Starting Over 3, 01-12-06 – Coccoon Of Pityby LauraBelle
TJ and Jill had their big drag-out fight yesterday, and still all doesn't seem resolved. This has TJ quite upset, but at least she'll have the comfort of her husband, Rick, who is due to arrive for a visit today. When she calls Rhonda to talk to her about it, Rhonda commends her for recognizing that she was out of sorts and seeking control because of Jessica and Allison leaving the house so recently.
Iyanla leads Lisa2 into The "War Z one." This is really the ivy covered walkway, but inside is a miniature ground attack with separate zones, such as Judgment Hill, Desert of Depression, and Hideout Canyon, marked out. Iyanla tells her this will help her determine her military operation plan. Lisa2 is to put several flags indicating landmarks inside all the attack zones. She needs to write down on each what keeps her separated or in her "cocoon of pity."
Discussing her war, Lisa2 realizes she has been at war with everyone in her life from her children to her husband to her mother to herself. She believes she has married a man like her father, but Iyanla tries to get her to see she is like her father because she stands in judgment of everyone. Lisa2 looks unconvinced and totally overwhelmed and confused. She is left to plant her landmarks on her own.
Lisa1 tells Christina about her date the night before. She talks about the quick kiss good night and how it was unexpected, and also talks about how he was totally fine with the fact that she was still searching for her place in life and didn't know what she wanted to do when she "grew up."
TJ comes into the room talking about the expected visit with Rick, her husband of fifteen years. Christina asks if he will be sleeping in the guest room. TJ laughs and says, "It's going to be a conjugal visit, hun." She follows this by saying, "Yes, my husband and I conjugate, and very well, thank you." TMI, TJ, TMI.
Lisa2, on a break from her war zone planning, talks with TJ and wants to know about the business she is in with Rick. TJ talks instead about how they came to work together. She was in sales, and he would visit where she worked, both of them working for different companies. He fit in so well, and was so good with her customers, he got a job there too. I am still not sure what business they are in togeher, and I'm betting Lisa2 isn't either.
Jill walks into Group and finds no couches. She's hoping it's not a yoga lesson. Once Iyanla arrives, she tosses in huge exercise balls. She says the balls represent relationships and the way they can bounce around in them unless they learn to strengthen their core and find the right balance.
Iyanla asks TJ to demonstrate for everyone how to do stomach crunches on the balls. As she does it, Iyanla explains that she has a solid center and strong back, otherwise she wouldn't be able to do it. To demonstrate that the balls can also help pwith softness, Iyanla tells TJ to lay on the ball, face down. When TJ explains that it hurts a little, Iyanla thinks it's pretty interesting that when TJ's core needs to relax and be soft, she has difficulty with it.
Jill says she works on centering herself a little every morning by doing her affirmations. Lisa2 says she doesn't do anything to center herself. She runs away by going to work. It's like an escape for her, a place to go where she feels she can enjoy herself. Iyanla asks her to do some crunches and she can't.
Christina is asked to demonstrate crunches and does it easily. Iyanla turns to Lisa2 and asks if she could feel that. Lisa2 says yes, and once again looks like she's overwhelmed. Iyanla keeps hammering and saying that if Lisa2 can feel someone else doing crunches, she is letting someone else do the work for her once again. Yet, looking at Lisa2, I don't think that was what she was saying at all. I think she was trying to give the right answer and said yes, but knew she couldn't really "feel" Christina doing crunches.
Using what everyone has learned about strengthening their core by sitting on the exercise balls, Iyanla tells them to then apply it to their relationships. Take their most difficult relationships, sit on them, and find their core. The housemates believe this would translate into standing their ground and being vulnerable.
Directly after Group, Iyanla pulls Christina aside, while both are still sitting on the exercise balls, to tell her on Saturday she is testing for her G.E.D., so she needs to get her birth certificate and social security card ready. Christina thinks she is ready for this.
