Starting Over 3, 12-16-05 – The Waiting Is The Hardest Partby LauraBelle
Tom Petty was right. The hardest part of waiting is ... waiting. I myself am a terrible waiter. I fidget, pace and worry, especially while waiting for a ride to pick me up. I worry I got the day wrong, something happened to the person picking me up, or even that they are mad at me suddenly.
AS TJ and Lisa are sitting on the couch, Allison answers the door and finds a note for TJ. The note says to prepare for the new housemate's arrival, everyone must clean the house completely, change the bedding on Jessica's old bed (TJ and Allison already took care of this last night) and get rid of any food Jessica may have left behind. Allison is not to help clean, but is to oversee and critique the process. Allison calls this tortue.
Rhonda picks a great topic on this day, a day when everyone is anxiously awaiting the arrival of the new housemate. She wants to talk about anxiety, yet has to wait because TJ is late. Once she walks into the room, TJ explains she was late because she didn't take her medication. She admits to feeling a little anxious because of Jessica leaving and a new housemate arriving. This leads right into the topic.
Everyone expresses they are feeling a little of the same anxiety. Lisa says she knows she is because her behavior has become erratic. She found herself vacuuming because she needed to do some type of physical activity. Christina says she cried a lot yesterday, and when she did, it released a lot of her anxiety.
Rhonda says when we get anxious it's just a product of something we're not facing. When Lisa recognized she was feeling anxious and vacuumed, she became proactive. Allison says to deal with her anxiety she usually eats, shops or drinks. Christina says she walks around trying to figure out something to do, but ends up doing just that, walking around. TJ says she smokes, prompting Rhonda to tell her that heart disease and cancers start when people are in their 20s.
Allison is visibly upset and admits that this whole topic is hard for her. Anxiety is her whole life, and if she doesn't learn to deal with it better it's going to kill her. Rhonda explains that feeling anxiety is your body's way of telling you to notice it and pay attention. This means you, Allison!
After Group Rhonda search out TJ and finds her outside smoking. Rhonda can't believe this after all they just got done talking about. TJ is going to have quite the lesson in dealing with anxiety today. Previously she had an experience dealing with several children in her care; today she will responsible for taking care of three babies. TJ says one baby excites her, but three scares the crap out of her. But first, she needs to do some mysterious thing that Rhonda is assigning her to help her learn other ways to deal with anxiety.
Christina receives an email from her attorney telling her that of the eight websites that he sent cease and desist letters to demanding that they take down any pictures that Christina had posed for, one has just agreed to comply. Christina is ecstatic. There are probably a few of these she will be forced to go to court on, but she is excited nonetheless of having success with at least one of them.
TJ leaves for the mysterious assignment and is allowed to take one other person with her. Choosing Christina to help her follow the directions, they find themselves at a spa where TJ will be receiving a warm stone massage. The massage therapist tells her she is in pretty good shape, prompting TJ to say she wants to have children soon, and doesn't want to bring them into an unbalanced chaotic environment.
Iyanla arrives to meet with Allison, noting again that she is on graduation warning. Allison says she better get out of their soon, as she didn't bring any fall clothes. Before she can be prepared to leave, though, she really needs to deal with her debt. She admits to Iyanla that she has eight credit cards and nearly all of them are maxed out.
When Allison first came to the Starting Over house she made it appear she was in debt because of her medical situation, but Iyanla now realizes it's because of her shopping habits. Iyanla asks Allison to gather up all the things she has bought while in the Starting Over house this time around, even stuff she bought and was non reimbursed for. By the time she is done, Allison has a huge pile of clothing, shoes, food and something that is either a darling purse or a sewing kit.
In an effort to feel some external validation, Allison goes shopping and spends beyond her means. It makes her feel better for that short time. Probably the same as her drinking does. Iyanla discusses considering declaring bankruptcy and Allison admits to considering it and says she would declare Chapter Seven, as it means your total debt is forgiven.
Iyanla brings in a bankruptcy attorney, Lauren Ross, to discuss with Allison her situation. After taking a quick financial history, Lauren learns Allison is in debt over $40,000 with her eight credit cards. Allison guesses it would take six or seven years to pay this off, but Lauren tells her it would be more like twenty-five years because of the high interest rate and Allison only paying the minimum every month. She instructs Allison to make up a Pros and Cons chart of declaring Chapter Seven to make sure this is what she wants to do.
After Allison and Jill compare notes on their similar debt situations, Jill meets with Iyanla who wants to discuss Jill's future. Jill is sat down in front of a crystal ball and a cloth naming areas such as Family and Health. The area Iyanla wants to focus on first, though, is Finances and Career. In six months Jill sees herself as a successful radio host again and also writing a column called "Just Ask Jill." Minus the radio show, Jill and I seem to have similar career plans. Jill hopes to be making $75,000 a year at that point.
Turning to Health, Jill sees herself having her surgery in six to eight months. I immediately question her career plans in conjunction with this. It seems wiser to get this taken care of first before embarking on the career. Iyanla asks why she is putting it off this long and Jill admits to not being able to figure out how to make it all work financially before that. Ah-ha. Now I get it. Iyanla wants her to become more focused on her future and asks her to write up a plan for her future. Yet another tie-in to Allison.
TJ and Christina arrive back at the house and as promised, there are three babies waiting for TJ. Yet these babies are fake ones that do real crying. Hearing them all cry at the same time, Lisa asks, "They just do that? Thank God I don't want one." One baby has a note that says he needs to be cleaned, another says he needs to be fed, and the third says he needs to be entertained. Christina helps TJ who decides to take care of the hungry child first.
The crying of the babies produces much anxiety in TJ, especially when she realizes the baby that wants to be entertained is being ignored because his situation didn't seem as immediate. She identifies with him and leaves the hungry baby that is now fed and sleeping on the couch with a pillow partially covering his face. I am trust that if these were real babies TJ wouldn't be that careless.
Eventually TJ has the fed baby still sleeping, is holding the baby that wanted to be entertained and bouncing him and pushing the cleaned up baby in stroller with her foot, back and forth across the floor. She admits that once she realized she just wanted to do what needed to be done, her anxiety dissipated.
Jill meets again with Iyanla to show her her plan. She intends to move to LA, find some temp work, lose fifty pounds, become a spokesmodel for Jenny Craig, take care of her credit cards and acquire a car and a home. Iyanla tells her it sounds great, but she doesn't think Jill really believes it could happen. She has to get to the point of accepting nothing less than these things she wants.
With her first radio gig, Jill wanted to ask for a raise, but didn't. She ended up then getting mad and acting. Iyanla tells her she needs to be willing to do something different to change all this and to see that it could happen. Maybe it's just me, but I keep thinking of the football player that crushed her spirit early on and the father she doesn't know. Surely all that has something to do with Jill not believing in herself.
A nutritionist comes to speak to all the women to improve their relationship with food. She shows what I have only seen on reality shows, a chunk of fake lard that is supposed to represent five pounds of fat. Jill says she has lost six of those. Christina says after this when she sees the fat content on a food label, it's going to make her want to barf. The nutritionist tells them it's possible to still eat the good things they want. They just need to learn to negotiate the fat and calories. This is good news for Jill.
As the new housemate arrives, she says she has always felt different and alone. We don't get to meet her, though, as the show chooses to keep us in suspense and end here. I think if she has always felt this way, she'll find much solace and companionship in the house. I think she has probably feeling as anxious all day as the five women who are about to become her housemates.
Questions Or Comments? You can email me at LauraBelle@realityshack.com
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