Starting Over 3, 01-09-06 – The Long Goodbyeby LauraBelle
We have all waited a long time. Us viewers have waited several weeks for the first run episodes of Starting Over to return, and Allison has waited even longer to graduate for the second time from Staring Over. Today it all comes together among lots of laughter.
As Allison waits in her bedroom window, she seems mournful, and we can tell she is still afraid to leave the Starting Over house. Iyanla finally comes in to get her and admits Allison leaving the nest is hard for her as the mother hen. She knows the nest has Allison's indelible image pressed into it, so perhaps it won't be as empty with her gone.
Starting the ceremony, Iyanla starts be repeating an old saying, "People come into our lives for a reason. People come into our lives for a season. People come into our lives for a lifetime." She goes on to say Allison came into our lives last season with the reason to learn how to live. A clips is shown of Allison arriving in an outfit befitting a nanny and reluctant to take off her hat. Once she is coerced into doing so, she is asked why she would want to hide the beauty underneath. She had recently had a mastectomy and gone through chemotherapy, and felt as if she was deformed.
Iyanla says Allison was always great at inspiring and motivating others, but not herself, as she had what Iyanla referred to as "squatters". Those were the negative feelings that resided in Allison's head allowing her to think she didn't measure up. For an assignment she took styrofoam heads and decorated them all for those feelings and carried them around with her.
The worst moment for Allison while in the house was going through the genetic testing. It was then she found she carried the gene that made her so much more apt to get cancer in her other breast or ovarian cancer. She told Iyanla she didn't want to die and made the decision to have her other breast, her ovaries, and her uterus removed.
At her first graduation, Allison was told by Iyanla that her own mother died when she was only two from cancer and her precious daughter was taken from her as well, once again by cancer. Just when Iyanla thought she had made peace with cancer, Allison showed up in her life. It taught Iyanla that she wasn't done yet making peace, but with Allison's help, she eventually did. Allison told everyone that day that if she died tomorrow, she will have lived.
Once Allison had her surgeries, she came back to the Starting Over house, this time to learn to live LARGE. She still had tubes and drains in her and was battling an infection. She proved her determination to live with the lifeboat exercise. When told there was only one seat left, she stomped outside across the patio, grabbed the boat, and hopped in it inside the pool.
A turning point for Allison this second season was admitting anger at her father for his alcoholic and abusive lifestyle he forced upon her. She hid all that anger behind a plastic smile, causing Iyanla to refer to her as a "Steel Magnolia." She whacked away at bags to get rid of that anger.
Allison turned the corner for the last time when she was forced to clean up someone else's mess, a yucky old crusty refrigerator. This symbolized the feeling she always carried with her that she needed to clean up the mess left behind by her father or brother. After cleaning it all up dutifully, Iyanla came in just to piss her off, and dirtied it all up again. Allison finally became enraged, pushed her life coach and yelled at her. She had finally had enough.
After this, the reason Allison's reason for being in the house became fulfilled. Iyanla notes a lesser woman couldn't have accomplished that in a lifetime. Her hope is for Allison to always have laughter, joy and peace in her heart, and life experiences so profound, it melts away the steel forever. She hopes for Allison to stand gloriously as that fragrant, everlasting magnolia, cherished, loved and adored. Iyanla ends, telling Allison she will always stand with her, for her and wherever she needs her to be.
Taking the podium, Rhonda says, like Iyanla, she has watched Allison face cancer. But in this Starting Over house she became more difficult. Rhonda was concerned because Allison was so resistant. She needed to learn to love herself; it was too easy for her to sacrifice that. Rhonda had her other housemates hold Allison's hands, rub her back, and rub her feet. Allison became so uncomfortable being loved, but eventually she let love win and finally blossomed. Rhonda hopes that the love Allison feels will be reflected back to her. She hopes she feels it herself, every day and every hour.
As Dr. Stan stands up to talk, Allison makes a comment about him having great hands, admitting it has been a running joke that she loves his hands. He laughs it off, and says his most powerful memory of Allison's time in the house was in Las Vegas last season. She attended a breast cancer fundraiser and commanded the audience with her sensitivity, presence and great talent.
Yet this season, she went from victim to survivor and back to victim. She was very vulnerable and didn't see the power she had shown back in Las Vegas. Yet slowly a transformation took place and Allison's silent strength began to show.
Dr. Stan says it's enough about Allison; he wants to talk about himself. He knows Allison wants a man and tells her what a man would love about her. Allison is a beautiful woman, she has strength and power and the ability to care for someone. She has a sense of humor, wit and intelligence. Basically everything a man would want but self-confidence.
Dr. Stan hopes Allison will live an imperfect life as we all do, filled with challenges, and that she will make it all work for her. He feels that will lead her to a life of true joy.
