Starting Over 3, 01-18-06 – No Longer Aloneby LauraBelle
You have to hand it to TJ. She walked into the Starting Over house and didn't make instant friends with anybody. Yet here she is just a few short months later, after refusing to ever not work very hard, having made best friends with several of the women in the house.
TJ starts out her day with a makeover from Andy Paige. She shows Andy her Starting Over wardrobe, which is representative of what she would normally wear. Andy likes it, but picks through it showing her things she shouldn't wear. For instance, she's told when she wears sandals with a wide toe, she should wear long pants that come to that point of her shoe.
With the knowledge of the types of things TJ wears, Andy takes her to a boutique, Belle Gray, to pick out a new dress for tonight. With the first thing she tries on, a slip dress, Andy says it's sweet, and asks TJ if it represents the new TJ. She hears a quick "no," as TJ retreats quickly in the dressing room. They both eventually settle on a dress that TJ feels represents the elements of the new TJ – softness, flair and sophistication.
As for her hair, they go much shorter than TJ had anticipated, but with great results. Andy says TJ's current hair is like cranial plumage – beautiful, but not a lot of style. By the time the stylist is done, Andy tells TJ is took ten years off her look. And, of course, they don't let us see it just yet.
Iyanla meets with Lisa2 and takes her to a little pool filled with dirt and gunk. Told to reach into it, Lisa2 does, and pulls out a rubber snake. At least I think it was rubber. Asked to step into it, though, Lisa2 refuses. Iyanla tells her that is just like her marriage. She refuses to step into the mess to clean it up. Hmm, the opposite of Allison. Allison wouldn't stop cleaning up others' messes, and Lisa2 won't clean up her own, blaming it on someone else.
Lisa2 says it's not her mess, as she hasn't cheated. Iyanla tells her she indeed has. Mentioning the bills again, Lisa2 is asked by Iyanla to provide some further explanation of these so-calledl bills. She says she shopped a lot, and bought many things. He didn't tell her to stop spending, and didn't take away the credit cards, so it's his fault. Wow, she really is Lisa1 in 15 years.
As Lisa2 keeps insisting she was the one who was hurt, Iyanla tells her she doesn't feel sorry for her. Lisa2 starts rambling on about her daughter getting a divorce and how hurtful it was to her. Iyanla explains it was her job to show her kids how to be happy. Instead, she has only shown them how to be miserable, unhappy and disconnected, which is exactly what her daughter got out of her first marriage.
Iyanla wants Lisa2 to step into that pool, but it just isn't going to happen. Iyanla then walks out, and says she's not the coach for her. Returning, Iyanla decides to give her another chance, and hands her pictures of parasites, telling her to research them on the internet. Iyanla believes Lisa2 has been doing just that, living like a parasite.
Lisa1 talks to Jill, once again, about her infatuation with Mr. Internet. She complains that Rhonda keeps telling her she doesn't need to have a resolution to the relationship, but she still wants to see him one last time. One last time? Last night she said she thinks he is THE ONE. Jill encourages Lisa1 to see that if Mr. Internet can't be the person she wants him to be, she should leave him.
Jill and Lisa1 move on to everyone's other favorite topic lately, Kim. They are both appalled that she put a note on the clothes dryer that said, "Don't put other people's clothes in the dryer, & turn it on. Thanks." Upset with her taking over and controlling everyone else's laundry, especially when it's a system that has been in the works for months, Jill changes it to "Don't put KIM'S clothes in the dryer ..." Pretty soon Kim is going to get a rude awakening, but I can't decide how it will happen.
After researching parasites online, Lisa2 takes her results to Iyanla over by the murky water pool. She tells her she has learned they are all parasites that live off the host organism. Iyanla picks stray parasites (I'm again assuming rubber, as they are in sporty colors like pink, blue and yellow) out of the pool and asks Lisa2 to identify them. It's the parasite Iyanla feels Lisa2 might identify with the most, saying it sucks blood out of the others.
Iyanla, thinking Lisa2 needs a little more persuasion, jumps into the pool and wades around, saying, "C'mon Tony. Help Lisa!" Lisa2 doesn't like this, and Iyanla says that Lisa2 had said earlier she was willing. If she is, she must then get in the mess. Lisa2 eventually gets into the pool, sits and cries. Iyanla points out no one else should give you happiness, and Lisa2 has been waiting for it for thirty-one years.
As Lisa2 lays back in the murky mess in the tiny pool, Iyanla piles onto her the gunk that has been sitting at the bottom of the murk. Lisa2 says this is horrible, and Iyanla points out that's what she said before she left home. Iyanla tells her that if she fixes her heart first, the other things will fall into place. When Lisa2 seems like she's starting to understand, Iyanla offers to help her clean up the mess.
Jessica comes back again for TJ's graduation. I wonder if this is what she had in mind when she said she wanted to stay out here in Los Angeles. She goes around and greets everyone, including TJ who is getting ready. Lisa1 is busying herself putting Mr. Internet's new email address into her address book. Kim questions this, and rightfully so, being that Lisa1 is still staying to some in the house that she is done wit this guy.
