Starting Over 3, 01-10-06 – Sucker Punchedby LauraBelle
Today Starting Over welcomes its second new housemate in three days with the graduation yesterday of Allison. Of course, it seems like a lot longer because of the holiday hiatus between that time.
Jill admits that as much as she kavetched about Allison, she still misses her presence. Lisa makes her own bed because roommate Allison is no longer there to do it for her. She believes the others all took Allison for granted. As she struggles to find the right words for how she feels, she consults Jill, calling her the wordsmith. Jill compares it to losing someone in your family.
Christina makes a small wreath and hangs it up. It's a smaller version of the large purple one she made that also hangs in the house. I'm not sure, but I believe this is what she made out of the old images of herself where she ripped them up and was required to make something good from it.
Iyanla had assigned Christina the chore of coming up with fifty different ways to raise $1500 after she was told it would cost that much to remove her pictures from the collection of websites. Christina hopes to sell these wreaths to the art store that Jessica sold her photograph to. She feels a desperation now to raise the money, feeling it will save her.
I am not quite sure why, but just before the new housemate arrives, an air freshener is shown being plugged into the wall. That's it. Just one little small blip and it is never referred to. Showing people vacuuming is understandable, but plugging in an air freshener?
The new housemate arrives, and Lisa's new roommate is named ... Lisa! This will be confusing for the other housemates and the life coaches. It will be a nightmare for your reviewer, having to resort to referring to them as Lisa1 and Lisa2. On a tour of the house, and admiring the view of the pool, Lisa2 says it's a shame she doesn't know how to swim.
As Rhonda and Iyanla walk into Group, Lisa2 happens to be saying, "I'm dying!" She admits to feeling overwhelmed, saying she has lived so sheltered, and being surrounded by all these people constantly, will take some getting used to. Not wasting any time, the life coaches show a picture of Lisa2 and her husband from when she was about seventeen. They had started dating when she was around fourteen and married when she was nineteen.
Iyanla says the first year of any marriage is always sex, TV and popcorn, and Lisa2 admits that describes her first year of marriage pretty accurately. It describes mine, too, except we didn't have cable TV yet in our subdivision, so we tossed popcorn on top of our glass kitchen table to drive our dog, who was waiting underneath, nuts. What can I say? It passed for entertainment when we needed it.
Asked about her second year of marriage, Lisa2 says she found out her husband was having an affair. Okay, that did NOT happen in our second year. Lisa2 and her husband never resolved the issue, and they have now been married thirty-one years. What made it worse was her husband's lover showed up again, with child, saying it was his and getting money out of them for the baby's care. This woman has died since and Lisa2 has no idea where or who this child is.
Lisa2 and her husband had their own children as well. Their daughter was "unplanned", yet her son, now twenty-five, was planned, as she explains it. I'm not too sure why that is so important. Her son has now admitted to drug and alcohol use, saying he started as early as twelve years old. He didn't want to trouble his mom by telling her, feeling she had enough on her plate.
Today Lisa2's life revolves around a lonely bedroom and the light of her life, her new grandson, the child of her daughter. She and her husband haven't slept in the same room for the past few years. Her bedroom is barren of color and pretty empty. Iyanla feels this is all to punish her husband.
Once Lisa admits she doesn't work much, living off the income of her husband that treats her badly, Iyanla feigns a fainting spell onto the floor. This forces Lisa2 to admit she lives her life that way because she likes it. Iyanla compares it to being in jail.
One time Lisa2 actually did file for divorce, but only ended up backing out of it. Her husband makes her feel sorry for him, like he is the victim. She stayed as she felt it was her job to take care of him. He shows his love for her by buying her jewelry.
A recent picture is shown of Lisa2 and her husband and they are cuddling and look close. She says she isn't as happy as they look there, and that she was only happy because of the recent birth of her grandchild. She also admits to not talking to her sisters in a year and a half, simply because she wants them to keep believing the image she puts out there of a perfect, happy life.
In her self portrait Lisa2 is shown with a bunch of sad emotions circling around her head. Near her feet is a sun with the words daughter and grandbaby. Analyzing it, Kim feels there is a weight being put on her daughter and grandchild. Lisa1 notices that Lisa2's heart is outside her body and has confusion in her head. Asked to connect it to herself, Lisa1 says she feels something, but isn't sure. Pushed to connect it, Lisa1 gets upset and says this could be the older version of herself if she doesn't change.