TJ approaches Jill and says she is still feeling unsettled about their argument the day before. Jill doesn't want to say she is giving up on their relationship and has outgrown it, as discussed with Iyanla. She does the right thing and eases her way out of it, saying she has learned how to love and forgive being in the Starting Over house. She believes they just have different viewpoints.
Dr. Stan meets with Kim for the first time, and she tells him about her painful, abusive childhood and how she's just not able to let go of it. The talk switches to the moment she gave birth to her son, and Kim says she doesn't remember it, especially the pain. She wonders if it's possible that she has learned how to disconnect when she faces pain, a product of growing up with the horrors that she experienced living with her father.
Kim expresses to Dr. Stan some disappointment with her husband not being very supportive during her pregnancy. She wonders how she could marry a man lacking something so necessary. Dr. Stan tells Kim they will explore that issue more later. Is she with this man because she didn't want the support or has she shut his support out, not knowing how to accept it?
Iyanla walks into Lisa2's war zone again and is shocked that her landmark flags have very few words on them. She lists things like, "Bills," "no skills," "Mom," "Dad," "Husband." Iyanla explains that in a strategic military plan, you need to have finite details. She is losing this battle and is left to get if corrected in seven minutes.
Lisa2 doesn't do much but hem and haw in Iyanla's absence. She explains she doesn't know how to put it into words. Iyanla knows the problems is that Lisa2 still believes she was no the one that caused the problems. She asks Lisa2 who the bills belong to and who it is that has no skills? She needs to own that blame.
Despite the fact that she is her own worst enemy, Iyanla says Lisa2 did the best she could. Yet, she also still needs to clean it up. This is a failed mission. Lisa2 is told to talk to her "elder statesmen" for advice on where to go from here.
Jill calls Allison and tells her about her argument with TJ. Allison just laughs, and it seems to be one of those "thank God I'm gone and not living there anymore" type of things. They had to chase the girl out of here, but now she seems happy to be out. Allison asks about Lisa's date and TJ's husband.
Cue the door. Look who's here! It's TJ's husband, Rick, on crutches, hobbled by some mysterious incident. After a round of introductions, Jill says, "For the love of Christmas, it's the male version of TJ." It's not so much what she said, it's Jill's delivery that makes me giggle. My mom and I used to play a game deciding who we would invite to our next party. Someone on TV or in the newspaper would say something that was unbelievably funny and would keep us so entertained, we deemed them appropriate party guests for the next big bash. Mom, I'm inviting Jill to the next one.
Lisa1 and Kim help Lisa2 carry her battleground inside. As Lisa2 explains the assignment, Lisa1 realizes her namesake is in complete denial as far as her part in her drama. She thinks Lisa2 believes she is completely justified turning herself into a victim. Pretty insightful coming from the person that knows this is her in fifteen years if she doesn't change.
As TJ gets ready to go out to dinner with Rick, some of her housemates are in the bathroom with her. Lisa2 asks what TJ stands for and she says she doesn't want to talk about it. Lisa1 picks up the ball and runs with it, saying they have asked before, but she refused to tell them. She suggests maybe it's Thumbelina or Tanni or Tannia. TJ becomes unbelievably upset and says they have crossed her boundary. This makes her quite anxious and she starts slapping makeup on her face the way Miss Yvonne did in PeeWee's Playhouse when she thought Captain Carl was with another woman.
Dining at DelMonico's Lobster House, Rick talks about the positive changes he has seen in TJ. He is worried, though, that she won't keep up the work needed to make these changes after she graduates. She gives him a note she wrote for him, and he insists she read it to him. For someone who struggled writing at the beginning of the show, she is able to write him something that means so much to him he breaks down crying, wiping his eyes with his dinner napkin.
Back at the house, Lisa1 is on a tear about TJ and Rick. She says Rick is so nice and so good-looking she doesn't know how TJ got him. Continuing on, as Lisa1 is prone to do, she mentions TJ's refusal to talk about her name and how upset it got her. Lisa says, "What else is off limits, your birthday?" She then recoils in mock horror, "No! Don't ask! Don't ask!"
Mom, you might need to set out another chair out for the party.
Which housemate would you invite to a party? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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