Starting Over 3, 02-06-06 – Lisa, Lisa, Lisaby LauraBelle
Today's show is about mending broken relationships, and clearly there is one relationship Lisa has that isn't just broken, it's pretty much non-existent, yet she still refuses to believe it.
Kim doesn't really have broken relationships so much as she just has trouble starting them off on the right foot. Rhonda has her sit with her housemates today in an informal type of setting, for them to tell her if she is exhibiting her own worst nightmares of behavior, and this is precisely what is keeping her stuck.. Rhonda warns everyone the control lays with Kim. She can stop this whenever it becomes too much, or too difficult for her.
Christie begins, and tells Kim she finds her sense of humor insensitive sometimes. And while it has been pointed out to Kim before, and she has always apologized for it, she always explains it all away, justifying it with excuses. This makes Christie feel like Kim isn't listening. Lisa1 tells Kim she reminds her of herself when she first came to Starting Over. Everyone would tell her how she was acting, but she refused to listen because she didn't want to face it. Lisa1 goes back to their shared time at the coffee house the day before, and says she had to interrupt Kim just to get a word in edgewise. And front that, she felt she was not being heard.
It's Lisa2's comments that Kim takes exception to. Lisa2 says she thinks maybe it's all too much on Kim because of her son, Jax. Lisa2 knows, as a mom herself, that when her kids were that young she would have never been able to do something like this. It would have all been just too much for her. I hear that Lisa2 trying to sympathize, Kim hears that she is being attacked. She feels was Lisa2 said was making her look bad. She asks to end the session now, and Rhonda agrees, but does add that Kim is not allowed to talk to the women further on these issues. She must wait until they attempt this again.
Christie stops Rhonda before she leaves and shares with her that she called Justin and asked for his support with not drinking. He was less than enthusiastic, and she said she had hoped maybe it was something they could do together. Justin says he doesn't want to work on himself. Rhonda says he's right. This is Christie's thing, working on herself, not Justin's. Christie is afraid this means he doesn't love her, and Rhonda points out it has nothing to do with that. He fears giving up his own drinking, and his fear is outweighing his love for her.
Based on that, Christie writes another email to Justin, explaining it a little further, spelling it out, saying if he isn't willing to support her with this, they won't be able to be together anymore.
Kim does not heed Rhonda's warning, and still smarting from what she felt was Lisa2's attack on her, she keeps asking Lisa2 about it, and keeps pressing the issue. It's obvious that Lisa2 is very uncomfortable, and she keeps saying they shouldn't be talking about it as she doesn't want Kim to get in trouble.
The next morning, it's Rhonda providing the wakeup call for Lisa1, letting her know that for someone working on trying to be a leader and graduate, she shouldn't be sleeping past 9:00 on a Saturday. Rhonda sits in a chair and waits while Lisa goes off to the bathroom to freshen up.
Once Lisa1 emerges, Rhonda wants to talk to her about what she plans to do about those final three pieces of missing backbone. She reminds Lisa1 that she has received more chances in the Starting Over house than anyone else. Once again, Lisa1 talks a good game about wanting to graduate and being thankful for Rhonda standing beside her and helping her. She then says she still needs to work on trust, wisdom and independence to have a complete backbone. Rhonda is giving her a big test on all three of these. In forty-eight hours, Lisa1 will be hosting a real Tupperpare party, and it's up to her to create a guest list, among everything else. The one local person Lisa1 can think of is TJ's new friend, Buffy from the Valley. The look on her face says it all. Lisa1 is completely panicked.
Dr. Stan leads Group today about broken relationships. Christie is the first to speak up, and talks about her relationship with her mother. Her mom is still using, and trying to stay away from it, Christie hasn't seen her in quite some time. Kim speaks up about a surprising estrangement. She talks about her aunt, saying she was always more of a mom to her, but since Jax was born, she wasn't feeling the love as much. They are now currently estranged.
Lisa2 talks about her sisters. She hasn't talked to them in several years. When Dr. Stan pushes her on the whys, she admits it's because she felt they weren't being supportive of her. She eventually felt very jealous, seeing them happy, and broke off contact with them.
Jill talks about a male friend of hers. They sometimes were just friends, and at times they also had romantic feelings for each other, but never at the same time, although they did consummate their relationship at some point. They were also roommates. Dr. Stan points out the interesting relationship dynamic of friends, bed buddies, and roommates. This just could have led to their estrangement.