The podium is turned over to Allison's housemates with TJ going first. She says privately that uncharacteristically she is at a loss for words as she had a difficult time as Allison's accountability partner. Yet standing before Allison she says the right things. At times she has wanted to strangle Allison; at times she has wanted to hug her. She knows at times Allison has wanted to strangle her, and at times Allison has wanted to hug her.
TJ hopes Allison will remember they love her. More than anything, when Allison starts spinning, TJ wants her to get on that phone. She admits for the first time that watching Allison last year was a lot of what brought TJ to the Starting Over house. She paved the way and burned the trail. She thanks Allison for being an inspiration.
As Christina begins, she says that Iyanla once asked her to pick to housemates to represent herself and her mother. She picked Jessica for herself and Allison for her mother. Whether or not Allison will ever be able to bare her own child, Christina, the only mother in the house, believes is irrelevant. She believes that Allison has been a mother to her and everyone else.
After the Board of Review when Christina got the C, it was Allison that told her it would end up being the most important thing to ever happen to her in her life. She loves Allison for that. Christina hopes that just like the bird she set free that day, that Allison, too, will soar free.
Kim says she has only been in the house a brief time, just a matter of a few days. (It's a good thing she reminded me. During the break I forgot all about her and her story!) Still, she thanks Allison for sharing her wisdom and experiences. Her wish is that this is truly the last time Allison graduates, and that she experiences mental, physical and spiritual peace throughout her life.
Jessica takes the podium and Allison jokes about not knowing she was there, then admits she was peaking from her bedroom and saw her before she came down. Joking about Allison not having any integrity if she is peaking, Dr. Stan suggests she stay for season four of Starting Over.
Once the laughter subsides, Jessica says she realized this is the first day in the Starting Over house she didn't cry. She believes it is because of the happiness, joy and pride surrounding Allison's incredible journey. Jessica also wants to thank Allison for her support. She challenged her and understood her. She is excited that they are now taking the next journey together as they will both now be Starting Over graduates.
Lisa says she is honored to have been Allison's roommate. She thinks Allison is the only person, aside from Rhonda, that could talk to her and tell her things she didn't want to hear, and she would actually listen. When Lisa was banned to the dungeon with the D, it inspired her to work harder wanting to be Allison's roommate again. Her hope for Allison is that she continues to allow prosperity and abundance in higher levels than before.
It's starting to nearly turn into a roast as everyone is laughing and really enjoying themselves, a true tribute to Allison. As Jill takes the stage someone whistles at her. She says she has epiphanies, and today she had one about Allison and how much they share, mainly their inabilities to see their own glory.
Jill says she has loved Allison, been afraid of her, wanted to be her and been inspired by her. She feels Allison opened the door for her so that she could really expose her own self. Jill never thought she wanted to be vulnerable until Allison led the way, which she considers to be the best thing to happen to her in the house.
The hopes Jill has for Allison are the same she has for herself. As everyone laughs, she calls herself a little selfish. She hopes Allison finds joy every day in the small things. She hopes she will have breath and dark eyebrows, and Jill lets out a big sniffle here. We are all right there with you, Girlfriend. If there's one thing about Jill, she has a way with words ... and nose functions.
Iyanla stands up again and jokingly asks if there is anyone that has any reason why this woman should not graduate ... again. Much more laughter follows, and Allison is presented with a certificate for long term financial debt counseling and $2500 to help start it off. She is also being awarded with an internship in Magic Johnson's foundation. Receiving her "trophy", Allison jokes that she needed bookends.
Allison finally takes the podium, looks at Iyanyla and says she doesn't know what to say. There are no words to describe what she means to her, how Iyanla has saved her, held her in her arms, told her it would be okay. She taught Allison that she can be, she can live and she can do. She matters.
Rhonda is thanked for being feisty with Allison. She says Rhonda has really given it to her. She thanks her for challenging her and not giving in. To Dr. Stan, Allison once again brings up his hands. She says he is so calming and is the first man she has felt comfortable with in many years. He has given her a sense of womanhood from a man's perspective.
To all, Allison says she has loved every grueling moment. She is alive because of Starting Over. Her soul came out. Dr. Stan gives her a large envelope. Inside is a lifesize photocopy of one of his hands.
Privately with Iyanla to say goodbye, both Allison and Iyanla can't seem to say it. Iyanla says Allison has left her more times than her husband. She also tells her not to jump in the pool as there's no boat in there this time. They argue over who loves the other more reminding me of what my son and I do at bedtime sometimes. Iyanla wins the argument saying, "But you pushed me and yelled at me!"
Allison says a quick goodbye to her housemates, all holding yellow roses, and walks away. She believes she can't go back to the old way she lived, yet doesn't feel ready for her new life. When she came here she had no will to live. Now she has lived, and she is living large.
Questions Or Comments? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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