Starting Over 3, 12-19-05 – There's No Such Thing As Perfectby LauraBelle
As we ended the show yesterday, the women had spent a whole day being anxious about the arrival of their new housemate, but also learning how to deal with their anxieties in the meantime. How anxious "the new girl" must be as well to be enter a house of women that have finally become cohesive, or as Jill refers to the remaining five, "a motley crew."
As the new housemate, Kim, walks in, Allison believes she looks and seems too perfect. Obviously if she's in the Starting Over house, there must be something she's looking for.
Shortly after Kim's arrival, Rhonda and Iyanla join everyone together for Group. The first picture shown to introduce everyone to Kim is of her, along with her husband and son. She describes it to sound like a picture perfect family. We all sit here waiting for the other shoe to drop. What is it that has brought her here?
The next picture shown is of Kim as a toddler with her father and mother. She explains her parents divorced a short time after that. She lived with her mother who got remarried when Kim was around four. Her mother told her one day that she was going for a visit with her father. After being dropped off at her father's, her mother never came back for Kim.
All was not idyllic for Kim living with her dad either. She explains that the house was kept as a complete mess with cockroaches running all over. As if that wasn't enough, Kim's father was physically abusive to her, causing her to dress in several layers of clothing just to protect herself. Allison listens and hears many comparisons to her own life.
Kim says at twenty-one she searched for and found her mother in Colorado, and even moved in with her for a few years. Rhonda and Iyanla just can't get over how nonchalant Kim is in explaining her life. Iyanla compares it to listening to a report, and tells Kim until she can get "outraged" about how she grew up, she won't heal.
Looking at Kim's self-portrait, she s hows herself, husband and son in the middle of the world, all alone. She and her son are connected by "one heart." Jill identifies with this, saying Kim reminds her of her mom, and says living like that, sharing "one heart" can be very dangerous. She wonders how different life would have been for her had her mom ever taken it to that extent.
Meeting one-on-one with Rhonda, Kim is told just because she starts to feel her emotions now, it doesn't mean she will feel them forever. Looking at a pile of blankets, Rhonda asks Kim to write down all the reasons her life is working right now.
Writing down things like "son", "successful career", and "happy marriage", Kim says there is so much underneath those things. Rhonda agrees and uncovers a broken heart underneath all the blankets. She leaves Kim alone to write down on the heart what is hiding below the supposed happiness.
When Rhonda returns later, Kim has written down things on the heart, and has also written down realizations in her journal. She has discovered she makes a lot of rationalizations for what she does, and that she hides behind her marriage. She still talks to her dad, because she doesn't want comparisons made between herself and her father. She wants to appear to be unhappy, unlike him.
Kim overall is desperate for outside validation. Through all these realizations, she and Rhonda create steps for reaching her goal of healing childhood wounds. Her first step will be to uncover the effects of trauma.
Yesterday Christina had received word from the attorney that one of the websites has agreed to take down her illicit photos. Iyanla says they have to do something to get rid of all of them, because she doesn't want them discovered someday by Jackson, Paul or prospective clients once she is in real estate. She tells Christina that she would like her to discuss getting rid of the other pictures with the attorney today.
Meeting with the attorney, Christina is told along with the first website, a second also took the pictures down, but didn't confirm it to him. He is considering it a success. The remaining six sites are all fetish sites. They will take down the pictures, but before they do they want to be repaid the money paid to Christina when she posed for them ... $1500. She tells the attorney she can come up with $300 by next week and perhaps another$100 every month after.
Being that she has just discussed with her mom about being behind on her bills, Christina knows paying this money back is just another debt. Iyanla advises her to come up with a plan on how to earn this money. With Allison's help she types up things like car wash, babysitting and lemonade stand. Allison suggests having a dinner that she pays people and admission fee to attend.
Lisa talks with TJ about her problems communicating, specifically with men. TJ shares with Lisa what she has learned about communication, the five rules of communication in five days. Lisa in turns shares what she learns from TJ in a meeting with Rhonda. She has her housemates tell her she is fun, and they like to be around her, but then she goes too far and makes inappropriate comments. She now realizes if she had better self esteem she wouldn't need to work so hard to make those connections with people.
Rhonda is digging this shift in Lisa's awareness. She has come a long way since nearly being kicked out of the house and receiving a D. Lisa is asked to write down five qualities she looks for in men, and then also come up with five questions she would ask men to her her find those qualities.
Finding TJ, Rhonda tells her she lies how she has applied what she has learned and in turn helped Lisa. Rhonda believes it's time for TJ's husband, Rick, to visit. Something about the way Rhonda makes this suggestions has TJ thinking Rick is somewhere t here waiting in the wings to see her. Rhonda says no; she wants TJ to call and invite Rick here.
Lisa sets down to write her qualities and questions with Jill. She explains she used to go for drama, but now wants adventure like traveling. Her last boyfriend was a Rhonda arrives and pulls everyone into the backyard for a dating game, "Lisa's Dream Date." Three bachelors are brought in, and with Lisa blindfolded, she asks them her five questions.
Out of her questioning, Lisa learns that Bachelor Number One is from Australia and enjoys traveling. His number one rule of life is to be true to himself. Bachelor Number Two is a family man and thinks his number one rule brings up the question of what all he is prepared to do. When Lisa asks Bachelor Number Three about the Galapagos Islands, she finds he has sailed through that area. His Number One Rules is to see each day as a gift.
Lisa needs to pick one to ask on a date. The old Lisa would have picked either all three of them or Number Three as he seems to enjoy drama and have money like Mr. Internet, but following the type of man she is now looking for, she chooses Bachelor Number one, and he accepts her offer of a date. They'll be going out sometime in the next few days. Lisa tells him he's taking a risk with her, and he says so is she.
Kim had planned to call her son every night and read to him, but now realizes there just isn't time for that. She now wants to just take each day one day at a time, and look at the end result at the end of the day. I think maybe she's still not facing the depth of the problems that brought her here.
Questions Or Comments? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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