Starting Over 3, 01-20-06 – Full Disclosureby LauraBelle
Everything was kind of in disarray when we last left Starting Over. Christina was worried about having full disclosure with her mother about her past. Jill was getting more and more irritated with Kim, Lisa was in a cage  , and we had just met Christie. Today resolves all these issues, except for Jill's anger with Kim. It only intensifies, and more people seem to be jumping on that bandwagon.
Kim walks around the kitchen saying how badly she wants to play with Jackson, Christina's son, who is visiting. After she dumps something in the garbage and walks away, Christie goes to dump something in there and notices smoldering coming from inside the garbage can. Kim had dumped an ashtray with cigarettes that apparently weren't all the way out. Jill makes a comment that Kim is trying to kill them all, while Lisa2 and Christie seem to be equally annoyed.
Rhonda is still talking to Lisa1 in her cage, and tells her the key to her freedom is in her cell somewhere. It's been there all along, meaning she could have left anytime she wanted. Just like her relationship with Mr. Internet; she could get out any time she wanted. Lisa1 finds the key tied to a tree branch, outside the cage, but just inside her reach. The note attached says, "True Love." Rhonda asks if true love can save her, and Lisa1 says no. Rhonda tells her only she can save herself.
After she lets herself out of the cage, Lisa1 says now she knows how to free herself. Rhonda reminds her she has a date with Chris tonight, and says it's Lisa1's choice whether she wants to go or not. Lisa1 says saying no to everything is not the way she wants to live her life. As she walks away from her cage, she knows Rhonda cares more about her than she herself does.
Iyanla meets with Christina and her mom, Deborah. Christina finally tells her mom who she "has been." She tells her she has been very dishonest, a manipulator, a liar, a cheater, a stripper, and an escort. She explains she felt she had to be an escort, just to survive, and she didn't feel she come could come home.
Christina further explains she had hoped her father would come save her, but he never did. He caller her a slut when she went to Las Vegas. Deborah understands and says she knows he wasn't there for her.
Once Christina explains she felt like such a outcast when she originally left home, Deborah tells her she is a survivor and, and she has always been proud of her. She used to cringe thinking of Christina out in Las Vegas and what danger she could be in, and just wanted her to come home so badly.
Yet in the end, all that matters is that Christina kept Jackson safe. It's not the way Deborah would have preferred, but it worked. She is proud of Christina, not matter what did did, and tells her she has no reason to feel ashamed.
Deborah says she wants Christina to be back in North Carolina with her. She wants Christina to be Jackson's mommy again, and for herself to return to being Grandma. Christina makes another admission and tells her mother she wants to move to Los Angeles ... and bring Jackson with her. She doesn't want Deborah to be in fear of what Christina will do away from home again. Deborah says she'll handle it, as long as she knows Jackson is okay.
Iyanla tells Deborah her little girl is growing up. She was just lost for awhile. She adds that Christina has skills women twice her age don't have. Deborah says she's just glad Christina came to Starting Over when she did. Christina is pleased it went well with her mom and knows telling her dad is next. She resolves to just telling him in email because of their disconnect.
Dr. Stan meets Christie for the first time and hears her story. Christie says she is afraid to change everything, as it's all she knows. Sharing her weight issues, she says she has been on diets since she was eight years old. Christie never felt good about the way she looked, and always felt self-conscious around guys.
In the beginning after Christie's gastric bypass, she felt awesome, yet she soon realized she still felt like a fat woman trapped in a thin body. In fact she still feels like that today. She shares with Dr. Stan that she had had a tummy tuck at the same time as the gastric bypass, and that had gone so well, she decided to have the plastic surgery on her arms. Sharing how the reconstructive surgery didn't go as expected, she says she has panic attacks about it still. She tells Dr. Stan if she doesn't figure out what's going on inside of her, she fears she will lose it all.
Moving on with her story, Christie admits to self-medicating with food, alcohol and drugs. She is very afraid of failure. Dr. Stan wants to be there for her to encourage her on her way to success, on her way to the goal of learning to love herself.
Lisa1 gets ready for her date with Chris, saying she doesn't know if she would want to get married to him, but she feels she can count on him as a friend for the rest of her life. Meanwhile, Lisa2 tells Jill how worried she is about Lisa1. Jill tells her they have talked about that before, that if she leaves in this condition, she will be in need of an intervention and will be swallowing a bottle of pills. They believe she likes the challenge of pursuing Mr. Internet. She is like the little puppy outside the doorway, wanting to get in.
Jill and Lisa2 move on to talking about Kim. Lisa2 says she has a hard time being with her for any length of time. They just don't connect. She tells Jill how Kim had mentioned to her that she didn't connect with Jill, and now seeing Christie easily connect with Jill, she wonders why she is the only person Jill doesn't connect with. Jill says she just won't fake a relationship like that. It has to be there for her.
