Starting Over 3, 01-11-06 – Too Much Conflamaby LauraBelle
It is so hard to outgrow a friendship. Once you realize you don't feel the same way anymore, it's hard to say it, and you're left in a quandary as to what the best way of ending it is. Normally I just end up walking away, yet one time I picked a fight that just got worse and worse and worse. Although with that one, I did call and apologize years later after watching Kim from the season two apologize to her sister.
As the show starts today, Jill and TJ are still having their fight in the kitchen as Kim watches. The fight had been over Jill and Kim buying wine with the group grocery money as has always been done. TJ has been on a controlling binge and wants to change this since she doesn't drink wine and thinks with two new people, the old way of doing things should be revisited.
TJ takes a cheap shot when Jill says no one else has a problem with this way of doing things and says Lisa still says Jill is lazy. Jill feels sucker punched and calls TJ, "Bitch." When they try to stick to the issue, Kim believes that as long as three of the six women will drink the wine then it's okay to buy it. TJ thinks it should only be that way with six people wanting to drink it. I wonder if everyone consumes every other grocery item. Does everyone eat ketchup? Does everyone drink coffee?
Iyanla and Lisa2 make up her steps based onthe goal of "Repairing the Ruins." Iyanla wants her to see that it's more than Lisa2's marriage that lays in Ruins. Lisa2 is asked to make a wind chime up which holds the pros and cons to staying in the marriage. One pro is the money. One con is not feeling loved.
Christina takes some of her items to a consignment shop. She is told she can either use $74.50 as credit in the shop or can take away $52.15 in cash. She obviously opts for the $52.15, needing to get $100 by the end of the day per Iyanla's directions. Visiting the art store, she is told her flower/wreath creations are too crafty. She feels that comment is just being rejected, but told in a "pretty way."
Kim sits in the bathroom talking to Lisa1 about dating. While sitting there, she begins doing Lisa1's hair for her big date. Lisa1 says Christina did it once for her, but she's not there, since she's still out raising money. TJ enters and, in typical TJ fashion, takes over. She tells Kim she colors Lisa1's hair and just picks up a big brush and blow dryer and starts doing it. Kim feels disappointed as she wanted this one on one time to get to know Lisa1 better.
Christina comes home and finds everyone in the bathroom to tell them her art was rejected, but she made $95. Everyone wants to know how she made the money if her art was rejected, but they tell Christina she can tell them how she made the money when she is ready. TJ just now realizes she took over and controlled Lisa's hair situation and apologizes.
Later Christina sits with TJ and tells her how she made the $95. The first $52.15 was from the consignment shop. The other money was made when she returned some things she had bought before at Marshall's. She has now decided she doesn't need them. She admits that although she liked her 3D flowers before, after they were rejected she now hates them, especially the little one. TJ offers to hide it for her in her bedroom for the night when Christina admits to wanting to destroy it.
Jill and TJ sit down and try to get past their argument and discuss it. They don't seem to be getting very farm. TJ keeps saying she doesn't know what the big deal is at it's just a grocery list. Jill stand up and says, "It's more than a [expletive deleted] grocery list." You can look at Jill and just see how hurt she still is. It's odd, because TJ seems to know this, but she doesn't do anything to really to try to fix it.
As TJ and Jill are talking about this at the dining room table, Lisa1, Lisa2 and Kim sit and watch them. Jill says if they were just talking about behaviors, it would be okay, but TJ attacked her. They continue to keep talking about this, but they never really get anywhere with it. They even move the conversation outside, presumably while they are having a smoke. Jill says TJ is making a mountain out of a dust bunny.
Christina is still inconsolable about her day. He art was rejected and she didn't make the full $95. On top of all that is the fact that she can't make money honestly as easy as she could when she was selling her body. She remembers the clay exercise with Iyanla as a way to get rid of anger and knows she still has some left. She brings the clay outside and and throws it all over the place, slamming it to the ground.
Chris picks up Lisa and takes her to a Japanese restaurant. Lisa is trying to not be outrageous and feels a little boring. She had said earlier when she drinks she gets very subdued, yet remains hyper if she doesn't drink. She does decide to have some sake though. She looks at the small grill in the middle of their table and asks if they are suppose to cook it themselves. She launches into a story from a book on Australia that she read recently. This is a Lisa we don't normally get to see, the intellectual side.
Iyanla visits the house to check in on Christina's assignment to make $100 that day. Christina says that one of the things she took to the consignment shop with "Mr. Box's purse." Mr. Box is assumably the guy that was sending her the brown paper wrapped boxes that she later admitted had been a client of hers. He had bought her a purse that she never used. Iyanla thinks this is excellent.
Because she came so close to making the $100, Iyanla can't figure out why Christina is still so upset. She says when she was driving around trying to get the money she was feeling desperate and it reminded her of when she was out in Las Vegas stripping and escorting. She realized when journaling all her feelings down that she was angry because there was no easy way out. Iyanla says this is a good realization. She tells Christina she just has no victory muscle, only having that survivor muscle still.
Lisa1 launches into a story over dinner about the show Sex In The City. She makes some racy comments and worries about it, but Chris seems to find this side of her as refreshing and easygoing. He also feels they are experiencing a connection. He thinks there is a spark there, but itsn't sure she feels it as well. She likes the way the date is going and is hoping for a little kiss at the end of the night.
Everyone is outside and Christina begins to explain her day to everyone. Iyanla comes back and gives her $20 so that she exceeds her goal by $15. As everyone celebrates, Iyanla notices that Jill doesn't appear to look very happy and asks, "What kind of a face is that?" She asks Jill if she wants to talk and says she should use her services as long as she's in the house.
Examining the situation with TJ, Iyanla thinks Jill still needs to work on lining up her intuition. She is constantly second-guessing it which is another form of self-sabotage. She also wonders if Jill has outgrown her friendship with TJ. Asked if she has been pulling back, Jill admits she has. Iyanla advises it's okay to reevaluate a relationship and decide you don't want to do "conflama" anymore. I really like this word. I think I might start using it, as I know I have LOTS of conflama in my life.
As the whole group, including Jill, is gathered in the kitchen, Lisa2 compares TJ to her daughter, saying they both have control issues. TJ doesn't seem to be upset by being called out on it.
Chris drops Lisa off at the house and asks her for a second date as we all cheer. They look so gosh darn cute together that you can't help root them on. She agrees, but says she h as to put it through Rhonda first. She gets her wish and gets the little kiss she was looking for. A very polite, and on the money one after the date they had. He moves in quickly, but gives her a nice little one ... on the lips.
I hope Lisa will see, when evaluating this date tomorrow, that she didn't come off too strong or dependent. She was her self, her authentic self, had a great time and got what she wanted at the end. In the end, there isn't much more that matters than that.
What do you think of TJ's controlling? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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