tony something he wasn't all this time, and that's where their troubles lie. She is told she spoke with the most conviction when she put the words down and spoke from her heart.
On a special assignment from Poetri and Juren, Lisa brings her housemates with her to Pink's Hot Dogs, and is to read her story aloud for the masses eating their hot dogs. At one point, she ends up shouting, "I wanna be me!" She is cheered by Poetri, Juren, and her housemates when she is done. Kim says she is so proud of the way Lisa has learned to speak for herself, that she has tears. She found her voice. And for someone like Kim that has trouble crying for herself even, that says volumes.
Jill also talks to the housemates today about her continued concerns with Lisa1 not contacting any of them yet. She has sincere doubts that Lisa1 will be able to come back to the Starting Over house in her thirty days and prove what she needs to. She was supposed to be working on using a support system, and not allowing herself to flounder and give up, but here she is, supposedly, not using the support system. I am hoping against hope that Lisa1 is doing it all on her own beautifully, and will come back in those thirty days stronger than ever.
You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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