Starting Over 3, 01-19-06 – I Just Want To Be Comfortable In My Own Skinby LauraBelle
A couple days ago I predicted Lisa1 would be getting a big comeuppance soon. Little did I know how soon it would be, and in what type of dramatic fashion. It was one of those pivotal moments with Lisa1 today that was so personal, it made you want to turn away from the TV, to let Lisa1 have the moment by herself.
Christina didn't sleep much the night before, as today is the day her mom and son, Jackson, are coming to visit. She mentions to the other women that Jackson is already talking really well. Lisa1 says that's okay; she just doesn't like crying babies. Christina laughs and says she's going to tell Jackson Lisa1 is mean and doesn't like babies.
Jill didn't have a good night either. She wakes up feeling like she's hungover, after TJ leaving. It was very emotionally draining. That burst of energy that was TJ is now missing from Jill's daily life. Kim notices TJ's absence as well and just hopes the new housemate will be as warm and willing to be vulnerable as TJ.
As the new housemate is traveling to the house in the limo, she says she just wants to be comfortable in her own skin. As she walks into the house, carrying a huge bouquet, she introduces herself as Christie. Great. Two Lisas, a Christina and a Christie. My first thought is how put together she seems. Jill's first thought is that she has lost a lot of weight. Where the heck does she see that?
As usual, when someone new arrives, Rhonda and Iyanla lead Group. As the other women introduce themselves, Christie cries as Lisa2 says her goal is to rebuild the ruins of her life. Christie explains she feels the same way, like she is living in ruins. This one's going to have an interesting story.
Christie starts her story saying she was four when her parents divorced. She and her older sister lived with their dad. Their mom was off "doing her own thing." Wow, shades of Kim. Her mom and dad never fully divorced, and her dad died in a car crash when she was around five. With nowhere else to go, she and her sister went to live with their mom.
The reason why Christie's mom was off "doing her own thing" was that she was a drug addict. She did crystal meth, and people were coming and going all the time from her house. For awhile, Christie went and lived with her aunt in Las Vegas, then ended up back with her mom again.
By the time Christie was twelve, she had become very close with the neighbors. The daughter of this family was her best friend. While her sister stayed with their mom, Christie moved in with the neighbors. She went through court proceeds to legally be separated from her mom, and her sister became very angry with her. She lived there for two years until those parents divorced.
After the neighbors' divorce, Christie's mom came crying back to her, saying she missed her. Christie ended up back with her mom and sister again. Eventually, Christie joined the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" program, and began doing drugs with her mom. She has done crystal meth, pot, amphetamines, alcohol, everything. The last time she touched drugs she was 19 or 20.
Christie shows a picture, and it is of her when she was 24, and at her heaviest, 267. How the freak did Jill know this? I wonder if she saw something in her body, or if she recognized the years of pain in Christie's eyes.
To lose all the weight, Christie has gastric bypass. She lost 130 pounds in 2 years. The problem was she was left with all this baggy skin. She shows a picture of herself with lots of skin hanging off her arms. She endured reconstructive surgery to correct that, and the surgery was botched. The surgeon took too much skin off, and one arm was left bigger than the other, and the blood was not returning to that smaller arm. Eventually, Christie had skin grafts on her arm to repair it.
Asked by Rhonda and Iyanla if she has always felt something was wrong with the way she looked, Christie says yes. She can't hide it anymore. She is coerced into taking her jacket off and we see her scars and skin grafts on her arm. She now feels gorgeous on the outside, like crap on the inside.
A picture is shown of Christie with her sister and her half brother, who is much younger. He is shuffled back and forth between her mom, his dad and Christie, much like how Christie spent her formative years. She wants to help him, but can't bring herself to take him in. She doesn't want to take care of someone else when she still feels she can't take care of herself. She feels she is not healthy as she still abuses food and alcohol. She vows to not use alcohol while in the Starting Over house.
Christie has been married before. They were coworkers and dated for about a year, then were engaged another year and a half, and were married two years before they divorced. As the questions come up about this, Christie begins to defend her ex. When asked why she would defend a guy that treated her badly, she says it's not that cut and dry.
Now feeling angry and a lack of understanding, Christie had thought she would be feeling soothed at this point. Lisa2 is feeling very compassionate for Christie here, as she's the newest, and remembers that feeling all too well. Iyanla jokes the "oldies" are thinking the healing has begun for Christie and are high fiving each other.
Looking at her self-portrait the other women see that Christie is pretending on the outside and is wearing a mask, feeling quite lonely on the side. Interestingly, Lisa1 sees a fraud. Christie's goal will be to "Learn to Love Christie."
Walking out of Group, Jill works at making Christie more comfortable, telling her about Iyanla calling her a liar after she had told her own forty-five minute diatribe of a story. Christina thinks Christie and the other newbies have a long way to go. Kim wonders if they need to hide the alcohol from Christie (is she ... not understanding that hiding stuff doesn't make it better only worse?), and Christie says no. She just uses alcohol as a numb-er for the pain.
Jill then talks to Christina and Lisa1 about Kim's comments the night before about the newbies taking over the house, as they'll have "more players on our team." Jill finds that very offensive, and says the house is beginning to feel like a dorm and less like a home.
Rhonda meets with Lisa1 to talk to her about her unhealthy addition with Mr. Internet. Uh-oh. The proverbial crap is about to hit the fan. Rhonda puts Lisa1 in a cage outside. The cage it stocked with a few pillows and a computer, which I believe is fake. A sign is hung on the cage that says, "Lisa1's life." Lisa1 is busted, and she knows it.