As everyone is seated outside for the graduation ceremony, TJ enters in a stunning olive-colored dress. Her hair is gorgeous, parted on the side. Rhonda mentions the same thing as Andy, that it has taken ten years off her look.
Rhonda opens the ceremony telling TJ she hops she will always feel love for herself as others do. She wants her to stay open and feel connected to herself and the world. Enough of the greeting card, Rhonda moves on to talking about TJ's first day in the house, when all the women worked on the rope course together. TJ insisted on controlling the whole thing, despite the fact she had no idea what she was doing.
TJ's control got her in trouble early on in her stay in the Starting Over house. She was just trying to find a way to connect, but pushing everyone away in the process, making them very uncomfortable. TJ eventually had a breakdown, crying, saying she felt rejected at every turn. She just couldn't stand it anymore.
Through all of her hard work, TJ has now learned how to connect. She spent some time in a box that Rhonda put her in, symbolizing how she had lived her whole life. The missing piece all t hat time was that she believed the world was against her, when really it was for her. TJ learned how to become vulnerable, and learned from her housemates about intimacy. Rhonda knew she had earned their respect when they helped her literally tear down the walls of that box.
In closing, Rhonda says she is honored to have the opportunity with TJ and pleased to know her. She has enjoyed their time together and will remember all their laughter when TJ is gone. She thanks TJ for being there, and thanks her for having the will to change.
Iyanla is short and sweet in her good-bye to TJ. She tells her she could say a lot, but won't. Iyanla's belief is that it's difficult to be difficult, and difficult to be different. Yet, in each, there is a blessing. Iyanla believes TJ just has a different approach to life. She reads a saying that she says has helped her all these years. It starts out with, "Help me to know my purpose in the moment." It also asks "Show me" and "Remind me." Iyanla suggests to TJ that she takes what she has learned here and incorporate it into her life. She believes TJ has made a great contribution to the legacy of the Starting Over house.
Dr. Stan tells TJ she has overcome many obstacles before she even came here. He talks about her living in the world of someone with attentional difficulties. He says oddly, that her biggest breakthrough was in their last session, just yesterday. She has attempted before to remain attentive in their conversations, but this time she actually did it. Dr. Stan alwys had to remind her not to look at the ceiling or the floor, but him. This time he didn't. His wish for TJ is for her to continue looking at him through other people's eyes. He doesn't ever want her to look up from the outside again.
Just as I was hoping, Jill stands up to speak. She tells TJ that from the moment they first walked into the house, she thought they should stay as far apart as possible. Then one night they sat and talked to the wee early morning hours until they were able to reach a safe place in their relationship. She believes now it was worth the work as they are like sisters, mother, daughter, etc. Jill hopes some day TJ will have a beautiful blonde girl and name her Jill.
Jill tells TJ to look at the gift she gave her. TJ pulls out a little mirror which says on it, "TJ, my Mirror. I Love You. Sisters for life." It honestly makes me cry just typing it. She hugs TJ and tells her, "You the best, Mama." Kim watches this and thinks to herself how wonderful it would be if her housemates learned to think of her the same way. Sheesh! Give it a rest!
As a graduation gift, TJ receives an overnight escape with three girlfriends. They will have cabin lodging, a wine tasting, and eight luxurious spa treatments. She receives her Starting Over statue that says "No Longer Alone."
TJ tells everyone she was committed before she even came her. She wanted to develop best friends for life. She tells Kim she sees so much of herself in her, and tells Lisa2 she is so excited she lives in Denver, knowing they will be close enough to support each other. TJ tells Lil Bit that she has always had a feeling she was exceptional, and now looking at her artwork and her success with her practice G.E.D., it's been confirmed.
To each and everyone there, TJ says the experience of Starting Over is something she will never forget. She thanks them for all of their words. TJ says the truth hurts, but in the end of the day, it's all that matters. She can't imagine anything that would have been the last two months. Her wish for herself is to stay connected, stay vulnerable and live below the neck.
TJ takes her goodbye walk past her housemates and hugs them all, saying she wishes she could stay and spend the last moments with her friends, yet she also can't wait to get home an embrace her husband, friends and mom.
After TJ leaves, Kim is in the kitchen ... talking! She is talking about TJ leaving and asks the other women if they are worried they might not always stay in contact with each other, even though they are saying now they will. Christina and Jill pull off for a private conversation, and talk about it becoming "us against them." In true Jill fashion, she wonders if Kim is a mole sent there to torture them.
And it's only going to get worse as the original housemates become outnumbered by the newer ones. As much as I love Jill's words to everyone else when they graduate, I can't wait for her graduation. I am sure she will leave us laughing and crying.
What's your favorite TJ moment? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
Interested in American Idol? See my blog at Belle's Blog. And play the Idol Go Home game while you're there to win a trip to the Finale!
For a report on Survivor: Exile Island's new cast, see Wanda Shirk's report Wanda's Words of Wisdom
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