Jill says she hears violins and TJ gasps, saying that's exactly what the picture looks like, a violin on a stand. Jill thinks Lisa2 set all these traps so that everyone would fall into this story she wants to tell of her husband being the big bad bully, "woe is me."
Lisa2's goal will be to "Rebuild the Ruins," and she recognizes that the ruins wold be her family, sisters, own self being, marriage and finances. She's a little put off by the happenings in Group. She's not used to people telling her how it is like that. In other words, she's used to telling her story the way she wants to tell it, just as Jill said.
Jill takes Lisa2 around the house and helps her settle in. While doing so she admits to Lisa2 that she, too, felt like she was hit by a mack truck when explaining her story the first day in Group. She says Iyanla even called her a liar.
Iyanla looks at Christina's list of things she can do to raise the $1500. She tells Christina to come up with a way to raise $100 by the end of the day. Christina gets angry working on this, saying it's not as easy as selling herself. She calls the store where Jessica sold her photograph and is asked to bring her stuff in so that the owner can take a look at it.
TJ tries to talk to Kim and tell her how life will be for her in the Starting Over house and how difficult it will be for her. She sees the same qualities in herself that she sees in Kim as far as wanting to be in control and feeling different than the others.
Lisa1 meets with Rhonda and brings her backbone. Last time they had talked about it, Lisa1 had said a person with a backbone would have pride and dignity. Rhonda produces a gold coin and says that is because those people have value. The five values Lisa1 had thought she needed before were integrity, compassion, to be passionate, kind and loving.
Rhonda presents Lisa1 with a selection of purses and tells her to choose one that best represents Lisa1. She chooses a tan sling type of purse, thinking it says that the carrier is confident and has a presence about them. She describes the gold purse as flashy and the brown purse as boring. Opening up the tan purse she finds one coin. Opening up the gold purse she finds more coins, and the brown purse holds the most. Rhonda explains a person's value doesn't have to be shown on the outside. There can be hidden treasures on the inside.
Lisa1 admits she uses clothes to trick people into believing she is a certain type of person. She realizes she needs a different strategy now. Rhonda tells her she will be going on a date tonight with Chris, the man she chose in her mystery date "show" the other night. Going through Lisa1's closet, Rhonda wants her to choose her most authentic outfit to show who she really is.
After choosing an outfit, Lisa1 calls Chris and invites him out on a date, which he accepts. He asks if she would like to go out to dinner, and she says food is always good, especially since their cook graduated last night.
After Jill tells Lisa2 that they share their food money there as it's easier than everyone buying their own and having to control and separate it, TJ takes exception to this. After they argue about who has to do the shopping, Jill thinks it's kind of funny that TJ starts this conflama about groceries just after the peacekeepers in the house graduate.
TJ tells Lisa2 she will be her accountability partner. I'm not so sure this is how the process was supposed to work, TJ making these assumptions. Lisa1 feels that TJ always assumes leadership. TJ then tells Lisa2 not to mother anyone there, making Lisa2 very uncomfortable, feeling they will butt heads very soon.
Iyanla meets with Lisa2 who admits to feeling she might be too far gone. She has kept this all inside as she is scared of how her image would be affected. She is afraid to tell the truth of how miserable she has been for all these years. Iyanla thinks she needs the misery and pity to make her story right.
As Christina goes to the art store to ask about her wreaths, Jill and Kim have just returned from shopping. TJ is upset now that they have bought wine with the group's money. TJ feels that should be individual and not group. Jill says that, like the food, it would be hard to control, who ate what, who drank what, etc., and feels it should be bought by the group as it always is.
TJ says maybe some people don't want to buy groceries like that, and is upset they haven't readdressed the rules since Jessica and Allison left, and that Jill just assumed it would be the same way. Not getting her way, TJ throws a hardball in and says that Lisa1 still talks about Jill being lazy. Feeling like she was sucker punched, Jill calls her a bitch. This stops TJ in her tracks, and she says later she realized then she had just lost Jill's friendship.
The relationship dynamics here are so interesting. For two months the life coaches worked to get these women to work together and be there for each other. Just before Jessica's graduation, they were all starting to come together. As Jill said, once the peacekeepers left, it all changed again. I just wonder if TJ realizes that as she was telling Kim that they were similar as they were both controlling, she was running around the house controlling more than ever, telling Lisa2 not to mother anyone and getting mad at Jill for assuming the rules stayed the same with the change in housemates. Judging by the previews, we haven't heard the last of this.
What do you think of TJ's controlling? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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