Lisa1 know she has to come clean here. She knows this is a reality check she hasn't wanted to accept. Admitting to Rhonda she doesn't know why she has an addiction to Mr. Internet, Lisa1 says she called him on her cell phone and didn't expect him to answer. Once he did, he became real to her. She also explains about the emails coming back and her phone call on the house phone to Mr. Internet. Rhonda calls her out on crying without tears again. She leaves Lisa1 there to think long and heard about what she is lying to herself about and if she is ready to change.
Christina's mom and Jackson arrive. Her mom isn't sure what to expect, and certainly isn't sure what Jackson will think of this. He says, "I miss my mama. She's been gone for a long time."  As Christina introduces him and her mom to her housemates, they all joke that Lisa1 can't be introduced to them, because "she's kind of in a cage right now."
While Christina takes Jackson to a park, Iyanla arrives and meets one-on-one with Christina's mom, "mom to mom." When asked when she allowed Christina to leave and get married at just 16, her mom says she wore her down. Christina was so persistent. She thought after her husband went to boot camp, that would be it, but it wasn't. Christina's dad was against it, and if it had been his decision alone, the answer would have bee no. She also wondered if this was Christina's only chance to be happy.
Driving to the park, Christina says her mom doesn't know the whole scope of everything she has been through. Although her mom visited her in Las Vegas, she didn't know he was escorting. When Jackson asks where his grandmother is, Christina says she's back at the house with Iyanla, and hopes she's okay. At the park, Christina says it's the most wonderful feeling to spend time with her son and to like the person she is.
Iyanla tells Christina's mother, that Christina will need her help to face her father. She doesn't need to be beat up about her past, and wants him to understand his role. Iyanla mentions Christina has decided on full disclosure of her past. Her mother says she knows some, but not all. But of all her twenty years, she has always bee proud of Christina.
Rhonda takes Christie out people watching. She wants her to show her bodies that she wants, being so unhappy with her own. Christie points one out, and Rhonda chases after her into a store, to get her to come speak with them. Christie says she likes this woman's body, as she is cute, petite and small. When Rhonda asks this woman if she loves her body as much as Christie does, she says no. She wishes she had smaller hips and bigger breasts. Amen on that one. I hear ya.
Christie points out another body, saying she would like that one, but with bigger boobs. Rhonda points to another, saying she's a little big, but she does have big boobs. Anyone turning on the show at this point would seriously wonder where this was all going. Christie finds someone she thinks has the same body as her, and Rhonda watches the two of them walk next to each other. Rhonda announces they were pretty close, but Christie's butt was wider. Christie thanks her for her honesty, and starts to realize it doesn't matter so much. I don't know. I'd still like bigger boobs.
Lisa2 and Kim are worried about Lisa1 as she sits crying in her cage, Lisa2 visits with her awhile, then Kim brings her out a water. Shortly after, Lisa1 is seen puking in a plastic bag within her cage as she is crying so hard, it is making her vomit.
Christie arrives back home and is in the kitchen with Lisa2 and Jill. As Christie talks about her body experience with Rhonda, they all see that they are the three in teh house that deal with body images. They see that the others are all so thin. Jill says they need to get used to being in an environment where others don't share their issues. They can eat a pan of brownies and not gain.
Jill goes out to visit Lisa1 outside in her cage and finds out about her puking all over herself. Lisa1 says she didn't expect it, but wanted to get to the feeling she was avoiding. As soon as she asked herself what she was trying so hard to not feel, she started to feel it. She saw the sexual molestation she experienced, and then got sick.
Lisa1 just doesn't understand it. Sure the others have seen more pain than her. Yet they aren't throwing up. Jill tells her she doesn't appreciate how her pain has damaged her. Jill says Lisa1 can feel Jill's pain of having a cupcake running her damn life. She can empathize with the others, but not for herself. What happened to Lisa1 hurt her so badly. It's not her fault.
Kim has found someone new to follow around and talk to. She's doing that to Christina's mom. Meanwhile Christina and Jackson are visiting Lisa1 in her cage. Is that really a good idea to let this little boy see a crying, puking woman in a cage? After this, she goes to check with her mom to see how the meeting went with Iyanla. Tonight she is going to fill her in on her past, and she's beginning to get quite anxious about it.
Rhonda finally comes back to see Lisa1 in her cage. Lisa1 says after puking, she is now ready to change. She wants to show Mr. Internet that is is not that person. After she told him about her past being molested, he seemed to understand, but then wasn't answering her emails, and that's when she feels she went out of control. All of this is an effort to recreate her past, Rhonda believes. Lisa1 is continuing the pattern and allowing her molester to still run her life. The abuse will stop when she quits choosing it.
Lisa1 feels she is now ready to grow up, but wants to go through this until she feels inside she doesn't want Mr. Internet. Rhonda tells her he doesn't care about her, but Lisa1 still wants to have the last word with. Rhonda tells her s he is in jail. Why does it matter who has the last words? But Lisa1 still wants that moment of revenge with him. Again, the problem with this reasoning is he doesn't care. Rhonda tells Lisa1 she would be sick too. Yikes.
Lisa1 is on the verge of a huge breakthrough. She just has to step through that wall. She has herself in that cage. When she steps through, she can get out. I suspect we will find the same thing with Christie. Step through the pain, and she'll be free as well.
What do you think of Lisa1 being put in a cage? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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