Dr. Stan points out that that we become estranged with people, we are being self-protective, The estrangement comes just after we feel they have disappointed us, as they have lived up to our expectations. It becomes too painful to think it's them and not us. We sit in our pain and say I'm not good enough or worthy enough of their attention. This is especially true of Lisa2. Her needs weren't being met by her sisters, and she cut them off. Lisa2 expresses that it has been very heavy on her heart. Dr. Stan says confronting someone about an estrangement can be difficult, to sit and think of the issues it brought up about ourselves, and then to sit down with the person and say, "I miss you," can be very powerful. Having been there, done that, I can see he is very right.
Lisa1 calls Buffy, and finds she can't make it to the Tupperware party because of previous plans. She then finds herself on the computer emailing Mr. Internet. Just as she surprised her this morning, Rhonda is there to surprise Lisa1 now. Lisa1 offers up a lot of excuses, and admits she just got done emailing him. She admits she had emailed him apologized for what she did, then saying she would explain later why. She sheepishly admits to Rhonda that she was making plans to meet up with Mr. Internet once she was out of the Starting Over house. She wanted to say goodbye to him on her own terms.
Rhonda asks if Christie said she wanted to have a goodbye party to her alcohol, if Lisa1 would think it to be a good idea. Lisa1 gets the point, and says no, but tries to explain she spent two years with him, and wanted to end it right. Rhonda tells her she didn't spend two years with him, and asks how many nights Lisa1 has spent with Mr. Internet in that time. Lisa1 says again she just wanted to be satisfied with the way it was ending, and Rhonda tells her an addict never feels satisfied. As Lisa1 begins the waterless teas, Rhonda is finally done, and says a grownup does act that way. She abruptly leaves, wishing Lisa1 luck with her party, saying she won't be helping her at all.
Dr. Stan became very concerned for Lisa2 during Group to day when she talked about her relationship with her sisters. Sitting down to talk to her about it, she says she has always had a pity party for herself, because of everything she has gone through. But this morning in Group, she realized she is where she is because she put herself there, especially as far as her sisters are concerned. They all live in the same town, so she spends her life hiding from them. She agrees with Dr. Stan that removing people from your life doesn't make you feel better. Lisa2 realizes that now, and says she can't live like this any longer. Dr. Stan asks her to call one of her sisters today. He knows once on the phone, Lisa2 will know what to say.
Lisa1 finds Jodi outside and tells her that she just got busted by Rhonda for emailing with Mr. Internet. Jodi is just another in a long list of people to tell Lisa1 that Mr. Internet does not care for her, and does not deserve her. She believes there is someone out there for Lisa1 and herself. She can't believe the world can be that unjust.
Later with Jill, Lisa1 hears the same thing again. And now knowing Lisa1 for all these months together, Jill becomes emotionally upset about it. As she cries, her voice cracks as she tells Lisa1 that it breaks her heart to see her not be able to just walk away from Mr. Internet. She wishes she would, as she knows she would feel so powerful being able to finally do it, and break that addiction.
The other ladies offer up friends and family for Lisa1 to invite to her Tupperware party. She even calls Christ, who she has a date with tonight, and leaves a message asking if he would like to come.
Lisa2 garners the courage and calls one of her sisters, Ida. To hear Ida, she sounds shocked and moved. Ida says she loves Lisa2, and has been waiting for her to come around and offer a reconciliation.
As everyone is sitting around the dining room table talking, Christie talks about Justin, and says he is now moving his stuff out of her apartment. He wasn't living there per se, but was there often. She resolves to not call him anymore. While Christie is talking, Kim breaks down and starts crying. Asked what is wrong, she says nothing, but privately she fears she is beyond help. It sounds like Rhonda's plan is working. That steely exterior of Kim's is finally breaking.
Lisa calls Rhonda, and tries to explain the Mr. Internet emails. She says she just wanted to be right, and didn't want to tell Rhonda that she wanted to talk to him again, because she was afraid Rhonda wouldn't understand. But through it all, she just wante to be right. Rhonda says she is tired of Lisa1's "crocodile tears."
We know there is a looming Board of Review. If she can successfully pull off the Tupperware party, and perhaps find a way inside her to end it with Mr. Internet, perhaps Lisa1 will be lucky enough to stay. But so far, it's not looking too good.
You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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