Starting Over 3, 01-23-06 – Inherent Patternsby LauraBelle
Things just aren't getting easier for Kim in the house. She wanted it to be a newbies against oldies thing, but it increasingly seems Kim is against everyone else.
It is getting easier for Christina, though, as she's finally had full disclosure with her mom. She is happy as well with how easily she and Jackson have been able to jump back into mommy and son mode.
Iyanla leads Group and brings with her pieces of a dress pattern, and scissors. She instructs the housemates to each cut out a piece of the pattern. This is all being done with the purpose of showing them they are all garments of many patterns learned from their families.
Asked what patterns they have all inherited from their families, Kim says they don't talk about feelings in her family. Iyanla points out that it's interesting Kim doesn't want her feeling out in the front, and here she is cutting out the front of the dress.
Christie can't think of any patterns she inherited, and Iyanla reminds her of a few – drug abuse and broken marriages. Christie isn't quite sure why it's difficult for her to think of her patterns, but wonders if it's because she tries so hard to not be like her mom. And along with that, there's so many layers; she really doesn't know where to start.
Jill says she has had to change her patterns so many times, and has learned to adapt. Yet, she always changed for others, not herself. Iyanla tells her that to change that up, she needs to create a new pattern, instead of always trying to stuff herself into the same dress.
After Group, Jill finally gets to have her house meeting. She tells the other women she is tired of feeling uncomfortable in the house. It doesn't feel like home to her anymore. Christina notes the emotional dishonesty going on. She says that before they all came together much as a family would, eating dinner together every night, etc. There was a rhythm of everyone pitching in to cook and clean.
Once it is brought up that Kim had mentioned she didn't want to clean up the kitchen, she tries to defend herself, saying with TJ she connected, and she had told Kim just to do whatever she wanted to do.
The meeting moves away from house responsibilities here, and into Kim's inability to get along. Jill tells her it's hard to follow a conversation with her, as they are very long. Kim mentions feeling attacked, and says from day one she couldn't connect with anyone. Christina tries to point out to her that she created that disconnect herself. Christie, only in the house for one day, says that she doesn't even know how to approach Kim without hurting her. Lisa2 chimes in and says at times she feels she loses her in the long conversations. Jill says there is just too much conflama that comes from not saying, "Can you make this brief?"
Kim says she thinks she'll just shut up now. No one seems to argue with her on that point, but Lisa1 does leave her with her quote of the day. "We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are."
Iyanla has Christina, her mother Deborah, and her son Jackson, enter into a hand-washing ceremony to be able make a fresh start. In a bowl filled with rose petals and a liquid, Christina and Deborah wash each other's hands, putting away their fears and expectations of wrong choices and anger. They all then wash Jackson's hands in a bowl with sunflowers with hopes for the future. Christina in particular, hopes that she will always see Deborah as a woman, and not mother, and that someday Jackson will see her the same. Shortly after, Christina has a hard time saying goodbye to her mom and son as they go back home.
Kim gets a package and note from Rhonda. She needs to put these clothes on, and will be entertaining a special guest. The clothes are a smock and black pants. The guest is Jeff, a makeup artist. He is giving her a very un-fun makeover. He listens to her story, then paints on her the bruises and welts received at the hands of her father, including a broken blood vessel in her eye that she remembered receiving from him.
Preparing for Jill to have her trial on her "conspiracy to live an unfilled life" charge, Iyanla sits down to hear how Jill is doing with her preparations. Jill has a hard time going through her notes, and talks about realizations about herself, that before she is black and a woman, she is a human being, just as God created her. Iyanla looks like s he is about ready to slide out of her chair. Jill asks if she is bored, and she says, "Yeah!" Iyanla reminds Jill that this is the fight for her life, and she will need to convince the judge.
Jill then starts talking about her experience with the cupcake. She says in that store she had a 20 minute conversation with the cupcake, walking up and down the aisle, deciding wether to eat it or not. She says in that timeframe, that cupcake became her whole life. She knew she had to stand up for herself. Even when no one is watching, and when she thinks no one cares, she needs to remember that this is for her and no one else. If she can walk away from that cupcake, she can make a commitment to live her life the way she wants to.
Ah-ha! That's the Jill we knew was in there. Iyanla seems to think so too, and rewards Jill with a gift certificate to get new frames and glasses. She is hoping for something much lighter for Jill, and not heavy to keep her in hiding. Let everyone see the Jill we know.
Jill brings Lisa1 with her to pick out her new glasses. She's happy it will be her going with as she thinks she's fabulous and stylish, and could definitely stand to get out of the house for a minute. She asks for some lighter frames or even frameless, and eventually settles on a pair with slim silver rims. They definitely uplift her look.
Kim shows her "makeover" to other women who are shocked. Christie asks if she can huge her. Kim says all that stuff is always there, she just makes it pretty on the outside. When Christie reminds her she is a survivor, Kim says she doesn't want to be a survivor anymore. She just wants to be herself.
Dr. Stan comes to see Kim's "makeover as well. She tells him it feels good to reveal it and not hide it. He tells her she can't express herself usually as her dad trained her that way. Dr. Stan's feeling is that Kim doesn't confront anyone, because if she did, with the rage she has hidden inside, she is probably afraid she won't be able to control it. He also reminds her that no children deserve to be abused, and that her legacy from this needs to be for her to learn to assert her needs always.
Iyanla shows up at the house with a surprise. She presents a colorful lei to Christina (we know what's coming, don't we?), and tells everyone to decorate the pool area festive for a party tonight. They will be celebrating that Christina is graduating tomorrow. Jill thinks it is well-deserved, saying Christina has truly become a woman of honor.
To join in the party are Deborah and Jackson who hadn't really left. Author Karrine Steffans and Gretchen, Christina's tutor (did we ever find out if she passed her G.E.D.?), are back as well to congratulate Christina. After dinner there are some fire dancers that put on a show by the pool. Deborah and Jackson then leave for good this time, after the party. Christina vows to see them very soon back in North Carolina.
As for my own celebration for Christina, I think I'll go to the store and get a new box of Kleenex for this graduation. Something tells me it will be needed.
What do you think of Christina's time in the house? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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