The doorbell rings, and Christina says there's a man at the door, and Jackson repeats, "It's a man?" It is, of course, Chris, here to see Lisa1 for their date. He greets Lisa1 with a kiss and shows her some of his artwork. He was commissioned to do these for a set of poems that someone else had written. He leaves the paintings there when they leave for dinner. On the way out, she shows Chris her cage, and tells him that she chose to see him tonight and not live in the past.
Lisa1 has her own full disclosure, and while driving to the restaurant, tells Chris about her difficult life. She tells him that she is working on healing the past as it has been running her life, and admits to the sexual abuse she faced as a child. She realizes this isn't second date material, but she tells Chris he makes her feel very safe. He reminds her that when he agreed to a date tonight, it was as a friend.
Kim is talking to Christie while they're both sitting on their beds, and says everyone here feels with their heads, not with their hearts. She has such horrible childhood memories and numbed up so long ago, that she has to learn how to feel. Christie, being in the house only a matter of hours, makes the following observation. She tells Kim that she says something she feels, but then retracts it. She tells Kim she needs to own that feeling.
Separately from each other, Kim now says she doesn't know what's wrong. She feels Christie is just another person coming at her. Christie says she thinks Kim is talking and not receiving. She is closed from feedback. She's nailing it pretty well for someone who just got there.
Christie then meets with Rhonda to work on her steps. She believes she needs to work on confidence and becoming comfortable with her body. She tells Rhonda sh eis 5'5" and 150 plus pounds. Intellectually she knows that is average. Rhonda informs her the average woman is 5'4" and 163 pounds. A size 14. As Christie asks why that doesn't make her feel better, Rhonda says, "Exactly."
Not being so hard on herself and being realistic are other areas Christie would like to see reflected in her steps. Rhonda talks her into adding steps that will force her to look at her past as well. Once Christie says she is okay with the steps where they have them, Rhonda tells her to enjoy that feeling, as it might be going away pretty quickly.
Jill talks on the phone with ex-housemate Jessica, and talks about missing TJ's footsteps in the morning. She also tells her Christie has a juicy story. Jill says she can converse with Christie and Lisa2, but not with Kim. Just hearing her voice makes her want to scream, like nails on a chalkboard. She explains to Jessica about Kim's words after TJ left, and how the newbies were "takin' over."
Over dinner, Chris asks Lisa1 why she wanted to have dinner with him again. After she jokes she was hungry, he asks if it was because he was from another country or something else. He had figured she would be interested in him, but it seems he has questions now after hearing more of her story.
Lisa1 says she is now interested in making friends and connections with people that have values that she wants. She doesn't want to have it be so blatant like it was in the past. She has a fear of being older and alone, and is seeking security. When she asks him what he is looking for, he says there is something about what she is doing now, the honesty of it. It's the true value of a friendship. Lisa1 admits she has never talked to a man so openly like this before.
Since it's going so well, Lisa1 decides to tell Chris about Mr. Internet and her reluctance to let him go. Chris is happy that Lisa1 feel so safe with him, and asks if she wants to go have some brownies. Knowing that she told him they had brownies at the house, she asks if he is inviting himself back to her place. He says he needs to get his art anyway. She asks if he left them there purposely for that reason, and he jokes she could always slide them under the door.
Kim now complains about Jill to Lisa2. She goes back to her first day in the house and talking about the grocery list problem between Jill and TJ. Lisa2 says instead of beating around the bush, just tell Jill that she is upsetting you. Kim says she has done that. She sees that problem is that she is just very compassionate, like how she still talks to her dad. Kim believes Jill is not a very compassionate person. What?  If you go into it with an attitude like that, of course she's not going to be compassionate with you. But if you look around, you'll see she's the most compassionate person in the house with the other housemates. And wasn't it Kim that watched Jill saying nice things about TJ at her graduation, leaving Kim wishing she could have the same closeness with the housemates someday? Wouldn't that be compassion? Argh! I feel you pain, Jill!
Lisa1 and Chris arrive back at the house for brownies and milk, and she tells him she feels each time she digs around herself, more comes out that she understands. She didn't realize she was lying to herself about Mr. Internet. She realizes now s he seeks out pain with men because of being sexually abused so early in her life.
Chris shows Lisa1 his paintings again, and tells her to pick out a favorite. Fittingly, for the day, she picks out a blue spattered one, called "Introspection." He asks if she has room on her wall. He is allowing her to keep it, thinking after her day in the cage, she could use a little introspection. He leaves her with a kiss on the cheek.
Jill and Lisa1 compare TJ's early days in the house to Kim's. Jill says the difference is that with TJ all she knew was how to protect herself. There is something about Kim that makes her think she is manipulative. It's possible, though, that she learned that manipulation in her years of abuse. Maybe it was her only form of survival.
When everyone else is in bed, Lisa1 tiptoes down ... to the computer! She says she just can't let go of what could have been. Will everyone please join me in a collective  ?
What do you think of Lisa1 being put in a cage? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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